Jesus Pimp

Why are they so naive? Why do they have more faith in assholes than us guys do?

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titsmurf

Women believe there is good in everybody. God bless them.

lurkette

That's a fairly broad statement. I know some pretty jaded women.

Perhaps you have a more specific scenario in mind?

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johnnymysto

How about this one - WHY do women stick around with guys who treat them like crap??!! I've known soooo many women like this.

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frogger27

Why does my best friend stay with a guy that is a total loser, no job, spends all his money on beer and cigs, when he's drunk he comes close to hurting her, he hardly lets her go out to see her friends....shit like that. why would you stay with a guy like that?

tj2001cobra

Probably insecurity. I am defintely not saying all women are insecure, but when someone stays with a loser, it is probably because they think they cant do any better. Either that or they are scared of the guy enough not to leave them. Either way, it is pretty sad.

The_Dude

yes, i've seen this quite a lot.

a really pretty well mannered girl goes out (or even marry's) a jerk with no job and all he does is get drunk.

i'm sure she can do a lot better.

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angela146

Three thoughts:

1. Some women think that being with a loser is better than being alone. I don't agree but that's easy for me to say since I have a good one.

2. Most women have a desire for aggression in their men. It's a primal thing about being protected. If he gets rough with me, he'll probably get even rougher with anyone who wants to hurt me. The best men are the ones who can control their aggression. But, some women don't care about that or don't have enough self-esteem to realize that they can have one of the good ones.

3. Unfortunately, some jerks remind women of their fathers.

SiN

i think you hit the head on the nail, angela.

i personally don't understand it, as i've never really been with a 'jerk' (unless i was just using them for sex )
...but it does make sense what you said.

takes a woman to explain women, i guess

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bender

Because...don't ask any questions and you wont get hurt.

Vyk

I know an incredible woman named Jennifer. She's absolutely gorgeous, awesome sense of style, nymphomaniac, intelligent, works as a self employed masseuse (sp?) out of her home making about 120k a year. Many people would give their left arm to have a relationship with this girl.

She's dating a guy who quit his minimum wage job because he didn't feel like working. She gave him an ultimatum to get another job or else. He didn't. She dumped him. A week later she's back with him.

Jennifer's one major flaw is that she is very insecure and doesn't want to be alone. A jerk who just wants to sponge off of her is better than nothing in her opinion. She's afraid of not finding someone else if she does dump him.

It's really sad to me. She's such an incredible person in heart and mind but is blind to it.

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RoadRage

Some of those who stay with losers think that they don't deserve any better. Those women have a depth of self-hatred that just boogles my mind. "Jennifer" from Vyk's post sounds like on those women.

On what titsmurf said earlier, if many of them didn't think there was good in everyone, it would be even harder to get laid than it is now.

But then I could be way off…

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Konichiwaneko

a much as you are stereotyping women you are stereotyping the men they are with.

Sometimes you only see the negative of the guy they are with, but she may have seen something about him that he has only exposed to her. They have a connection.

Everyone can be a jerk if you come to a conclusion about them.

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XenuHubbard

You also get the Florence Nightingale type of women, who thinks there is something wonderful inside the violent loser they're dating.

These are the type of women who have found that it's easier to deal with somebody else's problems than their own.

I told a friend last year that if she dates another dimwit asshole without self-confidence, she's got the choice between a convent and becoming a lesbian. I'll enforce it.

It's crap when you sit at a coffee-shop talking, and suddenly six Vietnamese drug dealers show up to stare at you, because the friend you're meeting is the girlfriend of one of them.
I used to have patience with these types of things, but when some women get beat up because they LIKE violent men who has "respect", my empathy has run dry.

I'm not saying women has it coming. But I've seen too many firestarters over the years, to know that in some cases, it's karma. If you like to see people get beat up for no reason - and even try to cause it to happen - then it's likely YOU will get beat up for no reason one day.

Some guys follow the patterns Angela listed as well - women can be just as good at mental abuse as men.

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DeviouslySimple

Interesting. Around here in my personal/friends sphere I often see the reverse somewhat in terms of the gender roles, sans the physical abuse. Then again you often see what your attention span is used to perceiving.

wry1

Women are actually a LOT like men. With a few **minor** differences in their perceptions. Allow me to illustrate......

1.) Both like "fixer-uppers". Men like it to be a house, a car or a motorcycle; women prefer it to be a man.

2.) Both will dump massive quantities of time into their project. Men will wind up greasy and grimy; women will end up tired and crabby.

3.) Here's the rub, gang! There ARE guides for fixing a house, car and/or motorcycle. Sadly, the same can't be true for women trying to fix us guys.

Basically, a woman takes a look at the "loser asshole" and thinks, "If I can only fix him up, I'll have the perfect boyfriend!" They never actually stop to think that it took decades to make the asshole, and it's probably going to take 2 to 3 times as long to change it around. Think of it this way: Ford makes a car every 24 minutes or so....and look how many weeks, months, years go by when restoring one!

There's a faulty logic at work when these women make that assumption. Sorry, but that's just the way I see it.

anti fishstick

maybe they want to 'fix' him or change him somehow?

hah, i liked that car analogy

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lafemmefatale

"WHY do women stick around with guys who treat them like crap??!"

the bigger question is why do these gys treat women like shit in the first place? In the ideal world all women will have enough self respect and esteem to know what they're worth, but in reality, asking why they put the jerks, is kinda like blaming jews for the holocaust. [a bit dramatic of an example sorry, but it's the same point].

The better way to handle it is not get arrogant or judgemental about it, but help when you can or intervene when it's needed.

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Splice

Point well taken. However, as some of the others have mentioned, sometimes it IS about the women's low-esteem. I have several female friends who are exactly like the Jennifer (the massuese) that Vyk described. On the exterior, this woman is the picture of confidence and beauty. But underneath, she is constantly battling her own demons and poor self-esteem.

What you mention is also true. But I would argue that these women fell in love with "the idea of what these men were like". In other words, the person they "connected with" has over the years changed into this asshole/monster/loser. These women now believe that this assholeness is only a phase and since they have invested so much time, energy, and emotional committment into the relationship already, it is very hard for them to let go. Some people, MEN and WOMEN, would rather be with someone who hurts them (emotionally, physically, etc) than to be alone.

anti fishstick

i don't know if it's been mentioned cos i coulda sworn i read it..maybe in another thread but....... "it's better to be alone for the right reasons than be with someone for the wrong" not sure if i got that verbatim but that was in the movie some kind of wonderful.

and yeah i have dated 'losers' and everyone kept telling me i could do better.. i deserve better, etc. deep down, i knew it too. but i really did see something in this 'loser' that they didn't see. maybe it's naive. maybe it's blind. i don't know. he wasn't a bad guy. he wasn't a JERK.. just.. a loser. heh. i saw potential.. i guessss i saw a chance for me to help actualize his potential in him. not to FIX him or CHANGE him really..because i know that's not good at all. *shrugs* just show him doors somehow. when that didn't work... i had to let him go.

i'm alone for the right reasons now ^_^

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cliv

I asked a female friend of mine one day and she generally gave me angela's answer. She said that for some women any attention is better than no attention at all.

There was a secretary in my office a long time ago that was very pretty and very friendly. He boyfriend back then brought her lunch to her everyday and ate lunch with her. Sounds good, right ? It turns out that her wanted to be sure she didn't have lunch with any other guy. They were living together and if he saw her even talking to another guy, he would go back and throw everything she owned on the front lawn. I'm sure there were more crazy things he did, this couldn't be an isolated behavior, but she still stayed with him.