Gilda

It's Sunday afternoon, and we're having Sunday family day for the first time in about four or five months, and Sissy's boyfriend of the week is visiting for the meet the family session.

Sissy likes this one a lot, and he passed the first test--he didn't bat an eye at Sissy living with her lesbian sister and her lover, or at the word marriage being used to describe us. Then again, when one of the lesbians looks like a cross between Grace Park and Tia Carrere, and she's not the more feminine one in the couple, it's an easy test for most guys to pass.

So we're on to test #2: The movie test. A few weeks ago, Sissy's date made a point of repeatedly calling Calpernia Addams in Soldier's Girl "he" and evern worse, "it". It's dismaying to see that, but better than finding out later on.

So we pull out a different test movie, Different for Girls a British movie about a post-op MTF who reconnects with an old school friends and the relationship they develop. It's one of the better movies about transsexuals, and nails a lot of the emotional stuff exactly. Late in the movie there's a full frontal nude scene in which the MTF, Kim, slowly strips for her now boyfriend.

Upon seeing the full frontal nude shot, boyfriend of the week, who had been quiet the whole time, says, "Damn, that's the hairiest twat I've ever seen on a woman." As this is pretty much the same reaction each of the three of us had the first time we saw this, we couldn't help but agree. And by the way, test passed.

Not that it's a pass-fail thing, unless the guy goes overboard to express revulsion for MTF's, like "it" boy from a couple of weeks ago did, but it does help to give Sissy some information about how a guy thinks about transsexuals.

So, here come the discussion questions:

Do you test potential boyfriends/girlfriends in some way?
Is it with or without their knowledge?
Do you think it's wrong to do this, dishonest, or is it just a good way of finding out about someone without revealing too much about yourself?

Gilda

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shesus

I don't know if I ever really 'tested' my boyfriends. I was a game player though I would see if they would follow me if I left upset or mad. I would see how they reacted if I cried. These tests were bad. It was a play in emotion and not a good thing to do. However, at the time, I thought that if they would follow me or reacted the correct way, they really cared. Funny that I ended up marrying the only guy who didn't chase after me when I left. I guess when I thought the guys passed they actually failed. Anyway...these tests are unrelated to yours.

When I read your post, I don't see you as 'testing' them as much as getting to know how they feel about your values. The things that you did is no different than other families asking about religion, career aspirations, and values. I don't think that you are being dishonest because you are just doing things you would normally do. You aren't setting up traps or wanting to see the guy do the wrong thing. You are just making sure that this guy or that guy is worthy of spending time with Sissy.

Personally, I see nothing wrong with it.

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I heard you sold it

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Siege

"What you do speaks so loudly that I can't hear what you're saying." Forgot who said that (or something close to that).

But the point is, asking someone what kind of person they are won't always get you honest answers. When asked "are you environmentally concerned?" the VAST majority of people will answer yes. But how many would be willing to use public transportation instead of their car once a week? Or how many people actually split up their garbage into metal, plastic etc. I'd say very few when compared to the number who are environmentally concerned.

So, do I test potential girlfriends. In a way, yes I do. They aren't very hard tests, I just want to know what type of person they are. Some of it is with their knowledge (sometimes I ask them straight up) and sometimes it isn't. I don't think what i'm doing is wrong.

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This part just makes my posts easier to find

Willravel

Do you test potential boyfriends/girlfriends in some way?
I suppose on some level I'vs done this since I was maybe 16 or 17. Before that it was more about friendship + attraction, and not much more. Once I started to realize that certian traits meant compatability, I realize now that I did tend to seek out that type. I know to avoid people who use the word y'all (not that ther is anything at all wrong with people that use this word, I just tend not to be compatable with them for whatever reason). I know to avoid people that enjoy a certian type of music. I know to avoid people that have certian interests.
Is it with or without their knowledge?
If you're dating someone and you don't think they are judging you, you're in denial. It's a simple fact of pairing in a society that provides competition that you will be measured in at least some ways. It's reality.
Do you think it's wrong to do this, dishonest, or is it just a good way of finding out about someone without revealing too much about yourself?
If you do it consciously and make fun and become entitled and elitist, then it's wrong and you should consider the golden rule. If you do it simply for the benifit for both parties, then I see nothing wrong with it. Always do what you think is right, and show people the respect they deserve.