New to Sex - Premature Ejaculations: Is it always like this? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Terminal Frost · 10-11-2006, 05:23 PM

So my girlfriend and I both lost our virginity to each other this past summer. It was fun, and for the rest of the summer we continued to have sex at least a few times a week (average of about 2 or 3). The main problem that we have is that even after getting the hang of it, I still always ejaculate before I want to, and more importantly, before SHE wants me to. I've gotten better since the first time, and by this point I can last almost indefinitely (if I want) while she is on top. Of course as luck would have it this is not her favorite position and she, having never had sex before, is a little hesitant to be the one in charge. Everything seems to work the best when I'm on top and I'm really going at it. She's extremely happy and I'm too happy. When I'm on top just thrusting back and forth I can't seem to last more than 5 minutes. This usually results in me cumming before she's even really gotten started which sucks for both of us.

I've searched and read Halx's thread on the subject, and I am going to start doing the kegals and really try and stick to them. I am just wondering really if anyone of you had the same experience when you first started having sex. How long did it take you to be able to control yourself so that you can last as long as you wanted? Does it really just take practice? Is it normal for me to still be like this after having sex for a few months? I'm uncircumcised, so does that mean it will take longer for me to desensitize?

To complicate the matter even further, we are now in a long distance relationship. We see each other about 1 or 2 times a month (different colleges) and when we have sex it is really hard for me since it has been so long since the previous time! I feel like I should get a blow up doll to practice on just to keep myself in shape! Ah this is frustrating!!!

Thank you very much for reading!

Lady Sage · 10-11-2006, 05:59 PM

I will make the same suggestion I have in the past to guy friends. Get her off before you even have sex. Eat her out, whatever works best. Once she has an orgasm hop on top then 5 minutes wont matter.

Aro23 · 10-11-2006, 06:29 PM

it's all in your brain, you can try sage's advice and i'm sure it'll help.

Manic_Skafe · 10-11-2006, 06:53 PM

If you want to desensitize yourself a bit then all you have to do is masturbate a bit more frequently but I most strongly suggest trying more positions until you find one that you both enjoy and will allow you to last a bit longer.

Since you're new to this you have no idea how lucky you are to have a position that makes you blow every time - five minutes or not I wouldn't give that up...

Toaster126 · 10-11-2006, 07:54 PM

I second the make her come before you even get to the point where you start intercourse.

Also, you should be able to tell when you are about to get to the point of no return. Just pull out and do something else for a little bit.

Finally, if you aren't wearing a condom, you can probably double your time by doing so.

Lady Sage · 10-11-2006, 08:09 PM

What Toaster said!!!

Condoms are a must to avoid pregnancy scares! Among other things.

MEAD · 10-11-2006, 09:39 PM

Just get each other off with some oral first. Get that first one outta the way. Then go back for more after you've recharged a bit. You are sure to last loads longer the second (3rd, 4th, 5th etc..) time in the night. If you blow too fast the first time in the night who the hell cares! You are young! You can have sex again, and again. Also if you are thinking about getting off too soon it will have two effects 1) you will end up coming too quick, and 2) you won't enjoy yourself nearly as much. I've personally found that when I let myself completely go in sex and totally stop thinking, I'm a much better lover, and I last a lot longer awith more control over when I want to get off.

Mantus · 10-12-2006, 01:06 AM

Yeah, alright, I went though this...

First be honest with your girl. Relationship is about communication. If you want to deal with this...YOU HAVE TO LET YOUR GIRL KNOW! Don't keep this some secret to surprise her with...it's not going to work out that way. I am very, very serious about this.

Next, please remember that women are multi-orgasmic. If you get her off once, chances are she can get off again and again, each time being easier then the last. I used to think...one orgasm was great, now I look at is as just a warm-up.

Finally, there is The Multi-Orgasmic Man and other books like it which teach you to enjoy sex. The real key to control is to learn about yourself and enjoy the sexual experience to it’s fullest. This runs counter to the idiotic advice of thinking un-sexy thoughts and other dumb gimmicks. Education, confidence and personal knowledge is key.

This is a post written by a friend of mine from another forum…quality stuff to get started. Enjoy

Quote:

Girls have (can) have multiple orgasms. Think about it orgasm after orgasm after orgasm WITHOUT having to stop??!! Unbeleivable? Yes. Clausable? Maybe not. Possible? Most definately.

To begin your quest to become a multiorgasm male you must know and accept that an orgasm DOES NOT go hand in hand with ejaculation. Orgasms and ejaculation can be their own seperate phenomena. In order to reach this ability all that is required is a few simple exercises done daily for about a week or two (sometimes more depending on the person) as well as determination and practice.

The first thing that you must know about is the PC muscle, or puboccocceygeus muscle. This is the muscle that allows you to stop peeing mid flow. To learn how to use this muscle try putting a couple of fingers right behind/under your testicles and flex the PC muscle. You should feel it move and you may also feel your testicles pull up and your penis jump. This muscle you feel flexing is the PC muscle and is what we will be working with.

The workout routine is as follows:

Every day for about a week or two (more time may be needed) exercise the PC muscle by flexing it 20 times for a duration of 3 seconds per flex. Only flex the PC muscle do not flex the other muscles in this group such as your butt and abs. Do this every day for the whole two weeks. It is imperative that you do not forget to do it on a day through this time. The good thing about this work out is that you can do it anywhere riding on a bus, in school, talking to a friend, driving, literally anywhere. The next exercise that you will be doing is called the BIG flex. Once you feel comfortable with the 20 times start incorporating the big flex. Do your normal 20 flexes then do the BIG flex. The BIG flex is where you flex the PC muscle 10 times for a duration of 5 seconds each time. With each flex you must squeeze the muscle as hard as you possibly can.

Now to explain the next aspect that the PC muscle will be incorporated with. This is called peaks and plateaus. With this we will be using a scale of 1-10. 1 being not arroused at all maybe even turned off like after seeing your grandma and grandpa goin at it, 5 being mildly arroused such as just getting a glimpse of a very beautiful woman, 9 being the stage where you feel like you are about to ejaculate, and 10 being ejaculation/orgasm. To learn each of your stages you should practice caressing yourself to each stage such as caressing untill you are at a 5 and then backing down to what you think is a 3 and then going back up to like a 7. This will teach you where each stage of arrousal is and how much it takes to get there.

In the next step we will be using the PC muscle. There are 3 different types of PC muscle flexes I would recomend trying and seeing which works best for you. The first is just a single long and strong flex, the second is just a couple medium flexes, and the third being many rapid small flexes in a row. Decide which works best for you or make up your own.

An exercise to do with peaks is to caress yourself untill you are at a stage 5 then stopping the caressing and squeezing your PC muscle and breathing in very deeply and exhaling. This will stop the arrousal from going any higher and will decress your arrousal stage. Let your arrousal drop to a 3 then start the caressing again. This time go up to a 7 and then repeat the previous steps to get back to a 5. Then go up to a 8 and decrease back down to a 6. This is what we call peaking because you are "peaking" at each stage.

Now an exercise on plateaus. To do this its the same as peaks except when you are squeezing your PC muscle you continue the stimulation and you just "ride" this stage. By this I mean you stay on, lets say, stage 7 and you do not go up any stages as well as you do not go down any stages. This is a plateau.

If you are having trouble keeping arrousal during either of these peaks or plateaus or you simply want to get arroused faster then instead of doing a deep breath you can do a few rapid breaths which will increase your state of arrousal.

Now during one of these sessions of peaking and plateauing try getting to a level 9 where you feel like you are about to ejaculate. Right as you feel like your about to go over the edge to the place of no return flex your PC do a hard flex for about 5 seconds and take in a deep breath. This will, again, drop your arrousal down. Practice doing this. Remember if you do happen to go over the edge your still having fun. It does not mean your a failure or that you wont be able to do this. Just keep trying.

You should still be doing your PC muscle exercises and your PC muscle should be getting in pretty good shape by now. If so you are ready to go onto the next step. Also by now you may have realized that there are stages in between each numeral stage. There are stages like 5.5, 7.5, 9.5. These stages will help you in having a multiple.

Your First Multiple
To have your first multiple orgasm lets return to the peaks and plateaus. Caress your self up to a stage 5 then drop to a 4 (or plateau if you would like), then work up to a stage 7 and then drop to a stage 5 (or plateau again), then go up to a stage 8 and then drop to a stage 6 (or plateau), now we are going up to a stage 9. Do not get scared and don't panick just relax, keep all of your muscles relaxed and unflexed. Once you reach stage 9 flex your PC muscle again and breath and drop back down to an 8 or 7.5, now we are going to have the first orgasm. Increase arrousal back up to a 9. This time we are going to go to about a 9.5-10. Once you feel the ejaculation coming on and about to come out flex the PC muscle and breath in deeply but continue the stimulation. You must flex the PC muscle for around 10 seconds. The ejaculation will not come out, but you will feel the effects of an orgasm such as increased resperation, heart rate, and sweating.

*NOTE* It is IMPERATIVE that during once you reach the 9.5-10 stage and you start to flex your PC muscle and breath you MUST keep your eyes OPEN! I can not stress this enough. Also keep your mind on what you are doing do not let your mind wonder.

After squeezing the PC muscle as HARD as you can for 10 seconds the ejaculation should have subsided. You should not lose your errection (but you may go down a couple stages).

You have now had your first orgasm. You may now go on to arrousing your self to having another orgasm and or ejaculation. Do not over do it for the first time. You have plenty of time to perfect this and to have as many orgasms as you want.

When doing this while having intercourse there are many ways to control your arrousal:
1. Change your focus.
2. Change your motion. (slow down, speed up, or even stop)
3. Change the area you are stimulating ( shaft, head, etc.)
4. Take deep breaths.
5. Focus on her breathing, how you are feeling, what she looks like, etc.

If this technique does not work for you tell me and I can try posting another technique. All I have to say is continue practicing and keep that PC muscle PUMPED!

And many ORGASMS to you ALL!

shAzb0t · 10-12-2006, 01:56 AM

wish i had this thread a year or so ago :x

Glory's Sun · 10-12-2006, 04:17 AM

Ok hold up a second. What's wrong with cumming in 5 minutes? If you're into the feeling and you cum big deal. That doesn't mean sex has to stop just because you came faster than you wanted. After you cum, go back into some foreplay (after you clean up with you conveniently placed towels etc) and give her oral or use toys whatever she likes.. reset the mood and then go back at it. Since you've been desensitized, you should last longer the second time.

I've never understood why people think you have to fuck for 2 hours before you cum in order to have good sex. Good sex comes in all time frames.

Lady Sage · 10-12-2006, 04:40 AM

Two hours????? Egads no, I would be numb by then and telling the man to get offa me!

Glory's Sun · 10-12-2006, 04:51 AM

well I was just using 2 hours as an example

The point still stands that it's ok if you have good sex in 5 minutes.

Something else I noticed in the OP is that you get off before SHE wants you to. If that's the case, then switch positions when you feel like you're getting close. Let her get back on top since you can last longer that way. You guys are babies at having sex.. let things evolve how they should. Don't put pressure on each other by thinking sex has to last a certain amount of time. Just have fun and enjoy it. That's what sex is all about.

ratbastid · 10-12-2006, 06:18 AM

Is it normal? Hell. My first time, I lasted literally about five seconds. It was: in, out, in, out, in, come. I've gotten much, much better since then.

For advice, I echo those already posted: find warm-up techniques that work for both of you, and don't think you have to quit just because you've gone off once.

Most women don't actually WANT lengthy intercourse. They get tired and sore pretty fast down there. Ten minutes is pretty long, actually. With lurkette, we're well warmed up by the time actual penetration happens, and the amount of time we're actually having vaginal sex is pretty short. But we've spent some quality time getting there.

Toaster126 · 10-12-2006, 07:22 AM

You don't have to fuck for two hours to have good sex. In fact, I don't know anyone who would say that is even fun. They guy just asked how he can last longer. And if you want to last longer, there are things you can do.

Terminal Frost · 10-12-2006, 12:18 PM

Thank you all so much for all the great replies! After reading all of this I believe that the issue is more that we don't communicate enough when we're intimate with each other. I still feel nervous when ever the clothes come off and I can sense that she is even worse than me in this sense. Everything else in our relationship is perfect, and this isn't even that bad, it's just that I don't think either of us are really comfortable with it. It didn't really make too much sense to me that there was something that I really needed to change about myself in order to make this work. I think that everything is there, but we just need to talk more and figure out what we like.

To those of you who suggested oral: This girl has never had an orgasm from oral sex, with me or any other guy that she’s been with. She's uncomfortable with it and didn't even want to do it at first. Lately though she's been warming up to it. I guess I'm just too anxious about this - I really think it just takes time for these things to work themselves out and I know there is no sense in pushing anything. The difficult thing for me is that it is so much easier for me to get off, and because she doesn't, I am left with a terrible feeling afterwards. For this reason I feel like I want to find some immediate solution and make everything OK. It would seem obvious that we should just talk about it with each other, but because I feel inadequate I have failed to ever try that. I really just have to get over that, and I am sure that I will be able to. I'm really looking forward to the next time I get to see her!

Thanks again for your great replies and please add any other thoughts that you may have on the subject!

ratbastid · 10-12-2006, 12:22 PM

Here's a thought that I found shocking the first time I heard it, because it's SO not how a guy thinks. Brace yourself.

I'm told that a woman doesn't actually have to have an orgasm to have a great time having sex.

I know. I can't quite get my head around it either, but I've been told repeatedly that it's so.

Glory's Sun · 10-12-2006, 12:32 PM

As you go, you'll find that communication is a huge factor. Kudos for recognizing this early. Then you'll find as ratbastid said, a woman doesn't have to cum every time. In fact, I think you'll find it's almost impossible for a female to cum every time she has sex. Just relax talk it out, maybe go to a sex shop and find some interesting foreplay items and have fun

Mantus · 10-12-2006, 03:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ratbastid

Here's a thought that I found shocking the first time I heard it, because it's SO not how a guy thinks. Brace yourself.

I'm told that a woman doesn't actually have to have an orgasm to have a great time having sex.

I know. I can't quite get my head around it either, but I've been told repeatedly that it's so.

I am shocked and appalled Ratbastid. Don't spread such heresy!

Considering how easy it is to get women off if they are up for it, one should really put in the E for effort…which not the same as E for erection mind you.

I understand what you are trying to say here and all...yes, pleasure and fun should be your number one goal and turning it into something of a sport will actually turn your girl off…however in my opinion it’s better for our young lads to be over-eager then to simply give up before making an attempt for the Great Lover title. Otherwise, their loss is our gain.

Lady Sage · 10-12-2006, 03:52 PM

There IS a lot to be said about great sex and no we dont always have to orgasm to enjoy it.

If its been a while though and we dont get off youre in for the nasty crankies!

snowy · 10-13-2006, 10:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ratbastid

Most women don't actually WANT lengthy intercourse. They get tired and sore pretty fast down there. Ten minutes is pretty long, actually. With lurkette, we're well warmed up by the time actual penetration happens, and the amount of time we're actually having vaginal sex is pretty short. But we've
spent some quality time getting there.

Again, ratbastid speaks the truth.

5 minutes...that's enough if there has been adequate foreplay. 10 minutes...that's too much. There's an inbetween there that eventually you both will discover.

Foreplay is important though, don't ever forget that

SugahBritches · 10-13-2006, 07:40 PM

What many have said here is true. And the boss.............well, thank goodness he takes care of me first.............because it still doesn't take long for him to be through. I've learned it takes great amounts of self control, however.........it turns me on to know he just can't help himself. **shrugs and grins**

james t kirk · 10-15-2006, 06:51 AM

5 minutes isn't bad.

Most guys with premature ejaculation problems last about 10 seconds, if not immediately.

Mr_Tickles · 10-15-2006, 07:58 PM

I think it's a common thing when you're first in the saddle. It's a new experience, everything feels really good etc.

I have 2 bits of advice - which most likely echo's many things already mentioned:

1 - Stop panicking... The more you worry, the more likely it's going to happen... at which point you resent your own orgasm. If you're not enjoying, she certainly isn't going to...

2 - Do everything you can possibly think of during foreplay, make her come every way you can think of... at least then, as someone else said... you can do as you like, she's happy.

3 - If she is putting pressure on you to hold on, that's only going to make it worse. Again, it'll just leave you panicking, scared of doing what nature designed you to do

Tell her that even though she may not mean to, that you're feeling pressure - and that pressure can only make things worse. Show her this thread if you must.

just relax, take loads of time over foreplay (mainly focussed on her) and then enjoy... and don't pump too fast

Warlock! · 10-16-2006, 05:03 AM

Seriously... if you think there's a chance of having sex with your woman the next time you hook up, crank one off by hand before you get together. You won't lose the urge to do her, but a recent "release" will usually lengthen the time it takes to do it again.

Plus, it's fun!

Prince · 10-16-2006, 11:17 AM

Quote:

This girl has never had an orgasm from oral sex, with me or any other guy that she’s been with. She's uncomfortable with it and didn't even want to do it at first. Lately though she's been warming up to it. I guess I'm just too anxious about this - I really think it just takes time for these things to work themselves out and I know there is no sense in pushing anything.

Many women feel self-conscious about receiving oral sex, probably more so when they first start having sex and sexual experiences. I think they worry about how they taste or smell down there. I think my wife used to have such concerns, but she's definitely not worried about it anymore. I never brought up her concerns for the fear of unintentionally making her think they were valid, but I would often comment on how good her pussy tasted etc. I'm not into the whole dirty talk thing so I didn't go overboard with that, just enough to show her that she indeed had nothing to worry about. Besides it was honest...I really do love to eat her out. You could try something like that, depending on your girl of course. You don't want to come across like some porn star wannabe, of course. Just a thought.

elsesomebody · 10-17-2006, 12:27 PM

I have the same problem as you, Terminal Frost. My wife and I both enjoy sex, but I find it frustrating that the "thrusting" portion of it ends so soon. Obviously we can extend the whole process with foreplay, however sometimes we're both in the mood for a good LONG, porn style pounding and it just doesn't seem to be possible. Jerking off doesn't really seem to help, however having sex twice in a row as soon as possible does. The problem seems to be that the combination of us both having enough energy and time to have sex twice within an hour rarely happens. Maybe thats what needs to change

I need to get back into trying to improve my endurance with Kegel's
Also we should be thankful that while we can't last an hour, it also doesn't take an hour

Like my wife's grandparents say, "now what we used to be able to do all night, takes us all night to do"

I agree with ratbastid that a woman doesn't always need an orgasm. Sunday my wife and I ran upstairs while our baby was sleeping during half time of a football game and had some great sex without any foreplay. As soon as I was done I cleaned up and went downstairs to watch more football and told my wife "thanks for the sex" on my way out of the bedroom. She told me she LOVED it; she enjoyed the whole quickie experience, from the lack of foreplay, lack of foreplay, being left on the bed, and my thank you. (The whole thing might sound selfish or rude or inconsiderate, but this was just an out of the ordinary experience.) Obviously this isn't what she (or I) wants all the time, but it was a welcome change.

high_jinx · 10-18-2006, 10:15 AM

I call the first one of the night "firing off a warning shot". i don't count it as anything but a clearing of the pipes in order to perform well the rest of the time we're together.

Acetylene · 10-19-2006, 07:28 AM

http://health.discovery.com/centers/...a/sensate.html

This is a little extreme but it illustrates the point I'm going to make.

How long did you two know each other before making love? If the first time you two saw each other naked, you also had sex, that can make things very difficult for being comfortable with each other, and for controlling your body's response. Nudity creates huge pressure to have sex in our always-clothed society, not because we are actually ready to do so, but because we are trained to associate nudity and contact with sex.

Getting comfortable with each other's naked bodies, and with your own, is vital to a comfortable sex life with each other. This is difficult when you are young and don't live alone, but take advantage of your time together. Always cuddle, and make a point of sometimes getting naked and NOT having sex. Soon you will be able to control your body's response to your naked girlfriend and not have an automatic "MUST COME NOW" response to her. She, in turn, will become less self-conscious, especially once she realizes her naked body is not inherently sexual, but merely her body. This is the gateway to easy sexuality for a woman--sexuality must be a choice, not a requirement forced upon her.

Plus you will get to see her naked!!!!

Terminal Frost · 10-20-2006, 05:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Acetylene

http://health.discovery.com/centers/...a/sensate.html

This is a little extreme but it illustrates the point I'm going to make.

How long did you two know each other before making love? If the first time you two saw each other naked, you also had sex, that can make things very difficult for being comfortable with each other, and for controlling your body's response. Nudity creates huge pressure to have sex in our always-clothed society, not because we are actually ready to do so, but because we are trained to associate nudity and contact with sex.

Getting comfortable with each other's naked bodies, and with your own, is vital to a comfortable sex life with each other. This is difficult when you are young and don't live alone, but take advantage of your time together. Always cuddle, and make a point of sometimes getting naked and NOT having sex. Soon you will be able to control your body's response to your naked girlfriend and not have an automatic "MUST COME NOW" response to her. She, in turn, will become less self-conscious, especially once she realizes her naked body is not inherently sexual, but merely her body. This is the gateway to easy sexuality for a woman--sexuality must be a choice, not a requirement forced upon her.

Plus you will get to see her naked!!!!

Thank you for this amazing post.

ASU2003 · 10-21-2006, 09:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Acetylene

[url]
How long did you two know each other before making love? If the first time you two saw each other naked, you also had sex, that can make things very difficult for being comfortable with each other, and for controlling your body's response. Nudity creates huge pressure to have sex in our always-clothed society, not because we are actually ready to do so, but because we are trained to associate nudity and contact with sex.

Getting comfortable with each other's naked bodies, and with your own, is vital to a comfortable sex life with each other. This is difficult when you are young and don't live alone, but take advantage of your time together. Always cuddle, and make a point of sometimes getting naked and NOT having sex. Soon you will be able to control your body's response to your naked girlfriend and not have an automatic "MUST COME NOW" response to her. She, in turn, will become less self-conscious, especially once she realizes her naked body is not inherently sexual, but merely her body. This is the gateway to easy sexuality for a woman--sexuality must be a choice, not a requirement forced upon her.

Plus you will get to see her naked!!!!

That is the best advice I had read in a long time.

Jozrael · 10-21-2006, 11:22 AM

I've filed this away for the future with my girlfriend.

Thanks

. Seems like an awesome way to encourage intimacy.

Dominique · 10-27-2006, 08:37 AM

A lot of myths exist on PE (premature ejaculation)
And as said earlier, 5 min. is not bad, but tel this to your wife if she is not getting satisfied.
But indeed, normaly we speak of PE when it lasts less then 1 min.
And treatments can range from any type of exercise, to herbs, medication or psychology. It depends on whom you seek advice at.

at http://prematureejaculation.sohosted.com you can find a summary of different treatments for PE.

Also be clear, you can find a lot on internet, but until now no proven 'cure' for PE. But one can improve one's condition...

Regards

10-11-2006, 05:23 PM	#1 (permalink)
Terminal Frost Tilted Location: Manhattan Island	New to Sex - Premature Ejaculations: Is it always like this? So my girlfriend and I both lost our virginity to each other this past summer. It was fun, and for the rest of the summer we continued to have sex at least a few times a week (average of about 2 or 3). The main problem that we have is that even after getting the hang of it, I still always ejaculate before I want to, and more importantly, before SHE wants me to. I've gotten better since the first time, and by this point I can last almost indefinitely (if I want) while she is on top. Of course as luck would have it this is not her favorite position and she, having never had sex before, is a little hesitant to be the one in charge. Everything seems to work the best when I'm on top and I'm really going at it. She's extremely happy and I'm too happy. When I'm on top just thrusting back and forth I can't seem to last more than 5 minutes. This usually results in me cumming before she's even really gotten started which sucks for both of us. I've searched and read Halx's thread on the subject, and I am going to start doing the kegals and really try and stick to them. I am just wondering really if anyone of you had the same experience when you first started having sex. How long did it take you to be able to control yourself so that you can last as long as you wanted? Does it really just take practice? Is it normal for me to still be like this after having sex for a few months? I'm uncircumcised, so does that mean it will take longer for me to desensitize? To complicate the matter even further, we are now in a long distance relationship. We see each other about 1 or 2 times a month (different colleges) and when we have sex it is really hard for me since it has been so long since the previous time! I feel like I should get a blow up doll to practice on just to keep myself in shape! Ah this is frustrating!!! Thank you very much for reading!

10-11-2006, 05:59 PM	#2 (permalink)
Lady Sage Mistress of Mayhem Location: Canton, Ohio	I will make the same suggestion I have in the past to guy friends. Get her off before you even have sex. Eat her out, whatever works best. Once she has an orgasm hop on top then 5 minutes wont matter. __________________ If only closed minds came with closed mouths. Minds are like parachutes, they function best when open. It`s Easier to Change a Condom Than a Diaper Yes, the rumors are true... I actually AM a Witch.

10-11-2006, 06:53 PM	#4 (permalink)
Manic_Skafe More Than You Expect Location: Queens	If you want to desensitize yourself a bit then all you have to do is masturbate a bit more frequently but I most strongly suggest trying more positions until you find one that you both enjoy and will allow you to last a bit longer. Since you're new to this you have no idea how lucky you are to have a position that makes you blow every time - five minutes or not I wouldn't give that up... __________________ "Porn is a zoo of exotic animals that becomes boring upon ownership." -Nersesian

10-11-2006, 07:54 PM	#5 (permalink)
Toaster126 Extreme moderation Location: Kansas City, yo.	I second the make her come before you even get to the point where you start intercourse. Also, you should be able to tell when you are about to get to the point of no return. Just pull out and do something else for a little bit. Finally, if you aren't wearing a condom, you can probably double your time by doing so. __________________ "The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand) "The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

10-11-2006, 08:09 PM	#6 (permalink)
Lady Sage Mistress of Mayhem Location: Canton, Ohio	What Toaster said!!! Condoms are a must to avoid pregnancy scares! Among other things. __________________ If only closed minds came with closed mouths. Minds are like parachutes, they function best when open. It`s Easier to Change a Condom Than a Diaper Yes, the rumors are true... I actually AM a Witch.

10-11-2006, 06:29 PM	#3 (permalink)
Aro23 Crazy	it's all in your brain, you can try sage's advice and i'm sure it'll help.

10-11-2006, 09:39 PM	#7 (permalink)
MEAD Insane Location: South Florida	Just get each other off with some oral first. Get that first one outta the way. Then go back for more after you've recharged a bit. You are sure to last loads longer the second (3rd, 4th, 5th etc..) time in the night. If you blow too fast the first time in the night who the hell cares! You are young! You can have sex again, and again. Also if you are thinking about getting off too soon it will have two effects 1) you will end up coming too quick, and 2) you won't enjoy yourself nearly as much. I've personally found that when I let myself completely go in sex and totally stop thinking, I'm a much better lover, and I last a lot longer awith more control over when I want to get off. __________________ Here are some phrases I'd like to be able to say, in all honesty, before I die. "That's it, send out the ninjas!" "So then I had to kill my way to the second floor."

10-12-2006, 01:56 AM	#9 (permalink)
shAzb0t Psycho Location: whereever my portable hard drive takes me	wish i had this thread a year or so ago :x

10-12-2006, 04:17 AM	#10 (permalink)
Glory's Sun Registered User	Ok hold up a second. What's wrong with cumming in 5 minutes? If you're into the feeling and you cum big deal. That doesn't mean sex has to stop just because you came faster than you wanted. After you cum, go back into some foreplay (after you clean up with you conveniently placed towels etc) and give her oral or use toys whatever she likes.. reset the mood and then go back at it. Since you've been desensitized, you should last longer the second time. I've never understood why people think you have to fuck for 2 hours before you cum in order to have good sex. Good sex comes in all time frames.

10-12-2006, 04:40 AM	#11 (permalink)
Lady Sage Mistress of Mayhem Location: Canton, Ohio	Two hours????? Egads no, I would be numb by then and telling the man to get offa me! __________________ If only closed minds came with closed mouths. Minds are like parachutes, they function best when open. It`s Easier to Change a Condom Than a Diaper Yes, the rumors are true... I actually AM a Witch.

10-12-2006, 04:51 AM	#12 (permalink)
Glory's Sun Registered User	well I was just using 2 hours as an example The point still stands that it's ok if you have good sex in 5 minutes. Something else I noticed in the OP is that you get off before SHE wants you to. If that's the case, then switch positions when you feel like you're getting close. Let her get back on top since you can last longer that way. You guys are babies at having sex.. let things evolve how they should. Don't put pressure on each other by thinking sex has to last a certain amount of time. Just have fun and enjoy it. That's what sex is all about.

10-12-2006, 06:18 AM	#13 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	Is it normal? Hell. My first time, I lasted literally about five seconds. It was: in, out, in, out, in, come. I've gotten much, much better since then. For advice, I echo those already posted: find warm-up techniques that work for both of you, and don't think you have to quit just because you've gone off once. Most women don't actually WANT lengthy intercourse. They get tired and sore pretty fast down there. Ten minutes is pretty long, actually. With lurkette, we're well warmed up by the time actual penetration happens, and the amount of time we're actually having vaginal sex is pretty short. But we've spent some quality time getting there.

10-12-2006, 07:22 AM	#14 (permalink)
Toaster126 Extreme moderation Location: Kansas City, yo.	You don't have to fuck for two hours to have good sex. In fact, I don't know anyone who would say that is even fun. They guy just asked how he can last longer. And if you want to last longer, there are things you can do. __________________ "The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand) "The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

10-12-2006, 12:18 PM	#15 (permalink)
Terminal Frost Tilted Location: Manhattan Island	Thank you all so much for all the great replies! After reading all of this I believe that the issue is more that we don't communicate enough when we're intimate with each other. I still feel nervous when ever the clothes come off and I can sense that she is even worse than me in this sense. Everything else in our relationship is perfect, and this isn't even that bad, it's just that I don't think either of us are really comfortable with it. It didn't really make too much sense to me that there was something that I really needed to change about myself in order to make this work. I think that everything is there, but we just need to talk more and figure out what we like. To those of you who suggested oral: This girl has never had an orgasm from oral sex, with me or any other guy that she’s been with. She's uncomfortable with it and didn't even want to do it at first. Lately though she's been warming up to it. I guess I'm just too anxious about this - I really think it just takes time for these things to work themselves out and I know there is no sense in pushing anything. The difficult thing for me is that it is so much easier for me to get off, and because she doesn't, I am left with a terrible feeling afterwards. For this reason I feel like I want to find some immediate solution and make everything OK. It would seem obvious that we should just talk about it with each other, but because I feel inadequate I have failed to ever try that. I really just have to get over that, and I am sure that I will be able to. I'm really looking forward to the next time I get to see her! Thanks again for your great replies and please add any other thoughts that you may have on the subject!

10-12-2006, 12:22 PM	#16 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	Here's a thought that I found shocking the first time I heard it, because it's SO not how a guy thinks. Brace yourself. I'm told that a woman doesn't actually have to have an orgasm to have a great time having sex. I know. I can't quite get my head around it either, but I've been told repeatedly that it's so.

10-12-2006, 12:32 PM	#17 (permalink)
Glory's Sun Registered User	As you go, you'll find that communication is a huge factor. Kudos for recognizing this early. Then you'll find as ratbastid said, a woman doesn't have to cum every time. In fact, I think you'll find it's almost impossible for a female to cum every time she has sex. Just relax talk it out, maybe go to a sex shop and find some interesting foreplay items and have fun

10-12-2006, 03:52 PM	#19 (permalink)
Lady Sage Mistress of Mayhem Location: Canton, Ohio	There IS a lot to be said about great sex and no we dont always have to orgasm to enjoy it. If its been a while though and we dont get off youre in for the nasty crankies! __________________ If only closed minds came with closed mouths. Minds are like parachutes, they function best when open. It`s Easier to Change a Condom Than a Diaper Yes, the rumors are true... I actually AM a Witch.

10-13-2006, 07:40 PM	#21 (permalink)
SugahBritches Insane	What many have said here is true. And the boss.............well, thank goodness he takes care of me first.............because it still doesn't take long for him to be through. I've learned it takes great amounts of self control, however.........it turns me on to know he just can't help himself. shrugs and grins

10-15-2006, 06:51 AM	#22 (permalink)
james t kirk Junkie Location: Toronto	5 minutes isn't bad. Most guys with premature ejaculation problems last about 10 seconds, if not immediately.

10-15-2006, 07:58 PM	#23 (permalink)
Mr_Tickles Upright	I think it's a common thing when you're first in the saddle. It's a new experience, everything feels really good etc. I have 2 bits of advice - which most likely echo's many things already mentioned: 1 - Stop panicking... The more you worry, the more likely it's going to happen... at which point you resent your own orgasm. If you're not enjoying, she certainly isn't going to... 2 - Do everything you can possibly think of during foreplay, make her come every way you can think of... at least then, as someone else said... you can do as you like, she's happy. 3 - If she is putting pressure on you to hold on, that's only going to make it worse. Again, it'll just leave you panicking, scared of doing what nature designed you to do Tell her that even though she may not mean to, that you're feeling pressure - and that pressure can only make things worse. Show her this thread if you must. just relax, take loads of time over foreplay (mainly focussed on her) and then enjoy... and don't pump too fast

10-16-2006, 05:03 AM	#24 (permalink)
Warlock! Upright Location: Ohio	Seriously... if you think there's a chance of having sex with your woman the next time you hook up, crank one off by hand before you get together. You won't lose the urge to do her, but a recent "release" will usually lengthen the time it takes to do it again. Plus, it's fun!

10-17-2006, 12:27 PM	#26 (permalink)
elsesomebody Tilted Location: North Carolina	I have the same problem as you, Terminal Frost. My wife and I both enjoy sex, but I find it frustrating that the "thrusting" portion of it ends so soon. Obviously we can extend the whole process with foreplay, however sometimes we're both in the mood for a good LONG, porn style pounding and it just doesn't seem to be possible. Jerking off doesn't really seem to help, however having sex twice in a row as soon as possible does. The problem seems to be that the combination of us both having enough energy and time to have sex twice within an hour rarely happens. Maybe thats what needs to change I need to get back into trying to improve my endurance with Kegel's Also we should be thankful that while we can't last an hour, it also doesn't take an hour Like my wife's grandparents say, "now what we used to be able to do all night, takes us all night to do" I agree with ratbastid that a woman doesn't always need an orgasm. Sunday my wife and I ran upstairs while our baby was sleeping during half time of a football game and had some great sex without any foreplay. As soon as I was done I cleaned up and went downstairs to watch more football and told my wife "thanks for the sex" on my way out of the bedroom. She told me she LOVED it; she enjoyed the whole quickie experience, from the lack of foreplay, lack of foreplay, being left on the bed, and my thank you. (The whole thing might sound selfish or rude or inconsiderate, but this was just an out of the ordinary experience.) Obviously this isn't what she (or I) wants all the time, but it was a welcome change.

10-18-2006, 10:15 AM	#27 (permalink)
high_jinx Psycho Location: venice beach, ca	I call the first one of the night "firing off a warning shot". i don't count it as anything but a clearing of the pipes in order to perform well the rest of the time we're together. __________________ -my phobia drowned while i was gettin down.

10-19-2006, 07:28 AM	#28 (permalink)
Acetylene Addict Location: under a rock	http://health.discovery.com/centers/...a/sensate.html This is a little extreme but it illustrates the point I'm going to make. How long did you two know each other before making love? If the first time you two saw each other naked, you also had sex, that can make things very difficult for being comfortable with each other, and for controlling your body's response. Nudity creates huge pressure to have sex in our always-clothed society, not because we are actually ready to do so, but because we are trained to associate nudity and contact with sex. Getting comfortable with each other's naked bodies, and with your own, is vital to a comfortable sex life with each other. This is difficult when you are young and don't live alone, but take advantage of your time together. Always cuddle, and make a point of sometimes getting naked and NOT having sex. Soon you will be able to control your body's response to your naked girlfriend and not have an automatic "MUST COME NOW" response to her. She, in turn, will become less self-conscious, especially once she realizes her naked body is not inherently sexual, but merely her body. This is the gateway to easy sexuality for a woman--sexuality must be a choice, not a requirement forced upon her. Plus you will get to see her naked!!!! __________________ There's no justice. There's just us.

10-21-2006, 11:22 AM	#31 (permalink)
Jozrael Junkie	I've filed this away for the future with my girlfriend. Thanks . Seems like an awesome way to encourage intimacy.

10-27-2006, 08:37 AM	#32 (permalink)
Dominique Upright	A lot of myths exist on PE (premature ejaculation) And as said earlier, 5 min. is not bad, but tel this to your wife if she is not getting satisfied. But indeed, normaly we speak of PE when it lasts less then 1 min. And treatments can range from any type of exercise, to herbs, medication or psychology. It depends on whom you seek advice at. at http://prematureejaculation.sohosted.com you can find a summary of different treatments for PE. Also be clear, you can find a lot on internet, but until now no proven 'cure' for PE. But one can improve one's condition... Regards