roxxor

Direct and to the point, you see a girl in the mall, shes hot she makes eye contact, smiles ect ect. You walk up and say hi, whats your name?..... Well kelly why dont we get a coffee sometime?


chances of success?

jorgelito

You'll never know unless you try.

Good luck man!

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Cynthetiq

greater than zero compared to:

• when you just pretend to do so in your head
• post a missed encounter in craigslit
• post about how you didn't talk to her on TFP
• fantasize about meeting her

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levite

It can happen. This sort of thing was never my forte, but I have friends who have gotten into relationships this way....

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MexicanOnABike

chances of 50%.

yes = 50%
no = 50%
total = 100%.

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Punk.of.Ages

It's worked for me on multiple occasions.

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Martian

I like to open with a joke or a quip. It's a good way to break the ice, and less awkward than 'hi, what's your name?'

Either way, as has been said. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

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Ilow

Chances are moderate if you are correct in reading her signals. I used to know someone who would approach pretty much any attractive girl who looked at him twice, figuring two times was not an accident.
I personally like to at least find some bs to talk to her about (something besides "do you come here often?") An opening comment seems to be an easier opening and another opportunity to read her body language.
I guess the important thing is that there is nothing really to lose (unless you make a habit of doing it in a cetain place and develop a negative recognition as a result).

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thespian86

Yeah, I never say hi, I usually add something funny or appropriate to a strange or funny situation that I've overheard, or I'll comment on something, etc. It's how I meet most people, and most of my best friends are people who I walked up to and met because they looked like people I would like. This forwardness turns some people off but most people find it charming or pleasant because most people want to be liked.

Either way there is no harm in trying. I've actually only ever been turned down by girls who are already dating someone and that someone is right there/or they come up an kiss them, etc.

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777

Personally, I'm too busy rushing back and forth to remember to do so But considering how well I've entertained my customers at my mall jobs, this should be easy. Hell, there've been gals who've asked for my #. If I can get her to laugh nervously in a few seconds, then I'll ask for an email and #.

Punk.of.Ages

I actually randomly hit on girls all the time. Usually, not really in seriousness, just to get a laugh, but even a random line like "I work out." and a wink has worked for me before even though it was originally meant as more of a joke.

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"Punk rock music is great music played by really bad, drunk musicians." -Fat Mike

MSD

I tried to plot out a visual representation of how often you'll succeed after trying versus how often you'll succeed after not trying and asking the Internet about it, but I end up having to choose between making a boring graph or dividing by zero, and I refuse to bore people or perform improper mathematical operations. You can see where I'm going with this.

Yes, there are a few people out there who are all smiles and rainbows and happy shit like that, but if a stranger smiles at you, chances are they looked at you and liked what they saw. If she says no, it's not like you're going to be seeing her again to be embarrassed.

sound chaser

go for it!

she might be the one, for all you know. if i were in that situation i wouldnt want to spend the rest of my life regretting what possibly could have been.

Cernunnos

To repeat what others have already stated, your chances are greater by approaching her than never attempting it.

Considering that she smiled and made genuine eye contact, the possibility of receiving her actual number is far greater than it would otherwise be. You've already captured her attention and her interest.

ratbastid

Wise words.

KellyC

No sorry, I don't like coffee...

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Ilow

ratbastid, that's a cool Jordan spot, never seen it before...

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robot_parade

Well, let's say the chances are 25%.

That means that, on average, you'll only have to ask 4 attractive girls in this way to get a date with one. That's really not so bad at all. However, let's change your strategy. What you're really after is sex with a hottie, right? So just get straight to the point.

"Hi Kelly. Would you like to go have sex?"

Your chances are probably reduced to, say, 1% (If you're reasonably clean/attractive yourself, I'd bet they're higher than that).

So, go to a mall. There are probably at least 100 attractive girls there. Ask all of them. You're almost certain to get laid, and you don't have to deal with the awkward coffee thing either.

For extra credit, post your results here.

Cernunnos

robot_parade: I'm almost certain that mall security would be on his ass for harassment before he's able to approach the tenth girl. All it would take is a single complaint of sexual harassment.

CinnamonGirl

A friend of mine was telling me about an experiment where an attractive woman asked random men in a public place if they wanted to go have sex. An attractive men did the same with random women.

All the women said no. All the men said yes.

Your suggestion reminded me of that


Back to the OP... I'll be honest, I'd be a little wary if someone approached me like that... then again, if I'd been obviously checking that same someone out, I'd also be flattered.

Chances for success? Well, I guess it depends on the girl, really.

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ASU2003

I said that to a girl once. I really don't like coffee, but never thought that she may have been asking me out until a few months later.
-----Added 5/8/2008 at 06 : 51 : 50-----
It isn't just about asking a girl out. I'm looking to ask the right girl out. I don't want to get with a new girl each weekend, I would be happy being with a same girl for a long time if she is a good match for me.
-----Added 5/8/2008 at 06 : 55 : 55-----
It isn't just about asking a girl out. I'm looking to ask the right girl out. I don't want to get with a new girl each weekend, I would be happy being with a same girl for a long time if she is a good match for me.

Daniel_

There was guy I knew at university that worked on the principle that if he never asked, he'd never know.

He was a statistcian, so he also worked out that there was a relationship between chances of success and duration spent talking.

Lets assume that each minute you spent talking raises your chances by 1 percent up to your own inate maximum (factoring for charm, hygeine, appearence etc).

The problem is that each girl has a starting chance of accepting, based on her own perceived need (if she's cute, popular and outgoing her own starting point may be negative - if she's a double bagger then she may have a chance approaching unity from the off.

Long story short - he worked out that the ideal length of discussion was about 5 minutes.

So he'd say hi, crack a line, compliment her, ask for a date, move on.

I saw him work a room regularly for 3 years. and I never saw him go home alone.

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ratbastid

Okay, but here's the situation. You're out somewhere. You see the "right girl". You get all excited, because, well, there she is, the "right girl".

One of three things is going to happen. You'll approach and be accepted, you'll approach and be turned away, or you'll psych yourself out and not approach. Exercise for the reader: rank these in terms of likelihood, given that your future with "the right girl" is at stake.

If, however, you're out there honing your chops and developing your confidence by approaching anything that walks without any particular regard to the outcome with any particular woman or even on any particular night, THEN you're playing the right game. And even if you lose more than you win (and you will), even so: you're losing at the right game. Capice?

Willravel

You either know someone before asking them out or not. It's generally considered safer if you know them, but really if someone is interested in meeting people walking up seems reasonable so long as it's done in a non-threatening manner. The worst thing that can happen is she gets scared and pulls a gun.

ItWasMe

You know, it never entered my mind that if a guy asks me out, he might not actually care about meeting me. That he might just be honing his chops, or practicing, for when he meets 'ms right.' Now that it has entered my mind, I am glad I am married.

Now you're scaring him. But it was funny.

Roxxor: Just relax. If she is making strong eye contact and smiling, take that as a 'hello' and go from there, if you are actually interested in meeting her. (says the shy kid) If you are in a mall, why not ask her if she wants to go get a coffee or such, at a place that is actually in the mall. I promise you, most of us don't bite unless you ask us to.

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Martian

It's not necessarily that he doesn't care about you, but more that he needs practice and you're available and interesting. I guess it's not terribly romantic no matter how you look at it, but the bottom line is that confidence is a learned trait and the only way to get there is by doing it.

I am a shameless flirt. Most of the girls I flirt with I have no intention of going home with/sleeping with/being in a relationship with. I do it because I enjoy it, and because I consider it to be a fairly harmless activity. I don't think there are many women who would be offended by the idea that I find them attractive enough to chat them up even if I have no intention of following through, but I guess I could be wrong.

Most guys also I think go through a period where they just want to be with a girl, and don't care particularly what girl it is. Some guys never get over that phase. Even for the guys who do, it's necessary, since figuring out what you want is accomplished at least in part by figuring out what you don't want.

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I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

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ratbastid

I didn't say that he shouldn't be interested in meeting you (well... HER). I actually don't believe in such a creature as "ms right". I'm saying that the more darts you throw, the better chance you have of hitting a bullseye. But you shouldn't forget that you're practicing with live ammo here--those are actual people you're interacting with, and should be approached with all respect and care. This is where I differ, I guess, from the "pick up community".

MSD

No location in profile, but time zone in user options suggests Europe, not Texas

And remember, she smiled at him. If he takes that as a cue, I'd say the worst he has to worry about is pepper spray.

Cernunnos

Maybe she's baring her teeth instead of smiling?

I should mention that many guys are situated firmly on the latter extreme of the extravert/introvert scale, and that for those individuals (myself included), approaching strangers at a club and repeatedly striking up conversation is a severe drain on one's energy level.

For extreme introverts, instead of firing off with recommendations of immediately interacting with multiple girls in a single night, a more appropriate goal would be to smile and chat with a single girl and hopefully get to know her enough for a phone number exchange.

Going out to a bar is in and of itself an uncommon activity for me, and I am not naturally outgoing unless in a situation where I know that my positive attributes and/or skills are shining through, so perhaps a different location would be more suitable. One in which you are free to enjoy a hobby, such as joining a club in which you will interact with others who you automatically have an activity to share and a subject to bring up and discuss.

For instance, if you were fond of hiking and have fairly extensive experience with it, you could join a hiking club and be assured that most of the individuals in it share that same fondness. You're already sharing an activity by hiking, and you have a subject to talk about - all you have to do is smile, say hello, and roll with it.

Quite simplified by comparison to interacting with complete strangers who may have nothing in common with you whatsoever.

Ayashe

I will be honest here in saying that for me personally, a random approach like that would not be effective. There would need to be some conversation involved other than hey I am.. lets do coffee. Perhaps it is my level of personal security/safety, but I would need to be more connected by someone other than just knowing their name. That is just me though.

ItWasMe

Thank you for clearing that part up.

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"Ok, no more truth-or-dare until somebody returns my underwear" ~ George Lopez

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MSD

Can I safely assume that you're not the type to smile at a random guy in the mall in the hope that he'll come over and strike up a conversation?

edit: on the other hand, a mall is a perfect place to ask someone to sit down wit you at a coffee shop.

lotsofmagnets

just club her and take her back to your cave.

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mixedmedia

This actually happened to me in the grocery store a couple of weeks ago.

I told him I was seeing someone, which isn't really a lie.

He insisted I take his phone number, though, and I still have it.

I thought it was a little odd, being approached that way. And I guess we made eye contact, but is more due to the fact that I passed him in the store several times and it seemed weird. Guess he was working himself up to it.

Also, I was sick with the flu at the time and I was congested and looked like shit, lol.

For me personally, I wasn't really comfortable being approached like that, but it didn't bother me, either. I think it would be a rarity, though, to actually go out with someone whom I met in this way. He'd have to be a really remarkable personality, which is hard to gauge in a random meeting that way.

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speshul-k

Don't think I've ever done it or would do.
Always just seems a little weird or needy to me.

Maybe its perfectly normal. Just not for me.

Toaster126

You can't win if you don't enter.

There are enough obstacles in life for you to not be making your own. Try... not just with the romantic stuff. This is a life thing, not a relationship thing.

EDIT: Also, there is a large "sticky" post about this topic you might wanna look at.

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PlanG

Could be weird though.

In the library, my friend (female) was being watched by a guy through the bookshelves while she was revising.
He then came over and insisted she took his number.


He's done it a few times now. Not impressed.