Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > The Academy > Tilted Sexuality


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 01-20-2006, 11:26 PM   #1 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Asking Ladies out in Public

Ok, so occassionally I'll see a girl who I'm really attracted to (well, I see attractive girls all the time, but usually the type I'm attracted to most seem introverted, are quiet, short, with even proportions [neither top heavy or bottomheavy], medium length hair, and a nice face) but still seems to be in my realm of accessability, and I'd like to ask them out. Tonight, for example, I saw two very cute girls(one with another girl, another with a group of 3 girls), with no guys around them.

So my question is, especially for the college aged ladies, how do you feel about guys randomly approaching you at bookstores, student events, the grocery store, and non-dating type situations and asking for either your contact information or attempting to converse with you? Also, how do you feel about it if you're with a friend?

If you're open to the idea, in what way should a guy approach you? What would be most successful?

Last edited by innovis; 01-20-2006 at 11:33 PM..
innovis is offline  
Old 01-21-2006, 12:02 AM   #2 (permalink)
Psycho
 
I just wanted to say I was thinking about this tonight as well, and that this is a good post.
insidious_machinae is offline  
Old 01-21-2006, 12:20 AM   #3 (permalink)
Kick Ass Kunoichi
 
snowy's Avatar
 
Location: Oregon
Conversation is fine. I've met a lot of friends through conversation. Now, if you just walked up to me and bluntly asked me for my number, I'd be a little weirded out.

The trick is to ease yourself into conversation, see if it goes somewhere, and if it does, suggest the conversation continue, either immediately (ie, would you like to grab a cup of coffee) or later. Then you ask for digits. Ta-da.
__________________
If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau
snowy is offline  
Old 01-21-2006, 12:26 AM   #4 (permalink)
... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.
 
Willravel's Avatar
 
This is a broad spectrum type of thing. By my experience with dating, I've known some girls that love the "Nice shoes, wana f**k?" approach, and then there are some that take months to really get to know. I find that the latter ones are worth the wait, btw. If you feel confident (but NEVER cocky), then go ahead and give it a shot. Try to have an honest conversation and see where it leads. onesnowyowl hits it on the head for what I think of as the majority of women. I'm curious as to what else will be said by the lovely ladies on TFP.

Last edited by Willravel; 03-26-2006 at 09:36 PM.. Reason: terrible spelling errors....
Willravel is offline  
Old 01-21-2006, 11:00 AM   #5 (permalink)
Crazy
 
My 19 year old son is an expert at this. He is a polite talkative type and has no shyness about approaching women and talking to them. He will get on a bus and sit beside someone and start talking. Usually he gets an email contact if they enjoyed each others company.

He tells me has never had a bad experience doing this. Even those with boy friends will keep in touch as they see the value in having a kind friend.

So - be polite, kind , smile and show confidence and you will almost certainly get a good time talking at the very least.

He has also notice that the MORE attractive the woman the MORE likely he will get a very positive reaction. Seems men are intimidated by beauty so these women are the ones who men avoid in general.
Tachion is offline  
Old 01-21-2006, 11:21 AM   #6 (permalink)
Twitterpated
 
Suave's Avatar
 
Location: My own little world (also Canada)
I have to echo link. Excellent thread. I was thinking about this a couple of days ago as well.
__________________
"Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions." - Albert Einstein

"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." - Plato
Suave is offline  
Old 01-21-2006, 05:23 PM   #7 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: Brooklyn, NY
I think I would be a little wierded out if a random person just came up to me and asked me out. It would be better to start a conversation first and then ask for a screenname or e-mail address, but I wouldn't give my number out so soon.
kittyy is offline  
Old 01-21-2006, 06:04 PM   #8 (permalink)
is a tiger
 
Siege's Avatar
 
Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Same goes to you ladies. Show some assertiveness. Don't wait for Mr. Right to ask you out. Go out there and fucking grab him by the arm.
__________________
"Your name's Geek? Do you know the origin of the term? A geek is someone who bites the heads off chickens at a circus. I would never let you suck my dick with a name like Geek"

--Kevin Smith

This part just makes my posts easier to find
Siege is offline  
Old 01-21-2006, 06:27 PM   #9 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by kittyy
I think I would be a little wierded out if a random person just came up to me and asked me out. It would be better to start a conversation first and then ask for a screenname or e-mail address, but I wouldn't give my number out so soon.
I've actually asked a girl for her SN/E-mail before, instead of her number. One of my female friends thought it was extremely nerdy/weird to do such a thing, so I was just going to go for numbers...
innovis is offline  
Old 01-21-2006, 06:43 PM   #10 (permalink)
Kick Ass Kunoichi
 
snowy's Avatar
 
Location: Oregon
Quote:
Originally Posted by innovis
I've actually asked a girl for her SN/E-mail before, instead of her number. One of my female friends thought it was extremely nerdy/weird to do such a thing, so I was just going to go for numbers...
Why not ask for a way to contact her instead of either? Then she can decide what she is comfortable with giving you.
__________________
If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau
snowy is offline  
Old 01-22-2006, 09:42 AM   #11 (permalink)
Falling Angel
 
Sultana's Avatar
 
Location: L.A. L.A. land
Personally, I would not like it if someone asked me out/asked for my contact info based solely on my looks. it would make me think less of that person, if they didn't even want to bother to talk to me to evaluate if they were interested. Also, it would help the gal in question decide if she wanted to give you that info.
Smart, quality gals are not likely to give you immediate access to their phone line, email, or anything else for that matter.

Now if you wanted to talk to me, I'd have no problem with that. Just make witty, relevant conversation.
__________________
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening


My goal? To fulfill my potential.
Sultana is offline  
Old 01-22-2006, 10:39 AM   #12 (permalink)
Fancy
 
shesus's Avatar
 
Location: Chicago
I have to agree with the start a conversation and see how things go. If I were out on the street and some guy just came up and asked for information, I'd be a bit leary. When I worked at the grocery store, I would have a lot of guys ask for my number. I always laughed and said I was 'involved' even if I wasn't. I didn't know the guy and I'm not the most trusting person. But then there was a guy that would just talk to me when he came through my line. He was stop in a couple times a week. Then after several weeks, he would ask when my break was and bring me food or coffee and we would chat. That was a much better tactic than the "Wow, you look great! Can I have your number?"

Meeting someone is tough, but it will happen. I am a strong believer in a friendship before a relationship person. I think that it makes the romantic relationship that much stronger.
__________________
Whatever did happen to your soul?
I heard you sold it


Choose Heaven for the weather and Hell for the company
shesus is offline  
Old 01-22-2006, 11:06 AM   #13 (permalink)
Cosmically Curious
 
onodrim's Avatar
 
Location: Chicago, IL
I'm on the same page as the other ladies here, the best thing to do is just start a conversation. Worst case they ignore you and you never talk to them again, you'll likely at least gain a new friend, and best case it could be the start of something more. Whereas going directly to asking for a number, etc will just get you labeled as a creep in most cases.
__________________
"The world is so exquisite with so much love and moral depth, that there is no reason to deceive ourselves with pretty stories for which there’s little good evidence. Far better it seems to me, in our vulnerability, is to look death in the eye and to be grateful every day for the brief but magnificent opportunity that life provides"
-Carl Sagan
onodrim is offline  
Old 01-22-2006, 12:09 PM   #14 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Carno's Avatar
 
Yeah going straight for the number only works if you're a REALLY hot guy.
Carno is offline  
Old 01-22-2006, 12:23 PM   #15 (permalink)
I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot!
 
raeanna74's Avatar
 
Location: Upper Michigan
I can't say much more than has already been said.

BUT...For goodness sake, PLEASE don't use the line "Have we met before?" You just look dumb and desperate. Come up with something more original. Like - "I couldn't help but notice your cute smile.", "I see you have a book, my favorite is... What's yours?" stuff that gets her talking about herself without trying to pretend that you know her.

I liked the idea about asking for contact info. I would much more quickly hand out my e-mail address or nickname than my home phone number or address. I'm not sure how it's happened but when I was a teenager and not in public highschool I could go to the outdoor pool, or park and end up meeting some guys. Next thing I'd know I'd get a call from them at home asking me out. Yet I'd never given them my phone number or last name - how creepy is that. Needless to say I never went out with any of them.
__________________
"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.
raeanna74 is offline  
Old 01-22-2006, 12:26 PM   #16 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: Seattle
Quote:
Originally Posted by Siege
Same goes to you ladies. Show some assertiveness. Don't wait for Mr. Right to ask you out. Go out there and fucking grab him by the arm.
Amen. For whatever reason, I have an awful sense of intuition as to whether a glance a girl gives me means she's interested or would rather steer clear of me
zensheep is offline  
Old 01-22-2006, 01:43 PM   #17 (permalink)
Twitterpated
 
Suave's Avatar
 
Location: My own little world (also Canada)
Quote:
Originally Posted by raeanna74
I can't say much more than has already been said.

BUT...For goodness sake, PLEASE don't use the line "Have we met before?" You just look dumb and desperate. Come up with something more original. Like - "I couldn't help but notice your cute smile.", "I see you have a book, my favorite is... What's yours?" stuff that gets her talking about herself without trying to pretend that you know her.

I liked the idea about asking for contact info. I would much more quickly hand out my e-mail address or nickname than my home phone number or address. I'm not sure how it's happened but when I was a teenager and not in public highschool I could go to the outdoor pool, or park and end up meeting some guys. Next thing I'd know I'd get a call from them at home asking me out. Yet I'd never given them my phone number or last name - how creepy is that. Needless to say I never went out with any of them.
Unless you think you HAVE met before!
__________________
"Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions." - Albert Einstein

"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." - Plato
Suave is offline  
Old 01-23-2006, 12:44 AM   #18 (permalink)
Human
 
SecretMethod70's Avatar
 
Administrator
Location: Chicago
Quote:
Originally Posted by shesus
Meeting someone is tough, but it will happen. I am a strong believer in a friendship before a relationship person. I think that it makes the romantic relationship that much stronger.
This is a really important point to be made. I won't pretend to know what works in asking some random female out, so I can't give advice on that, but I do want to mention that I think shesus is totally right about friendships before relationships. Again, I can't pretend to have experience in the other way, but I've had nothing but success in creating friendships before "relationships." I attribute the fact that all my relationships have been unusually long for whatever age I was to the fact that all my girlfriends were first my friends. It really does make the relationship much stronger.
__________________
Le temps détruit tout

"Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling
SecretMethod70 is offline  
Old 01-23-2006, 07:52 AM   #19 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Carno's Avatar
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by SecretMethod70
This is a really important point to be made. I won't pretend to know what works in asking some random female out, so I can't give advice on that, but I do want to mention that I think shesus is totally right about friendships before relationships. Again, I can't pretend to have experience in the other way, but I've had nothing but success in creating friendships before "relationships." I attribute the fact that all my relationships have been unusually long for whatever age I was to the fact that all my girlfriends were first my friends. It really does make the relationship much stronger.
Well it does depend on what you want out of the relationship. I prefer to date girls that I've not been friends with first.
Carno is offline  
Old 01-23-2006, 08:21 AM   #20 (permalink)
Lover - Protector - Teacher
 
Jinn's Avatar
 
Location: Seattle, WA
Be a tease. For one inane reason or another, human sexuality seems to be centered around teasing. I'm not really sure why, but its true. I've never seen a relationship start where one person didn't make fun of the other person, in truly joking manner.

I think it might have to do with it being a measure of wit -- if someone jokes about your attire or demeanor, it's a test of your wit (and consquently intelligence and enthusiasm) when you reply. If a girl says "Isn't it a little cold to be wearing sandals..?" and you reply with "Unrrghh..gurgle.. no?" it's a pretty surefire bet that she's gone. Likewise, if you approach a girl.. use something witty (it doesn't necessary have to be mocking) to engage her and wait for a similarly worded reply. Her reply is telling -- both about her personality and her level of interest.

Be careful not to just blatantly make fun of them, of course.
__________________
"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel
Jinn is offline  
Old 01-23-2006, 08:54 AM   #21 (permalink)
Comedian
 
BigBen's Avatar
 
Location: Use the search button
"Well, you see miss, these aren't just sandals. They are medically prescribed footwear. The doctor says that if I wear these every day for 2 months, I will become less funny, handsome and gifted in bed. I am trying to become like all of the other guys out there, and these gifts have turned to curses. You know what I am talking about, with your super-human beauty. Don't you just wish you could be normal sometimes?"

Try that one.
__________________
3.141592654
Hey, if you are impressed with my memorizing pi to 10 digits, you should see the size of my penis.
BigBen is offline  
Old 01-23-2006, 09:48 AM   #22 (permalink)
Psycho
 
rlynnm's Avatar
 
Location: so cal
At best, try not to be obnoxious. I see a lot of kids these days that try to approach girls and say 'holla!' and expect some kind of a positive response.. Well at least for me that wouldn't work. Oddly, I see some girls taking a liking to that kind of approach.

One thing I have heard used nowadays, post surface conversation is, 'so are you on myspace?'
__________________
The hardest thing is to be honest with yourself, especially if that means completely redefining the world you've come to know.

Don't look too hard, I'm right in front of you.
rlynnm is offline  
Old 01-23-2006, 09:50 AM   #23 (permalink)
Psycho
 
rlynnm's Avatar
 
Location: so cal
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carn
Yeah going straight for the number only works if you're a REALLY hot guy.
Hhehe i dunno Carn, I can't say that's always worked, even for a REALLY REALLY hot guy. Depends on how they come off as, I guess. Though the temptation is that much greater to give it out.
__________________
The hardest thing is to be honest with yourself, especially if that means completely redefining the world you've come to know.

Don't look too hard, I'm right in front of you.
rlynnm is offline  
Old 01-23-2006, 02:14 PM   #24 (permalink)
Kick Ass Kunoichi
 
snowy's Avatar
 
Location: Oregon
Quote:
Originally Posted by Siege
Same goes to you ladies. Show some assertiveness. Don't wait for Mr. Right to ask you out. Go out there and fucking grab him by the arm.
THAT'S WHAT I DID!!!

No, seriously. I met my guy in a bar. We were briefly introduced by my friend's girlfriend, who was his friend, and then I sat down at his table because I knew a guy there from a class I'd had that spring. When that guy got up to buy me a drink, I turned around and started talking to E. We talked a bit, and when it became obvious we wanted to talk some more, I asked him to go to another bar with me down the street. I bribed him with Dewars. We ended up walking each other home, and the rest, as they say, is history.
__________________
If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau
snowy is offline  
Old 01-26-2006, 06:01 PM   #25 (permalink)
Psycho
 
i've been getting quite good at just making random conversation with girls (not totally random), like say in the same class, in the same room, waiting for bus, etc, but still need to work on my get-the-digits routine. I still have that mental barrier that makes me fuck it up.
match000 is offline  
Old 03-26-2006, 04:25 PM   #26 (permalink)
Coy, sultry and... naughty!
 
Sharon's Avatar
 
Location: Across the way
Ask her if she's got an email address. Because of my job, I don't give out my number to people I've just met, but I do give out my email address to customers who seem decent and interesting (and who ask for it). Then after a coffee date I might give out my number.
Sharon is offline  
Old 04-01-2006, 08:18 AM   #27 (permalink)
PIKE!
 
ibis's Avatar
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by innovis
So my question is, especially for the college aged ladies, how do you feel about guys randomly approaching you at bookstores, student events, the grocery store, and non-dating type situations and asking for either your contact information or attempting to converse with you? Also, how do you feel about it if you're with a friend?

If you're open to the idea, in what way should a guy approach you? What would be most successful?
I'm not a female, but I've got tons of experience...

Approaching woman in public:
  • Every female is open to being approached. Get the idea out of your mind that woman want it less than men, it's not true. Don't worry about her havinga BF or husband, if she does, she'll make it clear. (On a side note, if you feel like you're geting somewhere with the chick and she says she has a BF, ignore it untill her actions/bodylanguage/words are congruent with what's she's saying... they'll often say this just to see if it'll mess your vibeup)
  • Don't come off needy like, "Um, excuse me... can I talk to you... you seem nice and I'm really loney".
  • Don't be reaction seeking. The second the chick feels you needing a responce from her it's over.
  • When you first talk to a chick, there's a 90/10 rule. You do 90 of the talking 10 percent of the listening. Once she opens up (starts asking you questions) bring it down to 50/50.
  • Don't use canned lines (aka pickup lines). Girls can smell them.
  • If you're into the chick, don't hide it. Again, grils can read your body language and voice tonality like a map... atleast subconsciousally, if you hide it you'll come off as a pussy.
The best way I've found to start conversations is just start talking about something in your enviorment. The book she's holding, the good or bad music playing, how cold or hotit is (just not the weather please).

MAKE HER LAUGH, just not because you need it to feel comfortable,

End the conversation first by saying something along the lines of:
you: Hey, I've got to go, but you seem nice/fun/cool/whatever, we should hang out/continue this some other time.
her: yeah, totally OR ok,here's my number
you: (if she didn't allready give you her number) how can we get ahold of eachother?
her: here's my email/screenmane/phonenumber

The best way to get good at this is just to talk to everyone you meet.

That's about it.
You're welcome

Last edited by ibis; 04-01-2006 at 08:21 AM..
ibis is offline  
 

Tags
ladies, public

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 01:51 AM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360