innovis

Ok, so occassionally I'll see a girl who I'm really attracted to (well, I see attractive girls all the time, but usually the type I'm attracted to most seem introverted, are quiet, short, with even proportions [neither top heavy or bottomheavy], medium length hair, and a nice face) but still seems to be in my realm of accessability, and I'd like to ask them out. Tonight, for example, I saw two very cute girls(one with another girl, another with a group of 3 girls), with no guys around them.

So my question is, especially for the college aged ladies, how do you feel about guys randomly approaching you at bookstores, student events, the grocery store, and non-dating type situations and asking for either your contact information or attempting to converse with you? Also, how do you feel about it if you're with a friend?

If you're open to the idea, in what way should a guy approach you? What would be most successful?

insidious_machinae

I just wanted to say I was thinking about this tonight as well, and that this is a good post.

snowy

Conversation is fine. I've met a lot of friends through conversation. Now, if you just walked up to me and bluntly asked me for my number, I'd be a little weirded out.

The trick is to ease yourself into conversation, see if it goes somewhere, and if it does, suggest the conversation continue, either immediately (ie, would you like to grab a cup of coffee) or later. Then you ask for digits. Ta-da.

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Willravel

This is a broad spectrum type of thing. By my experience with dating, I've known some girls that love the "Nice shoes, wana f**k?" approach, and then there are some that take months to really get to know. I find that the latter ones are worth the wait, btw. If you feel confident (but NEVER cocky), then go ahead and give it a shot. Try to have an honest conversation and see where it leads. onesnowyowl hits it on the head for what I think of as the majority of women. I'm curious as to what else will be said by the lovely ladies on TFP.

Tachion

My 19 year old son is an expert at this. He is a polite talkative type and has no shyness about approaching women and talking to them. He will get on a bus and sit beside someone and start talking. Usually he gets an email contact if they enjoyed each others company.

He tells me has never had a bad experience doing this. Even those with boy friends will keep in touch as they see the value in having a kind friend.

So - be polite, kind , smile and show confidence and you will almost certainly get a good time talking at the very least.

He has also notice that the MORE attractive the woman the MORE likely he will get a very positive reaction. Seems men are intimidated by beauty so these women are the ones who men avoid in general.

Suave

I have to echo link. Excellent thread. I was thinking about this a couple of days ago as well.

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kittyy

I think I would be a little wierded out if a random person just came up to me and asked me out. It would be better to start a conversation first and then ask for a screenname or e-mail address, but I wouldn't give my number out so soon.

Siege

Same goes to you ladies. Show some assertiveness. Don't wait for Mr. Right to ask you out. Go out there and fucking grab him by the arm.

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innovis

I've actually asked a girl for her SN/E-mail before, instead of her number. One of my female friends thought it was extremely nerdy/weird to do such a thing, so I was just going to go for numbers...

snowy

Why not ask for a way to contact her instead of either? Then she can decide what she is comfortable with giving you.

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Sultana

Personally, I would not like it if someone asked me out/asked for my contact info based solely on my looks. it would make me think less of that person, if they didn't even want to bother to talk to me to evaluate if they were interested. Also, it would help the gal in question decide if she wanted to give you that info.
Smart, quality gals are not likely to give you immediate access to their phone line, email, or anything else for that matter.

Now if you wanted to talk to me, I'd have no problem with that. Just make witty, relevant conversation.

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shesus

I have to agree with the start a conversation and see how things go. If I were out on the street and some guy just came up and asked for information, I'd be a bit leary. When I worked at the grocery store, I would have a lot of guys ask for my number. I always laughed and said I was 'involved' even if I wasn't. I didn't know the guy and I'm not the most trusting person. But then there was a guy that would just talk to me when he came through my line. He was stop in a couple times a week. Then after several weeks, he would ask when my break was and bring me food or coffee and we would chat. That was a much better tactic than the "Wow, you look great! Can I have your number?"

Meeting someone is tough, but it will happen. I am a strong believer in a friendship before a relationship person. I think that it makes the romantic relationship that much stronger.

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onodrim

I'm on the same page as the other ladies here, the best thing to do is just start a conversation. Worst case they ignore you and you never talk to them again, you'll likely at least gain a new friend, and best case it could be the start of something more. Whereas going directly to asking for a number, etc will just get you labeled as a creep in most cases.

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Carno

Yeah going straight for the number only works if you're a REALLY hot guy.

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raeanna74

I can't say much more than has already been said.

BUT...For goodness sake, PLEASE don't use the line "Have we met before?" You just look dumb and desperate. Come up with something more original. Like - "I couldn't help but notice your cute smile.", "I see you have a book, my favorite is... What's yours?" stuff that gets her talking about herself without trying to pretend that you know her.

I liked the idea about asking for contact info. I would much more quickly hand out my e-mail address or nickname than my home phone number or address. I'm not sure how it's happened but when I was a teenager and not in public highschool I could go to the outdoor pool, or park and end up meeting some guys. Next thing I'd know I'd get a call from them at home asking me out. Yet I'd never given them my phone number or last name - how creepy is that. Needless to say I never went out with any of them.

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zensheep

Amen. For whatever reason, I have an awful sense of intuition as to whether a glance a girl gives me means she's interested or would rather steer clear of me

Suave

Unless you think you HAVE met before!

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"Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions." - Albert Einstein

"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." - Plato

SecretMethod70

This is a really important point to be made. I won't pretend to know what works in asking some random female out, so I can't give advice on that, but I do want to mention that I think shesus is totally right about friendships before relationships. Again, I can't pretend to have experience in the other way, but I've had nothing but success in creating friendships before "relationships." I attribute the fact that all my relationships have been unusually long for whatever age I was to the fact that all my girlfriends were first my friends. It really does make the relationship much stronger.

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Carno

Well it does depend on what you want out of the relationship. I prefer to date girls that I've not been friends with first.

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Jinn

Be a tease. For one inane reason or another, human sexuality seems to be centered around teasing. I'm not really sure why, but its true. I've never seen a relationship start where one person didn't make fun of the other person, in truly joking manner.

I think it might have to do with it being a measure of wit -- if someone jokes about your attire or demeanor, it's a test of your wit (and consquently intelligence and enthusiasm) when you reply. If a girl says "Isn't it a little cold to be wearing sandals..?" and you reply with "Unrrghh..gurgle.. no?" it's a pretty surefire bet that she's gone. Likewise, if you approach a girl.. use something witty (it doesn't necessary have to be mocking) to engage her and wait for a similarly worded reply. Her reply is telling -- both about her personality and her level of interest.

Be careful not to just blatantly make fun of them, of course.

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BigBen

"Well, you see miss, these aren't just sandals. They are medically prescribed footwear. The doctor says that if I wear these every day for 2 months, I will become less funny, handsome and gifted in bed. I am trying to become like all of the other guys out there, and these gifts have turned to curses. You know what I am talking about, with your super-human beauty. Don't you just wish you could be normal sometimes?"

Try that one.

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rlynnm

At best, try not to be obnoxious. I see a lot of kids these days that try to approach girls and say 'holla!' and expect some kind of a positive response.. Well at least for me that wouldn't work. Oddly, I see some girls taking a liking to that kind of approach.

One thing I have heard used nowadays, post surface conversation is, 'so are you on myspace?'

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rlynnm

Hhehe i dunno Carn, I can't say that's always worked, even for a REALLY REALLY hot guy. Depends on how they come off as, I guess. Though the temptation is that much greater to give it out.

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Don't look too hard, I'm right in front of you.

snowy

THAT'S WHAT I DID!!!

No, seriously. I met my guy in a bar. We were briefly introduced by my friend's girlfriend, who was his friend, and then I sat down at his table because I knew a guy there from a class I'd had that spring. When that guy got up to buy me a drink, I turned around and started talking to E. We talked a bit, and when it became obvious we wanted to talk some more, I asked him to go to another bar with me down the street. I bribed him with Dewars. We ended up walking each other home, and the rest, as they say, is history.

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match000

i've been getting quite good at just making random conversation with girls (not totally random), like say in the same class, in the same room, waiting for bus, etc, but still need to work on my get-the-digits routine. I still have that mental barrier that makes me fuck it up.

Sharon

Ask her if she's got an email address. Because of my job, I don't give out my number to people I've just met, but I do give out my email address to customers who seem decent and interesting (and who ask for it). Then after a coffee date I might give out my number.

ibis

I'm not a female, but I've got tons of experience...

Approaching woman in public:

• Every female is open to being approached. Get the idea out of your mind that woman want it less than men, it's not true. Don't worry about her havinga BF or husband, if she does, she'll make it clear. (On a side note, if you feel like you're geting somewhere with the chick and she says she has a BF, ignore it untill her actions/bodylanguage/words are congruent with what's she's saying... they'll often say this just to see if it'll mess your vibeup)
• Don't come off needy like, "Um, excuse me... can I talk to you... you seem nice and I'm really loney".
• Don't be reaction seeking. The second the chick feels you needing a responce from her it's over.
• When you first talk to a chick, there's a 90/10 rule. You do 90 of the talking 10 percent of the listening. Once she opens up (starts asking you questions) bring it down to 50/50.
• Don't use canned lines (aka pickup lines). Girls can smell them.
• If you're into the chick, don't hide it. Again, grils can read your body language and voice tonality like a map... atleast subconsciousally, if you hide it you'll come off as a pussy.

The best way I've found to start conversations is just start talking about something in your enviorment. The book she's holding, the good or bad music playing, how cold or hotit is (just not the weather please).

MAKE HER LAUGH, just not because you need it to feel comfortable,

End the conversation first by saying something along the lines of:
you: Hey, I've got to go, but you seem nice/fun/cool/whatever, we should hang out/continue this some other time.
her: yeah, totally OR ok,here's my number
you: (if she didn't allready give you her number) how can we get ahold of eachother?
her: here's my email/screenmane/phonenumber

The best way to get good at this is just to talk to everyone you meet.

That's about it.
You're welcome