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wry1 · 08-15-2003, 09:10 PM

I guess I'm a dissenter among the ranks. My best friend is female, we met at work, and no - I'm not her doormat.

I'll admit: when I first met her, I wanted to date her something fierce! But I have a rule....if I know the woman is seriously dating (as opposed to dating around), engaged or married, I will be a good friend - but nothing more than that. I know as a guy I would hate to have other guys trying to break up any relationship I was in, so I do as I would have others do for me.

Anyway, we hit it off at work, and when she got divorced it was me that she called in the night to talk to, me that she spent more and more time with, and it was also me who realized that I was having a stronger relationship with her as a friend than I could have had if I were trying to date her.

So we sat down, had a LONG talk, and aired the whole thing out. It turned out that we had a few bumps along the road shortly after that, but by ironing out the whole thing there was none of the tension that comes with ambiguity.

I say tell this woman that you've been her friend, you like being her friend, and that you are troubled by the behavior she's shown toward you lately. Ask if there is anything you can do to help the situation - even if it's just by listening - and then see if she comes around to talk.

REMEMBER: Women tend to talk to other women for support. Men go to other men for assistance and problem-solving. It could be that by actually addressing her issue (instead of providing support and acceptance) you painted a big red target on yourself.

Good luck, and I'll be waiting to hear how this goes!

08-15-2003, 09:10 PM	#15 (permalink)
wry1 Loser Location: Far too far from my Angel....	I guess I'm a dissenter among the ranks. My best friend is female, we met at work, and no - I'm not her doormat. I'll admit: when I first met her, I wanted to date her something fierce! But I have a rule....if I know the woman is seriously dating (as opposed to dating around), engaged or married, I will be a good friend - but nothing more than that. I know as a guy I would hate to have other guys trying to break up any relationship I was in, so I do as I would have others do for me. Anyway, we hit it off at work, and when she got divorced it was me that she called in the night to talk to, me that she spent more and more time with, and it was also me who realized that I was having a stronger relationship with her as a friend than I could have had if I were trying to date her. So we sat down, had a LONG talk, and aired the whole thing out. It turned out that we had a few bumps along the road shortly after that, but by ironing out the whole thing there was none of the tension that comes with ambiguity. I say tell this woman that you've been her friend, you like being her friend, and that you are troubled by the behavior she's shown toward you lately. Ask if there is anything you can do to help the situation - even if it's just by listening - and then see if she comes around to talk. REMEMBER: Women tend to talk to other women for support. Men go to other men for assistance and problem-solving. It could be that by actually addressing her issue (instead of providing support and acceptance) you painted a big red target on yourself. Good luck, and I'll be waiting to hear how this goes!