Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > The Academy > Tilted Sexuality


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 06-25-2008, 09:25 AM   #1 (permalink)
Tilted
 
randygurl's Avatar
 
Location: Vancouver
Just tested positive

For Herpes Type 2. Yup, I'm still in shock. I have absolutely no idea where I got it as I have never knowingly been with anyone who has had it. But considering that 80-90% of people have it unknowingly, without any symptoms, I guess I'm not surprised.

Now as far as this STD goes, I have gotten off relatively easily. My first outbreak was so extremely mild, that three different doctors told me they didn't think I had herpes (prior to test results coming back). Apparantly many people go their whole lives without another outbreak. And they never get worse than your first one so I know I don't have much to worry about in that department. My sore was about the size of the tip of my pinkie, nothing more. And relatively no pain - only a little bit if my underwear rubs it in the wrong way.

Basically what I'm saying is, the medical side of things doesn't bother me right now. As my doctor put it, its a skin irritation, nothing more - and one that is going to be pretty easy to handle as its so mild. Its just like a cold sore, only 'down there'.

No, what worries me is the social stigma attached to such an infection. Believe me, upon hearing my test results, I was immediately convinced that my sex life was over. That I was never going to fall in love, get married, be happy. That I was forever going to have this scarlet 'S' on my chest, branding me as promiscuous and unclean. And after reading any threads/posts related to herpes on here, I'm more convinced than ever. For an open community, I was surprised to see only direct negativity associated with people who have herpes. When the question was posed, pretty much every one said they would run for the hills rather than get involved with someone who has herpes. Great - I'm in for a joyous future arn't I? I'm not trying to point fingers, I'm merely emphasizing the fact that there is a lot of predjudice and hostility surrounding this particular STD. Because its uncurable? Maybe. But as far as health risks are concerned, its far less invasive than many other more common STD like syphilis and gonorrhea. And lets face it, its not HIV.

Call this a rant if you will, as I didn't exactly pose any questions to the community, but I do welcome any comments/insight you all have in regards to herpes and how you would feel about starting a relationship with someone, getting emotionally involved, only to find out that they have herpes (finding out prior to sexual relations of course).

I should point out that I feel like I've come to terms with having this virus, and should I ever meet a guy that I feel would be deserving of my heart, I would be completely open and honest with him before we were intimate sexually. I would let him make an educated decision. But I am 100% petrified of being in that scenario - I've gotten serious with this guy, I feel close enough to him and I trust him enough to share this with him, only to find out that this isn't something he can deal with and I get shot down. I've had a hard enough time finding love as it is and now this gets thrown into the mix?! Fucking perfect!

*opens the floor to discussion*
__________________
Ní féidir leat m'intinn a bhriseadh
randygurl is offline  
Old 06-25-2008, 09:28 AM   #2 (permalink)
I Confess a Shiver
 
Plan9's Avatar
 
As far as relationships, I'd imagine you have to throw it out in discussion earlier than later. Paula Abdul "Straight Up" style and all that jive. The beginning of relationships these days feel like job interviews, like a meat market where the person is seeing if you have the right initial stuff to be worthwhile to invest in for the long run.

If this issue is a deal breaker for the guy regardless of how intimate you get... it's still a deal breaker and you should save yourself the time, money, and emotions instead of burning yourself on a relationship that'll disappear on you when you finally do lay it all out.

Whatever you do: Don't be deceptive. Makes people insane, especially when dealing with STDs.
__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."
Plan9 is offline  
Old 06-25-2008, 09:51 AM   #3 (permalink)
zomgomgomgomgomgomg
 
telekinetic's Avatar
 
Location: Fauxenix, Azerona
Don't 1 in 5 people have herpes now, or something crazy high like that?

From what I've heard, it isn't even that big of a deal. Two or three ten day outbreaks on average for the lifetime of the disease.

The outbreaks really only matters if you're going to have a baby...in all our childbirth classes, they say you have to go on Valtrex around the end of your pregnancy so you are sure you don't have an outbreak during birth.
__________________
twisted no more
telekinetic is offline  
Old 06-25-2008, 09:51 AM   #4 (permalink)
Kick Ass Kunoichi
 
snowy's Avatar
 
Location: Oregon
Herpes is rapidly becoming one of the most prevalent STDs in North America. Yes, it sucks, but it isn't the end of the world; unlike some other STDs, it isn't going to kill you. I think you'll find that you have company; this is definitely one of those situations where seeking out a support group might be helpful. Getting to know others who have herpes and who have had to deal with these issues might be the right place to start. They're likely to have better advice than we do.

And who knows, maybe you'll stumble across a guy who also has HSV-2. But Crompsin's right--honesty is the best policy, both for yourself (to save yourself the time and possible heartache) and any potential partner.
__________________
If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau
snowy is offline  
Old 06-25-2008, 11:27 AM   #5 (permalink)
Darth Papa
 
ratbastid's Avatar
 
Location: Yonder
As as diseases go, it's definitely on the "nuisance" end of things. Although I guess some people have outbreaks that are fairly major and painful and disruptive to their lives, it IS, as your doctor said, really just a skin irritation. I guess the stigma must come from its perception of permanence--like you say, the scarlet H.

It's kind of silly. Proper precautions prevent the spread of sexually transmitted infections. And also piss poor performance.
ratbastid is offline  
Old 06-25-2008, 11:33 AM   #6 (permalink)
Upright
 
Alta's Avatar
 
Location: Ontario, Canada
I agree with the other posters about not keeping this a secret. But, I wouldn't blurt it out on the first date, either.

There are lots of relationship deal-breakers, and they vary a lot with people. STD is one that makes people nervous but with so many folks having it, this may not prove so big.

That being said, I can understand the shock and discouragement expressed.

Alta
Alta is offline  
Old 06-25-2008, 02:34 PM   #7 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Milnoc's Avatar
 
Location: Montreal
Your sex life is definitely NOT over. Check out the Internet. There are actually matchmaking groups out there for people with herpes! After all, who better to be understanding and compassionate about your situation than someone who already has it?

And yes, herpes infections rates are becoming ridiculous. Apparently, 1 in 4 have it in Manhattan alone.
Milnoc is offline  
Old 06-25-2008, 02:36 PM   #8 (permalink)
Tilted
 
randygurl's Avatar
 
Location: Vancouver
Fair enough and yes I have heard of such dating sites. But who wants to be limited to one such area just because the rest of the population deems them unworthy?

And ya, its 1-4 in North America.
__________________
Ní féidir leat m'intinn a bhriseadh
randygurl is offline  
Old 06-25-2008, 02:47 PM   #9 (permalink)
zomgomgomgomgomgomg
 
telekinetic's Avatar
 
Location: Fauxenix, Azerona
It's not so much 'unworthy' it's just...well, think about it...it's not like you're going to give them MORE herpes.
__________________
twisted no more
telekinetic is offline  
Old 06-25-2008, 02:48 PM   #10 (permalink)
Tilted
 
randygurl's Avatar
 
Location: Vancouver
oh forgive me, I didn't mean that in regards to the people on such sites, I meant that in regards to myself.
__________________
Ní féidir leat m'intinn a bhriseadh
randygurl is offline  
Old 06-25-2008, 03:42 PM   #11 (permalink)
Degenerate
 
Aladdin Sane's Avatar
 
Location: San Marvelous
I also have no idea where I got it. It happened during my university years. It was a huge issue for me. I had lots of willing girls around, so I was devastated. I thought my life was over. The first year I had constant outbreaks. The good news is now I can't remember when I had the last outbreak. It usually happens when I get stressed out.

It is not the end of your sex life, but it requires adjustment. It was a much bigger deal before I got married. My wife was never afraid of my virus and in fact I eventually infected her. It's never been a big deal to her.

Now I never even think about having it. Well, not until I read something like your post.

One question that's difficult to answer: When do you tell someone that you have Herpes? It's not something you necessarily want to reveal on a first date-- in such a case, maybe you discover on the third date that there's no chemistry or that the person is not trustworthy. He may then go post it in a bulletin on MySpace. On the other hand, what if you don't tell him, and on the third date the two of you really start to gel? Now you tell him and he feels that you mislead him by not revealing it earlier. I dunno, maybe this is more of a conundrum for guys than girls (Why? Because it is the female who controls the vagina).

If you get pregnant, you'll need to discuss your herpes with your doctor. A soon to be mother with an outbreak could possibly expose the baby as he moved through the birth canal.

Truly, herpes is not the end of the world. It is not the end of your sex life. You'll learn to live with it and to be happy, even with herpes.
__________________
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.
Aladdin Sane is offline  
Old 06-25-2008, 06:20 PM   #12 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
Aw. I don't have anything much to add, except that's really sucky news. And, yeah, you kinda have to disclose the fact to anyone you're going to become intimate with.
robot_parade is offline  
Old 07-01-2008, 05:34 PM   #13 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Milkyway's Avatar
 
Location: Ohio
I have friends with herpes and I know they feel unworthy of love, which I tell them is ridiculous, but only they know how they feel. There lives go on, they get married, or remain happily single, and they have families just like everybody else because they are just like everybody else.

Hold your head up high, or try to. I agree the hardest part will be telling someone, but that is because sex in general is hard to talk to people about. Don't limit your dating pool, it is hard enough to find good guys out there, (no offense fellas).

Set a rule with yourself on when you will tell someone, and write it down and store it in a safe place. Your rule could be always tell the person on the fourth date, or it could be always tell someone after the first time we make out. Our always tell someone after the third kiss, Or always tell someone the first time he rubs his piece against your crotch. Whatever, figure it out quickly and write it down, you can always rewrite the rule if after implementing a few times it back fires. But this way, when you start to tell him you can say, "I have this rule that after (insert rule) I always tell the guy I am dating about the fact that I have inactive type 2 herpes. (What does the inactive mean? It just means you don't currently have an outbreak, because if you just say herpes they immediately assume you have sores all over your vagina!!) If they ask the classic, why didn't you tell me earlier, you remind them of your rule, if they say you made that up, you have your paper back up. That way you will not feel like you are deceiving them, you are waiting for the relationship to satisfy your rule.

Hope that helps.
__________________
Yes you can get off on the same sexual experience for 24 full hours!!!!!
Milkyway is offline  
Old 07-14-2008, 01:13 PM   #14 (permalink)
Upright
 
Jozen-Bo's Avatar
 
Location: Deep Up in it!!! :)
I come from a macrobiotic family (which involves ancient oriental medicine)...so I will look around when I have time to see if there is something there that might help! Macrobiotics have been known to cure many things that western medicine doctors claimed couldn't be cured.

George Osowa, who exhumed the ancient teaching and brought them to the western world, used to get himself sick on purpose with sicknesses classified as uncurable by western medical doctors and then he'd do the impossible...again and again curing himself...this might be very useful to know about. I'll get back to you on this one, because I know if I were in your shoes I would appreciate any help I could get...solutions...not sympathy!
__________________
Peace and Respect,
Jozen-Bo
Jozen-Bo is offline  
Old 07-30-2008, 04:09 PM   #15 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by randygurl View Post
For Herpes Type 2. Yup, I'm still in shock. I have absolutely no idea where I got it as I have never knowingly been with anyone who has had it. But considering that 80-90% of people have it unknowingly, without any symptoms, I guess I'm not surprised.

Now as far as this STD goes, I have gotten off relatively easily. My first outbreak was so extremely mild, that three different doctors told me they didn't think I had herpes (prior to test results coming back). Apparantly many people go their whole lives without another outbreak. And they never get worse than your first one so I know I don't have much to worry about in that department. My sore was about the size of the tip of my pinkie, nothing more. And relatively no pain - only a little bit if my underwear rubs it in the wrong way.

Basically what I'm saying is, the medical side of things doesn't bother me right now. As my doctor put it, its a skin irritation, nothing more - and one that is going to be pretty easy to handle as its so mild. Its just like a cold sore, only 'down there'.

No, what worries me is the social stigma attached to such an infection. Believe me, upon hearing my test results, I was immediately convinced that my sex life was over. That I was never going to fall in love, get married, be happy. That I was forever going to have this scarlet 'S' on my chest, branding me as promiscuous and unclean. And after reading any threads/posts related to herpes on here, I'm more convinced than ever. For an open community, I was surprised to see only direct negativity associated with people who have herpes. When the question was posed, pretty much every one said they would run for the hills rather than get involved with someone who has herpes. Great - I'm in for a joyous future arn't I? I'm not trying to point fingers, I'm merely emphasizing the fact that there is a lot of predjudice and hostility surrounding this particular STD. Because its uncurable? Maybe. But as far as health risks are concerned, its far less invasive than many other more common STD like syphilis and gonorrhea. And lets face it, its not HIV.

Call this a rant if you will, as I didn't exactly pose any questions to the community, but I do welcome any comments/insight you all have in regards to herpes and how you would feel about starting a relationship with someone, getting emotionally involved, only to find out that they have herpes (finding out prior to sexual relations of course).

I should point out that I feel like I've come to terms with having this virus, and should I ever meet a guy that I feel would be deserving of my heart, I would be completely open and honest with him before we were intimate sexually. I would let him make an educated decision. But I am 100% petrified of being in that scenario - I've gotten serious with this guy, I feel close enough to him and I trust him enough to share this with him, only to find out that this isn't something he can deal with and I get shot down. I've had a hard enough time finding love as it is and now this gets thrown into the mix?! Fucking perfect!

*opens the floor to discussion*
sorry to hear that.

it's not all doom and gloom though. I've heard of some medications a person can take if they have herpes, to lessen the risk of transmission to your partner. I'm not sure about pregnancy though and whether it could affect a baby.

keep your chin up though. life is hard but we have to muddle through and make the most of our lives while we're here.
sound chaser is offline  
 

Tags
positive, tested

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 09:42 AM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360