The all about swinging thread

[Puttz]

Spawned from some swinger discussion in the best-relationship-sexual-lifestyle thread I thought I'd make this.

At the risk of being redundant, here is a bit of my post from the other thread

Originally Posted by Puttz

Swinging non-monogamous sexual activity, treated much like any other social activity
I absolutely love that description, it’s really pretty perfect. Non swingers go out, have a drink, chat, and then go home. We go out, have a drink, and then go home and fuck each other. LOL
I could easily write more about this subject than anything else previously (and if requested I can start an ask / tell thread about swinging if one doesn’t already exist) but because I’ve already written a freakishly huge post I will keep it short.

Swinging is all about the social & physical aspects of casual (or semi casual) sex. Swingers rarely make deep emotional connections, occasionally very great friendships are made though. Think of this no differently when best friends hang out, we just also enjoy sex with each other. We allow our friendships to become physical. In my social group it’s perfectly normal and acceptable to tell my buddy his wife his hot and I’d like to do all kinds of things to her.

I love my wife very deeply, we have a great relationship. As a matter of fact swinging has brought us closer together… we are not “on the outs” or disinterested in each other in anyway. We love sharing each other, and having new experiences, learning new things, and meeting new people. Variety is the spice of life, why does that have to stop at the bedroom door?

An interesting observation about couples who swing, those who have been doing it for any length of time almost always have very secure and stable relationships. Swinging quickly weeds out people that are not emotionally mature. Swinging makes a great relationship stronger, and will tear to shreds a relationship with issues.

Originally Posted by james t kirk

The woman I've been dating and I have recently discovered the joys of Swinging. (Prior to that, I guess I could have been classified as a serial monogamist who cheated from time to time, or not, depending....)

I must say, I'm a convert. We've been frequenting 2 swingers clubs in town where they only allow couples in and at some point you end up in the back room naked with other people having sex all around you.

Both she and I really enjoy it and we're both surprised just how much we do and look forward to it.

I figure that something like two thirds of all women cheat anyway, so why not just make it into a positive. In this way, we each get to get our ya yas out whilst the other is 3 feet away with someone else.

It's kind of thrilling to watch her get fucked by another guy to tell you the truth.

Ironically, it's made our relationship one of the strongest I've ever had. We're committed to each other, we just like to have sex with other people (in front of each other.)

I'm a believer. I truly believe that I'd never want to be in a conventional relationship ever again. If the woman I am dating now and I ever were to break up, I'd seek out another woman open to the idea of a swinging lifestyle.

Originally Posted by james t kirk

The figue of 2 thirds I remember reading.

Sheri Hite in her book on Female Sexuality claims it's closer to 70% (though there was a lot of criticism of that figure.)

In either case, I do believe that more women cheat than don't, so why not just turn it into a positive.

The Swingers club thing in Toronto has been very interesting I must admit. Not just because of all the sex out in the open, but talking to other people there about it.

So many people that I talk to at the club all say the same thing - they really enjoy it and they are surprised just how much they do. I must admit, I do very much enjoy it. I guess it's like the thrill of the first time you're with someone. This one woman said to us, "You know, I go into work on monday and my coworkers invariably ask, ,"so how was your weekend", and I say, "it was great" and they ask, "yeah, what did you do?" to which she has to say something stupidly not true"

Originally Posted by Puttz

Haha that is so distinctly true... only with other swingers can you really say what you did this past weekend.

It's also amusing listing to my "vanilla" friends talk about their "wild and crazy" sexcapades.... which usually consist of say, renting a porn, or buying a dildo or something :P


This is getting rather derailed though, I will make a "discuss swinging" thread here in a minute

[james t kirk]

My first experience at a Swinger's club....


The place is a bit tricky to find as they want to keep a low profile and don't have a sign.

It's 60 bucks to get in, or you can buy a 3 month membership for $199.00, which if you like it would be a better way to go.

It's basically set up in 2 halfs.

The "front room" is sort of a conventional bar and dance floor. The backroom is where you get naked.

My friend was kind of nervous, but a few glasses of red wine took care of that. She's a fairly horny woman, so she was curious about it.

We hung round up front till about midnight until another couple we were chatting with suggested that we venture forth into "the back room". Must admit that the heart speeds up a bit as you're walking back there. (The place is fairly large truth be told.)

You strip down in a locker room (very wierd seeing women and men getting undressed in the same locker room. I already had a boner just walking into the locker room.) In the back there are private rooms with mattresses on the ground and an open area with several mattresses on the ground. There's also benches, and a massage table and what looked like some sort of bench to tie your partner to.

Anyway, we sat on one of the benches against the wall and there were several couples on the mattresses getting it on. We watched for a while while my friend was stroking my cock. Another couple sat down beside us and after a while my friend asked the other woman if she wanted to swap. Yes came the answer and before I knew it this other woman was sucking my cock and my friend was sucking her BF's dick. Well, it went from there to the mattresses. Alternating between these two lovely women.

I have to admit that your inhibitions go right out the window and you basically end up having pounding sex while other people are watching, perhaps joining in, or just walking by. Very very wild.

After the main event, we were resting on a matress when another couple came by and joined us. Before I knew it, we were going at it with them. My friend enjoyed this second guy more, however, his woman was either not that into it or me, or not that responsive. Good, not great is how I would describe it.

By the end of the night, we had fun with 2 other couples.

[Zeraph]

What's the average demographic of a swinger? (age, class, race, looks, income, etc)

And, aren't you worried about STDs?

[braisler]

I think that this topic has come up at TFP before. I don't think I'd be too into the swinger's club type of thing myself. On the surface, it sounds pretty hot, but I don't think I'd really like the anonymity of it. I'd be open to exploring sexuality more with a group of close friends where the risk of STDs, public disclosure, etc. was at a minimum.

My wife and I had a threesome with another guy a while back, but that is the extent of our experience. I'd consider doing that again, or switching things up. But right now, no options are presenting themselves.

[james t kirk]

Originally Posted by Zeraph

What's the average demographic of a swinger? (age, class, race, looks, income, etc)

And, aren't you worried about STDs?

I'll answer your questions later, however, let me deal with STDs first.

Of the times I've been to a swingers club, condoms were always used. Now that's not to say that condoms offer full protection against things like herpes and warts cause they offer only minimal at best protection.

Sex always carries risk. If you want to avoid the risk, then you must either be celibate, or in a relationship where both of you met as virgins and have only been with each other. Other than that, there is risk.

As far as being worried about diseases, I'm more worried about my 1 in 2 odds of developing cancer.

[Plan9]

I'm interested in demographic information as well. This stuff sounds like the kind of activity that caters to specific types of people.

[ASU2003]

Do swingers care about the other people, besides what they look like?

If you could only swing with the same 2 or 3 couples, would it be ok?

Do you think that swinging could be a long term thing for you?

If someone has had multiple partners (only one at a time) during their dating life, does it make them more likely to be able to separate bonding emotions from sex?

Is swinging a way to cope with a fear of being hurt again from a cheating partner?

Would you rather swing with people you have never met before, or with a couple you have been friends with for a few years?

I am fascinated at the idea of swinging, but I don't think I would be able to be in this type of relationship right now. It is fun to think about, but I would still equate love with sex. Now, if it was a small group of friends, let's say 3 or 4 couples who were all very similar in their views, I could see it working. But, still I think I would need to have 1 or 2 regular relationships first before I would feel comfortable sharing. But, then it turns into that this partner is no different from the next, what is the point of swapping if it's just going to cause tension and drama?

[james t kirk]

In my experience (as limited as it is as this is a thing I've only taken up in the last 3 months) most swingers are white. Though I have seen black and Asian couples as well.

Age varies by the club.

Wicked - mostly 25 to 40 years old, though there are many couples in their 40's and a few couples in their 50's.

http://www.wickedclub.com/new/home.htm

Definitely more eye candy at this club due to its demographic, however, I'd say there are many couples who don't even venture up to the 2'nd and third floor where the action is (they just hang out at the bar), and many who do who go upstairs just are voyeurs. From there you get into couples who "soft swap", i.e. they don't do penetration, and then finally you get those who go "full swap" The first time I went to this club, I stayed till 4:30 a.m.


Then there is Menage a Quatre

Club M4

An older client base. Virtually no-one in their 20's. People there start in their 30's, the bulk are 40's and 50's and into 60's even.

Definitely a more serious crowd when it comes to knowing why they are there.

First time I went there, I stayed till closing at 3 a.m.


I've enjoyed my experience at both places and I look forward to going back.
-----Added 7/2/2009 at 12 : 41 : 38-----

Originally Posted by ASU2003

Do swingers care about the other people, besides what they look like?

Sure, no-one wants to be with someone who is obnoxious. Though that being said, so far, the people I've met I don't really desire to meet up with them in the so called real world. I view this as a sexual activity.

Without a doubt, one of THEE most sexual experiences I've ever had in my life to date.

Originally Posted by ASU2003

If you could only swing with the same 2 or 3 couples, would it be ok?

No, I prefer more variety than that.

Since I ventured into this, my friend and I have already had sex with 6 other couples. Usually 1 to 2 per visit (not including each other.)

Originally Posted by ASU2003

Do you think that swinging could be a long term thing for you?

I hope so.

Originally Posted by ASU2003

If someone has had multiple partners (only one at a time) during their dating life, does it make them more likely to be able to separate bonding emotions from sex?

I don't know about others, but I can DEFINITELY separate sex from love, though I want there to be intimacy. (Just no strings attached.)

Originally Posted by ASU2003

Is swinging a way to cope with a fear of being hurt again from a cheating partner?

No, it's a way to have a hell of a memorable evening and it's a lot of fun.

Originally Posted by ASU2003

Would you rather swing with people you have never met before, or with a couple you have been friends with for a few years?

Never met before. I like to keep my life compartmentalized I suppose.

Originally Posted by ASU2003

I am fascinated at the idea of swinging, but I don't think I would be able to be in this type of relationship right now. It is fun to think about, but I would still equate love with sex. Now, if it was a small group of friends, let's say 3 or 4 couples who were all very similar in their views, I could see it working. But, still I think I would need to have 1 or 2 regular relationships first before I would feel comfortable sharing. But, then it turns into that this partner is no different from the next, what is the point of swapping if it's just going to cause tension and drama?

That's the thing, so far, no tension, no drama with my female partner. It's the best relationship I've had in years.

[Puttz]

Nothing like a little thread necromancy right? Life has calmed down a bit since we had our baby, and I'm back. Feel free to ask me any questions, comments, whatever.