Is this friendship over ? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

cliv · 08-07-2003, 08:35 PM

A little over 2 1/2 years ago we brought a new female engineer into our office, lets call her Ms. K for this discussion. Over the first two years we became friends. We did friend type stuff, parties with common friends, concerts, etc, but no sex. She was married (separated) and I was not married. Late last year and early this year she went through what turned into a somewhat nasty divorce and at times she would come to me because she needed someone to talk to. In Feb she got a promotion and had to move back to the department she used to work in and into a very demanding and stressful job. On her last day in my office, I jokingly said "In a month you'll forget who I am". As the first months went by we still continued to do the friend type things. She baked me a birthday cake in for my birthday in May, I got her a present for her bithday in June. We have continued to do friend type stuff (although less and less), and in fact, I went to a barbeque at her house a few weeks ago. Right after she left, we used to go out to lunch to catch up on things in our lives. As the months went on, I'd ask and most of the time she would say "I'm busy for lunch" or just change the subject. I started to get suspicious. Just recently when she did say "yes" she invited another person to go with us and did not tell me. More suspicious. As a note, she does regularly (almost daily) goes out ot lunch with people in her current department.

Last Friday she drew me into and arguement. It seems that her new employees don't respect her, her peers don't respect her very much and combined they started rumors about her, including that she slept her way into the promotion (I know that's not true) because she was promoted over people with more senority. Here's the argument she drew me into: She told me that one of her guy friends, who she flirts with and who flirts with her, kissed her goodbye at the end of a meeting. I remarked that it was unprofessional and that she may want to talk to him about it because that type of behavior would lessen the little respect she gets in her office and promotes the "slut" rumors --- just some friendly advice. I got a firestorm back at me for that...I don't care what you think !, mind your own business !, who asked you anyway ?! We agreed to disagree and that the topic was closed forever. I talked to her on IM the next day (Saturday) and I talked to her in the office on Monday and all appeared fine both times.

Until Monday, we would IM and sometimes I would have trouble getting a sentence into a conversation because she had lots to say. Since Monday night, all I get are one word responses.

She was invited to the office picnic on Thursday along with other people who had left recently. She and another girl, lets call her Ms. J, arived together. I said 'hi' to both of them they both responded and then then Ms. K turned her back to me and started talking to Ms. J. I ended up at the same table as Ms. K and Ms. J. and Ms. K started a conversation with everyone at the table except me and tried to totally ignore me when I tried to start a converstion with her.

So I guess my questions are:

Did she end the friendship and not tell me ? I guess I'm supposed to figure it out myself ?

Should I just walk away from this whole mess ? Or try to fix it ?

Thanks in advance for any responses / help.

rival · 08-07-2003, 08:54 PM

I'd walk away. I get enough shit during the day, I don't need it from my "friends" too. $.02

badflsh · 08-07-2003, 09:16 PM

I guess it depends how important the friendship is to you. If it is important, then ask her whats up. Sounds like she probably is pissed at you, but it seems like its for a wrong place wrong time kinda thing. Going way out on a limb my guess would be, in her mind everyone is against her. She turned to you for support (the suggar coated "you would never do that, they are crazy!" kind of stuff) and instead got actual advice. Even though the advice was good, it wasnt what she wanted to hear.

On the other hand, if you think the friendship was slowly dieing anyway and you are tired of trying to get things going all the time then just walk away.

The_Dude · 08-07-2003, 09:46 PM

i think it's over dude. obviously she doesnt wanna talk with you and the reason to me is not clear from what you said.

i would do what badfish said and ask her what's up. you dont really have much to lose at this point.

mrquackers · 08-08-2003, 02:57 AM

I think badfish is giving some good advice here. It won't be a fun talk or a comfortable one - but it will either start you two on the path toward friendship again or will be good closure.

Regardless, I think you can expect that even if the friendship resumes, it will be different than what you had before.

Mephisto2 · 08-08-2003, 03:59 AM

This person sounds like a friend you don't need mate.

Friendship is a two-way street. You give and you take. Sounds like she is neither giving or taking any more.

I would stop bothering.

Don't act like her and get nasty. Just forget about her. It's her loss. It sounds like you're a nice guy, so she's only doing herself a disservice.

Mr Mephisto

lurkette · 08-08-2003, 05:17 AM

I guess it depends on whether you're willing to pursue it, and whether she's willing to respond.

Sometimes friendships end, and I have to agree with Mr. Mephisto that she sounds like trouble. She could just be going through a rough patch, but she shouldn't be taking it out on you and it doesn't speak well for her that she is.

If you want to pursue it, have a talk with her, but keep in mind that she's holding the reins on this one and you might have to live with whatever she's willing/able to give.

cliv · 08-08-2003, 11:59 AM

Thanks to all who responded.

Six months ago I would have said the friendship was worth saving. Three months ago I would have said the same. Today, I can't rely on my own judgement in this matter.

I at least want closure. If she won't talk to me at all, I'll walk away, The End. If she will talk to me, I'll have to decide after that if I walk away or not.

But no matter what happens, it will have to wait almost 2 weeks, I just found out she's away on vacation for the next 11 days.

Mephisto2 · 08-08-2003, 01:50 PM

Keep us informed.

It's nice to hear the results of some of the posts on this board. A far too uncommon occurance unfortunately.

Mr Mephisto

denim · 08-09-2003, 06:50 AM

It sounds like she's trying to use work for a social outlet. That won't work well, and she doesn't seem to have realized it yet.

I understand the problem, since I used to do just that while in school but it ceases to be appropriate afterwards. She's got to find another source for friends, or accept that her working environment is going to degrade. I speak from unpleasant experience. (sigh)

RoadRage · 08-10-2003, 01:49 PM

Be cautious about trying to get her back, it may qualify as sexual harassment.

I'd stay back and make her decide to come back to the friendship.

Silvy · 08-10-2003, 02:05 PM

My personal take on the matter is:
She's having a serious problem, and can not or does not want to discuss it with you, while you're the only qualified person for it. Perhaps she's afraid of contact with you in fear of confronting her problem.

I'd go with the advice given above: ask her outright (not bluntly ofcourse).
If my scenario is true I hope she's honest (even if she doesn't want to discuss it right away) and your friendship could get a good new beginning.

If she 'turns you down' then walk away. There's no telling how pursuing would turn out. If you really care for her be available, don't push it, but don't depend on it either.

I acted like her once and shoved my best friend away. In all honesty I needed him most at that time... Luckily he took it well, gave me my time and on the very first occassion afterwards I thanked him a lot for it. It gave our friendship an even better basis than before. But I'll be damned if I ever pull that shit again.. it hurts people

So got a load of my chest here too

EDIT: serious typo corrected.

Splice · 08-14-2003, 09:25 PM

Cliv:
I'm assuming you're a man. What others have done is to analyze her, but what about you? What are you getting out of all this? Please know that I'm not accusing you of anything, only to share from my own experience. I ask because I have been in very similar situations before, not so much professionally but socially. You see up until about 4 months or so ago, I would bend over backwards to help out female friends. There were always 1 or 2 "female friends" who got extra attention from me (not sexually, but at the drop of a hat I would be there to help them). After a LONG while, I realized that I often volunteered to help them, even when they didn't ask. Truth be told, these friendships started out platonic enough. But somewhere along the way, I wanted it to be more. I guess I justified it to myself as me wanting to help, but the truth was that I just wanted to start some relationship with them. Thinking back, I was just a jackass for being a doormat and for having other motives. And when all was said and done and it came around for these women to "help" me they were no where to be found. Here's one example, when my car broke down I called and she gave me this "I'm busy" excuse. I should have told her that the next time I can "schedule" an emergency, that I would call her! Needless to say, I won't be calling her anymore, for anything.

I guess I'm wondering what you get out of trying to stay friends with this woman who, your own account, seems to be giving you the brush-off. What ever it is, I hope you find some sense of peace and happiness. Good luck.

DeviouslySimple · 08-15-2003, 03:02 AM

Realistically, let's evaluate how this has worked.

Apparently she's often came to you for support before, as in you've been the one to be there, because she'd had a lot of other people and interests in her life, which is fine.
Really, from quite the last few months, she's blown you off most of the time as well from what you say.
Especially since her recent emotional problem has to do with a whole gender issue thing, it's hard for you as a man to say much that she will easily respect if she's shown herself to be that way about it. Furthermore, it also seems like a good question is posed already.."What are you getting out of it?". If you've already spent months trying to keep a generally semi-cool friendship about it, or what was one, and she doesn't care for it or for you personally at all, why are you wasting your time?
The only thing you're doing by continuing this is probably seeming creepy/pushy/more-like-a-doormat, and in any of those cases you're just wasting your own time for someone who's either too confused to really contribute to a mutual friendship or simply doesn't care much for you, period.

So in short, leave it alone. You have a lot better things to concentrate on in your life I am betting. And good luck to you.

wry1 · 08-15-2003, 09:10 PM

I guess I'm a dissenter among the ranks. My best friend is female, we met at work, and no - I'm not her doormat.

I'll admit: when I first met her, I wanted to date her something fierce! But I have a rule....if I know the woman is seriously dating (as opposed to dating around), engaged or married, I will be a good friend - but nothing more than that. I know as a guy I would hate to have other guys trying to break up any relationship I was in, so I do as I would have others do for me.

Anyway, we hit it off at work, and when she got divorced it was me that she called in the night to talk to, me that she spent more and more time with, and it was also me who realized that I was having a stronger relationship with her as a friend than I could have had if I were trying to date her.

So we sat down, had a LONG talk, and aired the whole thing out. It turned out that we had a few bumps along the road shortly after that, but by ironing out the whole thing there was none of the tension that comes with ambiguity.

I say tell this woman that you've been her friend, you like being her friend, and that you are troubled by the behavior she's shown toward you lately. Ask if there is anything you can do to help the situation - even if it's just by listening - and then see if she comes around to talk.

REMEMBER: Women tend to talk to other women for support. Men go to other men for assistance and problem-solving. It could be that by actually addressing her issue (instead of providing support and acceptance) you painted a big red target on yourself.

Good luck, and I'll be waiting to hear how this goes!

Splice · 08-15-2003, 10:28 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by wry1
...REMEMBER: Women tend to talk to other women for support. Men go to other men for assistance and problem-solving. It could be that by actually addressing her issue (instead of providing support and acceptance) you painted a big red target on yourself...

You have made a very good point.

wry1 · 08-16-2003, 01:18 PM

What can I say? I've made THAT mistake with my best friend on a multitude of occasions before I finally got it through my thick skull that all she really wanted was some affirmation.....you know, a "That rat! You're so better off without!"

Not typical conversation stuff for a guy, that's for sure!

Cynthetiq · 08-17-2003, 10:51 AM

REBOUND bounce... used and abused for the amusement of someone in need.... that's my quick assessment. But you are saying you are friends... not lovers...

I'm too tired and busy to use my only free moments on such... it's my friend yes, but i'd give her the opportunity to just be... I'd find my own things to do and of course still check in with her from time to time. She may not want to share a more personal or intimate situation that is happening with her now... so be honest to the friendship. Leave it alone.

wry1 · 08-17-2003, 06:49 PM

Basically, it all comes down to one concept.....

Go with your gut.

Whatever you do, you're going to have to live with the consequences. Me? I've always felt that it was better to regret doing something as opposed to regretting a missed opportunity.

But that's just me. I don't even have a girlfriend right now, so who am I to judge?

cliv · 09-05-2003, 01:25 PM

For those who asked me to reply with the outcome....

Well, she is back from her vacation and I am back from mine. And now that I have had time to think somewhat rationally, I have decided that I just don't care very much about our friendship anymore. We have seen each other around recently and we have basically have had short conversations about trivial stuff (aka small talk). Our friendship may never return to the level it was at, but that's life. I won't shun her, but I won't go out of my way for her anymore. We have to interact with each other at work sometimes, so I decided it was best not to cause any bad feelings. I know that inaction is bad, but I just don't want to expend any more energy on this.

Again, thanks for all the responses.

Splice · 09-05-2003, 11:48 PM

Being civil to her is a good move. Yes, creating unnecessary conflicts at work will not be a good move. So I think that is a wise decision on your part.

08-07-2003, 08:35 PM	#1 (permalink)
cliv Insane Location: New Jersey, USA	Is this friendship over ? A little over 2 1/2 years ago we brought a new female engineer into our office, lets call her Ms. K for this discussion. Over the first two years we became friends. We did friend type stuff, parties with common friends, concerts, etc, but no sex. She was married (separated) and I was not married. Late last year and early this year she went through what turned into a somewhat nasty divorce and at times she would come to me because she needed someone to talk to. In Feb she got a promotion and had to move back to the department she used to work in and into a very demanding and stressful job. On her last day in my office, I jokingly said "In a month you'll forget who I am". As the first months went by we still continued to do the friend type things. She baked me a birthday cake in for my birthday in May, I got her a present for her bithday in June. We have continued to do friend type stuff (although less and less), and in fact, I went to a barbeque at her house a few weeks ago. Right after she left, we used to go out to lunch to catch up on things in our lives. As the months went on, I'd ask and most of the time she would say "I'm busy for lunch" or just change the subject. I started to get suspicious. Just recently when she did say "yes" she invited another person to go with us and did not tell me. More suspicious. As a note, she does regularly (almost daily) goes out ot lunch with people in her current department. Last Friday she drew me into and arguement. It seems that her new employees don't respect her, her peers don't respect her very much and combined they started rumors about her, including that she slept her way into the promotion (I know that's not true) because she was promoted over people with more senority. Here's the argument she drew me into: She told me that one of her guy friends, who she flirts with and who flirts with her, kissed her goodbye at the end of a meeting. I remarked that it was unprofessional and that she may want to talk to him about it because that type of behavior would lessen the little respect she gets in her office and promotes the "slut" rumors --- just some friendly advice. I got a firestorm back at me for that...I don't care what you think !, mind your own business !, who asked you anyway ?! We agreed to disagree and that the topic was closed forever. I talked to her on IM the next day (Saturday) and I talked to her in the office on Monday and all appeared fine both times. Until Monday, we would IM and sometimes I would have trouble getting a sentence into a conversation because she had lots to say. Since Monday night, all I get are one word responses. She was invited to the office picnic on Thursday along with other people who had left recently. She and another girl, lets call her Ms. J, arived together. I said 'hi' to both of them they both responded and then then Ms. K turned her back to me and started talking to Ms. J. I ended up at the same table as Ms. K and Ms. J. and Ms. K started a conversation with everyone at the table except me and tried to totally ignore me when I tried to start a converstion with her. So I guess my questions are: Did she end the friendship and not tell me ? I guess I'm supposed to figure it out myself ? Should I just walk away from this whole mess ? Or try to fix it ? Thanks in advance for any responses / help.

08-07-2003, 09:46 PM	#4 (permalink)
The_Dude The GrandDaddy of them all! Location: Austin, TX	i think it's over dude. obviously she doesnt wanna talk with you and the reason to me is not clear from what you said. i would do what badfish said and ask her what's up. you dont really have much to lose at this point. __________________ "Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity." - Darrel K Royal

08-08-2003, 02:57 AM	#5 (permalink)
mrquackers Exhausted Location: Northeastern US - please send help!	I think badfish is giving some good advice here. It won't be a fun talk or a comfortable one - but it will either start you two on the path toward friendship again or will be good closure. Regardless, I think you can expect that even if the friendship resumes, it will be different than what you had before. __________________ "If you're walking on thin ice, you may as well go ahead and dance."

08-08-2003, 05:17 AM	#7 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	I guess it depends on whether you're willing to pursue it, and whether she's willing to respond. Sometimes friendships end, and I have to agree with Mr. Mephisto that she sounds like trouble. She could just be going through a rough patch, but she shouldn't be taking it out on you and it doesn't speak well for her that she is. If you want to pursue it, have a talk with her, but keep in mind that she's holding the reins on this one and you might have to live with whatever she's willing/able to give. __________________ "If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France

08-10-2003, 01:49 PM	#11 (permalink)
RoadRage Stay off the sidewalk! Location: Oklahoma City, OK	Be cautious about trying to get her back, it may qualify as sexual harassment. I'd stay back and make her decide to come back to the friendship. __________________ Join TFP Team SETI 43K workunits complete, 34 members, more of each needed.

08-07-2003, 08:54 PM	#2 (permalink)
rival Crazy Location: Pittsburgh, Pa	I'd walk away. I get enough shit during the day, I don't need it from my "friends" too. $.02

08-07-2003, 09:16 PM	#3 (permalink)
badflsh Tilted Location: Oregon	I guess it depends how important the friendship is to you. If it is important, then ask her whats up. Sounds like she probably is pissed at you, but it seems like its for a wrong place wrong time kinda thing. Going way out on a limb my guess would be, in her mind everyone is against her. She turned to you for support (the suggar coated "you would never do that, they are crazy!" kind of stuff) and instead got actual advice. Even though the advice was good, it wasnt what she wanted to hear. On the other hand, if you think the friendship was slowly dieing anyway and you are tired of trying to get things going all the time then just walk away.

08-08-2003, 03:59 AM	#6 (permalink)
Mephisto2 Junkie	This person sounds like a friend you don't need mate. Friendship is a two-way street. You give and you take. Sounds like she is neither giving or taking any more. I would stop bothering. Don't act like her and get nasty. Just forget about her. It's her loss. It sounds like you're a nice guy, so she's only doing herself a disservice. Mr Mephisto

08-08-2003, 11:59 AM	#8 (permalink)
cliv Insane Location: New Jersey, USA	Thanks to all who responded. Six months ago I would have said the friendship was worth saving. Three months ago I would have said the same. Today, I can't rely on my own judgement in this matter. I at least want closure. If she won't talk to me at all, I'll walk away, The End. If she will talk to me, I'll have to decide after that if I walk away or not. But no matter what happens, it will have to wait almost 2 weeks, I just found out she's away on vacation for the next 11 days.

08-08-2003, 01:50 PM	#9 (permalink)
Mephisto2 Junkie	Keep us informed. It's nice to hear the results of some of the posts on this board. A far too uncommon occurance unfortunately. Mr Mephisto

08-09-2003, 06:50 AM	#10 (permalink)
denim Banned Location: Massachusetts, USA	It sounds like she's trying to use work for a social outlet. That won't work well, and she doesn't seem to have realized it yet. I understand the problem, since I used to do just that while in school but it ceases to be appropriate afterwards. She's got to find another source for friends, or accept that her working environment is going to degrade. I speak from unpleasant experience. (sigh)

08-10-2003, 02:05 PM	#12 (permalink)
Silvy paranoid Location: The Netherlands	My personal take on the matter is: She's having a serious problem, and can not or does not want to discuss it with you, while you're the only qualified person for it. Perhaps she's afraid of contact with you in fear of confronting her problem. I'd go with the advice given above: ask her outright (not bluntly ofcourse). If my scenario is true I hope she's honest (even if she doesn't want to discuss it right away) and your friendship could get a good new beginning. If she 'turns you down' then walk away. There's no telling how pursuing would turn out. If you really care for her be available, don't push it, but don't depend on it either. I acted like her once and shoved my best friend away. In all honesty I needed him most at that time... Luckily he took it well, gave me my time and on the very first occassion afterwards I thanked him a lot for it. It gave our friendship an even better basis than before. But I'll be damned if I ever pull that shit again.. it hurts people So got a load of my chest here too EDIT: serious typo corrected. __________________ "Do not kill. Do not rape. Do not steal. These are principles which every man of every faith can embrace. " - Murphy MacManus (Boondock Saints) Last edited by Silvy; 08-10-2003 at 02:09 PM..

08-14-2003, 09:25 PM	#13 (permalink)
Splice Crazy	Cliv: I'm assuming you're a man. What others have done is to analyze her, but what about you? What are you getting out of all this? Please know that I'm not accusing you of anything, only to share from my own experience. I ask because I have been in very similar situations before, not so much professionally but socially. You see up until about 4 months or so ago, I would bend over backwards to help out female friends. There were always 1 or 2 "female friends" who got extra attention from me (not sexually, but at the drop of a hat I would be there to help them). After a LONG while, I realized that I often volunteered to help them, even when they didn't ask. Truth be told, these friendships started out platonic enough. But somewhere along the way, I wanted it to be more. I guess I justified it to myself as me wanting to help, but the truth was that I just wanted to start some relationship with them. Thinking back, I was just a jackass for being a doormat and for having other motives. And when all was said and done and it came around for these women to "help" me they were no where to be found. Here's one example, when my car broke down I called and she gave me this "I'm busy" excuse. I should have told her that the next time I can "schedule" an emergency, that I would call her! Needless to say, I won't be calling her anymore, for anything. I guess I'm wondering what you get out of trying to stay friends with this woman who, your own account, seems to be giving you the brush-off. What ever it is, I hope you find some sense of peace and happiness. Good luck.

08-15-2003, 03:02 AM	#14 (permalink)
DeviouslySimple Upright Location: Stillwater, Oklahoma	Realistically, let's evaluate how this has worked. Apparently she's often came to you for support before, as in you've been the one to be there, because she'd had a lot of other people and interests in her life, which is fine. Really, from quite the last few months, she's blown you off most of the time as well from what you say. Especially since her recent emotional problem has to do with a whole gender issue thing, it's hard for you as a man to say much that she will easily respect if she's shown herself to be that way about it. Furthermore, it also seems like a good question is posed already.."What are you getting out of it?". If you've already spent months trying to keep a generally semi-cool friendship about it, or what was one, and she doesn't care for it or for you personally at all, why are you wasting your time? The only thing you're doing by continuing this is probably seeming creepy/pushy/more-like-a-doormat, and in any of those cases you're just wasting your own time for someone who's either too confused to really contribute to a mutual friendship or simply doesn't care much for you, period. So in short, leave it alone. You have a lot better things to concentrate on in your life I am betting. And good luck to you.

08-15-2003, 09:10 PM	#15 (permalink)
wry1 Loser Location: Far too far from my Angel....	I guess I'm a dissenter among the ranks. My best friend is female, we met at work, and no - I'm not her doormat. I'll admit: when I first met her, I wanted to date her something fierce! But I have a rule....if I know the woman is seriously dating (as opposed to dating around), engaged or married, I will be a good friend - but nothing more than that. I know as a guy I would hate to have other guys trying to break up any relationship I was in, so I do as I would have others do for me. Anyway, we hit it off at work, and when she got divorced it was me that she called in the night to talk to, me that she spent more and more time with, and it was also me who realized that I was having a stronger relationship with her as a friend than I could have had if I were trying to date her. So we sat down, had a LONG talk, and aired the whole thing out. It turned out that we had a few bumps along the road shortly after that, but by ironing out the whole thing there was none of the tension that comes with ambiguity. I say tell this woman that you've been her friend, you like being her friend, and that you are troubled by the behavior she's shown toward you lately. Ask if there is anything you can do to help the situation - even if it's just by listening - and then see if she comes around to talk. REMEMBER: Women tend to talk to other women for support. Men go to other men for assistance and problem-solving. It could be that by actually addressing her issue (instead of providing support and acceptance) you painted a big red target on yourself. Good luck, and I'll be waiting to hear how this goes!

08-16-2003, 01:18 PM	#17 (permalink)
wry1 Loser Location: Far too far from my Angel....	What can I say? I've made THAT mistake with my best friend on a multitude of occasions before I finally got it through my thick skull that all she really wanted was some affirmation.....you know, a "That rat! You're so better off without!" Not typical conversation stuff for a guy, that's for sure!

08-17-2003, 10:51 AM	#18 (permalink)
Cynthetiq Tilted Cat Head Administrator Location: Manhattan, NY	REBOUND bounce... used and abused for the amusement of someone in need.... that's my quick assessment. But you are saying you are friends... not lovers... I'm too tired and busy to use my only free moments on such... it's my friend yes, but i'd give her the opportunity to just be... I'd find my own things to do and of course still check in with her from time to time. She may not want to share a more personal or intimate situation that is happening with her now... so be honest to the friendship. Leave it alone. __________________ I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. What's the best nation in the world? DO-NATION!

08-17-2003, 06:49 PM	#19 (permalink)
wry1 Loser Location: Far too far from my Angel....	Basically, it all comes down to one concept..... Go with your gut. Whatever you do, you're going to have to live with the consequences. Me? I've always felt that it was better to regret doing something as opposed to regretting a missed opportunity. But that's just me. I don't even have a girlfriend right now, so who am I to judge?

09-05-2003, 01:25 PM	#20 (permalink)
cliv Insane Location: New Jersey, USA	For those who asked me to reply with the outcome.... Well, she is back from her vacation and I am back from mine. And now that I have had time to think somewhat rationally, I have decided that I just don't care very much about our friendship anymore. We have seen each other around recently and we have basically have had short conversations about trivial stuff (aka small talk). Our friendship may never return to the level it was at, but that's life. I won't shun her, but I won't go out of my way for her anymore. We have to interact with each other at work sometimes, so I decided it was best not to cause any bad feelings. I know that inaction is bad, but I just don't want to expend any more energy on this. Again, thanks for all the responses.

09-05-2003, 11:48 PM	#21 (permalink)
Splice Crazy	Being civil to her is a good move. Yes, creating unnecessary conflicts at work will not be a good move. So I think that is a wise decision on your part.