Ramble

[Koochy]

I don't really know what the point of this thread is, so I'm just going to type up some stuff and welcome anything anyone has to offer on the subject.

I've been with my girlfriend for about 18 months now. I'm 20, shes 19. She is my first and only girlfriend I've ever had. She has had a lot more experience with the opposite sex. She jumped from bed to bed when she was younger, having started puberty quite early. This lead her into a state of depression for some time of her youth. As for me, I was a late bloomer. Only just becoming confidently interested in girls around the age of 16-17.

Fast forwarding some details.

The other night, I found Sarah (fake name) and I in my bed, talking about an odd subject. She brings up that she ran into an old boyfriend from her younger days. She tells me that she imagined what if she had never met me, and goes on to describe what it would have been like if she had stayed with him. I'm lying on the bed, not sure what to expect next to come from her mouth. Stomach firmly nestled in my throat, she says that she wouldn't have her kids named, like ours. She wouldn't be imagining cooking him dinner, like the menus she has planned for us. Wedding, sex, our life when we're old. Everything they experienced together for what ever time, had nil comparison to the love she felt towards me that very day and the days to come.

Mushy stuff aside, she then merged into another topic.

She understands that I've only ever been with one girl. I've experienced one mouth, one set of breasts and one vagina. I admit, that at times I have felt that I am already married. I've imagined what it would be like to be with someone else, but then I honestly don't know if I can find someone quite like her ever again. I'm rather shy, hardly talk to girls (I fluked her way into my life, I still don't know how) and if a girl talks to me, I can't help but screw up.

Next, an idea. She says to me, that I am allowed to go out and experiment with other girls. Just to see that she really is the one for me, as long as I came back to her. To me, this is a very brave statement, but stupid at the same time. Is it her paranoia that because shes my first, I might leave her to try other girls? Or does she honestly believe me being allowed to try other girls will make me see shes the only one for me?

I was kind of taken back by what she said, and simply told her that I couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to sleep with anyone else, even though my ego wishes I had more girls under my belt. I once read somewhere (I'm sure it was on TFP, also) that "if you enjoy what you do together, why look elsewhere?" I've lived with that quote in mind for some time now, and has served me well when temptation has come abroad.

Time passes, and I begin to think. We've had talks of our fantasies over the time of being together. I'm a simple guy. Getting laid was enough fantasy enough. Before that, the thought of more than one girl would have been mind blowing. Recently, I've learned more about her sexual nature. She has told me how she yearns for the touch of another female (shes had girlfriends too) and wants to have a three-some one day. She understands that I'm shy and in no way has she forced this wish of hers upon me. This means, that I would be experiencing another girl, under her supervision. I feel like she wants to help me by doing this. My ego is screaming inside of me to dive in and go for it, but my shyness and fear of rejection hangs heavily in front of the decision to do so.

Finally, I bring this ramble to my last thought. Soulmates. Shes browsed the market and has returned a lot of the goods. I've picked the first item I found and haven't turned back. I look at our relationship and smile at the thought of how well we connect. Generic topics which everyone has written and read before are exactly what this paragraph is explaining. My question on this matter is, that is it possible to find your soulmate, your other half, on your very first go? Am I just lying to myself? Has she just catered to my ego, found my weaknesses and used them to make me fall for her like the fool society considers me to be? The answer is something I'll have to find myself, I think.

Right. That's my rant. Theres a few topics covered in the above mass of letters, not really sure if any of them are questions however. Haha.

If anyone has anything to say, I'd greatly appreciate it.

Thanks for your time,
Eddie

[slimshaydee]

The first thing that came into my head is that by telling you to go an experiment with other women, she wants to do the same with other men/women whilst not ruining things with you. Although that's probably just the pessimist in me.

[Koochy]

Oh, that also crossed my mind. I forgot to write that that was the one thing she didn't want. It was an honest offer, for me to try other girls. It's not a double edge sword, more a butter knife.

[Silvy]

I'm not sure about the "trying out other girls" part.
A threesome, if all three of you are comfortable with that: no problem, but to experiement with someone else on your own: that just sounds slippery to me.

In addition:
Love is more than just "sleeping with a girl" (or guy). You "trying" out other girls will not, ever, confirm your love for Sarah. At best it might broaden your sexual horizon, at worst it will create jealousy or sexual strain on your relationship. Either of those could possibly destroy your relationship with Sarah.

No matter what she offers you (and she could have the very best intentions), the truth is that the effect of such things cannot really be predicted. I say: if you're truly happy with what you've got, do not put it at risk!
(and that advice goes for the both of you!)

With regards to the possible threesome, jealousy is a big danger in such encounters. Many people can enjoy three (or more)somes and keep their relationship intact, but it is not a given!
Be communicative about it (and everything else ofcourse!). It sounds like you've got a good thing going. Be progressive (i.o.w. don't be afraid to try new things, adjust and develop) but do it at a comfortable/safe pace.

And as has been said before: communication is key!

[Spotila]

oh ed :~xxxxx

[NotAnAlias]

Similar thoughts of finding one's soulmate on the first try have been passing my mind recently too. Not that i have much to add to the conversation or give advice lol. <3

[GoldenOuroboros]

Why not, when your in bed with her next, tell her what you've just told us? Tell her how comfortable you are with her, tell her the example you used here with her ie the supermarket bit.

Tell her that you're happy where you are and you are happy with who you've been with ^^ If she's still on the topic maybe suggest what Silvy has stated, a threesome and get your experience there

Keep us updated

[morganic]

Cherish what you got is my opinion, don't chuck it away because you think that it's not supposed to work just because shes your first. I've heard of people being togehter from 16 and dying together, adn they were each others firsts.

Whether shes your first, or your 4th or your 15th, It doesn't matter, you will know inside you if she is the one. its not something u have to experience, you just know, deep down inside, and if she is the one, things will work out, and unravel themselves, if they already havent

Altho i did fall into the trap of falling for my first girl, i was with her for 9 months, there was a lot of drama that happened between us, but i stayed with her because i felt i couldnt get anything else, and made myself believe that she was right for me, and we were right. I stayed because i had been so lonely before we got together and wanted a gf so badly, that when one came around, i clung, and boy did i cling good and i regret it, we are not together any more and i wished i had finished it sooner cause its made it a lot harder. Also her leaving me for someone else didnt make it a whole lot easier

What i can see, between you and this girl, is not clingyness, but mutual love and compassion (ps i do know koochy irl, and ive heard him talking about her so yer ;D).

In saying that tho, do think about it.

I do find it odd her saying that tho, it's a weird one, its either because she cares about you a lot, and wants you to be happier about your self, and wants to risk it, to make you happy, or she does want to try other things herself. I honestly dont know.

well thers my 5 cents anyway, as corny as it may sound

p.s go my first TFP post !

[shesus]

In a way I believe in soulmates, but I also believe that there isn't just one person out there for everyone.

I also think that maybe she is telling you to experiment with other girls because she wants to be with other guys still. But I don't know the situation so I might be totally off. However, the fact that the 'Go out and have sexual escapades' was intertwined with the 'I saw my old boyfriend' talk it seems like she's justifying a way to get something else that she wants. Therefore if you participate in sexual activity, she won't feel as guilty when she does.

The threesome thing, well open communication needs to be there well before it occurs. It can cause messy situations quickly. And while you are saying that you just wish you would get over yourself and do it...well that could ruin the relationship you have because it will introduce many other factors and feelings in the relationship.

The last thing I would like to say and I may be overstepping, but you 2 are young. This is your first girl and while you may be head over heels and be happy forever, things change and many changes take place in personalities and views in the early 20s. Just don't let the soulmate thought and first love feeling keep you in a relationship that might not be the best for you. I was in the same situation when I was around that age. Everything was perfect and I was so in love...I changed, he changed and I ended it during wedding plans. If she's talking about being with other people and you aren't comfortable with it, this may not be the right one for you.

I'd say tell her how you feel and keeps the lines of communication opened. Good luck, relationships can be tough, but the good ones are easy.

[CaliLivChick]

Shesus brings up a good point, personalities change a lot at that stage in life. Mine is a similar story. I was in my late teens, into early twenties, with a guy. We were together for 2 1/2 years, I was madly in love, he was the one, etc. We didn't get to the wedding plans stage, but we did grow apart, and I'm glad we did then, before anything legal or children became involved.

Some people can do the forever thing from a young age. My aunt and uncle got married when she was 16 and he was 18. They have grandkids now, and are still together, but I think a lot of that has to do with their deep religious beliefs. It made them strong as individuals, and gave them a strong base as a couple. Also kept their interests in the same area.

Keep communication open. No matter how shy you are, keep talking to her. That's what will help your decisions. Good luck. =)

[doncalypso]

I think she has very low Interest Level in you and doesn't respect you.... What kind of woman who is in love with her man and respects him would bring up the subject of past boyfriends while you two are in bed?

Also, I have a bad feeling about her telling you you're allowed to go experience other women... Sounds to me like she's trying to find an excuse to go have sex with other guys. If you're into open relationships then great, if not then she's probably gonna cheat on you (if she hasn't done so already).


Sorry if this sounds harsh, but I don't think staying with that one woman is a good idea because she might be stringing you along. Or else, she may love you but have no integrity or respect for you.

[Koochy]

Originally Posted by shesus

I also think that maybe she is telling you to experiment with other girls because she wants to be with other guys still.

I've seen this been brought up by a few people and I have no right or wrong answer to give. I believe in myself that she doesn't mean to do this, but the seed of doubt has been planted.

Originally Posted by doncalypso

What kind of woman who is in love with her man and respects him would bring up the subject of past boyfriends while you two are in bed?

This might not matter too much, but I had been away for 2 weeks prior to our talk. We weren't entirely in bed, just lying together talking about stuff. But still, I see where you're coming from.

I understand this does look like shes just trying to find a reason to go play with other guys. I deeply hope that this isn't true, but no point wondering until I have a honest talk with her.

I'll think over some of the above stuff, figure out my gameplan and talk it through. It might be a while before I come back with an update. Until then I guess.

Thanks again. :>

[ratbastid]

Originally Posted by slimshaydee

The first thing that came into my head is that by telling you to go an experiment with other women, she wants to do the same with other men/women whilst not ruining things with you.

Yeah, that'd be horrible.

Look: there are millions and millions of different ways to have your relationship work. That's because there are millions and millions of different relationships, and they're all unique.

If you're stuck in one particular view of how a relationship "should" be, then I encourage you to examine that. Perhaps strict monogamy is what you really want, but if you've never questioned that, how would you know?

It takes a lot of communication, maturity, and generosity, but relationship arrangements that include other people can be extremely fulfilling and satisfying. It is actually possible to be deeply happy observing your loved one being happy and in love with someone else. Now, getting there isn't necessarily easy. But it's possible.