Lettin the girl down easy. - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

mirevolver · 06-15-2003, 12:20 PM

I just started dating this girl and although she is a great kisser, that's the only thing she has going for her. But my problem is she's got baggage, been in a sting of relationships where the guy would leave her for someone else.

She says she's been really hurt from past relationships so I don't want to hurt her even more. Any advice on getting out of a relationship while letting the girl down easy?

SiN · 06-15-2003, 01:04 PM

oi...

um, thing is, from a female perspective perhaps...

you'd be doing her a big favor (provided she actually takes it to heart) by telling her why you want to let her go.

of course, it's kind and gentelmanly of you to not want to hurt her further, i do admire your kindness

but, this will keep happening to her unless she gets rid of her baggage. whether she does or not is obviously her choice and responsibility...but maybe she needs to have her eyes opened to it's existance?

i dunno. i could be wrong.

but i don't think 'letting her down easy' is necessarily going to help her in the long run.

whatever you do, however u do it, good luck!

yesiwas · 06-15-2003, 01:18 PM

Honesty. Simple and never a bad choice. Tell her the truth, you'll feel better

phredgreen · 06-15-2003, 01:45 PM

i'm gonna give you this big ax here.. what i need you to do is to take it and completely sever this relationship right fucking now.

you have already said you have no interest in taking things any further with this girl. bravo to you that you know what you want and what you don't want. you have already said you don't want to hurt this girl. bravo to you for being sensitive enough to understand her needs and wants.

understand this: the longer you are with someone you don't want to be with, the more miserable you will become. there is no reason to prolong this angush in either of your lives. sit her down, tell her exactly what you're feeling with no candy coating, and leave her behind you. this mnay sound a little extreme, but in five years from now, if you don't do this you'll wish like hell you would have.

lurkette · 06-15-2003, 03:55 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by phredgreen
sit her down, tell her exactly what you're feeling with no candy coating, and leave her behind you. this mnay sound a little extreme, but in five years from now, if you don't do this you'll wish like hell you would have.

It's entirely possible that five years from now she'll wish like hell you'd told her the truth. If she's got a track record of bad relationships chances are it's not just the other person's fault - the common denominator in all of her failed relationships appears to be her. It'll be bitter medicine, but telling her - gently and compassionately - why you don't want to be with her could be doing her a huge favor. A much bigger favor than letting her down easy with vague excuses and leaving her to keep making the same mistakes in relationship after relationship.

HFrankenstein · 06-15-2003, 04:35 PM

Not to post the typical, lame-ass "I agree", but yeah, I agree with everyone so far. Don't let her down easy or she'll just have the same problem with her next boyfriend. Do her the favor of telling her what's wrong with her. She very well may hate you forever, but at least you'll have been some amount of help.

rat · 06-15-2003, 06:46 PM

There's a fine line been honest and too honest however. I'm generally very large on integrity, but tell her general stuff, but don't go down a list of very specific things like a line-by-line refutation in a policy debate. Give her not just the "jist" of things, but provide maybe one or two examples of the overall to give her knowledge of what she is and is not doing for you and try to figure it out for the next one. There is no such thing as "letting em down easy" because the question "Why?" is never an easy one. Sure, the reasons could be easy to figure out, but the decision sure ain't easy to deliver.

Peetster · 06-15-2003, 06:52 PM

Don't lead her on, dude. Be honest with her. If you have no intention of furthering your relationship, then end it. Anything else would be cruel. Cruel especially to her. Even if she is a "good kisser". That's not enough.

To reenforce what Sin said, sit her down and COMMUNICATE with her.

mirevolver · 06-16-2003, 05:29 PM

Well, it seems unanimous - tell her the truth.

After thinking about it, I find I must agree with you. Lies would hurt her more and I would just become like one of the other guys she's been with.

As much as I hate to hurt her by giving it to her straight. I'll do that because it is the lesser of the evils.

HFrankenstein · 06-16-2003, 06:52 PM

Evil nothing. It's practically saintly.

gibber71 · 06-16-2003, 08:02 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by phredgreen

understand this: the longer you are with someone you don't want to be with, the more miserable you will become. there is no reason to prolong this angush in either of your lives. sit her down, tell her exactly what you're feeling with no candy coating, and leave her behind you. this mnay sound a little extreme, but in five years from now, if you don't do this you'll wish like hell you would have.

Oh man,..the flashbacks,..Fuck..listen to the man mirevolver,listen to the man

eyeseepeedude · 06-17-2003, 04:41 AM

there is no such thing as 'letting a girl down easy'... they're going to be devistated (*unless they didn't care in the first place*). Just be careful.

JackBlack · 06-17-2003, 06:06 AM

I just stopped answering the phone (the coward way)

punx1325 · 06-17-2003, 10:15 PM

I would tell the truth, but also point out her good features. Tell her that your not her type, yet a great person to know. You get the idea...good luck!

Antagony · 06-17-2003, 11:04 PM

Have sex with her sister!

Oh wait, not really. I'm drunk.

--jones-- · 06-17-2003, 11:21 PM

I recently (monday) let a girl down that i had been seeing only for a short time.

I just came straight out and said that things werent working out beween us in my mind and that i didn't see our relationship devloping.

Just my expirenece though...

mirevolver · 06-18-2003, 12:19 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Antagony
Have sex with her sister!

Oh wait, not really. I'm drunk.

She doesn't have a sister. And her brother is out of the question. I don't swing that way.

jwoody · 07-02-2003, 06:14 AM

TFP just saved me making a big mistake. I'm in a very similar situation to this and, having read this post I'm gonna do the right thing.

Being a laid back sort of person I was just going to go with the flow and see what happens, but with my new found perspective, (thanks to all the positive replies on here) I'm going to call it off.

Maybe she'll hate me for it, maybe she won't. She definately wouldn't appreciate being led on for a few months.

There's a half the weight off my shoulders. I hope I don't see her cry though, I'm a real sucker for tears.

HFrankenstein · 07-02-2003, 06:47 AM

jwoody:

If she honestly likes you and she hasn't been broken up with very many times, and most women haven't, you're probably gonna see her cry.

sportsrule101 · 07-02-2003, 07:06 AM

make a list of 3 good reasons, that are acceptable to most girls. of why it won't work. then leave in a classy fasion

jwoody · 07-02-2003, 07:12 AM

HFrankenstein: I've only known her for a week. She's ten years older than me and has recently divorced (a whole lot of baggage to be taking on).

Call me selfish, but I'm ending it for my benefit, not hers.

ForgottenKnight · 07-02-2003, 09:08 PM

Tell her the truth, but do it kindly. Let us know how it turns out.

MrFlux · 07-02-2003, 09:23 PM

Quote:

i once used an axe to sever a relationship

Holy crap I thought you meant you attacked her with an axe for a second there.

Slims · 07-02-2003, 09:26 PM

Honesty is best, but you could tell her that you are gay and just trying to learn some usefull tricks.

06-15-2003, 12:20 PM	#1 (permalink)
mirevolver Inspired by the mind's eye. Location: Between the darkness and the light.	Lettin the girl down easy. I just started dating this girl and although she is a great kisser, that's the only thing she has going for her. But my problem is she's got baggage, been in a sting of relationships where the guy would leave her for someone else. She says she's been really hurt from past relationships so I don't want to hurt her even more. Any advice on getting out of a relationship while letting the girl down easy? __________________ Aside from my great plans to become the future dictator of the moon, I have little interest in political discussions.

06-15-2003, 01:04 PM	#2 (permalink)
SiN strangelove Location: ...more here than there...	oi... um, thing is, from a female perspective perhaps... you'd be doing her a big favor (provided she actually takes it to heart) by telling her why you want to let her go. of course, it's kind and gentelmanly of you to not want to hurt her further, i do admire your kindness but, this will keep happening to her unless she gets rid of her baggage. whether she does or not is obviously her choice and responsibility...but maybe she needs to have her eyes opened to it's existance? i dunno. i could be wrong. but i don't think 'letting her down easy' is necessarily going to help her in the long run. whatever you do, however u do it, good luck! __________________ - + - ° GiRLie GeeK ° - + - ° 01110010011011110110111101110100001000000110110101100101 Therell be days/When Ill stray/I may appear to be/Constantly out of reach/I give in to sin/Because I like to practise what I preach

06-15-2003, 01:45 PM	#4 (permalink)
phredgreen who? Location: the phoenix metro	i'm gonna give you this big ax here.. what i need you to do is to take it and completely sever this relationship right fucking now. you have already said you have no interest in taking things any further with this girl. bravo to you that you know what you want and what you don't want. you have already said you don't want to hurt this girl. bravo to you for being sensitive enough to understand her needs and wants. understand this: the longer you are with someone you don't want to be with, the more miserable you will become. there is no reason to prolong this angush in either of your lives. sit her down, tell her exactly what you're feeling with no candy coating, and leave her behind you. this mnay sound a little extreme, but in five years from now, if you don't do this you'll wish like hell you would have. __________________ My country is the world, and my religion is to do good. - Thomas Paine

06-15-2003, 04:35 PM	#6 (permalink)
HFrankenstein Crazy Location: New Jersey / Delaware	Not to post the typical, lame-ass "I agree", but yeah, I agree with everyone so far. Don't let her down easy or she'll just have the same problem with her next boyfriend. Do her the favor of telling her what's wrong with her. She very well may hate you forever, but at least you'll have been some amount of help. __________________ When in doubt, sauerkraut.

06-16-2003, 05:29 PM	#9 (permalink)
mirevolver Inspired by the mind's eye. Location: Between the darkness and the light.	Well, it seems unanimous - tell her the truth. After thinking about it, I find I must agree with you. Lies would hurt her more and I would just become like one of the other guys she's been with. As much as I hate to hurt her by giving it to her straight. I'll do that because it is the lesser of the evils. __________________ Aside from my great plans to become the future dictator of the moon, I have little interest in political discussions.

06-15-2003, 01:18 PM	#3 (permalink)
yesiwas Upright	Honesty. Simple and never a bad choice. Tell her the truth, you'll feel better

06-15-2003, 06:52 PM	#8 (permalink)
Peetster Right Now Location: Home	Don't lead her on, dude. Be honest with her. If you have no intention of furthering your relationship, then end it. Anything else would be cruel. Cruel especially to her. Even if she is a "good kisser". That's not enough. To reenforce what Sin said, sit her down and COMMUNICATE with her.

06-16-2003, 06:52 PM	#10 (permalink)
HFrankenstein Crazy Location: New Jersey / Delaware	Evil nothing. It's practically saintly. __________________ When in doubt, sauerkraut.

06-17-2003, 04:41 AM	#12 (permalink)
eyeseepeedude Sir Location: Colorado Springs, CO	there is no such thing as 'letting a girl down easy'... they're going to be devistated (unless they didn't care in the first place). Just be careful. __________________ If you like what you see, donate to the TFP

06-17-2003, 06:06 AM	#13 (permalink)
JackBlack Upright	I just stopped answering the phone (the coward way)

06-17-2003, 10:15 PM	#14 (permalink)
punx1325 Junkie Location: San Diego	I would tell the truth, but also point out her good features. Tell her that your not her type, yet a great person to know. You get the idea...good luck! __________________ If something seems too good to be true, then it probably is....

06-17-2003, 11:04 PM	#15 (permalink)
Antagony Psychopathic Akimbo Action Pirate Location: ...between Christ and Belial.	Have sex with her sister! Oh wait, not really. I'm drunk. __________________ On the outside I'm jazz, but my soul is rock and roll. Sleep is a waste of time. Join the Insomniac Club. "GYOH GWAH-DAH GREH BLAAA! SROH WIH DIH FLIH RYOHH!!" - The Locust

06-17-2003, 11:21 PM	#16 (permalink)
--jones-- Crazy	I recently (monday) let a girl down that i had been seeing only for a short time. I just came straight out and said that things werent working out beween us in my mind and that i didn't see our relationship devloping. Just my expirenece though...

07-02-2003, 06:14 AM	#18 (permalink)
jwoody Shackle Me Not Location: Newcastle - England.	TFP just saved me making a big mistake. I'm in a very similar situation to this and, having read this post I'm gonna do the right thing. Being a laid back sort of person I was just going to go with the flow and see what happens, but with my new found perspective, (thanks to all the positive replies on here) I'm going to call it off. Maybe she'll hate me for it, maybe she won't. She definately wouldn't appreciate being led on for a few months. There's a half the weight off my shoulders. I hope I don't see her cry though, I'm a real sucker for tears. __________________ .

07-02-2003, 06:47 AM	#19 (permalink)
HFrankenstein Crazy Location: New Jersey / Delaware	jwoody: If she honestly likes you and she hasn't been broken up with very many times, and most women haven't, you're probably gonna see her cry. __________________ When in doubt, sauerkraut.

07-02-2003, 09:26 PM	#24 (permalink)
Slims Eccentric insomniac Location: North Carolina	Honesty is best, but you could tell her that you are gay and just trying to learn some usefull tricks. __________________ "Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill "All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence

07-02-2003, 07:06 AM	#20 (permalink)
sportsrule101 Insane	make a list of 3 good reasons, that are acceptable to most girls. of why it won't work. then leave in a classy fasion __________________ winning isn't everything but losing isn't anything

07-02-2003, 07:12 AM	#21 (permalink)
jwoody Shackle Me Not Location: Newcastle - England.	HFrankenstein: I've only known her for a week. She's ten years older than me and has recently divorced (a whole lot of baggage to be taking on). Call me selfish, but I'm ending it for my benefit, not hers. __________________ .

07-02-2003, 09:08 PM	#22 (permalink)
ForgottenKnight Jesus Freak Location: Following the light...	Tell her the truth, but do it kindly. Let us know how it turns out. __________________ "People say I'm strange, does that make me a stranger?"