neflyte

By now I'm becoming annoyed at the fact that i still have feelings for my ex and that every time I see her name in print _anywhere_ (paper, computer screen, etc.) or see her picture or even hear her name spoken, my heart races. I feel everything I felt when she left me and I had hoped I'd be "moved on" by now.

My closest friend once asked me why I always feel this way when i see/hear her name. The best answer I had for him at the time - I was driving, so I couldn't think too hard about it :P - was that I still really miss her. I also fear that she's going to keep showing up and saying the things that hurt me in the end. I fear that I'm going to have to see how "happy" she is now that she's left and realize how "unhappy" I am at the same time.

People close to me have said that I need to be very careful with whatever these feelings are; they won't do me any favours if I'm to move on and meet someone new. I totally agree, but how does one simply "move on"? Is it just a waiting game and I'm being impatient? Is there some method I can use to get this out of my life?

Essentially, I'm frustrated but I don't know what I can do to move forward. </rant> *wipes brow*

As always, any comments are much appreciated.

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"I'm not a vegatarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants." -- A. Whitney Brown

Seaver

Time heals all wounds.

That being said I've found the only way I've stopped thinking about my exes are when I find a newer/better girl. The thing you have to remember is it was never as good as you remember it being. We remember the good times, and not the reasons the break up occurred.

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"Smite the rocks with the rod of knowledge, and fountains of unstinted wealth will gush forth." - Ashbel Smith as he laid the first cornerstone of the University of Texas

Wyodiver33

I'm going through a bad break up right now. It's rough because I also work with her. My plan is to just take one day at a time, stay busy, move on.

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I like stuff.

neflyte

The only issue I have with that is the fact that a good chunk of my experiences in the past years all revolve around my ex. So I get in the habit of bringing it up in conversation, like "Oh, I did that once with my...uh...friend...", etc. For example, if the subject of pets ever comes up, I have way too many stories I can tell because of my ex. I don't want to not share them just because its my ex, but it almost seems like I can't let go when I bring those stories up. Currently I just say something like "Oh yeah, a friend of mine used to have pets...", even though we're not friends at all. I've gone out of my way to get her out of my life, much to her dismay.

I remember some of the reasons still, but yeah, I have to really think about it to remember why I hated the relationship. The most annoying thing about it was there were times that she would simply not talk to me. I'd call her to talk about whatever, and she'd be almost silent. That's when I knew that something was going on and things were going to turn downhill for a while. I realize now that she was playing games, and oh did I ever develop a hatred for that.

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"I'm not a vegatarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants." -- A. Whitney Brown

Push-Pull

I can relate. I spent the better part of month like that. I was at times literally making myself sick over it. One morning I was laying there moping about it when something inside said "Man, this is no way to be, get over it already!"
I called up my best friend, convinced him to take the day off, and we went out and had FUN. Never looked back.

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"No laws, no matter how rigidly enforced, can protect a person from their own stupidity." -Me-

"Some people are like Slinkies..... They are not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs." -Unknown-

DAMMIT! -Jack Bauer-

neflyte

Yeah, the break-up happened last July. It's getting rather annoying that I still think about all this crap.

__________________
"I'm not a vegatarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants." -- A. Whitney Brown

little_tippler

It's funny that you'd say that people remember the good things Seaver, because I tend to forget most of the good and I only remember the bad. I guess I'm weird. I have no problem mentioning stories about my ex. Well, they were once a part of your life. I don't call them my ex, I say their name. If you're natural about it, I don't think it will be such a big deal.

You need ot stop focusing on where she's at and focus on where you're at right now. What do you want for yourself and how can you make that start to happen. Do something you enjoy, just because. For yourself. Go watch a movie with friends, go into a bookstore and buy 5 new books to read and leave feeling pleased with yourself, go get a new haircut, go practice a sport you love, whatever you enjoy. Try not to bring up your ex every 5 minutes, even though sometimes you will mention her. Who cares if she's happy and what she's doing? She's gone...let it go. LIVE your life. It sounds easy but I'm thinking that right now you're not doing that.

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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

Im_not_bitter

to me "moving on" = growing up. There's no step-by-step instruction you can take to this. Maybe once you see thing at a different perspective, or learn from this experience you can finally move on, or you can choose to delve on it, be all bitter or what not and that means you really have fallen and couldn't get up. And I wouldnt say finding a new girl would solve any problem, if your still not getting over the last one, getting into the new one doesnt make your problems disappear. you're just bringing baggages into the new one and that would definately put a strain on it sooner or later.So dump these baggages first before you even start a new relationship , I would say.

Not much of an advice but umm... goodluck and I wish you the best of luck with moving on, *cheers*.

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Just because it's called common sense, doesn't mean it's a common trait

neflyte

I'm doing the best I can with that. I have my work, I head out to the pub every now and again, I hang out with friends occasionally, I participate in a group activity, etc. She just manages to find a way back into my life once every month or two, whether she knows it or not. That's what's killing me. I find it nearly impossible to cut her out of my life. I don't think about her every day. Not even every week, but just "here and there". I really don't even want that because I know what it does to me. If I had no reaction, i wouldn't care. But how does one get rid of a reaction? Perhaps just time...

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"I'm not a vegatarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants." -- A. Whitney Brown