online love? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

howlingwolves · 03-04-2011, 07:30 PM

So I have fallen in 'love' with someone that I met online. Am I crazy? I think I must be. What do you think? Is it possible for two people who meet online to have a future together?

Plan9 · 03-04-2011, 08:16 PM

Yes, you're crazy.

It's ridiculous. You're in love with an idea, not another human being that has a crap job they wanna talk about, an ex that Facebooks them, funny OCD quirks, gets zits in weird places and farts in their sleep. The reality of a person is always different than your online wet dream. You might meet someone that seems great and has a lot of potential on the Web through dating sites like OkCupid and PlentyOfFish, but you're straight retarded if you think the person IMing/webcamming you is what you think they are. People are like the moon, they have a hidden side you can't see without doing a walk-around.

I think it's super okay to get super infatuated with someone online. It happens all the time. Every woman I've been with I've met using websites. But you need to realize that your current obsession has been largely filled in by your own rose-colored monitor. Enjoy the feeling but be a bit more realistic.

MrFriendly · 03-05-2011, 02:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Plan9

[Sagely advice]

I can't agree with Plan9 enough on this one. I've had some very bitter experiences with love over the net, and some that actually panned out OK.

But you need to realise that you're getting thought out constructed snippets of a person and filling in the blank spots with wishful thinking. Then all of a sudden when you spend time with them in the real world you're rudely shocked when they're not the person you built them up to be in your head.

Net romance can pan out, but you have to forget everything you think you know about that person when you meet them.

bagatelle · 03-05-2011, 04:15 AM

People in love are crazy.

GreyWolf · 03-05-2011, 05:08 AM

Probably you are crazy. It's possible you aren't. The net allows people to be more open with one another, to show more of ourselves without (as much) fear as face to face. It can show you the "real" person much faster than real life can.

Or, it can hide it much more effectively. It slows down the interactions and gives you time to weigh your words/reactions so that you lose the spontaneity that face to face conversations give.

What is likely to happen, even in an on-line relationship is that as your feelings for each other grow, you will start to hold back some of the thoughts that you feel might offend/hurt the other. That's just natural. The complete openness slips into the normal relational strictures that any couple have.

But... maybe you're both being totally honest with each other, and can overlook the physical flaws and creature habits you each have but don't know about yet, and can come to a full loving relationship. It can happen. I have an incredibly wonderful friend whom I've never met, but whom I love/respect/trust implicitly. And against all odds, it has endured for years. So yes, it can happen... but it is rare, so don't exclude the possibility... just move cautiously.

Ourcrazymodern? · 03-05-2011, 10:05 AM

Crazy doesn't hurt anything on purpose. Time will tell the future to you.

jewels · 03-05-2011, 12:50 PM

Just wondered ... have you seen the movie, Catfish?

howlingwolves · 03-05-2011, 05:45 PM

Thanks for your honesty guys. I wanted to hear some objective opinions and you definitely gave them to me. I've only been online for about 7 months and have never had an online 'relationship' before, and to tell you the truth, it really took me by surprise. The ability to think before giving responses, the hiding of one's flaws, the holding back of things that might hurt the other-everyone of those things applies to the relationship that she and I have. Or had...I ended it this morning, even though it killed me to do so. I know that I must proceed with caution in the future regarding online relationships...Thanks again to all who responded for giving me an outside perspective.

Freetofly · 03-06-2011, 09:06 AM

Always nice to start out in the flesh, you can pickup on their energy and build on it.
Online relationships can get confused with fantasy and reality. Also can become an addiction.

LordEden · 03-06-2011, 09:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Plan9

...Same speech I got in the living room of my old apt while drinking liquor out of a plastic bottle...

Planfailster9000 does make some good points, you CAN'T fall in love with someone you have never met. You are in love with an idea, not a person. You can talk, webcam, chat, IM, pretend your fleshlight is her, whatever... you are not in love.

I am also living with a girl I met on TFP, though posts on here that let to chatting, webcamming, and eventually a visit that lasted a week that let me know she was the one. I also farted in front of her, told her I was taking a dump via txt message, got drunk with her and all the other things you want to let a partner see before you make a big decision about your future together.

I think a lot of people who look for love online are desperate to BE in love. You are going to jump at the first thing that even remotely comes CLOSE to being like that feeling. It's not love till you can stand to be in the bathroom that she just dropped a massive dump in and be able to stand the smell. That's love.

You need to know this person, hang out with them without a backspace button. Know what they are really like.

If you said, "I love you" for the first time via IM. Then you not in love. That's High School shit.

Can online love happen? No.
Can you meet someone online that you could date and eventually fall in love with? Yes.
Does it happen a lot? No.

*****

Quote:

Originally Posted by howlingwolves

...I've only been online for about 7 months ....

Yeahhhhhhhh.... Online for 7 months? No, back away from the keyboard. NOW. You need at least 5+ years of online browsing before thinking about relationships (unless they are okcupid/eharmony local meetups for sex). You are like a toddler in Internet Years, you haven't learned enough not to be scammed. Beware.

bagatelle · 03-06-2011, 09:42 AM

I'm wondering does the falling-in-love have to be mutual to be true or real?

Even before there was the internet, we had celebrities and their fans idolized them, declairing eternal love for them. They fell in love with an image, yet the feeling must have been real for them.

But you can also live in a relationship (in flesh), where you think you know the other person, love him/her and still be totally deceived, if the target of your feelings is leading a double-life for example.

An image you get from another person online may also be quite accurate. But I really don't know, because I've never met anyone I "knew" online first.

Plan9 · 03-06-2011, 09:44 AM

THINGS NOT TO DO

- Let yourself get sucked into some kind of Internet-Only romance. If it isn't moving to real life, it's a bigger waste of time than PlayStation.

- Tell someone you've never met in real life that you love them. That's best reserved for Hollywood, Lifetime and Harlequin novels.

...

THINGS TO DO

Here's your plan:

- Forget about chat rooms, IMs, etc. The only time you should be talking to a woman through a computer is to meet her offline.

- Focus on developing yourself as an individual using the patented it-works-for-fat-smelly-WoW-nerds SomethingAwful.com Method:
Exercise (all the girls want to see your six pack abs), Hobbies (have something to do with yourself aside from masturbation), Friends (other humans).

- Disregard Eden's disgusting fascination with bowel movements. I'm never going to be able to hang out with him and Cinn now.

- If you've correctly focused on yourself, women may just start finding you. If not, proceed to the next step when ready.

- Put yourself out there online using online dating sites such as OkCupid and PlentyOfFish. Local girls you can see.

- Forget about talking to women online, instead schedule meetings in real life with as many as you can.

- Acquire (date) women (er, woman) based on things that happen in real life.

- Don't go anywhere near the "L" word for at least six months.

bagatelle · 03-06-2011, 09:54 AM

Quote:

It's not love till you can stand to be in the bathroom that she just dropped a massive dump in and be able to stand the smell. That's love.

Inspired by this profound quote Nokia is now developing a new smell phone.

Their new tagline "Connecting people. For real."

You can google all the funnies re the old tagline "Nokia. Connecting people." The new logo includes pictures of toilet seats.

Plan9 · 03-06-2011, 09:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bagatelle

But I really don't know, because I've never met anyone I "knew" online first.

Don't dare me.

bagatelle · 03-06-2011, 10:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Plan9

Don't dare me.

Ok, I won't. ;-)

DaveOrion · 03-06-2011, 11:27 AM

All who venture forth into the online world of dating beware; read this thread and believe that you cant really know someone till you meet them in person. end repetitive post

Ourcrazymodern? · 03-06-2011, 11:28 AM

(Hey, DaveOrion, the following was related to the previous...)

I have, & you demurred, you coward.

More to the thread's point, though, I've been unconscionably open with my online reactions to the emotions I still feel. I LOVE the ability to share thoughts with virtual strangers. I believe an online community can exist more easily than "eye arr ell" but I don't believe that that diminishes its value to the individuals that...make it up.

DaveOrion · 03-06-2011, 11:30 AM

Yea, sure, you can fall in love, but do you actually know what you're falling in love with?

LordEden · 03-06-2011, 11:44 AM

This

Quote:

NAPERVILLE, Ill. (WBBM/CBS) – A Naperville man lost $200,000 recently, after falling for a scam involving the fictitious kidnapping of a woman.
As WBBM Newsradio 780’s Mary Frances Bragiel reports, the man, who has not been named, is in “disbelief” after learning that a woman he believed he was involved with online does not even exist.
The 48-year-old man said he started the online relationship 2 1/2 years ago. Since then, he had wired about $200,000 to several different bank accounts in Nigeria, Malaysia, England and the United States, police said.
Then the woman told him she had been kidnapped in London, and the man called Naperville police this past Wednesday to ask for help in rescuing her.
Police told the man that the “woman” in question was not real. The man’s response was “disbelief,” officers said.
An identification card the woman provided to him turned out to be a sample driver’s license from Florida.

DaveOrion · 03-06-2011, 12:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ourcrazymodern?

(Hey, DaveOrion, the following was related to the previous...)

I realize that, we posted about the same time time I'd say. (Wish I had a cool gif to post but my bag o'gifs was sucked into a black hole & instantaneously transmuted into this stupid fucking post.)

howlingwolves · 03-07-2011, 02:01 PM

You guys are a harsh slap of reality right across the face. Thanks, I needed that. Plan9 you are wise indeed. Eden, your association of love with shit is somewhat disturbing, but I understand what you are saying. Thanks once more for the advice guys, I will definitely heed it.

Zeraph · 03-07-2011, 02:09 PM

Shrug, I'm in love with a lot of ideas (mostly fictional characters). Am I weird? Well who has more love in their life? Me or someone who doesn't believe in love unless its perfect.

03-04-2011, 07:30 PM	#1 (permalink)
howlingwolves Upright Location: South Carolina	online love? So I have fallen in 'love' with someone that I met online. Am I crazy? I think I must be. What do you think? Is it possible for two people who meet online to have a future together?

03-04-2011, 08:16 PM	#2 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	Yes, you're crazy. It's ridiculous. You're in love with an idea, not another human being that has a crap job they wanna talk about, an ex that Facebooks them, funny OCD quirks, gets zits in weird places and farts in their sleep. The reality of a person is always different than your online wet dream. You might meet someone that seems great and has a lot of potential on the Web through dating sites like OkCupid and PlentyOfFish, but you're straight retarded if you think the person IMing/webcamming you is what you think they are. People are like the moon, they have a hidden side you can't see without doing a walk-around. I think it's super okay to get super infatuated with someone online. It happens all the time. Every woman I've been with I've met using websites. But you need to realize that your current obsession has been largely filled in by your own rose-colored monitor. Enjoy the feeling but be a bit more realistic. __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake." Last edited by Plan9; 03-05-2011 at 02:30 AM..

03-05-2011, 04:15 AM	#4 (permalink)
bagatelle Psycho Location: Europe	People in love are crazy. __________________ Life is...

03-05-2011, 05:08 AM	#5 (permalink)
GreyWolf Sober Location: Eastern Canada	Probably you are crazy. It's possible you aren't. The net allows people to be more open with one another, to show more of ourselves without (as much) fear as face to face. It can show you the "real" person much faster than real life can. Or, it can hide it much more effectively. It slows down the interactions and gives you time to weigh your words/reactions so that you lose the spontaneity that face to face conversations give. What is likely to happen, even in an on-line relationship is that as your feelings for each other grow, you will start to hold back some of the thoughts that you feel might offend/hurt the other. That's just natural. The complete openness slips into the normal relational strictures that any couple have. But... maybe you're both being totally honest with each other, and can overlook the physical flaws and creature habits you each have but don't know about yet, and can come to a full loving relationship. It can happen. I have an incredibly wonderful friend whom I've never met, but whom I love/respect/trust implicitly. And against all odds, it has endured for years. So yes, it can happen... but it is rare, so don't exclude the possibility... just move cautiously. __________________ *The secret to great marksmanship is deciding what the target was AFTER you've shot.*

03-05-2011, 10:05 AM	#6 (permalink)
Ourcrazymodern? still, wondering. Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge	Crazy doesn't hurt anything on purpose. Time will tell the future to you. __________________ BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

03-05-2011, 12:50 PM	#7 (permalink)
jewels Eponymous Location: Central Central Florida	Just wondered ... have you seen the movie, Catfish? __________________ We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess. Mark Twain

03-05-2011, 05:45 PM	#8 (permalink)
howlingwolves Upright Location: South Carolina	Thanks for your honesty guys. I wanted to hear some objective opinions and you definitely gave them to me. I've only been online for about 7 months and have never had an online 'relationship' before, and to tell you the truth, it really took me by surprise. The ability to think before giving responses, the hiding of one's flaws, the holding back of things that might hurt the other-everyone of those things applies to the relationship that she and I have. Or had...I ended it this morning, even though it killed me to do so. I know that I must proceed with caution in the future regarding online relationships...Thanks again to all who responded for giving me an outside perspective.

03-06-2011, 09:06 AM	#9 (permalink)
Freetofly Upright Location: Where ever I land	Always nice to start out in the flesh, you can pickup on their energy and build on it. Online relationships can get confused with fantasy and reality. Also can become an addiction.

03-06-2011, 09:42 AM	#11 (permalink)
bagatelle Psycho Location: Europe	I'm wondering does the falling-in-love have to be mutual to be true or real? Even before there was the internet, we had celebrities and their fans idolized them, declairing eternal love for them. They fell in love with an image, yet the feeling must have been real for them. But you can also live in a relationship (in flesh), where you think you know the other person, love him/her and still be totally deceived, if the target of your feelings is leading a double-life for example. An image you get from another person online may also be quite accurate. But I really don't know, because I've never met anyone I "knew" online first. __________________ Life is...

03-06-2011, 09:44 AM	#12 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	*THINGS NOT* TO DO - Let yourself get sucked into some kind of Internet-Only romance. If it isn't moving to real life, it's a bigger waste of time than PlayStation. - Tell someone you've never met in real life that you love them. That's best reserved for Hollywood, Lifetime and Harlequin novels. ... THINGS TO DO Here's your plan: - Forget about chat rooms, IMs, etc. The only time you should be talking to a woman through a computer is to meet her offline. - Focus on developing yourself as an individual using the patented it-works-for-fat-smelly-WoW-nerds SomethingAwful.com Method: Exercise (all the girls want to see your six pack abs), Hobbies (have something to do with yourself aside from masturbation), Friends (other humans). - Disregard Eden's disgusting fascination with bowel movements. I'm never going to be able to hang out with him and Cinn now. - If you've correctly focused on yourself, women may just start finding you. If not, proceed to the next step when ready. - Put yourself out there online using online dating sites such as OkCupid and PlentyOfFish. Local girls you can see. - Forget about talking to women online, instead schedule meetings in real life with as many as you can. - Acquire (date) women (er, woman) based on things that happen in real life. - Don't go anywhere near the "L" word for at least six months. __________________ Whatever you can carry.** "You should not drink... and bake." Last edited by Plan9; 03-06-2011 at 09:57 AM..

03-06-2011, 11:27 AM	#16 (permalink)
DaveOrion Playing With Fire Location: Disaster Area	All who venture forth into the online world of dating beware; read this thread and believe that you cant really know someone till you meet them in person. end repetitive post __________________ *Syriana*...have you ever tried liquid MDMA?....Liquid MDMA? No....Arash, when you wanna do this?.....After prayer...

03-06-2011, 11:28 AM	#17 (permalink)
Ourcrazymodern? still, wondering. Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge	(Hey, DaveOrion, the following was related to the previous...) I have, & you demurred, you coward. More to the thread's point, though, I've been unconscionably open with my online reactions to the emotions I still feel. I LOVE the ability to share thoughts with virtual strangers. I believe an online community can exist more easily than "eye arr ell" but I don't believe that that diminishes its value to the individuals that...make it up. __________________ BE JUST AND FEAR NOT Last edited by Ourcrazymodern?; 03-06-2011 at 11:30 AM..

03-06-2011, 11:30 AM	#18 (permalink)
DaveOrion Playing With Fire Location: Disaster Area	Yea, sure, you can fall in love, but do you actually know what you're falling in love with? __________________ *Syriana*...have you ever tried liquid MDMA?....Liquid MDMA? No....Arash, when you wanna do this?.....After prayer...

03-07-2011, 02:01 PM	#21 (permalink)
howlingwolves Upright Location: South Carolina	You guys are a harsh slap of reality right across the face. Thanks, I needed that. Plan9 you are wise indeed. Eden, your association of love with shit is somewhat disturbing, but I understand what you are saying. Thanks once more for the advice guys, I will definitely heed it.

03-07-2011, 02:09 PM	#22 (permalink)
Zeraph Banned Location: The Cosmos	Shrug, I'm in love with a lot of ideas (mostly fictional characters). Am I weird? Well who has more love in their life? Me or someone who doesn't believe in love unless its perfect.