Scorpio62

I need some advise. I agree'd to something that I really regret, and don't know how to go back to like it never happened. I've been married for less than a year, but we've been together for 5 years. We were talking one night about fantasies, and my husband asked if I ever fantasized about being with a woman. He said he always fantasized about watching two women, and how much it would turn him on to see me with one, he just wanted to watch and not participate. I never really fantasized about it, but it started turning me on. We talked ourselves into it, and knew just the person. And now the regrets - I've always considered him a great lover, but never had more than one orgasm, and it took me a while to get there. I always had to push his head away after I had an orgasm because it was too sensitive and it started to hurt, but I was satisfied with having just one. Honestly, I never had more than one even masturbating. But, all that just changed. This woman turned me on so much, she really knew what she was doing. I don't know if it was because it was something new and exciting, but I had three really hard intense orgasms and was begging for more. I know my husband was really turned on by it, but afterward he was very quiet. The next day I asked him about it, and he was angry that he can't do that for me. Sex just isn't the same, and I'm not getting turned on at all anymore. I tried to describe the mechanics of what she did, but that just started a big fight.

How do I fix this?

ShaniFaye

I am a firm believer in communication and if he is not willing to listen its going to be very difficult. People need to be able to discuss their sexual wants and needs with their partner as easily as they discuss what they want for dinner.

I was the same as you....a one O girl and you'd better get away from me once I'd had because of the sensitivity. I thought multi orgasmic women were lying lol G-spot O's? yeah right that was going to happen in my life time.

Then I met Dave (who is my husband now). The first time we had sex I had 3 (including the ever absent G-spot one) I thought I'd died and gone to heaven....I also thought it would never happen again.

Now...while this does not happen every single time we have sex, and I still have the "get the hell away from my pussy" moments....it HAS happened many many times in the last 3 1/2 years.

He needs to be made to understand its not a shortcoming on his part, he just needs to understand what makes you "tick". His refusal on that part IS his shortcoming. Any relationship counselor is going to tell him he needs to listen to your wants/needs and not look at it as a pesonal attack, but an educational discussion to make your sex life better

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ngdawg

What Shani said. I think he's angry at himself, not you, by the way. But until he's willing to learn the 'tricks', he's going to be carrying that anger. I find it a tad odd that he'd ask for something, get it and not learn from it at all, then make like it's your fault he can't or won't try.

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Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.

dirtyrascal7

I definitely agree... it's pretty ironic that his fantasy involved you and another woman, and then was upset when you enjoyed it as well... like he expected it to be purely for his benefit and pleasure.

Anyway, it seems as if he feels he is less of a man now... which i suppose is understandable. Luckily, as shani and ng have indicated, being good in bed is a skillset that you can learn... you don't have to be born with it. You need to get him to understand this, and then be patient and open with each other as you practice.

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"Tie yourself to your limitless potential, rather than your limiting past."

"Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him."

Acetylene

He is feeling insecure, as dirtyrascal pointed out. He likely didn't even know you were capable of multiple orgasms. Now, all of a sudden, he has discovered that he has been loving you badly for 5 years. That's quite a blow to the self-esteem, not to mention making him feel like he has failed you in this relationship. There's also a possibility that he is worried you might like women better than men! That would terrify me, if my husband had way, way better sex with another man than he did with me.

Anyway. Although it is true that he should be mature about it and learn from the experience, it won't accomplish anything to try to force him to "grow up". You will get better results making him feel like a man again. Reassure him about how happy you are with him, how much you love his cock, how good it feels to kiss and hold him, etc.

Also praise anything else he does well, not just sex. Does he take pride in his great job? Praise his power in the workplace and his ability to provide for his family. Does he love basketball? Tell him how impressed you are with his athletic abilities. Can he dominate the server with his frags-to-deaths ratio? You get the picture.

When he is feeling better, start to try to teach him how to please you better, but don't mention the woman. Don't tell him, "I loved it when she did this, you try it" as he will feel like you are trying to re-create what you had with her, and not enjoying what you have with him. Nobody wants to be compared to another lover. Try to get him to do something you like on his own, through gentle, preferably non-verbal, indication, and then encourage him to continue with obvious excitement. For example, if he should move down a little, shift your pelvis up slightly, then moan with enthusiasm.

If this doesn't work, you have bigger problems to work on...but hopefully that's not the case. Good luck, and godspeed!

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There's no justice. There's just us.

Dilbert1234567

inviter her back and have her teach him. make sure you are reassuring to your husband that you love him.

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Donate Blood!

"Love is not finding the perfect person, but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." -Sam Keen

analog

Maybe you should consider the possibility that women turn you on more than men... because at least in the case of your husband, the first female to come along rocks your socks. You are obviously bi, but maybe you're more in tune with lesbian sex than hetero sex. It happens.

healer

A great idea. Just make sure that you talk to him beforehand and reassure him that you're not just trying to get another dose of amazing O, but that you're trying to help him learn to pleasure you in the same way.

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Glory's Sun

I think instead of inviting her back to teach him, it would be better for <b>YOU</b> to teach him what turns you on and how you like it the most. If you invite her back, no amount of communication will stop his loss of pride. There is absolutely no reason to regret a good sexual experience. He should be proud that he found out you could multiple orgasm's and this is where you need to console his pride a bit. We men are prideful creatures and want to be the best at everything..especially the sexual world. So, what better way to make the sex better than playing games and exploring how you can make your sex life better between the two of you.

After things get a little better then I would say you're safe to bring another person back into the picture. For now, my advice is to just make learning fun. Surprise him when he gets home from work. Dress up in his favorite costume and pretty much just pull his junk out of his pants when he walks in the door. If you have kids then that might have to wait but that will do wonders for his pride and he might just be willing to learn a few new tricks

Oh and regrets are dumb.. you had fun. Leave it at that.

tooth

You can use all the reassuring words that you want. But, given his current state of mind, what is he going to hear? "Oh great, I can't get her off anymore. Now she want's another go around with Ms. Wondertounge."

pig

this is like a land war in asia. there's nothing that's going to help this situation save for time and communication. what about your current sexual practices with your husband is causing you not to be into it? if you're yearning for a woman...well, not much he can do about that. penises and vaginas and so forth. if its because of the funk in your relationship, i don't think there's anything you can do but confront the situation and work through it. after that, there are several books and other sources where you can both learn the techniques that get you going...but if they involved titties and vaginas, then that's an entirely different set of circumstances.

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tinfoil

That's a great sign that he is interested in discovering what really does it for you, but he does need to be patient as you discover it yourself. Others have suggested that you bring the other woman into it to help, but that may not be a good idea in the end.

He's angry. Hell, many guys would be angry if they were confronted with something like that. It's one hell of a bruise to the ego. Sure, he could have been paying more attention during the session, but I challenge any guy to be taking notes in a time such as that.

And guccilvr is pretty much bang on, make a game out of it. And don't regret it for crying out loud!

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World's King

Regret an orgasm? How could you regret one of the best things we humans have?


This is only a small part of something a lot larger that you have goin' on in your head.

You need to look at exactly what you regret. Is it that fact that your husband can't pleasure you the same way this woman could? Is it that act itself? I don't think it's either one of these. You now have these feelings in your head... the touch of another woman... were you wrong about your sexuality... is this something you want to deal with.

There are millions of people in this world that hide their true sexual feeling because it's not 'okay.'

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heavy is the head that wears the crown

NakedCartwheelr

I'ts not the orgasm she is regretting, it's the strain on her marriage. And just because your socks are rocked by the same sex doesn't make you gay. This was the first strain I read all the way through and I have to say I am really impressed with the intelligence on this board.

Personally, I can see his side too, but that doesn't make it right. He's feeling insecure and you'll probably just have to weather through it. Men want to know you're happy and when they think they aren't the ones making them happy that damages their thinking. At least that's what I"ve been told. The men on here will have to chime in on that.

I wouldn't invite her back, I would wait for him to suggest it. Hopefully he'll be able to overcome his concerns and realize the potential. Then he can bring her back, learn and ya'll can move on. Don't give up and keep faith, it's obvious you love him!