*Nikki*

This question is mainly for the men, anyone is welcome to answer though.

When you are in a relationship with your girlfriend what position do your friends take on??

The first five months of my relationship with my man it seemed like I was always in the number one spot. He spent most all of his free time with me. Now his friends call and he will change plans with me or do something with them more frequently.

Is it a matter of choosing your friends over your girlfriend or simply getting more comfortable in a relationship??

I woud like to know what other men have done in this situation.

GoldenOuroboros

Hrmm.. strange.. usually I put the love of my life first before anything that may come up.. Well I try.. But I sometimes get the urge to have a night out with the boiz, something different to talk about 'man' stuff.. lol

But on a more serious note and I don't mean to worry you, but if he's doin this all the time, have a look at your relationship..

Have a good one

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sapiens

When my wife and I first started dating, my friends were her friends. So, there was very little conflict. Now, I have friends independent of my wife. If I make plans with my wife to do something, I don't break them. I also check to see what my wife is up to on the weekends before I agree to hang out with friends. Some of my friends used to give me shit for checking with my wife. After tiring of their abuse, I told them that she was a higher priority in my life than they were. She doesn't decide what I do, but I consider her when making decisions (especially since our daughter's birth). I still go out with friends independent of my wife every 2 weeks or so.

As for your situation, I would expect that your boyfriend would want to hang out with his friends regularly. I wouldn't read to much into that. However, I don't think that changing plans on you and spending more time with others than with you are examples of "getting more comfortable in a relationship." In my experience, as romantic relationships grow, commitment grows. If it feels like he is committing less of his time to you and changing plans on you, he probably is and there is probably a reason for it. If it bothers you, you should talk to him about it. That being said, I don't know the specifics of your relationship and I'm not you. So, take my advice with a grain of salt.

rogue49

Nope, in the relationships I've had in the past,
the lady came first.

Maybe this is why I'm still single, they took me for granted.
Who knows?
But this is my nature, and I'm not going to change.

However, I would think that the lady I was with would allow me some "me" time with my friends,
as I would do for her, there is a balance.
Each person also has their own life, you don't want to smother each other,
then you are asking for a backlash & resentment.
But if it came down to give & take, I would prefer to spend time with her.

But that's just me, each person is different, and how others react is different too.
A couple has too experiment how much give & take, with time, over time.
It's a dance you have to find the rhythm with, and your partner will learn to flow with you.

If you are uncomfortable with it, just bring it up.
It's part of the communcation of a couple.
Maybe he doesn't realize he's not meeting your needs of time.
This will allow him to adjust back to a sharing of time that you're both comfortable with.

I've never been one to let sleeping dogs lie, I say what's on my mind.

Lebell

There are two principles that I apply in my life when it comes to this:

First is that my mate is my best friend and holds the number one spot.

The second, is that I respect all my friends and when I make plans with them, I don't casually drop them to go out with another friend. That is highly disrespectful IMHO.

By extension, I expect my friends to respect the plans I've made with my other friends.

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ARTelevision

sus and mimi are miles above any other friends I have

every other relationship takes a back seat to sus and mimi in my life.

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Cynthetiq

I'm with art...

My wife is my best friend... I'd rather be with her than anyone else...

but on the off chance that I do have a friend that wants to hang out... more often than not... it's a matter of making sure that there isn't a conflicting thing...

but sometimes, friends come first... example on Friday a lady coworker of mine was feeling down because her GU boyfriend hadn't called and she needed some cheering up. I showed her two hotels in the Times Square area that are my oasis to get away sometimes... just to sit quietly in the lobby, even sometimes during work hours.

Irony of course that I brought a lady to two hotel rooms (waah waah waah) but she appreciated it and my wife met up with me an hour later... she chuckled when I told her that I was a two hotels with another woman

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tinfoil

My wife and my friends were on the same level when she and I first started dating. These are the guys I grew up with and knew the most about me. In time, she came to learn the same things about me.

I don't think it's as much as one relationship being more important than the other, but being on the same level for different things. There are some things I will tell my best of friends and some things I will tell my wife.

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Battlefield

When it first starts out, the girl is #1. Then as the relationship progresses, you realize that you should spend some time with whatever friends you have left. Being in a relationship often means going AWOL from male friends. I dont know about other guys but for me I realize hey, I still need friends on top of a SO! So I try to atleast maintain my relationships with my friends at this point.

I'm pretty sure, as is the case with me, that you are still number one, and as you say he has become more comfortable, the relationship has settled into a comfortable routine etc.

yournamehere

My friends and coworkers are like my second family . . . .
Which puts them below my first family (my wife).

But I see where you're coming from, <b>*Nikki*</b> - we all tend to "slack off" a little once we feel the relationship is "comfortable." Kind of like the "Menu Price Slide" over time as far as the places we take you, right? Of course, I don't think this is strictly a "man" thing - I think the ladies are susceptible to the same kind of behavior. It's human nature to take people for granted after awhile - we all have to remain vigilant to keep that from happening.

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rockzilla

When I first start seeing a girl, I prefer to keep things slow, I'll make time for her, but not at the expense of existing friendships. I've had friends that seemed to fall of the face of the earth after meeting a girl, only to resurface months later when the girl is gone. I'll never cancel plans with a girlfriend to hang out with friends or vice versa. One of the bigger things I look for in a serious relationship is how well we get along with each other's friends, it makes stuff like this easier to deal with.

Charlatan

I don't have any other friends...

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Thraeryn

Couldn't have put it better. I'd almost always prefer to do things with my best friend over someone else, but if I make the plans, I don't just ditch for some superficial reason. Take a look at things.

Shpoop

as a semi-popular saying goes: bro's before ho's

but thats usually just used in terms of backstabbing, etc.

i didnt answer any sort of question here did i?

numist_net

My girlfriend was my friend before she was my love, and she always comes before everything else.
My friends have become her friends, for the most part, and the converse is also true.
We have an understanding, however. I have many friends with 'issues' and other interesting pasts, so so does she, so when one of us goes to play psychologist, the other understands.

Basically, we hold each other first, but neither of us take overt advantage of it.

[edit]dangit, Nikki, your avatar makes me want to break my no-wank pledge[/edit]

skysooner

Relationships are always undergoing transitions since we are never the same people in our lives. There was a time when I had good friends that I did things with early in our marriage. She had friends as well. We rarely did things with other couples as we rarely found a couple that we both really liked the other person (a common complaint from what I have heard). We moved so much early on that we really had to lean on each other. Now, we rarely go more than 2 hrs through a day without talking at least a couple of minutes. When she is gone, I feel like a large part of me is gone. This might not have happened if we had continued to live where we grew up. We have moved back now, but the time away was good. I guess I am saying that it depends on the circumstances. The more you become to each other, the less you need from others (although there are still some things my male friends can provide better than my wife, i.e. sports talk). This isn't easy to accomplish and in fact becomes more difficult the more you try to make it happen. Find common interests. Do more things together and eventually you will reach a nice middle ground wehre his going out with his friends won't bother you so much (and likely he won't want to go out with his friends as much). Getting older helps to as by that time most of your friends are married and have their own concerns.

homerhop

I have 2 of the most reliable friends anyone could ever have, I would literally trust these guys with my life, and know for a fact that they would go to ANY extreem to prevent anything from happening to me.
One of them is mammyhouses brother whom I knew long before we started seeing each other, and he knows that if he needed me I would be there no matter what.
She is quiet aware of this, as we discussed it when we first started going out, and she understands.
She has my full attention and I try my hardest to be around as much as I can. We also have our own passtimes that we both enjoy doing by ourselves, giving us the breathing space that alot of couples dont take.

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clavus

I agree 100%.

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