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stevie667 · 08-02-2004, 05:34 AM

In nutshell, i've been doing some thinking recently, and i've realised that in myself i can see everything i hate in humanity and society as a whole.

I'm rude, arrogant, don't go to work (and when i do it's usually half arsed), did/do far too many drugs, lack proper stoning etiquette, can and often will be a complete fucktard if i don't stop myself, and generally suck with everything that comes my way.
In college i don't do my work, and slack off telling myself that if i do a bit of cramming i can blag it off.
I know that i have a huge amount of brain power, and can get through college doing all my work and getting straight A's (all my teachers have said it to me many many times), but i just don't give a shit, and would much rather sit at home and sleep, trying to hope that it will all be ok.
Social situations on the whole really don't go down with me, i get shy to extremes, will often just completly lock up and spend the rest of the time there in a corner trying to wish myself away.

Everything in the world at large that i hate or gets on my nerves i can find sitting somewhere inside me, and quite frankly, i have no idea what to do about it. Everytime i try to change, all i end up doing is changing one failure in myself for another, much to the chagrin of myself and my friends.

Is there some way that i can somehow start to change myself for the better, force myself to get rid of all this shite in my mind and become someone who i can face in the mirror?

I know that i can't change overnight, and that it will be hard, but i refuse to be this person, this thing, any longer.

08-02-2004, 05:34 AM	#1 (permalink)
stevie667 Too Awesome for Aardvarks Location: Angloland	What to do when your everything you hate In nutshell, i've been doing some thinking recently, and i've realised that in myself i can see everything i hate in humanity and society as a whole. I'm rude, arrogant, don't go to work (and when i do it's usually half arsed), did/do far too many drugs, lack proper stoning etiquette, can and often will be a complete fucktard if i don't stop myself, and generally suck with everything that comes my way. In college i don't do my work, and slack off telling myself that if i do a bit of cramming i can blag it off. I know that i have a huge amount of brain power, and can get through college doing all my work and getting straight A's (all my teachers have said it to me many many times), but i just don't give a shit, and would much rather sit at home and sleep, trying to hope that it will all be ok. Social situations on the whole really don't go down with me, i get shy to extremes, will often just completly lock up and spend the rest of the time there in a corner trying to wish myself away. Everything in the world at large that i hate or gets on my nerves i can find sitting somewhere inside me, and quite frankly, i have no idea what to do about it. Everytime i try to change, all i end up doing is changing one failure in myself for another, much to the chagrin of myself and my friends. Is there some way that i can somehow start to change myself for the better, force myself to get rid of all this shite in my mind and become someone who i can face in the mirror? I know that i can't change overnight, and that it will be hard, but i refuse to be this person, this thing, any longer.