bananafish

Hi, I've been reading posts here for a while under various logins (never stay for long enough and I get my accounts revoked). I've always felt that advice offered here is strong and informative, well thought out and trustworthy. Now I need it too.

Have just met the girl/woman of my dreams. All is going eirily well and after a couple of months of natural progression I finally get her into bed. Things escillate pretty fast after that, going from heavy petting to full on sex. Now it's been a while since I've had need of buying condoms and it came of a hell of a suprise to find that the normal sized ones are seriously too small (cuts off blood flow) but I'm a pretty normal length so I figure is shouldn't be too big a problem.

Trouble is that she is only 5ft tall and it's worse than just a tight fit. I really like this girl but we can't have intercourse without her crying from the pain. It's just about the only thing wrong with our relationship but it could turn out to be a deal breaker.

Is there anything we can do? A position that will allow me to enter without ripping her appart? Gels, lotions, breathing exersizes? If I lost some weight would it make my cock smaller?

Don't want to loose this one. Please help.

JustJess

Weight loss won't help. You need time, and lube, and patience, and several sessions for her to sort of get used to and adjust to you. She needs to stretch a little - just like you can't touch your toes on the first try, without slowly building up the stretchiness until you are able to.

Also, explore with your fingers a lot - find out her dimensions, what it is that hurts - length or width? If it's length, there's not much you can do, but to be careful not to go too deep. If it's width, the stretching stuff will eventually help.

Hope that helps.

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bananafish

Width is the problem, not length. But time isn't on our side. We've got about 3 days to make this work before she goes back to living her normal life and we had hoped that in that time we could work out if we were compatable enough to make a go of it on a longer basis.

<quote>no such thing as a "normal" relationship </quote>

ngdawg

If she's relaxed and not dry, it shouldn't hurt. If she's hurting in her lower abdomen, that could be a sign of endometriosis. If she's on birth control pills, that might hinder her from getting moist.
KY makes some good vaginal lubes and there are spermicide suppositories that are great for also keeping things nice and wet.
Many years ago, a sex expert did a demonstration on tv to dispel the 'condoms are too small' myth by stretching one over a teenage boy's head. If it feels like it's restricting blood flow, you don't have it on all the way-it's probably rolled up a bit. The tip should be loose, not wrapped tightly around the head of your cock and the condom completely unrolled. Make putting one on part of foreplay-have her do it while you play with her and get her 'ready'. Never jam...start slow, tease her clit and vagina with your cock. Go slow, move it up and down; you'll feel her getting wetter as you do and you'll know how and when to continue.

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genuinegirly

There's some excellent advice here, I'm not sure if I have much to add.
but here goes:
Just be good to her. If she's the one, don't worry. Your situation isn't unique. Lot of people run into this one. I lost a relationship several years ago partly because of length and significant bleeding on my part. It doesn't sound like you're running into these sorts of problems - just width. Women are made to expand. How else would babies be born? C-sections aren't THAT common.

Just focus on her having a good time. Lube is a life-saver, too - but making her orgasm before you go in will ease things up significantly. If she thinks you're the one, as you think she is - you can work through this. Good luck - and have fun.

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Halx

Dave, is that you?

You got some good advice from the ladies. From a male's perspective, you should take pride in your dick. Don't think about losing weight than is healthy; I'm as skinny as they come and I can tell you quite assuredly - it doesn't get any smaller. The reason why she's in pain is because she's scared of your size. Ideally, you'd want a girl who is thrilled with your size and really craves the whole "being filled up" sensation. Even if she's not feeling lucky that her dude is well-hung, you gotta do something to help her relax and stop worrying about if you're gonna tear her in two or not.

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bananafish

Thanks guys, big help and as expected so really useful stuff. I've showed her the responces and we both agree, "there is hope".

One thing that bothers her though is the perminence of expansion. If she gets bigger over time to allow the fit to be less painful will she be stuck that way? I think she likes that she's tight (just had that confirmed). Another point raised, due to this being a long distance relationship, there may be long periods when we don't get to play with each other. Will she return to her original size and will we have to work through it again the next time we meet up?

Toaster126

The teenage boy's head is much less sensitive than a penis. I'm sure he also had it on his head for less time than a good sex session. There are DEFINITELY condoms that are "too small". Trust me on this one and just keep buying bigger ones until you can find the size that fits securely without damaging you.

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bananafish

Good tip that one -> felt much more comfortable rolled down.

Another great one, she was ready for it this time and things went much better...

ratbastid

With lube, all things are possible.

Seriously, though. Get some lube. That'll help a lot.

Sultana

Foreplay and lube--a winner!

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ngdawg

No, she will not stay that way. The vagina is 'elastic'-made small but can stretch to fit a baby through.
And isn't playing to work through it all at least half the fun?

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Cynthetiq

actually Skogafoss and I trained for handing out condoms for and AIDS organization called LifeBeat.

They have all Trojan lines, we got to inspect each one. The Trojan Magnum and Magnum XL are the same width, but just differ in length. It has been reported that it is just marketing labelling.

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spectre

I'll just add an "amen" to what Toaster said. They can be too small. Some advice that I was given that should help you, buy a sampler pack of the larger ones. Keep trying different ones until you find one that fits, or at the very least, isn't so uncomfortable.

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waltert

I had quite alot of problems getting things to fit properly when my girlfriend and I got together.

perhaps the cross-sectional area of my penis is larger than average, as I do find regular condoms a bit snug.

put some lube (or saliva) on yourself before trying to put a standard sized condom on, it should make the process smoother and give you a better "roll out"

get some good lube that is compatible with latex condoms, of course. personally, I never liked any of KY's products, I found ID and some other brands online to be much better....just go to a condom store and buy a bottle.

make sure she's plenty in the mood, make sure you dont try to just jam it in.... I cant help but be reminded of when my materials science professor brought silly putty into class.

when you apply a force to silly putty over a short time duration, it behaves like a brittle material, but if you increase the time duration that the force is applied, it behaves like a liquid.

I'm sure the fleshy parts of the human body are much the same way.

Toaster126

Yes, but both are bigger width-wise than regular condoms... and that's what most people who are large have to worry about. Last time I tried to have sex with a regular sized condom I actually stopped halfway through because it just wasn't worth it.

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"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

Kasper4sale

weird i had the same problem with one of my last girlfriends, i fixed that by "LOTS OF LUBE" it sucks for like the first month but im telling you it works (gotta break her in).The best condoms are Trojan Magnums, works like a charm....Goodluck

spectre

The Magnums are nice, but that right at the base that's intended to keep it in place is intended to average to slightly above average width guys with a longer penis, and as Cyn said, the XLs just add more length, no extra width. The Magnums are definitely better than regular condoms, but can still be very uncomfortable.

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Ritesign

I'm surprised nobody has mentioned this yet...
Yoga. For her, not you. The added flexibility it brings may allow for new positions that previously overstretched the hips and legs (or possibly…neck and toes, depending on just how creative your positioning is). Certain positions allow for ‘easier access.’ Anecdotal evidence, but a friend of mine tried yoga to help her with the same problem. It could have been the numerous attempts that increased elasticity, but she believes it was the yoga.

bananafish

Thanks for the alternative view Ritesign. I gotta admit though, she is plently flexible as she is. Going in sideways helped a bit and other advice; lube, warm her up, etc. has helped too. I think she's getter better with it.

Even so she still looks to be in a lot of pain and it's starting to make me want to not make love to her. She also says she can't come from straight intercourse sex which makes the whole thing seem kinda pointless.

PoweredByPorn

I've had the same problem. I solve it by giving my girlfriend the full treatment with my fingers every time before we move to full sex. She tells me how good I am with my hands every time, so it's something I take pride in.

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Ourcrazymodern?

My second child came through a condom even though it fit. (?)
This is not meant to be a "thread-jack", just FYI.

OP, IF it's intolerable to her, you'll need a bigger girlfriend, with no disrespect.

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srv

ngdawg has good advice. One way I put it that has helped others 'get it' - think of your head as a tool to massage a clitoris and vagina, not as a hammer.

It will take alot of patience, stamina, and there will be problems. Persistence pays.

Even so she still looks to be in a lot of pain and it's starting to make me want to not make love to her. She also says she can't come from straight intercourse sex which makes the whole thing seem kinda pointless.

Most women think that, and some can't. But many who think they can't can. Here's a set of questions I ask everytime someone tells me they can't.

1) Can you get there with other tools? Usually yes
2) How long does that take? 30-60 minutes

And here's the kicker that men and women never seem to connect:
3) What's the longest any guy has lasted? less than 30 minutes

If 2 > 3, then she thinks something is wrong with her! There's nothing wrong with her!

Obviously, you are a good guy, in that you are concerned not just about getting it to work, but that it is difficult for her. You're going to have to make time for that. It is probably going to take more than 3 days. But given that you both are already trying so hard, perhaps you shouldn't put a time limit on it.

SilentN

Being a bit larger width than average I sympathize. I've found that NatraLamb brand synthetic lamb skin condoms work best for me. They are more expensive, but the fit and feel is just right. Also a water based lube works wonders, and your local sex shop will be able to inform you of which one they feel works best. Like everyone else has said, go slow, get her worked up. She will start to stretch out eventually, but she will also bounce right back given a few weeks off. Kegal exercises will help on her end as well from what I've read and heard.

MSD

I'll say the same thing to you that I say to everyone else who asks this. That thing is made to squeeze out a kid, unless your dick is wider than your leg the problem is her being nervous, not your size.

cadre

He's right.

I cannot orgasm from straight sex either (usually), alot of women feel like they can't. The reason is often that their guy can't last that long but there are other factors. It's also not unusual for it to be easier for women to have orgasms other than clitoral as they get older. If you are really persistant and try to please her you will find something that works for her and you can probably get her to climax from just that. It just takes practice, as does the size issue. She will not stay loose forever so don't worry about that. Just take it slow and GET LUBE. That is very important.

I think if you make sure she's communicating with you it'll work. She needs to tell you when something hurts though because you may not know.

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Toaster126

Yeah, I forgot to mention in my posts that not skipping on the foreplay is the best way for you to have your girlfriend primed for sex. When she's really turned on and has been in that state of arousal for a while, she'll have probably lubed herself up and loosened up quite well.

As far as women not being able to get off from only vaginal intercourse... nobody said she (or you) couldn't be rubbing her clit while you are plowing her.

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"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

SiN

[small female perspective]

<-- 5 ft tall ... and small-ish.

large cocks are intimidating. inherently.

1. stretch her out first. some good fingers are sufficient.
2. lube. be liberal and generous. I find the silicone stuff to be much better than the glycerin, which stings when things stretch a bit, in my experience.
3. slow. while you're trying to squeeze your cock into her, she's probably frantically trying to 'expand/relax' to accomodate.

it can/will happen, it can just take a bit.
can't just cram it in, ya know?

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sportsr2

If she can't handle in you in her pussy...forget about her asshole...

cyklone

A couple of points to think about.
Length is more a problem than thickness because if it is too long you will hit the end of the vaginal sheath and most women find that always uncomfortable while men find it unsatisfactory to not be able to fully penetrate.
Too thick is not such a problem. First, the vagina stretches. You can get a baby out through there. Over time it will stretch so that she is comfortable with you. If it stretches and she moves on, it will shrink back again over time (think of what happens after she has given birth).
If she has problems climaxing via intercourse, she is not unusual, more women climax regularly through oral sex than with a penis. Try bringing her to climax via oral and then inserting your penis. Because she has climaxed she will be lubricated and relaxed. Sometimes just her being tense (from seeing the size of your donga perhaps) can cause the vagina to become tight and cause pain during intercourse. Use your tongue to bring her first and she will worship you and she will be more likely to climax when you have sex with your penis. Women generally find it easier to climax the second time if you don't stop inbetween. If you want to really learn how to use your tongue properly, get hold of a book called "she comes first" I think you can even buy it as an mp3 download.

longbough

If she's so tight that you can't penetrate then she's probably got vaginismus - a spasming of the muscles sometimes encountered if the woman is extremely nervous or anxious. It can be as impossible to penetrate a closed fist.

First of all you need to work especially hard to get a woman with vaginismus to relax. But that alone is rarely enough to work.

Then there are "dilators." You'll have to search for them online because they're medical devices (though I'm sure there's an equivalent adult toy). Dilators are simply a series of larger and larger dildos. You start by inserting the smallest during foreplay and then, as she gets more relaxed (presuming you know your foreplay), to exchange it for a larger and larger one until she feels she can accommodate your penis.

Her height has absolutely nothing to do with her capacity. The shortest girl I've dated was 4'11" and she had no problem with me (I'm about 8" and thick.) - but another 5'4" girl didn't even want to have sex at first because she thought it was too big (In retrospect her "get-that-thing-away-from-me" reaction is funny. But at the time it was awful). It's true that not all women lust for large cocks - in fact many are intimidated by it. It really sucks that you have to find this out only at the moment when you are in bed.

Another ex-girlfriend was so nervous she got .. vaginismus. It was frustrating as heck so I know how you feel.

BTW - don't make the mistake of blaming her for your frustration. Sometimes women develop vaginismus as a result of some sexual trauma or abuse in the past. So be kind.

**************

addendum: Here's a link for more info: http://www.vaginismus.com/?gclid=CP7...FQzDYgodFSaAcQ

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doncalypso

One word: LUBRICATION!!!!

'nuff said.

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