Harshaw

Ok, currently as some of you might know, my girlfriend is in California. It sounds like she is 80% moved there. Last time I talked to her, I could tell she wanted me to move out there as well. The thing is, I really want to, but I am wondering how to balance career and love. I really want to move out to California and keep the relationship moving along like it was before she left. But I am worried that I have been out of college for over a year and I don't seem to be moving anywhere career wise. This time I have had away from her has made me realize this. I really think the best thing for me to do would be to join the Coast Guard and let them train me in something I would like doing. I have a friend in the CG and he loves it, I have looked into it and think I might love it as well. The problem is, I can only choose one. It is possible that the CG might station me somewhere in California, but not something I would like to bet on.

Ok, so that is my current Love vs. Career dilemma. What are yours? What did you do? Did you make the right decision?

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This too shall pass.

yournamehere

<b>Harshaw</b>,
I realize from reading all your posts how much you care for this girl.
But you <i>really</i> need to get over her and move on with your life. Following her around the country like a lost puppy is only going to make her lose whatever respect for you she has left.

Look - she made a conscious decision to leave you and move out of state, and she didn't even have the decency to be up font about it with you.
Life is too short to waste it. Quit living your life for her - live it for yourself. You <i>will</i> eventually get over her, and you <i>will</i> eventually find someone even better than her. I can guarantee the latter.

Join the Coast Guard and don't look back.
Good luck.

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JimmyTheHutt

Harshaw
If what yournamehere says is the case, I'd have to agree with his advice. I don't know the situation, but there comes a point, where no matter how painful it is, you have to cut the tie. The short sharp shock is better than the slow death you have planned. You will get over it. Okay, I haven't, but I'm an anomaly, and a bit of a masochist besides, but you will.

Veritas en Lux!
Jimmy The Hutt

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Harshaw

Thanks for the advice, but I'm mostly just asking a question. Have you had to face a love vs relationship issue, if so, which one did you choose and why? Thats why I put it in the Tilted Living section, because it is more of a life question (I think).

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This too shall pass.

ratbastid

I can't answer the question you're after, because I don't really think it's the question you want answered.

You said you don't have much going on by way of career right now. So it's not like staying put is going to be a big career move.

When lurkette and I were seniors in college, we were engaged. She started applying to grad schools. I didn't have any concrete post-graduation plans, but she did. So when she got accepted at UNC, we moved right down here.

Here's where we're similar--staying put wouldn't have been a big career thing. Picking up and starting somewhere else was about as good for me as anything else I could do.

The economy's not so hot in California right now, but that state usually rebounds earlier than anywhere else in the country. Unemployment is high everywhere.

I say (and this is SEPARATE from the advice that yournamehere gave you) you may as well start your career in California as anywhere. If you join the Coast Guard as a CA resident, you'll be much more likely to stay put, I'd think. They've got a coast out there to guard, ya know... At least she's not moving you to Ohio!

Sparhawk

I was in a similar spot. I chose the <a href="http://www.airforce.com">Air Force</a>. Why? Because following around my girlfriend while she went to school, then on to law school, while I sat on my ass and did nothing was making me lose self-esteem, not to mention self-respect. Doing something "crazy" like joining the CG would totally shake up your life, and definitely help you realize your potential like no other job out there.

Regardless, it's time to start thinking about #1, man.

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sillygirl

You were dating her, things were 'great', and then she up and moves to Cali without telling you, then expects you to move there with her? Grow some balls. Something's fishy here, and it's time for you to do something for yourself. Find a way to jumpstart your career and do something that you love, and THEN think of someone else. You've gotta put you first, even if you stay with her.

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bermuDa

is this the girl that was supposedly going on vacation?

sounds pretty selfish, and inconsiderate. You need to get over her, if making a career decision like joining the a branch of the military is what it takes then maybe that's your best bet. find yourself for a while, then see how you feel about this girl.

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Cynthetiq

be your own person. that's it.

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rogue49

While I would normally pick Love over Career.

In this case...I don't know too many things.
* What were the circumstances with her moving out there?
* It can't just "sound" like she wants you out there...there has to be some commitment.
* Just because it was good for your friend, doesn't mean it is for you.
* Are there any opportunities out there for you? (have you done any research?)
* Are you scared of a large commitment yourself?

You've got WAY too many open-ended questions here.
I'm not going to make my opinion known until you fill in the blanks.

I can't just offer life-altering advice like that without knowing more.
That would be selfish & inconsiderate of me.

Machoness doesn't not make a good advisor.

jay-g

If you really love her, move out there and be with her. The only thing is you have to make sure she's positive about how she feels for you. The last thing you want is to move out there and she finds another guy. Then there you are stuck somewhere you wouldnt even be if it wasnt for her. I guess it comes down to if she is worth the risk, how bad you want it to work, and the level of commitment you two have.

joesmith

what one can you replace the easiest? figure out the Real answer to that and you have a solution

skysooner

I have been discussing this with my wife, and she feels that your girlfriend has shown almost a complete disregard for your feelings by moving the way she did. Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who would be so sneaky about this?

thegreek

if the girl truly loves u, and u her, this isa no brainer. job isnt a surefire way to happiness, a girl u love is. not to mention its super hard to find that girl.

look at the thread about "best feeling in the world" and everytying is about love and girlfriends... nothing is about their job, remember that

water_boy1999

I wish I knew the full story behing your question. What some have alluded to though makes me think you should come out here.....BUT not for her. Come out to Cali because it is a beautiful state with so many things to do. In fact, come to Sacramento where we have one of the highest "single woman" concentrations in the world. It's fucking unbelievable!!!! In short, you should do what is going to make you happy, not what you think will make someone else happy.

So....she moved out here, huh? Think I could get her num.......AAAAHHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Just messin with ya.

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Jynx

i know it's all romantic to say "ditch the job for the love of your life", but here's the simple fact....

• if you have a career, and you trash it for love, then when that love dies you'll have to live with that career setback for the rest of your life. oh - and how do i know it'll fail? anyone who forces you to choose between the two is selfishly manipulating you, and that is NOT a good indicator of true love.
• if you have a career, and you save it at the expense of the relationship, you'll have to live with that love life setback only until you find another girl, which you most likely will.
• if you don't have a career and don't mind moving, then you've got nothing to lose and a possible relationship to gain. CA has a horribly high standard of living, but it also has lots of opportunity.

whatever you do, good luck

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Kyo

Women, or a life of accomplishment and money? I'm going to take the extreme view to put more force behind my point and assume the two are mutually exclusive (in real life they are not, of course).

So, assuming you can choose either romance or accomplishment, or just romance and money (let's be realistic here), I would choose money in a heartbeat. It would not even be a decision, really.

What does a woman get you? Sex. Emotional attachment. A sense of belonging. Love. Essentially useless, ephemeral things - with the exception of sex, which you can get without a commitment of any kind.

A job can get you a lot more. In fact, if you are good enough at it, it can get you everything up to and including women. Not women that love you, certainly, but if I could live a loveless life with all the money I could ever spend, I be a lot happier than the other way around.

As you add things like personal accomplishment and freedom to the scales, it makes the woman begin to seem less and less significant. There is so much you can do without a woman in your way. So much freedom when you are responsible only for yourself. There is already too much to do in life without having to worry about someone else.

It both disappoints me and scares me when I hear about what friends, both men and women, have given up for a significant other. People that have dropped everything - in one case even their life's dreams and hopes, just to be with their lovers. Why? Stupidity? Insanity? I don't know.

Join the Coast Guard. Develop character and skill. Save lives. Do something more meaningful with your life than chasing a faithless, disrespectful woman across the country.

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Johnny Rotten

With options as open as yours, you can find a successful relationship anywhere. No reason to tie yourself to her, after what you've told us in this thread and in others. Good luck.

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"The idea that money doesn't buy you happiness is a lie put about by the rich, to stop the poor from killing them." -- Michael Caine

XenuHubbard

Considering your circumstances, the coast guard would be a good idea.

But then again, I moved to Taiwan without a cent in my pockets to be with the woman who now is my wife.

Not to sound patronizing - I'm just curious - is this your first relationship? I'm asking since I did a lot of stupid things for my first girlfriend without actually fully realizing the consequences, and without fully realizing what a real relationship is about - compromise. She had me running around like a circus monkey.

And my knee-jerk reaction in this thread would probably be that your girlfriend might not be worth it. It's useless for you to think about your happiness together, if she doesn't.

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txlovely

Making compromises is one thing, but compromising yourself is another. I haven't been in your situation, but it sounds to me that your girlfriend and career problems are separate. Work out your career problem first. If the girlfriend loves you, she'll wait for you to straighten your life out and love you more for it.

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slimcr

If you think she's worth it, if you love her (you must know this, this isnt something you think or dont think) go for it.

Gut feeling is usually the best guidance you will ever have.

If your gut feeling says stay put, you're simply gonna get screwed, then stay.

Career jobs there are millions, love isnt that easy. Sometimes all we need is someone there.

My best 2 cents.