Going Insane and Just Confused Out Of My Mind - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Duck2Day · 06-26-2003, 07:15 PM

Well basically, this has to do with my ex girlfriend. We went out for a year, it seems like it was longer then that and so far we've been broken up for about a month. We're on a bestfriend basis but I just have no idea what to do about things. As you have probably already guessed I'm still in love with her, and she says that a part of her will always love me too. I know a lot of people have already posted something basically with the same problem but I just feel so emotionally unstable, for some reason even more so then other people with the same problem. Things are just changing and everything feels so wierd right now, I was deciding whether or not to post this but I finally decided too as I didn't know where else to turn as I had turned to everyone else I knew (including her). I'm starting to think something is seriously wrong with me

.

I really want to get back with her but I don't know whether I should or not or if she would even want too. I've discussed this with her before and she told me that she didn't know what would happen in the future, she says that "we never know and my feelings might change and we could get back together". She's bi and had gone out on a blind date, I don't know if she liked the girl or not she went out with but that kind of scares me that she might lean all the way into the direction of not wanting a guy at all. I just don't know what to do.

I know I'm jumping around a bit but this past month I've basically been freaking out. If you knew me you would understand things, I'm the kind of guy that only shows good emotions and is basically never angry, but all these negative emotions have just bottled up and lately I've felt like I just want to go on a rampage or something. When I was with her her and I never got into a fight, and I never really wanted too either, but lately sometimes it just feels like this little match inside my gasoline filled head wants to go off and I want to start trouble. I really need some advice from anyone.

I sometimes go through stages of complete "enlightenment" where I feel good about everything, and then I go through periods where I wish I was just completely mindless and stupid. If you have any sympathetic advice (or even not) just please give it to me, I need some kind of help. I really don't know whether I want to get over her, or find someone else, I've never loved someone as much as I love her.

And I really wish I understood women....

Memalvada · 06-26-2003, 08:05 PM

Hey man, i dont think there's anything worng with you. You still love her, but what can you do if she doesnt love you (or love you enough)?
I'd say go and hang out with your friends more often, or do something to get your mind off of her. Try to find something that will relax you, you sound emotionally unstable right now, and you might just blow up on someone you'll regret (i know I've done so before). Right now, I'd say back off, and pull yourself back together, cuz you have to deal with yourself before dealing with her.

Good Luck

rockzilla · 06-26-2003, 08:16 PM

Yup, everything Memalvada said. I've been there too, just spend more time with friends, remind yourself that you have a life outside of her. It's hard, especially at first, but as time passes, you spend less time thinking about her. It may take awhile to get rid of any awkwardness when you're with her, and don't let her just use you as an emotional-only safety net type friend (look up 'Ladder Theory').
Keep your head up, life goes on.

fulkramick · 06-26-2003, 10:33 PM

Dorkums642 · 06-27-2003, 01:41 AM

cut yourself off for 6 months. That's the ONLY way to do it. Go see other people. Don't make a point of avoiding her but DON'T make a point of seeing her. She's fucked up by saying "a part of her will still love you" because now she's got you thinking you still have a chance.

It sounds like she's trying to be nice about the whole thing but has no desire to get together. If you're in your glorious teens then you can attribute crazy hormones to your ups and downs about things. it'll be hard to get over her (I'm still sore after my first GF dumped my ass to pursue another guy) but it'll happen. You'll eventually find a nice girl that wants to be with you and is absolutely positive about it; None of this "i don't know" crap.

Just hang and there and keep us posted on how things are going. When you're feeling crazy go running. That always has helped me. Or exercise or stop by a friend's house.

best of luck and remember things will work out

Duck2Day · 06-27-2003, 10:17 AM

Thanks you guys, that really helped a lot, basically I think I will just lay low for a while. I don't think I'll be pursuing a girl anytime soon though, not really up to it, her and I had a lot and would basically share everything together, I'm going to have to try and forget that now I guess, or at least get numb to the pain. I really thought though that she was the one, she even told me she thought I was, so I guess that's what hurt the most because I thought that too.

And about the blind date thing, it wasn't her idea at all (at least that's what she told me but I sort of believe her). Her friend set her up on one. This hurts the most I think because this is basically my first real real love and I lost it. Maybe she'll come around maybe she won't, but thanks you guys, I'll try not to worry about it too much and can now devote myself more into my other love, martial arts haha, now that I'm not on the phone with her everynight. Well thanks you guys, if anything drastic happens or I'm in another one of my slums I'll post.

Thanks

Slims · 07-01-2003, 11:11 AM

I say go and hang out with other women (who aren't friends w/ your ex) whether you really feel like it or not. Otherwise, it can be too easy to retreat into a little ball and let the world pass you by without ever realizing the possibilities for positive change and new relationships.

Duck2Day · 07-02-2003, 08:17 AM

Just saw a thread on whether you would rather feel worse if a girl left you for another girl and turned lesbian, or left you for a guy. Now she hasn't left me for anyone but I know that she's bi, and I know that sometimes she does look at other girls that way and I read her online journal and she was talking about something and yeah I got pretty jealous. I just wanted to post again because I was just sitting here reading her journal while she was online not talking to me and I was starting to get...I don't know but it was kind of an angry feeling. Things have gotten better I think but this is one of my down days...I really just want to break something.

I still really want to be with here again though, but I don't know how that's going to turn out, I'm rambling now but I don't think it'll happen, she was bi while we were going out, now whenever I'm near here I get the vibe that she's not interested in me at all...or any other guy.

tman17m · 07-02-2003, 12:49 PM

well, i live my relationship life with a little self given advice, it might be fucked up, but this is just my philisophy...i never go out with an ex.
i do believe in second chances for things, but not for relationships. i believe that, if for whatever reason people separated, it was meant to be that way and no good can come from getting back together.
i sort of am speaking from experience becuase i did this with my first ex, my first gf...after we broke up i asked her back out and we went out for a little bit, but everything was fucked up, and it was not good....we ended up breaking up and never speaking again..

so theres my 2c

blackdas · 07-02-2003, 10:37 PM

I have this same problem. When I see my ex I sometimes think I can get some and because of this I'll get hard. I guess no one told him its over. :/

nitrorclover · 07-05-2003, 05:13 PM

Just avoid all contact with her. Then make a list of all the bad things she has done, and read them over and over, everyday. Sooner or later you will forget about her. But the best thing to do is to get out there and find someone to fill her spot... in more ways than one

.

Meaty Urologist · 07-05-2003, 09:23 PM

I think it would be best to STOP READING HER ONLINE JOURNAL! That's just gonna kill you, man! From my personal experience, it took me 6 months to really get over my ex, and I think most of that comes from her pulling that "we'll see what the future holds" crap. It destroyed me, wondering if she really wanted to get back together or was just saying that to make me feel better. (We were together for 3 years, btw.) After the 6 months I saw her at a concert with another guy and something just lifted. I finally realized that life moves on and there were many more interesting women out there anyway. So, I think you'll be freaking out for awhile, everyone does, it's natural. But I think if my ex had an online journal I was reading, I might have come close to flipping out and cutting off a few heads, so I'd stay away from that if I were you. Good luck man, you'll be alright. Just my two cents.

Pedialyte · 07-05-2003, 09:54 PM

Just got outta the same type of thing... i do think it really is best to just cut all ties to the person. Thats the only way you can truly accept it and move on to (most definately) better things. You must put your foot down and not allow her to drag you on like this because you will end up missing out on the rest of life because you are sitting around waiting and hoping for her. Just as I did for about 4 months. Simply put. Get out! and good luck.

06-26-2003, 07:15 PM	#1 (permalink)
Duck2Day Upright Location: About 4 and a half	Going Insane and Just Confused Out Of My Mind Well basically, this has to do with my ex girlfriend. We went out for a year, it seems like it was longer then that and so far we've been broken up for about a month. We're on a bestfriend basis but I just have no idea what to do about things. As you have probably already guessed I'm still in love with her, and she says that a part of her will always love me too. I know a lot of people have already posted something basically with the same problem but I just feel so emotionally unstable, for some reason even more so then other people with the same problem. Things are just changing and everything feels so wierd right now, I was deciding whether or not to post this but I finally decided too as I didn't know where else to turn as I had turned to everyone else I knew (including her). I'm starting to think something is seriously wrong with me . I really want to get back with her but I don't know whether I should or not or if she would even want too. I've discussed this with her before and she told me that she didn't know what would happen in the future, she says that "we never know and my feelings might change and we could get back together". She's bi and had gone out on a blind date, I don't know if she liked the girl or not she went out with but that kind of scares me that she might lean all the way into the direction of not wanting a guy at all. I just don't know what to do. I know I'm jumping around a bit but this past month I've basically been freaking out. If you knew me you would understand things, I'm the kind of guy that only shows good emotions and is basically never angry, but all these negative emotions have just bottled up and lately I've felt like I just want to go on a rampage or something. When I was with her her and I never got into a fight, and I never really wanted too either, but lately sometimes it just feels like this little match inside my gasoline filled head wants to go off and I want to start trouble. I really need some advice from anyone. I sometimes go through stages of complete "enlightenment" where I feel good about everything, and then I go through periods where I wish I was just completely mindless and stupid. If you have any sympathetic advice (or even not) just please give it to me, I need some kind of help. I really don't know whether I want to get over her, or find someone else, I've never loved someone as much as I love her. And I really wish I understood women.... __________________ Brilliance Is Just Three Feet Up and One Liter Under http://geocities.com/killme4times

06-26-2003, 08:05 PM	#2 (permalink)
Memalvada Psycho Location: South of the border	Hey man, i dont think there's anything worng with you. You still love her, but what can you do if she doesnt love you (or love you enough)? I'd say go and hang out with your friends more often, or do something to get your mind off of her. Try to find something that will relax you, you sound emotionally unstable right now, and you might just blow up on someone you'll regret (i know I've done so before). Right now, I'd say back off, and pull yourself back together, cuz you have to deal with yourself before dealing with her. Good Luck __________________ "The weak are food for the strong, so die and let me feast!" - Makoto Shishio (RK)

06-26-2003, 10:33 PM	#4 (permalink)
fulkramick Upright	edit Last edited by fulkramick; 05-26-2007 at 07:31 PM..

06-27-2003, 01:41 AM	#5 (permalink)
Dorkums642 Junkie Location: Twilight Alehouse	cut yourself off for 6 months. That's the ONLY way to do it. Go see other people. Don't make a point of avoiding her but DON'T make a point of seeing her. She's fucked up by saying "a part of her will still love you" because now she's got you thinking you still have a chance. It sounds like she's trying to be nice about the whole thing but has no desire to get together. If you're in your glorious teens then you can attribute crazy hormones to your ups and downs about things. it'll be hard to get over her (I'm still sore after my first GF dumped my ass to pursue another guy) but it'll happen. You'll eventually find a nice girl that wants to be with you and is absolutely positive about it; None of this "i don't know" crap. Just hang and there and keep us posted on how things are going. When you're feeling crazy go running. That always has helped me. Or exercise or stop by a friend's house. best of luck and remember things will work out __________________ I've never come across this in real life, but then I went to a small liberal arts college so that probably didn't help.

06-27-2003, 10:17 AM	#6 (permalink)
Duck2Day Upright Location: About 4 and a half	Thanks you guys, that really helped a lot, basically I think I will just lay low for a while. I don't think I'll be pursuing a girl anytime soon though, not really up to it, her and I had a lot and would basically share everything together, I'm going to have to try and forget that now I guess, or at least get numb to the pain. I really thought though that she was the one, she even told me she thought I was, so I guess that's what hurt the most because I thought that too. And about the blind date thing, it wasn't her idea at all (at least that's what she told me but I sort of believe her). Her friend set her up on one. This hurts the most I think because this is basically my first real real love and I lost it. Maybe she'll come around maybe she won't, but thanks you guys, I'll try not to worry about it too much and can now devote myself more into my other love, martial arts haha, now that I'm not on the phone with her everynight. Well thanks you guys, if anything drastic happens or I'm in another one of my slums I'll post. Thanks __________________ Brilliance Is Just Three Feet Up and One Liter Under http://geocities.com/killme4times

06-26-2003, 08:16 PM	#3 (permalink)
rockzilla Junkie Location: The Kitchen	Yup, everything Memalvada said. I've been there too, just spend more time with friends, remind yourself that you have a life outside of her. It's hard, especially at first, but as time passes, you spend less time thinking about her. It may take awhile to get rid of any awkwardness when you're with her, and don't let her just use you as an emotional-only safety net type friend (look up 'Ladder Theory'). Keep your head up, life goes on.

07-01-2003, 11:11 AM	#7 (permalink)
Slims Eccentric insomniac Location: North Carolina	I say go and hang out with other women (who aren't friends w/ your ex) whether you really feel like it or not. Otherwise, it can be too easy to retreat into a little ball and let the world pass you by without ever realizing the possibilities for positive change and new relationships. __________________ "Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill "All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence

07-02-2003, 08:17 AM	#8 (permalink)
Duck2Day Upright Location: About 4 and a half	Just saw a thread on whether you would rather feel worse if a girl left you for another girl and turned lesbian, or left you for a guy. Now she hasn't left me for anyone but I know that she's bi, and I know that sometimes she does look at other girls that way and I read her online journal and she was talking about something and yeah I got pretty jealous. I just wanted to post again because I was just sitting here reading her journal while she was online not talking to me and I was starting to get...I don't know but it was kind of an angry feeling. Things have gotten better I think but this is one of my down days...I really just want to break something. I still really want to be with here again though, but I don't know how that's going to turn out, I'm rambling now but I don't think it'll happen, she was bi while we were going out, now whenever I'm near here I get the vibe that she's not interested in me at all...or any other guy. __________________ Brilliance Is Just Three Feet Up and One Liter Under http://geocities.com/killme4times

07-02-2003, 12:49 PM	#9 (permalink)
tman17m Psycho Location: my cubicle	well, i live my relationship life with a little self given advice, it might be fucked up, but this is just my philisophy...i never go out with an ex. i do believe in second chances for things, but not for relationships. i believe that, if for whatever reason people separated, it was meant to be that way and no good can come from getting back together. i sort of am speaking from experience becuase i did this with my first ex, my first gf...after we broke up i asked her back out and we went out for a little bit, but everything was fucked up, and it was not good....we ended up breaking up and never speaking again.. so theres my 2c

07-02-2003, 10:37 PM	#10 (permalink)
blackdas Crazy	I have this same problem. When I see my ex I sometimes think I can get some and because of this I'll get hard. I guess no one told him its over. :/

07-05-2003, 05:13 PM	#11 (permalink)
nitrorclover Crazy	Just avoid all contact with her. Then make a list of all the bad things she has done, and read them over and over, everyday. Sooner or later you will forget about her. But the best thing to do is to get out there and find someone to fill her spot... in more ways than one .

07-05-2003, 09:23 PM	#12 (permalink)
Meaty Urologist Upright Location: Albuquerque, N.M.	I think it would be best to STOP READING HER ONLINE JOURNAL! That's just gonna kill you, man! From my personal experience, it took me 6 months to really get over my ex, and I think most of that comes from her pulling that "we'll see what the future holds" crap. It destroyed me, wondering if she really wanted to get back together or was just saying that to make me feel better. (We were together for 3 years, btw.) After the 6 months I saw her at a concert with another guy and something just lifted. I finally realized that life moves on and there were many more interesting women out there anyway. So, I think you'll be freaking out for awhile, everyone does, it's natural. But I think if my ex had an online journal I was reading, I might have come close to flipping out and cutting off a few heads, so I'd stay away from that if I were you. Good luck man, you'll be alright. Just my two cents.

07-05-2003, 09:54 PM	#13 (permalink)
Pedialyte Crazy Location: Minneapolis	Just got outta the same type of thing... i do think it really is best to just cut all ties to the person. Thats the only way you can truly accept it and move on to (most definately) better things. You must put your foot down and not allow her to drag you on like this because you will end up missing out on the rest of life because you are sitting around waiting and hoping for her. Just as I did for about 4 months. Simply put. Get out! and good luck.