aa1037

Hey all

I lost my virginity to my girlfriend last night and I figured I would tell you some of the good and bad and get your advice.

Here goes...
The other day she told me that she wanted to have sex with me (she was not a virgin), but that night I did not have any protection with me, so we put it off until yesterday. Anyway, we started making out last night and going through the motions, when when it came time to get naked and put on the condom, I lost my erection. It was completely embarrassing somewhat traumatizing. I attribute it to me building myself up and being wayyyyy too anxious all day leading up to that point. I basically had 24 hours to anticipate it, and I lost my nerve.

My girlfriend was amazing and completely understanding. I took a moment to myself, went to the bathroom, came back and we just laid there and talked for a while. I told her how I felt and that the fact the sex wasn't as spontaneous definitely gave me lots of anxiety, especially since it was my first time. The funny thing was that at this point, I was completely relaxed. The worst of it was over and I was actually able to get an erection again, we furiously made out and went at each other, and we actually had sex. It was SUCH a relief to get over the hump (pun intended)

Do you agree that my going soft initially was because I over-hyped myself to the point of anxiety?

The other thing I found out last night was that my girlfriend is narrow. She explained to me that sex is pretty painful but she thinks she'll adapt and it will get better. I couldn't help but feel bad that I was the person, in a way, who caused her that pain. Anyone have some advice about this situation? I'd like to think we take it easy and softer until it is not as painful for her.

Thanks for listening!

ratbastid

No question about it. Happened my first time too.

One word: LUBE. Way too much is nearly enough. She's designed to pass a baby's head through there. It's really not a matter of her being too narrow.

Oh, and... congrats.

ruggerp11

not only Lube but play with her using your fingers for a long time. Really get her going. My ex is like that and it was only not painful if we took our time and got really relaxed. Don't just spit and thrust. Take your time and you'll be alright

Welcome to the man club lol
Nice one!

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Bill O'Rights

Yes. That's all there is...just...yes. You figured it out.
Spend more...ummm...time on her. There's no such thing as too narrow. She needs to be somewhat more arroused. And...a little extra lube never hurt anything. Well...except maybe the satin sheets.

Oh...and, by the way...the next round of beers is on you...the newly initiated. Sorry...it's the oldest man-law on the books.

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absorbentishe

Too narrow, maybe your too big! JK. Congrats on being one of us.

Next time, go down on her until she screams no mas no mas, then it will be right!

Acetylene

Length can also be an issue. If it hurts right away when you put it in, it's a lube/foreplay issue. If it hurts only when you have gotten in a few inches, it's a length issue. You might be bumping into her cervix, or another sensitive area. This can be helped with longer foreplay also.

But I think the most likely thing is, she hasn't had sex in a while. Vaginas need to get used to sex and will hurt if it's been a while. Just keep your sessions short and gradually build up as she gets used to it. She'll also adapt to your particular size and shape. At least that's how it works for me

I'm glad you were able to recover your erection. Don't feel bad about it. No one would dream of thiking badly of a woman who needed more foreplay and rerlaxation before sex; it's accepted as normal. It should be no different for a man! If it happens again, just do the same thing--wait it out, relax and have fun until it comes back.

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Bill O'Rights

He's a recovering virgin...I kinda don't think that'll be a problem.

__________________
"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

fightnight

I would definitely attribute your initial performance issues to the build up. Had it been spontaneuos, you would have been able to go twice.

Like everyone else said some good foreplay to get her good an wet along with lube can always help. While the lube takes away some of the spontanaity of the sex sometimes, it pays its dividends later on when things don't dry out and the good sex lasts.

aa1037

Thanks for comments everyone, good stuff

World's King

The first comment that popped into my head was...

"Fuck if it hurts... Fuck her till she bleeds."

But I figured that it wasn't a good thing to say so...



Just keep fucking her... don't worry about it. There really is no 'getting use' to each other. My girl and I have been together for almost three years and it still hurts... that's cause I straight up beat the pussy yo...

*smack*

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snowy

Sex is meant to hurt...a little.

She will, eventually, stretch out a bit in the right places to accommodate you. In the meantime, lots of foreplay, lots of lube. But a little pain isn't bad...it throws the pleasure of sex into relief, and that is a powerful thing.

And yes, she will probably be saddle-sore for at least a while, especially if your sex sessions last any amount of time or you do it a lot. My SO and I have lots of sex but if we do it four times in a day I'm going to be feeling it in my thighs the next day. But again, not a bad thing, because I guarantee if you hurt your SO a little during sex, and she feels it the next day, she'll be thinking about sex with you every time her thighs twinge. Rawr.

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tenniels

Also try different positions. I know sometimes it hurts for me in different positions (that whole bumping the cervix thing I believe) but everything can be modified slightly to accomidate what feels good for both of you. And lube is very important along with foreplay. I know sometimes when it's been a long time in between sex (hey it happens, I'm single) it is a little tight to get in, but everything opens up the way it's supposed to and works out. If you are worried about size, maybe have her try playing with dildos to build up her "tolerance". It's a win win! Oh and congrats! Don't think about going soft either, the more you think about things, the more stressed out you get and the more likely it is to happen again. It's all in your head (the big one haha). I had a boyfriend that got hard and could go for hours, but couldn't finish, he had issues and it was all psychological.

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Deltona Couple

Everyone else has commented on the questions as I would have, but personally I would like to commend you and your gf on SAFE SEX! The fact that you decided NOT to do anything because you didnt have a condom at the time is a VERY mature decision! And welcome to the world of human sexuality...it only gets better!

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little_tippler

I think it's pretty clear that you lost your erection because of anxiety. Once you were relaxed again, that was enough to make you ready to go.

About your girlfriend being narrow - I know everyone always says there's no such thing, but can I say, there is. If the girl's pelvic bones are quite closely spaced together, that can make it "narrow" down there so to speak, and painful. Sometimes being that "narrow" can mean it's not possible to actually have a child naturally, because even though the pelvic bones widen during pregnancy, they don't widen enough for a baby to pass through the birth canal.

Another possibility is something called "vulvar vestibulitis". This is a little known and talked about problem and is characterised by a type of pain a woman may feel during sex in the entrance to the vagina that can be anything from a burning sensation to something a lot worse. Some women have this pain not only in the entrance but inside as well. The direct causes are unknown, which sucks, but there are several kinds of therapies that can be used in combination to help - from medication to psychological counselling. For some women this problem will accompany them all their lives.

It could also just be a case of needing extra lubrication and more foreplay.

Good luck with sex and I hope your girlfriend's pain is a passing one. If not, tell her she should probably see a doctor. Oh and congratulations on your first time.

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calibrich

anxiety is a huge part with new people. Even now I get paranoid if Im with someone for the first time and how well Ill do. After a couple times, Im more relaxed with the person and its all good. Once you start thinking about losing your erection, your pretty much screwed because its more mental than anything else.

FallenAvatar

As far as the too narrow thing goes: like everyone has already mentioned to you; that is not the case. This is nothing against you it was your first time; however, in the future you need to step up to the plate and bat out a couple of O's. What I'm saying is this. Sex is about enjoyment, it is about having fun and getting closer. Just making out more than likely will not cut it. Go down town. Read up on one of the wonderful guides that are available to you from this site. Take that advice and then realize a few things as far as the female anatomy goes. Learn where the clit is and where the g-spot is practice practice practice. Congratulations, you are buying the next round of beer.

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Jinn

Absolutely anxiety, happened to me the first time.. and still does on occasion.. too much self-talk.

And yea, I second the notion that you did a very good thing by NOT having sex without a condom. That makes you more responsible than about 3/4 of the population.

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highthief

That's not actually true. Although most times it will be caused by insufficient lubrication, some women are unable to relax their vaginal muscles without therapy. So, if lube and foreplay still leave her hurting, it can be worth consulting a doctor.

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aa1037

Thanks, really well written and thought out! We used lubricated condoms, but perhaps something additional was necessary. She seemed sufficiently wet, but I could be wrong (we weren't just making out). Anyway, she is getting her BC refilled soon and she said seek advice there, as well.

Thanks again everyone for the great advice

xepherys

Well, everyone has pretty much filled the advice bucket, so... congratulations! Also, congratulations again for being mature about the situation (apparently, at least). *highfive*

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aa1037

thanks

Halx

I just wanna add.. in the same way you lost your erection to anxiety, a female can tense up from the same anxiety, which makes penetration a bit of an ordeal.

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aa1037

Flaccid penis into impenetrable vagina haha

Aro23

don't just penetrate, gotta be playful with her foreplay first buddy, just like a car you need to warm it up before you drive

arctic cat

That happened the first time me and my ex tried to have sex (he was my boyfriend at the time). he lost it just when he was about to go in, so we had to stop. we laid on my bed and talked for a while and later on he managed to get it up again.

he actually lost his erection the first 3 or 4 times we got together, but he soon built up his confidence and doesn't have that problem anymore.

ruggerp11

Soooo, has it gotten better? I feel like this guy is the little brother of everyone. Update! lol

__________________
Patriotism means being loyal to your country all the time and to its government when it deserves it.
--Mark Twain
Do What makes you happy
--Me
BUT!
"Happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness" - Chuang-Tzu

aa1037

haha I wish I had more to give you guys, she went home for a few weeks (other side of the country) but will be back to start up an internship soon, so i'll keep ya in the loop

Aro23

enjoy the experience buddy