Koochy

I don't really know what the point of this thread is, so I'm just going to type up some stuff and welcome anything anyone has to offer on the subject.

I've been with my girlfriend for about 18 months now. I'm 20, shes 19. She is my first and only girlfriend I've ever had. She has had a lot more experience with the opposite sex. She jumped from bed to bed when she was younger, having started puberty quite early. This lead her into a state of depression for some time of her youth. As for me, I was a late bloomer. Only just becoming confidently interested in girls around the age of 16-17.

Fast forwarding some details.

The other night, I found Sarah (fake name) and I in my bed, talking about an odd subject. She brings up that she ran into an old boyfriend from her younger days. She tells me that she imagined what if she had never met me, and goes on to describe what it would have been like if she had stayed with him. I'm lying on the bed, not sure what to expect next to come from her mouth. Stomach firmly nestled in my throat, she says that she wouldn't have her kids named, like ours. She wouldn't be imagining cooking him dinner, like the menus she has planned for us. Wedding, sex, our life when we're old. Everything they experienced together for what ever time, had nil comparison to the love she felt towards me that very day and the days to come.

Mushy stuff aside, she then merged into another topic.

She understands that I've only ever been with one girl. I've experienced one mouth, one set of breasts and one vagina. I admit, that at times I have felt that I am already married. I've imagined what it would be like to be with someone else, but then I honestly don't know if I can find someone quite like her ever again. I'm rather shy, hardly talk to girls (I fluked her way into my life, I still don't know how) and if a girl talks to me, I can't help but screw up.

Next, an idea. She says to me, that I am allowed to go out and experiment with other girls. Just to see that she really is the one for me, as long as I came back to her. To me, this is a very brave statement, but stupid at the same time. Is it her paranoia that because shes my first, I might leave her to try other girls? Or does she honestly believe me being allowed to try other girls will make me see shes the only one for me?

I was kind of taken back by what she said, and simply told her that I couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to sleep with anyone else, even though my ego wishes I had more girls under my belt. I once read somewhere (I'm sure it was on TFP, also) that "if you enjoy what you do together, why look elsewhere?" I've lived with that quote in mind for some time now, and has served me well when temptation has come abroad.

Time passes, and I begin to think. We've had talks of our fantasies over the time of being together. I'm a simple guy. Getting laid was enough fantasy enough. Before that, the thought of more than one girl would have been mind blowing. Recently, I've learned more about her sexual nature. She has told me how she yearns for the touch of another female (shes had girlfriends too) and wants to have a three-some one day. She understands that I'm shy and in no way has she forced this wish of hers upon me. This means, that I would be experiencing another girl, under her supervision. I feel like she wants to help me by doing this. My ego is screaming inside of me to dive in and go for it, but my shyness and fear of rejection hangs heavily in front of the decision to do so.

Finally, I bring this ramble to my last thought. Soulmates. Shes browsed the market and has returned a lot of the goods. I've picked the first item I found and haven't turned back. I look at our relationship and smile at the thought of how well we connect. Generic topics which everyone has written and read before are exactly what this paragraph is explaining. My question on this matter is, that is it possible to find your soulmate, your other half, on your very first go? Am I just lying to myself? Has she just catered to my ego, found my weaknesses and used them to make me fall for her like the fool society considers me to be? The answer is something I'll have to find myself, I think.

Right. That's my rant. Theres a few topics covered in the above mass of letters, not really sure if any of them are questions however. Haha.

If anyone has anything to say, I'd greatly appreciate it.

Thanks for your time,
Eddie

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