finney

Looking for opinions from men and women alike.

My BF does this and honestly it kind of bothers me, only because we don't have as much sex as I'd like. He always seems to be busy with something - and to his defense he does have a lot of responsibilities - so our sex life isn't first priority.

I'd like sex a couple of times a week (usually...sometimes more, sometimes less of course). He doesn't. I understand being too tired or just not wanting to have to worry about pleasing someone else so you turn to masturbation instead, lord knows I do it too, sometimes I just want to get off without having to go through all the other song and dance.

But an issue in our relationship has always been porn. It used to be worse and it has improved so I'm grateful for that. I don't hate porn but it used to be a staple of our sex life of lack of. There used to always have to be porn going, porn was foreplay, you name it. It was like there couldn't be any sexual activity between us without it involving porn. That has improved a lot like I said but admittedly it's still something I'm sensitive about.

So I guess that's why I get upset. He thinks I should be flattered that he gets off to my pictures instead of porn and I do see his point and I think under any other circumstances I'd feel the same way but to me, now, it just seems like another way to get out of having sex. I mean, why not just be WITH me?

And another thing is he's an older guy (46) so he doesn't get turned on any time the wind blows. He can always get an erection - never had any problems in that area - but I think because he masturbates so much, it takes him half of forever to have an orgasm most times. A lot of ladies wouldn't compain about that, especially if they're not getting a lot of sex, but saving it up for 2 weeks to have a 3 hour session that I'm bored and sore halfway through isn't exactly my idea of fun.

Anyway...am I just being insecure about the picture thing? Should I be flattered? Do other guys do this and how do you see it...is it a "tribute" to your woman...or is it just jerking off? Just looking for some feedback

Daniel_

If you're not happy them it's a problem. Even if he can't understand why. The only answer has got to be talk more, I suspect. Good luck.

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Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
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The Echo of a distant time
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little_tippler

a) you should read a few of our other threads on men and porn...it has been spoken of to exhaustion and it might help you understand the desire he has to do that better. Use the search function.

b) The fact that he masturbates to pictures of you I'd find flattering...most guys will look at other women...I guess for the variety.

c) it is strange that he won't have sex with you. Is there a problem he's not telling you? Is he afraid of intimacy otherwise? Maybe he's just got a different sex drive to yours - this is a very common issue for most couples at one time or another. The best thing to do, is tell him you're unhappy. He should at least try to resolve things, otherwise he probably sees it as your problem and frankly in that case it's hard to work with someone unwilling.

d) I'd say that masturbating more makes me want sex more, not less. But I think the men of TFP can help you better with that topic...

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

Makia

I don't get anywhere near as much sex as I'd like either, so I can totally sympathize (tho in my case, it's because of my b/f's health problems--hell, I'd consider myself lucky if it was every 2 weeks).

Anyway, not like I'm an expert or anything, but it sounds to me that your guy might have issues about intimacy. It sounds like he's attracted to you, and wants sex for physical satisfaction, and therefor with you in theory, but the fact that he chooses pictures and masturbation over the real thing is kind of odd. It'd be one thing if it was a long-distance relationship and you couldn't be together very often, but that doesn't sound like the case.

I hope you find a way to work it out.

lotsofmagnets

trying to look at this from a male perspective and i´m a little baffled. it sort of sounds like you have spoken to him about it, but have you been direct and completely open with your thoughts? sounds like the usual case of lack of communication or a lack of effort. albeit a bit of a strange case. as for the pictures. yeah they are of you but they are not you so i think you have the right to be a little peeved. you need to find out what´s actually on his mind. i tried to figure his perspective but i´m just completely blank. strange.

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she shed her mountain turning training wheels, for the convenience of the moving sidewalk, that delivers the magnetic monkey children through the mouth of impossible calendar clock, into the devil's manhole cauldron.
physics of a bicycle, isn't it remarkable?

canuckguy

Not to beat a dead horse but you have to talk to him and find out what is going on. The fact that he whacks it to pictures of you should be a good sign he finds you attractive.

My only thoughts are WHAT is he thinking about when tugging to your pictures that he does not get when having sex with you? Meaning what is he truly fantasizing about?

good luck and let us know how things go!

girldetective

In your situation I think I might be flattered - at first. But my thoughts would quickly turn to those of lotsofmagnets above.

Do you live together?

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Ilow

It appears as though there may be competing issues here. As far as spanking it to your pictures, that is for you to decide if it is OK with you (by the way, are you naked in the pics?) I would think that it is a big improvement over anonymous porn, but again it is for you to decide. The more significant issue here is that you are not being satisfied with your sex life. If he is spanking the monkey instead of his GF, there is most assuredly an issue there, and you are simply facilitating it by excusing it by saying it is his schedule. If you two were 23 and had met 8 months ago, even if he had that same schedule and responsibilities you would probably be screwing like jackrabbits. There is almost always time for sex if both parties want it.

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World's King

Just because it has to be said for this thread to continue...



Can we have some examples of the said pictures?




And I'm of course kidding.

ratbastid

My experience has been that problems in communication show up first in the bedroom.

Discuss all of this with him. Don't put him on the defensive about it--and make it clear that if that happens, it's an accident and you don't mean to do that and you apologize in advance.

cmc

I think you will want to send me a complete picture gallery & I guarantee
that I will be able to give you an honest, unbiased opinion --

It could be you look so hot - your pictures wipe out any real man ?
Let's do an no cost test - ?

PS - age has almost NOTHING to do with any man's sex drive - period.
If my SIG GF EVER felt that our frequency was not to her desires -
I would pass out from the news bulletin !

ktspktsp

I have a question. How do you know that he's actually masturbating to pictures of you? I wonder if he tells you that because he feels it is more acceptable to say so, and that it will be harder for you to object in this case.

PonyPotato

I would feel better about my boyfriend masturbating to pictures of me/us than I feel about him masturbating to pictures of random women. My opinion.

As has been said by others, the sexual portion of your relationship seems a bit "off" and I think you need to discuss it with him instead of with people on the internet.

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"Without passion man is a mere latent force and possibility, like the flint which awaits the shock of the iron before it can give forth its spark."
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