Tory

My boyfriend and i were in bed yesterday and he told me i was the fourth girl he had ever slept with. I panicked and changed the subject. I have slept with about 30 guys… I’m 25 years old. I’ve been dating since I was 15, having sex since I was 17 and with the occasional one night stand thrown in my number just grew. I know when it comes up again I will have to lie my ass off, but, how many is too many?

World's King

There is no such thing as too many.


And don't lie.

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heavy is the head that wears the crown

Redlemon

That's only a good approach if you are planning to move onto #31 pretty soon.

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I can't read your signature. Sorry.

Plan9

As long as safe practices were involved... I don't think it matters. Granted, I'd be nervous around a girl that's banged a fire support platoon. I've got a lot to live up to...

But, yeah, don't lie about it. It's like faking an orgasm: nobody likes it and once you've done it... they'll call bullshit on everything you do whether it's legit or not.

I think your best bet might be to say that the quantity is petty and that they should focus on what matters most: they have you now.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Bill O'Rights

I was gonna say; "One more than your current partner.". But, Redlemon kind of alluded to the same sentiment.

Y'know...1...4...10...30...even 50, or more, who cares? If you're happy with this guy, and he's happy with you, then the notches on the bedpost really don't matter so much.

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"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

Anonymous Member

whats the number at which 'good' boys think twice about the way they feel about you?

noodle

One more than what makes you comfortable admitting.

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Redlemon

Who knows? I internally flipped out when I found out that my college freshman girlfriend had slept with ONE other guy. I got over it 22 years ago, we're married now.

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I can't read your signature. Sorry.

World's King

I'm okay with my number... even though I'm not sure exactly what it is. I have a round-about idea. It's never bothered me if a girl has a number that society would deem high. If she's clean and free of any STDs, I'm gonna stick my dick in her.

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heavy is the head that wears the crown

Tory

[QUOTE=If she's clean and free of any STDs, I'm gonna stick my dick in her.[/QUOTE]

Yeah!

FuglyStick

Meh, I was a bit of a slut when I was younger. The past is the past, the present is what counts.

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AZIZ! LIGHT!

telekinetic

I had a delightful one night stand with a girl whose number was in the 60s or 70s, and would have again given a repeat opportunity. I probably would have dated her without that bothering me too much, as well, if circumstances had been different. I don't even know what my number is anymore...high teens or so, I think. It doesn't matter who you've slept with, it matters who you're sleeping with. Plus, with less experience, you probably wouldn't be able to do that thing with your tongue.

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twisted no more

wooÐs

See I'm the same way. I lost count after 5 I think. Never bothered keeping a diary of my activity partners or some crap.

jaymoney

the number shouldn't matter as long as he loves you.
now that, that is out the way better of lying an keeping the number lower than his
if you want him to stick around guys are self concious and we worry if the ex had it bigger or f**Ked better and thats one guy. imangine compareing that with thirty other guys. plus evey time you guys get into a fight you might be giveing him amunition to throw it back in your face just lie it makes life simpler

---------- Post added at 03:19 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:09 PM ----------

plus evey time you guys get into a fight you might be giveing him amunition to throw it back in your face just lie it makes life simpler

World's King

Oh see, I stopped counting after like 75...

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heavy is the head that wears the crown

wooÐs

Pretty sure I'm in my upper 40's, give or take. Not positive but it's a guesstimate.

World's King

I'm more then likely over 150.

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heavy is the head that wears the crown

wooÐs

omg ur such a slut

World's King

Yes. Yes I am. I'm good at it too.

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heavy is the head that wears the crown

wooÐs

lol

Baraka_Guru

God I feel like such a monk.

I'm not sure one can put a figure on "too many." I think it's more about whether you're responsible about things: STDs, emotional issues, harming others' relationships, etc. That matters more, I think.

But it's not that I'm an authority. Relatively speaking (in reference to this thread), I've had very little sex.

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—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

levite

I don't know if there's such a thing as "a" number that is 'too many.' It probably varies a lot from person to person, context to context. Tory, you should totally not lie to your BF, and not worry about your number being high. In my experience, women who are comparatively fearless about claiming their sexuality tend to have higher numbers than guys, just because they can. And in any case, best not to get hung up on numbers.

That said, IMHO, I think if your numbers are in the triple digits, you might have other issues you're sublimating with sex.... Not necessarily true of all, but...at that point, I'd question why so many partners instead of committed, exclusive relationships.

But that seems not to be an issue in your future, Tory, so I'd take a deep breath and just try not to sweat it.

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Dull sublunary lovers love,
Whose soul is sense, cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
That thing which elemented it.

(From "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne)

Tory

how much is very little then? everyone?

Xerxys

This is disgusting advice ... I would never ever have someone lie like this. You are despicable jaymoney!!!!

Now that that is out of the way ... I agree. Lie. I mean this seriously.

GreyWolf

Are we talking at the same time?

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World's King

Yes. And I'm still at 150.

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heavy is the head that wears the crown

Toaster126

I'm way more concerned people think this is something to lie about rather than if a chick was sleeping with a thousand dudes before me. That is the exact thing you don't want to be doing.

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Aladdin Sane

Thirty guys?! You horny little minx.


Seriously, it depends on your guy. How secure is he? Will he freak or can he handle it?
In any case, don't lie, but you are not required to reveal the exact number either.

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Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

FuglyStick

I'm having sex with toaster's avatar right now.

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AZIZ! LIGHT!

Punk.of.Ages

Numbers don't matter. Whether or not there's green fungus growing on your genitalia does.

I understand a lot of people don't see this issue the same way. That's why I make sure the "numbers" discussion doesn't come up until I know for sure the girl can handle the fact that my only answer is, "I lost count a while ago..."

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Xerxys

Question is, does she know about it?

jaymoney

One less than his will be the perfect number let the man keep his pride

---------- Post added at 10:16 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:10 PM ----------

you want the truth you cant handle the truth lol

Daniel_

30 in 10 years? Allowing for several being one night stands, that still leaves time for 90% of 10 years being chaste.

There is NO wrong number. If the number is high because you love sex and want to have it as variously as possible, then good for you.

The only problem is if you are ashamed of WHY you had sex, and in those cases even 1 is too many. If you were forced into it, if you were coerced, if you used it to validate self esteem issues, then maybe you need to fix those issues somehow, but none of that makes the number itself a problem.

Is it only green, or is any fungus bad?

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╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

noodle

What he said.

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StephanieH

There is no "magic number" But I learned that when your number is larger than his you have to be careful. Start by telling him you don't want to talk about how many partners you have had and assure him you were safe, etc. If he insists on knowing, first tell him your number is higher than his. You may be surprised, most guys don't care/mind/whatever, some are actually turned on by it. (my hubby likes to hear some of my naughty stories) If he MUST know, then tell him. DO NOT LIE. That's never good, even if you don't see the two of you lasting as a couple. You have noting to gain by, just be honest.

Plan9

Been thinking about this... and I think these responses are total crap.

Ya know, we're all so very forgiving. But I'm not afraid to be an asshole.

Me? I'd ditch a 25 year old woman that said she's banged 30 dudes.

That shows poor lifestyle choices even if the sex was "safer."

Assuming the sex started at 16, that means 3 dudes a year.

Somebody has relationship issues if their relationships last 4 months.

The problems is only worse if the person had several long terms.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

PonyPotato

My "average" is 2 a year. This includes a few periods of one night stands and/or casual relationships. It also includes a few years of being totally chaste (i.e. my first two years of college).

I don't subscribe to the newsletter that says having one night stands or short relationships are "poor lifestyle choices." If I discover some major incompatibility or "dealbreaker" with someone I'm seeing just a couple months into a relationship.. it's over. Even if we've been having sex since two weeks in.

Just because you've had sex with someone does not mean you have sold your soul to them, nor does it mean you are obligated to pursue a long-term relationship with them. Sometimes sex is just that: sex. Casual, fun, and if not with someone you're already serious about.. it better involve a condom.

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"Without passion man is a mere latent force and possibility, like the flint which awaits the shock of the iron before it can give forth its spark."
— Henri-Frédéric Amiel

Anormalguy

I agree ^. Don't lie, but avoid the actual number unless he insists on knowing.

It will depend on his level of security. He might be fine with 30, or he might not. How well do you know your BF? How stable is your relationship?

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In a society where the individual is not free to pursue the truth...there is neither progress, stability nor security.--Edward R. Murrow

Plan9

Anonymous Sex ≠ Appropriate Salutation

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Milnoc

"Thirty-seven?!?"