stevie667

In nutshell, i've been doing some thinking recently, and i've realised that in myself i can see everything i hate in humanity and society as a whole.

I'm rude, arrogant, don't go to work (and when i do it's usually half arsed), did/do far too many drugs, lack proper stoning etiquette, can and often will be a complete fucktard if i don't stop myself, and generally suck with everything that comes my way.
In college i don't do my work, and slack off telling myself that if i do a bit of cramming i can blag it off.
I know that i have a huge amount of brain power, and can get through college doing all my work and getting straight A's (all my teachers have said it to me many many times), but i just don't give a shit, and would much rather sit at home and sleep, trying to hope that it will all be ok.
Social situations on the whole really don't go down with me, i get shy to extremes, will often just completly lock up and spend the rest of the time there in a corner trying to wish myself away.

Everything in the world at large that i hate or gets on my nerves i can find sitting somewhere inside me, and quite frankly, i have no idea what to do about it. Everytime i try to change, all i end up doing is changing one failure in myself for another, much to the chagrin of myself and my friends.

Is there some way that i can somehow start to change myself for the better, force myself to get rid of all this shite in my mind and become someone who i can face in the mirror?

I know that i can't change overnight, and that it will be hard, but i refuse to be this person, this thing, any longer.

maleficent

You are correct when you say you can't change overnight. However your willingness to change is evident, so that's a big step. You can't do anything that you don't want to do.

Rather than trying to change everything all at once, which would be an overwhelming task, take one set of behaviors and make small changes to that.

Keep a journal as to your progress with these changes, knowing that relapses are normal, but be aware of them, and what you were feeling when you resorted back to the old behavior. You will find that certain triggers will make you want to choke someone. (oh wait/ that's me)

Start with the rude things. Smile once a day at people. Hold a door once a day for someone. Think about your behavior, and how you'd want to be treated in any given situation.

It takes 21 days to build a habit, once you've gotten your first behavior as ahabit, work on the next one.

You didn't turn into an rude arrogant brat overnight, it's not going to change over night... Give yourself some time.

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st33lr4t

i hear ya brother. im in the process of change as we speak. first thing you gotta do is keep your head up and be positive. a positive outlook on things goes along way. next time you feel that "hate" for something, think of something positive about it instead. being positive is the key.

is your shyness just a lack of confidence? i was always caught up in what i thought others thought of me instead of just being me. now instead of excluding myself from social situations i just dive right in...i really could care less what people think of me unless its positive...and if im being positive i will always attract other positive people.

its not going to happen over night so dont forget your goals when you start to fall back into old habits. you'll see that it takes alot more effort to be negative then it does positive.

lurkette

To borrow a tired concept from the self-help genre, recognizing that you have a problem is the first step.

Actually, I'm gonna change my mind mid-post after having re-read your initial statement.

I think you need to recognize that you DON'T have a problem. Every one of us could look at him- or herself and see the root of all evil. I, for instance, am thoroughly self-centered, lazy, jealous and manipulative. I am also human, and these traits are kind of hard-wired into humans. Left to our own devices (i.e., without the intervention of our "higher selves," the super-ego, if you like, or the part of us that knows better) we're all like that.

So step one is actually just realizing that you're no different than the other 7 billion people on the planet, except that you have just had a very valuable insight into your own character. Beating up on yourself for being normal is not going to be productive in terms of creating changes in behavior.

What's been useful for me is looking at my values, and then looking at where my actions don't match up with those values. It's a lot easier to change actions than it is to change impulses. I still am, at heart, self-centered, lazy, blah blah blah, but the difference is I can see those impulses and choose not to honor them. I can act in a different way. One really small example is that I'm committed to enviromentalism. So I traded in my car for something that got better gas mileage, I'm investigating biodiesel conversion, and I started taking canvas bags to the grocery store. Little things, but every time I walk out of the store with a canvas bag on my shoulder, I feel like I am ME, and not my lazy self who would have forgotten the canvas bags and then felt guilty for walking out with plastic ones.

So take a look at your values. How do you WANT to be? Where are you not being that? Then make a conscious effort to take actions that are consistent with your values. Like maleficent said, it's going to take time, and you'll find that you backslide. Don't beat yourself up for that, either: just notice where you've lapsed, and get back on the horse, so to speak.

I think it's great that you've seen this about yourself. But don't let the self-loathing be an excuse to do nothing.

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"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France

stevie667

Cheers for the advice guys, i guess i'll see what i can do over the coming months...

Cynthetiq

That's excellent advice.

you can look at my governing values thread because that's what I also look...

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...verning+values

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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

raeanna74

I think the nicest, most gracious people that I know of would probably tell you that they've got as many or more faults than the next time. The difference is that you recognize them. No one is ABOVE murder if the circumstances are right. We all have it in us to do "evil" but we all have it in us to do good as well. What you strive to do is what makes you a better person to be around. It's a constant stuggle against our ego to be good to others instead of completely self-serving.

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"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.