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cliv · 08-07-2003, 08:35 PM

A little over 2 1/2 years ago we brought a new female engineer into our office, lets call her Ms. K for this discussion. Over the first two years we became friends. We did friend type stuff, parties with common friends, concerts, etc, but no sex. She was married (separated) and I was not married. Late last year and early this year she went through what turned into a somewhat nasty divorce and at times she would come to me because she needed someone to talk to. In Feb she got a promotion and had to move back to the department she used to work in and into a very demanding and stressful job. On her last day in my office, I jokingly said "In a month you'll forget who I am". As the first months went by we still continued to do the friend type things. She baked me a birthday cake in for my birthday in May, I got her a present for her bithday in June. We have continued to do friend type stuff (although less and less), and in fact, I went to a barbeque at her house a few weeks ago. Right after she left, we used to go out to lunch to catch up on things in our lives. As the months went on, I'd ask and most of the time she would say "I'm busy for lunch" or just change the subject. I started to get suspicious. Just recently when she did say "yes" she invited another person to go with us and did not tell me. More suspicious. As a note, she does regularly (almost daily) goes out ot lunch with people in her current department.

Last Friday she drew me into and arguement. It seems that her new employees don't respect her, her peers don't respect her very much and combined they started rumors about her, including that she slept her way into the promotion (I know that's not true) because she was promoted over people with more senority. Here's the argument she drew me into: She told me that one of her guy friends, who she flirts with and who flirts with her, kissed her goodbye at the end of a meeting. I remarked that it was unprofessional and that she may want to talk to him about it because that type of behavior would lessen the little respect she gets in her office and promotes the "slut" rumors --- just some friendly advice. I got a firestorm back at me for that...I don't care what you think !, mind your own business !, who asked you anyway ?! We agreed to disagree and that the topic was closed forever. I talked to her on IM the next day (Saturday) and I talked to her in the office on Monday and all appeared fine both times.

Until Monday, we would IM and sometimes I would have trouble getting a sentence into a conversation because she had lots to say. Since Monday night, all I get are one word responses.

She was invited to the office picnic on Thursday along with other people who had left recently. She and another girl, lets call her Ms. J, arived together. I said 'hi' to both of them they both responded and then then Ms. K turned her back to me and started talking to Ms. J. I ended up at the same table as Ms. K and Ms. J. and Ms. K started a conversation with everyone at the table except me and tried to totally ignore me when I tried to start a converstion with her.

So I guess my questions are:

Did she end the friendship and not tell me ? I guess I'm supposed to figure it out myself ?

Should I just walk away from this whole mess ? Or try to fix it ?

Thanks in advance for any responses / help.

08-07-2003, 08:35 PM	#1 (permalink)
cliv Insane Location: New Jersey, USA	Is this friendship over ? A little over 2 1/2 years ago we brought a new female engineer into our office, lets call her Ms. K for this discussion. Over the first two years we became friends. We did friend type stuff, parties with common friends, concerts, etc, but no sex. She was married (separated) and I was not married. Late last year and early this year she went through what turned into a somewhat nasty divorce and at times she would come to me because she needed someone to talk to. In Feb she got a promotion and had to move back to the department she used to work in and into a very demanding and stressful job. On her last day in my office, I jokingly said "In a month you'll forget who I am". As the first months went by we still continued to do the friend type things. She baked me a birthday cake in for my birthday in May, I got her a present for her bithday in June. We have continued to do friend type stuff (although less and less), and in fact, I went to a barbeque at her house a few weeks ago. Right after she left, we used to go out to lunch to catch up on things in our lives. As the months went on, I'd ask and most of the time she would say "I'm busy for lunch" or just change the subject. I started to get suspicious. Just recently when she did say "yes" she invited another person to go with us and did not tell me. More suspicious. As a note, she does regularly (almost daily) goes out ot lunch with people in her current department. Last Friday she drew me into and arguement. It seems that her new employees don't respect her, her peers don't respect her very much and combined they started rumors about her, including that she slept her way into the promotion (I know that's not true) because she was promoted over people with more senority. Here's the argument she drew me into: She told me that one of her guy friends, who she flirts with and who flirts with her, kissed her goodbye at the end of a meeting. I remarked that it was unprofessional and that she may want to talk to him about it because that type of behavior would lessen the little respect she gets in her office and promotes the "slut" rumors --- just some friendly advice. I got a firestorm back at me for that...I don't care what you think !, mind your own business !, who asked you anyway ?! We agreed to disagree and that the topic was closed forever. I talked to her on IM the next day (Saturday) and I talked to her in the office on Monday and all appeared fine both times. Until Monday, we would IM and sometimes I would have trouble getting a sentence into a conversation because she had lots to say. Since Monday night, all I get are one word responses. She was invited to the office picnic on Thursday along with other people who had left recently. She and another girl, lets call her Ms. J, arived together. I said 'hi' to both of them they both responded and then then Ms. K turned her back to me and started talking to Ms. J. I ended up at the same table as Ms. K and Ms. J. and Ms. K started a conversation with everyone at the table except me and tried to totally ignore me when I tried to start a converstion with her. So I guess my questions are: Did she end the friendship and not tell me ? I guess I'm supposed to figure it out myself ? Should I just walk away from this whole mess ? Or try to fix it ? Thanks in advance for any responses / help.