tim2shady

anyone with SO's who have a child (ren) and you have a child (ren) would help me the most...I think.

my SO and I live together (7 mos now) her son is 6, mine is almost 3, when both of them are together, usually every other weekend (and yes I wish I had my son more!!). both are extremely jealous of each other and my SO's son starts calling my daddy when my son does. Also, he is beginning to call me daddy more and more.

Here's my dilemna (sp?)....how do I deel with my SO's son calling me daddy? BTW, his biological farther has never been around and his G-pa has been much more of a farther than anyone else in his life until me. I'm worried about the what if's....what if me and my SO don't work out (we are and we don't have any issues now). what if biological dad comes into the picture one day...what if what if what if

Also, any thoughts on curing the jealousy issues???

thanks to all who have serious input....looking for some insight here to help me make the best decision(s) for all of us.

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mean people suck.....period.

raeanna74

I know I am not actually living in the situation but I babysit for a woman who just recently got remarried. She calls her biological dad "Daddy." Her Mom's new man she calls "Daddy Kurt" (name changed). I think if anything were to happen a couple years down the road she would have spent some formative years (she will be 3 soon) with this new man and formed an attachement. She's already become quite attached to him and welcomes him as happily as she welcomes her birth dad whoever's turn it is to pick her up. There's nothing wrong with her calling him "Daddy Kurt." It doesn't deny who her birth dad is and also acknowledges that he has a part in raising her. JMHO

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"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

:::OshnSoul:::

I am not exactly in your situation, either, although I do have a stepdaughter who is 8 and my husband & I have a son together, who is 4. There are some jealousy issues, but not like yours.
The only wisest thing I can suggest is bring it up to your SO, it's her position to do something about it if she feels necessary. She may want to have a talk with her son about this, explaining that he is welcome to call you daddy, but that somehow explaining in a non-detremental way that you are not his father. Just bring it up with her and let her make the call on what to do about it.

sexymama

I was in a similar situation. My chosen sons starting calling me mom right before and after (1 each) their dad and I married. We bonded and it feels GREAT. Even though they are now 22 and dad and I are divorced, they still have contact with me. One still calls me "mommy." I love it and wouldn't trade the relationship for anything.

You are the father figure, the man of the house, the dad of the house, in this relationship. You are a "real" dad -- so why not let him call you daddy? Your SO is a "package deal." When you decided to live with her, you took on her child too. It is natural for him to bond with you and to desire to be as close to you as your son as he actually lives in the household with you. And don't worry about the what ifs -- they have a way of working out.

As for the fighting, I suggest a book called "Siblings Without Rivalry." Although the two boys are not related they have been thrown into a brother like relationship. The book may help. You may also want to call a family meeting in which you, mom, and 6 year old sit down to talk about what is happening and how everyone feels. Share your feelings for him and listen to how he feels about you. Validate his jealousy and talk about ways to address his needs while meeting your son's needs and yours. Most of all, be loving and supportive of both boys -- say positive things about both and touch and hold both. When they come to you to complain about the other respond with, "I love both of you so I just can't take a side here. I'd be happy to help the two of you work it out though." Then have them sit and talk it out (as much as a 3 year old can.) Or say, "I trust you can work it out." Whatever feels best. Good luck!

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If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god

It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

zaiaz

tim2 i know how you feel, the very first time my SO's son called me Dad i didn't know how to respond. Now almost 4 years later it is so natural. My SO has 4 children 3 sons and a daughter ages: 18, 13, 6 and a 5 yr old. I have 2 children 18 and 13 a son and daughter. When my children first heard my SO's children call me dad they didn't want to accept it, but i sat them all down and told I them, yes told them,I did not ask them, or discuss it with them. I treat them all as if they are my own children. I have to live my life the way I(we SO & me) want to and not they way they want me to. As far a the jealousy, that's life it's gonna happen no matter what just treat each one fair and even and they will love you.

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Self destruction - "Its my Nature", said the Scorpion...