Shauk

Yeah I dunno. Sometimes I just get to feeling completely "ugh"

I start thinking about the worldview from someone elses shoes. I've seen some pretty bad pictures of people on the internet, people who had some sort of semblance of self worth perhaps. I wonder if it's developed by looking at yourself each day, every day in the morning, or maybe in the afternoon before you head out for the evening.

How can you truely get a measure of what you have and what you don't have as far as "the right stuff" to be physically attractive.

I dunno, I don't consder myself a bad looking fellow, but there are times where I feel like absolute shite (with an e!) What makes me feel like that? I can't figure it out. Am I afraid of what others think of me? Am I disappointed in myself for not taking care of myself properly every single opportunity? or is it a mental imbalance? or is it a social conditioning?

allaboutmusic

It's all to do with your self-perception, you hear all the time about stunningly attractive people who can't bear to look themselves in the mirror. Like a good friend of mine who avoids mirrors for this reason, but turns heads whenever we are out together. It's an inner issues thing.

I have bad days myself, I kind of have to look in the mirror and wink and tell the guy in the mirror that he's a sexy mofo!

Daniel_

Is it because you have a face like a spanked arse?

I went through exactly the same when I was unexpectedly single, and one day realised it's all about presentation.

If you can pretend you're a fine looking fellow, before you know it people treat you like one, and then you realise you're not pretending any more.

It's not easy, but it pays off.

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jewels

Exactly. People see what you project. If you feel ugly, your body posture and language will reflect that and you will be seen as insecure and less attractive. If, instead, you wear something that picks you up and hold yourself with confidence, you'll be seen as self-assured and attractive.

What makes you feel like that? You've got some issues you're dealing with that have run you through the ringer. Work on what's going on inside your head as a result.

Never compare yourself with someone else's ideal of the right stuff. Be the best "you" and proud of who you are and you will project confidence and good looks.

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snowy

I'll agree with that.

And work on your body! I know you've been trying to lose weight, and have had some success--stick with it. Trust me, when it's gone--you'll feel like such a hottie. I love to check myself out now that I'm thin. And you know what? Good posture is a huge part of that. I used to slouch all the time, but now I sit up and stand up straight (thank you, Pilates and yoga). Not only does it make me look better, it makes me feel better to know that I look good You can do it too. Try some physical activities that heighten mind-body awareness, like Pilates and yoga. Any time I feel down or stressed, I do a sun salutation, a little balasana, maybe savasana, and I feel better.

The thing you have to ask yourself is if you're willing to do the work it takes to make yourself feel better, because it isn't going to happen by itself. For my part, I think it's totally worth it.

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

MSD

Would this be a good time to post a torrent of my "Ugly People" folder to make everyone feel better?

Shauk

heh, well i've lost 45 lbs so far. I still have a long way to go though, I can tell that much.

I just need to actually go work out I think. hrmph.

anyway uh. I dunno, I was thinking more along the lines of things about myself that I can't really change. just my general "look" i suppose.

Hain

Now I am curious. You say "my 'Ugly People' folder" so I conclude they are images you have on your computer. Why do you keep pictures of ugly people on your computer?

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MSD

I save a lot of pictures I come across because I never know when I might need them. I let people I know into the images folder sometimes, so I don't save stuff like TFP exhibition photos (and doing that would make me feel like a creep anyway.) It's sort of a stock images collection. If someone makes a post that can be accented or highlighted by an image, I can do it.

Attractiveness is all in perspective. I'm no model, but at least I'm not this guy:

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ring

What an ugly couch.

dlish

i think you've had a bad trot lately mate. hang in there.

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Shaindra

I find that when I put more effort into my appearance, I not only look nicer, but I *feel* more attractive. It's OK to spend a little bit more on a flattering hairstyle, use a little hair gel, buy some flattering clothes, or spend time at the gym. Just the act of doing makes me feel better about myself.

PonyPotato

I don't find myself a particularly attractive person, but I do enjoy feeling pretty every once in a while. I find that those days are generally precluded by feeling healthy, successful, and confident in my abilities in something or another. For example, if I have been eating well, visiting the gym, doing well in classes, and having good conversations with someone who matters.. I tend to feel a lot more attractive. Usually my worst "self-worth" days come when I am sick; nothing makes me feel less attractive than being unhealthy.

Dressing up and making a little bit of extra effort for myself (or for a super attractive man who thinks I'm pretty) sometimes can make a huge difference if I'm feeling a little low. Also, hearing someone tell me I'm attractive and worthwhile both inside AND out is a big confidence boost. Even if he's just telling me what I already know, it's nice to hear it out loud.

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genuinegirly

I'm really not sure what makes you feel ugly. You're not.

But here are some reasons why I may not feel pretty on a given day:

1) haven't gone for a run or walk or stretched for a while
2) haven't been told I'm pretty recently
3) have been eating things I know I shouldn't
4) that time of the month when hormones are whacky
5) too stressed

Hope you figure it out!

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*Nikki*

For what it is worth, I sure don't think you are ugly at all.

Shauk

ack, now um, blah, you know what.... I'm sorry I didn't mean to come across like I was fishing. I'm not, I just thought this was a symptom we've all gone through at some time or another.

Trying to figure out why that is, and what people do to get through it, or eliminate it.

savmesom11

What it is: COLDSORES

How I battle it: Valtrex, not just for genital herps

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Plan9

Hey, we all can't be Men's Health models.

(gets airbrushed, stands under soft lighting, flexes a little)

Oh, shit... we can!

...

Nobody (and no body) is perfect. I think the ugliest people are the people who go out of their way to camouflage their superficial physical flaws.

...

I wake up ugly all the time.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Kaimi

No matter how ugly you perceive yourself to be, I can bet that there are people out there that find you attractive. Much of it is in self-esteem, I had a friend who used to mope about his weight all the time. He would try to lose but it was difficult for him, for one it was hard for him to get the healthiest of foods on his budget. One day, he just woke up and said you know what, I am fat. I am heavy and this is just me. He realized that it was not the end of the world, he was still worth something. At that point he jumped out of his shell and actually kept the ladies pretty busy.

ItWasMe

Any number of things can make you feel crappy physically or emotionally. Lack of sleep, not eating right, inadequate exercise, too much stress, not enough "me" time, people playing head games, loved ones who act not-so-lovingly. Cluttered, dirty, or insufficient personal space can also play a role.

The list goes on. And when we feel crappy, sometimes we see in the mirror what we feel physically and/or emotionally. You've had a rough time lately. It's understandable.

Try to think of a couple of ways to pamper yourself, and don't feel guilty about it. And know that what you see in your reflection isn't necessarily what others see.

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allaboutmusic

Humans have an amazing ability to look at a reflection of themselves in the mirror, and filter out everything except the parts of themselves they find least attractive (often to the exclusion of great beauty).

Of course, humans also have an amazing ability to look at a member of the opposite sex they like, and filter out everything except the parts of them that they find most attractive (often to the exclusion of very ugly traits).

AngelaSI

It's perception. Look at Donald Trump. He's one ugly motherf* but he has a beautiful wife. It's not what's on the outside, it's what's on the inside.

allaboutmusic

That's not really not a great example - Trump is wealthy beyond description and it doesn't really matter what's inside in cases like that.

Plan9

Six figures beats a six-pack.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

allaboutmusic

Or in Trump's case, ten figures.

Plan9

Doesn't rhyme, though.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

PonyPotato

Yours didn't rhyme, either.

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"Without passion man is a mere latent force and possibility, like the flint which awaits the shock of the iron before it can give forth its spark."
— Henri-Frédéric Amiel

allaboutmusic

"Six figures beats a six-pack" doesn't rhyme either.

Yeah - what merleniau said quicker than I did.

Sugarmouse

I get confused about people who find themselves very attractive when to I and others theyare obviously not.I can totally relate to this thread though...I am so confused about the subject as Shauk is. In general, I do not think folk are attractive things to look at.Everybody has to make the best of themselves.But sometimes I wish I was one of those who thinks theyare gorgeous when they are not , as opposed to somebody who is so self conscious as I am.... I know men find me attractive but sometimes I view the mirror and think 'Man, you re a state!WTF do folk see in you?'

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