little_tippler

Just wondering...

Do you NEED hugs? Someone said to me recently that they don't need hugs. Ever. Is that weird or am I just a softie? I really like physical contact, besides sexual physical contact. How can someone say they don't need hugs (i.e. can take them or leave them, and wouldn't miss them if nobody gave them hugs). They like them ok if they get them, but if it's not happening, they don't care.

What do you think?

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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

tres

I believe that hug satisify a physical need. Without hugs I beleive a person would be mentally ans socially void of certain human contact. They say that a babies need to be physically touched, or their brain would not completly develop.

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superiorrain

Everyone needs a hug once in a while, and i know i hug all my friends whoever they are (boy,girl,alien) especially if they ask for it. Hugging is one of the best things you can ever do to someone, i say the person who said they didn't need to be hug, has never really been hug, i mean really been hug by someone who cares. Anyone would be silly to turn down a hug from you anyway, even if they didn't need one. I would gladly accept one from you any time.

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Charlatan

Human contact is, to me, essential. A hug is just one aspect of that.

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maleficent

I am really weird about personal space, I honestly cannot stand to be touched by just anyone. I utterly detest being hugged by people I dont know. I'm not sure when concept of hugging and kissing people who aren't totally close to you came from, but I really wish it would go back to where it came from...

Do I need hugs? Nope. Do I want them? Only from the right people.

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little_tippler

I understand whay you're saying mal. I also hate people who don't know you getting too smoochy...I find it fake. I give and take hugs when it's meant. I'm also very weird about personal space...

How come you don't need them?

superiorrain, thanks, when I need a hug I'll be sure to let you know

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

maleficent

There's a difference between need and want. Need is food, water, oxygen, what I need to survive, well coffee too, other than that... It's not necessary to my survival. Want is completely different.

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Strange Famous

I should have thought I could survive without them. I dislike physical contact other than in an intimate sense. I would feel uncomfortable with a friend or family member hugging me.

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"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

Rodney

I need them from my wife. We're all over each other. And of course it's okay with Mom. But otherwise, I don't like them much, because I consider them a form of intimacy and generally the person who's offering the hug isn't all that close to me -- or at least I don't think so. In some circles, hugs are so fashionable that they're meaningless. The same person who hugs you one minute can shaft you the next.

Yes, I'm a bit stand-offish. But every once in awhile, I'll be talking to someone I know well who's just in such a miserable state that I'll ask, "Do you need a hug?"

martinguerre

i'm a fairly touch based person....i wasn't always this way, but i think as i've gotten more confident in myself, i can be in touch with people more. one of my favorite parts of the week is the passing of the peace at the vespers prayer service i go to here at my school. you can choose to hug, shake hands, whatever....but most go with the hug. we all need it from the long weeks, and it's good to be able to show affection openly.

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maleficent

Why? In my world - it would cheapen the affection... If you are just hugging anyone and everyone - takes away from the specialness of a hug...

People who know me, and know I like them and care about them, KNOW I like them, and would walk thru fire with them. They know this thru my words and actions, not because I hug them.

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Rlyss

I love hugs but only from people close to me. Friends of friends giving me a hug after we leave a bar - that doesn't sit too well with me, and neither do fake 'mwah' kisses on the cheek.

But from somene I'm close to, I love it. I wouldn't say I need them but they certainly make me feel better.

hambone

You really think it can cheapen affection? What if you are just an affectionate person? Are we supposed to have some sort of limit on how much affection we can show and by hugging more people, we have to spread the affection thinner across more subjects?

I really don't think that is the case at all. That said, I also am a little uncomfortable hugging people that I really don't know, but I have no qualms about giving/receiving a hug from someone that I have met, and at least know their name.

Maybe I just become emotionally connected to people easier, but that's my take.

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thespian86

I really need hugs. I need a good hug once or twice a day or I feel unloved. I guess I'm weird.

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maleficent

what is an emotional connection to a person?

I have perfect strangers constantly tell me their life stories and try to hug me when they are done talking to me all I want to do at that point is shower.

Overly affectionate people, to me, come across as fake. Like they are trying too hard to get people to like them, or they want something, and well, that just irritates me. I am not an affectionate person, unless you know me really well, and affectionate people just make me put my guard up.

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hambone

I understand that completely. However, not all people showing lots of affection are fake. I know a lot of people who genuinely care about you the moment they meet you. Now if that feeling of caring dissipates right away, then yeah, I think it was fake and I agree with your feelings. There ARE people who aren't like that though. They actually care. They will look you up the next day, want to get involved in your life, be your friend.

Everyone is different, I and I believe at least part of it comes from past experiences with this others and if those experiences were fake, of course you will be apprehensive towards accepting that someone is not being fake and, heaven forbid, just cares about you.

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Zeraph

Well so far in life (20 years old) I havn't found anyone I am comfortable hugging, when people touch me...its an odd feeling, but I just feel like a wild animal that wants to bolt. Though don't get me wrong, I can controll myself and havn't gone wild.

Even when I was younger hugging never really did much for me. Though when I was really really young, I think I enjoyed them from my mother.

This has nothing to do with what I consciencely think, like it seems to for maleficent, i.e. it's not from philosophical belief or what I value. I just get uncomfortable physically. Sort of tingley, with addrenaline, in other words the fight or flight response. Though when people do hug me I try to act normal because I still appreciate the sentiment.

Anyways, it sucks, I really feel like I'm missing out on a lot of love.

Carno

I don't really give a fuck. I am fine with hugging people, but I don't *need* them. Come to think of it, my last hug from anyone was well over three weeks ago. I don't really think about it. I don't actually give real hugs to guys, just the prolonged handshake and a pat on the back with the other hand.

In a relationship it is a little different. If my girlfriend never hugged me I would feel a little put off by it.

Among my friends though, we use different shows of affection. We don't really get all huggy and tell each other we love each other, we show our affection by playfully picking on each other, exchanging insults, wrestling each other to the ground, etc. People that I am not cool with I do not joke with.

qtpye4u84

I don't feel needed or wanted when I don't get hugged. PPL that know me hug me all the time, it started in high school I guess.

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Gilda

I'm very open to hugging, and can't get enough of it from my SO and from my sister, and I'm not averse to getting them from my students. It's a form of casual affection to me when it comes from a casual aquaintance or a student, or it can me an intimate thing with my SO.

cyrnel

Abso-freaking-lutely. Mostly with family and close friends.

Holiday visits wouldn't be the same without gaggles of nieces & nephews attacking with outstretched arms. With non-family, it usually only begins after we've shared some significant experience.

On rare occasions I'll hug someone I hardly know but it's a supportive or sympathetic gesture. If they're going through shit I'll gladly offer a hug. If it isn't their thing then that's fine too.

I can understand being uncomfortable in groups that promote "show hugs."

Also, I'll be the first to admit guy hugs are less frequent, usually one-armed, and more of the quick pat-on-the-back variety. For some this indicates an underlying character flaw but it works for us.

pig

I'm split down the middle. I don't really like it when people I don't know hug me, pursuant to Clause A*. With my close friends, I would say there's always a good hug hello and a good hug goodbye, regardless of gender. I enjoy them, but I don't *think* I need them...or maybe I just get enough to maintain my hug factor. (I don't really like the fake hug too much...it's kind of like the guy who acts like he's jogging to cross the street when he blocking the intersection and you're trying to turn, but really he's just walking with a little extra vertical action and some exaggerated arm movement.)

Clause A: If I've been drinking with a group of people, when the hugs break out, I'm all about it. I regard it as a token of "Hope you make it wherever you're going alive. You know that crap we just ingested was poision, right? I mean, like fucking poision. Damn I like that crap. Glad you're alive, etc."

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777

I'm not very touchy, and neither are any of my friends. Although I do welcome any and all hugs that come from touchy people I meet. It's the first hug that always catches me off guard and feels a tad awkward. After that, they feel right. I guess people hug when they feel they are becoming close to some one, and the physical contact aids that feeling. It takes me a while to feel close, if at all. Hence, the first hug feels odd.

Hugs are like ice cream. You don't need it, but it's cool to have some. And there are those people who are lactose-intolerant and can't tolerate them at all

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Roger Zelazny

Sweetpea

I love giving hugs, i love getting them . . .

But only when they are truly meant and felt . . . not some artificial hug from an acquaintance, but a kind affectionate 'hello hug' from a friend or family member is always welcomed. I am inherently affectionate, so i guess i am more prone to others to enjoy them. Plus, my family is very affection/hug oriented, i believe that has an impact of why i like hugs and include them in my interactions.

Sweetpea

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Sweetpea

777 you crack me up

Well said

Sweetpea

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ngdawg

I love hugs from my kids. Friends always hug and kiss hello-the closer the friend the bigger the hug of course, which is fine by me, except my friend, Rick. He's a big man and I love getting hugs, but I swear he's gonna crack a rib of mine one day!!
Weird thing, although I've been a part of spouse's family for half my life, their hugs are still awkward-I think that says a lot about where I stand in that clan-tolerated.
And I give leg hugs if I'm truly thrilled to see someone-just jump right up on them and hug with all 4 limbs-shocked a few, but everyone enjoys that!

itch vaccine

I love to hug, I love to get hugged.

I hug my friends. Guys or gals.. don't matter.

It's just a lovely thing to do. Makes you feel... close.

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stevie667

I like hugs, but only really two types: When meeting someone i havn't seen in ages, a hug is always a great way to re-establish a bond that's been lagging.

In an intimate sense, i generally have a hard time keeping my arms unwrapped around the mrs. but a long hug is just something else, it can convey more meaning than even a kiss.

Edit: yes, i do need hugs.

rhaevyn

I need hugs from my loved ones. I'm a very affectionate, cuddly person, and there are certain times when I am just in need of hugs and cuddling. I couldn't get by if my friends and family didn't show me that kind of affection.

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You've come far, and though you're far from the end, you don't mind where you are, 'cause you know where you've been.

Grasshopper Green

I love hugs, but only if they are genuine. I hate those weak, limp armed, half assed pats on the back that some people give. If you are going to hug me, give me a squeeze!!! I think the one thing I truly missed most when my husband would be gone for long stretches when he was in the military was his hugs....he is an awesome hugger.

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Strange Famous

everytime I see this thread I think of the Jay Z lyric:

"Sensitive thugs, you all need hugs..."

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"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

Phant84

i love hugs. i'm always giving my family hugs, or sitting and holding my wife. i need that contact.

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cierah

I hate to be touched so therefore I hate hugs but usually, if I am mentally prepared for it I can be hugged or touched without flinching but I have a slightly funny story about a hug. My friend and I were at a party for a causual acquantiance of ours. She hugged him and then there was a weird ackward moment and I sorta had to hug him. It was this weird side - back slapping hug. It really makes me laugh how ackward it was. I really hate hugs.

abaya

As with many of you, I crave hugs that are not socially-mandated and that mean something. I can't get enough of those. I love them most from my parents/family, and from my bf. Hugs for no reason, just randomly-timed, from these people mean the most. Good friends... yeah, hugging after not seeing them for a long time, or just before not seeing them for a long time, but not a huge deal otherwise. If anyone else hugs me, I feel a bit weird. Unless I'm in a different country/culture, where it might be more their way of greeting. On the contrary, I lived in a country where no one ever hugged, only briefly kissed as a greeting/goodbye, and after 9 months I felt quite starved for any kind of physical touch.

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ShaniFaye

Im a very touchy feely person....Im VERY affectionate, but only that way with people that I know, if its someone I just met I will at least try to shake their hand upon departure

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LoganSnake

I love hugs. If I'm with a partner, then hugging is one of the important things to do. I'm one of those guys who loves to cuddle after sex with a lot of soft touching. I love physical contact.

But it's different with family. I don't hug them much.

With friends, touching is kept to a minimum. I hate to be touched by somebody I didn't give permission to touch me. I'm a territorial person and like my space. Only I can let somebody in into my circle.

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PgUpPgDown

I don't have a problem when it's family, such as when I haven't seen them for a long time.

With male friends, I think it is an over-affectionate, and not really necessary way of showing closeness. I'd rather high-five or do some other gesture involving a lot less contact. Maybe I'm just too macho

With female friends, I really don't mind that much, as I like the body contact. Until now however, I have only participated in "greeting hugs". Maybe I'm just too desperate (sometimes)

EDIT: Clarification: PgUpPgDown is male

frogza

I'm not really into hugs. I'll hug my wife and close family and that's about it. I grew up in a very formal family, you didn't hug someone unless it was a final goodbye or something, my wife comes from a family that hugs everyone before going to kitchen to get a snack, okay maybe that a slight exageration. Anyway it has taken me a long time to get used to it.

JustJess

Hug me, hug me, hug me.
I try not to impose on the non-affection-demonstrating types, but I love me some hugs. I won't hug you when I meet you immediately, but after I start talking to you, yeah maybe! And often when I say goodbye after that first meeting!! It's part of how I show genuine affection. Quad's extended family is a fan of the hug-n-kiss greetings and they mostly feel awkward to me, I'd rather avoid those... just because they don't feel sincere.
I only love me some genuine hugs.

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MSD

I'm a touchy-feely person, and I love hugging people, and being hugged. It's amazing to see how much a big bear hug can brighten up someone's otherwise crappy day, and a quick one is nice to say hi or goodbye. I'll never understand the aversion to human contact some people have.