cmonnats23

I have been dating my girlfriend for about four months now. I was experienced in the sexual field she wasn't. however, we were both virgins. We hung put several times before doing anything sexual. by about halfway through the second month she would come over with no parents home and we would do everything but sex. Until once, i was on top of her and all of the sudden my erection went down. I had been on top of her many times before and actually prefer it. I could not get my erection back up. From then till about a month ago it had been on and off with my ability to stay erect. One day, about a month ago it was going very well, so i decided to have sex with her. We did it and it was the most amazing sexual feeling ever.

However, now, it has since been roughly a month later and i have attempted to have sex with her 6 times and each time i cant seem to get it up. I get up to begin with, and she blows me and its up, but as soon as the idea of sex pops into my noggin it goes down and i cant get it back up.

I have read other forums on this site and others, and they all say the same thing; relax. I have tried to no end to relax and nothing seems to work. I have confronted the girl about it and she understands my nervousness, but both of us think it should be gone by now... She says she loves me for me, and not my dick. but I can help feeling like i let her down with my penis.

My whole life i have drempt what sex would feel like and all the dirty stuff i would do to a girl once i got her clothes off. not once did i think about what would happen if i couldn't get it up...

i thought about Viagra, but i have no problem getting it up when I am alone. So i quickly pushed that out of my thoughts.



Maybe just by the fact that i am researching this on the computer means I am thinking about it too much... I am not going to lie... i feel very embarrassed and i just want this problem resolved and in the past. I take no medications of any kind of anything that could affect me sexually.

I really think my problem is that i am too nervous. i just need help not being so nervous :/

HELP, I BEG YOU!

The_Jazz

First question - how old are you? That could make a big difference and change my advice 180 degrees. It's possible that there's a medical explanation, but without knowing more, it's hard to say.

Here's what you're going to do: take sex off the table for a while. She can blow you, you can go down on her, but no penis in vagina. That's not going to happen for a while.

Your problem seems to come when you start thinking about sex. So stop thinking about sex.

The other idea is that maybe you want to change positions and have her be on top.

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cmonnats23

I am 18, that's why i think an 'erectile dysfunction' is out of the question. Sex has been off the table i believe. Like we've tried, but there's no use stuffing a soft cock into a vagina. so sex essentially has been 'off the table' I dont understand what you mean when you say dont think about sex? when i do think about it is when i get the biggest erections, however, when i am about to do the act, it goes flat. and i have tried other postions, i do get a little somethin goin when she takes contol.

Cimarron29414

It's all in your head. Most likely, you have watched a lot of porn and believe "that is how men do it - 3 hours of nail driving and she has 25 consecutive orgasms before you pop." Read a human sexuality book and you will discover that, just like the women of porn are anomalies when compared to the general populace, so are the men. If you talk to her about what she expects once you are having intercourse, you will realize that her expectations are well within your capabilities. This will get you out of your head and back into the real world.

Have ambush sex. You agree that she initializes the actual intercourse. Every time you mess around, both of you get immediately and completely naked. That way, there are no impedances, when she ambushes you. It may just be a blowjob or a handjob...or she might pop it in in a millisecond before you have a chance to get back inside your head. You won't know when the sex is coming (pun intended), so you won't be able to cock-block yourself.

Or, together, make a three stroke rule. "Okay, I'm going to go in, give three strokes, and leave." Then, we are going back to the other forms of sex for a while. That way you have already set the expectation of what will occur and can be comfortable. Try that for a few dozen times.

Most importantly, there is nothing wrong with you at all. Every guy, sooner or later, will have an occasional performance issue. It happens, you shrug it off and you move on. Trust me, soon enough you two will be looking back on this time and giggling.

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cmonnats23

Cimarron29414,

I like your advice. I really like your idea of 'ambush sex' that way, when i get erect, it will already be in before i can think otherwise. I dont get what you man by the three stroke rule...

But yea, I think its all in my head. I tell myself im not going to think about it, and that's what causes me to think about it more, and ultimately, causes to go down.

Thanks for the advice man, you really know how to help a fella out.

Wes Mantooth

Have you thought that maybe your just not ready to take that step yet? Simply put you might feel like you're ready and want to do it, but deep down, taking such a huge step is something you need more time with and your body is acting accordingly.

My advice would be to just take it easy, keep making out and doing what you normally do and at some point it will probably just happen...more then likely when you aren't expecting it. Taking that huge step and having to preform won't be the first thing on your mind anymore, you'll relax and nature will take it course.

Best of luck.

__________________

MSD

It's easy to tell someone to relax, not so easy to hear it and say "OK, I'm relaxed now." If it was, sales of pills that make sullen black and white people step into the world of technicolor and dance through fields of flowers (if they're allergic to those flowers, there's a pill for that, too,) would plummet.

You obviously want to have sex, but you are subconsciously afraid that you won't live up to those expectations. You feel even more pressure every time you try and can't do it, and that's only making it worse. Sex is a lot messier and clumsier than what you've seen in porn and romantic movies, and thinking about that's not going to help things right now. People always talk about how hilariously awkward or painful their first time was, and I've got news for you, the next few times are going to be just like it.

As a couple, agree to take the ol' in-out-in-out off the table for one month. Say to yourself and to her that you're going to put it off for 30 days and stick to that no matter how tempted you are to try again. During that time, get used to each others' bodies, find out what excites you, and have fun getting each other off without inserting tab a into slot b (or slot c, save that for when you get used to normal and are ready to play on expert difficulty.) When those 30 days are up, you're going to be more confident because you know how to please each other, you know what to whisper into each others' ears at that magic moment, what spot to lick, kiss, bite, scratch ... you'll have a good idea of what's right by then. After those 30 days, get into your regular routine, and know ahead of time that if the time seems right, you'll go for it, if not you're going to have a great time anyway and you can wait another week until you're ready. Not having pressure to perform means you can relax.

cmonnats23

MSD,

Thats solid advice. I am going to her house tomorrow to try one more time to 'relax' and just enjoy. if i get too tense, then i will try your 30 day idea. the thing is, im pretty sure i know all of the spots that make her 'tingle' per say. It seems that before we both decided that we wanted to have sex, i had no problem getting it up and telling her how bad i WANTED to have sex with her. But now that i can have sex, its just not there anymore. i dont know. ha

ill update you tomorrow how it goes,
thanks

MSD

We know you want it, you know, she knows, but you need to spend time having fun and not feeling pressured to get over this psychological barrier. Also, stop masturbating for at least two full weeks before you try again because as great of a place as the vagina is, it's not the part of her body with the GI Joe Kung-Fu grip.

Aladdin Sane

Do you actually feel nervous when having intercourse or are you speculating that you are subconsciously nervous?

First thing: communication. Second thing: communication. The way to slay this dragon is to force it out in the open. Talk to her about what is happening.

Go down on her, give her an orgasm, and if you are hard, go for intercourse. Otherwise, just relax after her orgasm. This too shall pass.

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Plan9

Say what? This is silly. I masturbate with a US Army Airborne Kung Fu Grip (TM) and my sex life is decent enough to show up on HBO at 3 AM. Granted, "excessive" masturbation may prevent some individuals from achieving the desired sensation or endurance they wish to have in bed when they're sheathing The Real Thing, but this OP kid is 18... his wang is like a friggin' Browning 1919: belt fed and capable of dropping loads at a RPM that may necessitate changing barrels. Every person is different, but I'm pretty sure most dudes at that age have a quicker rebound than the time it takes to their partner to wipe the sweat off their stomach. This problem is most likely psych-out-ological in nature and has little to do with the hardware.

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jimmy1s269

This guys issue most likely is psychological, but he's one dude, not necessarily the average dude, and definitely not you man. He may totally benefit from being hands off with himself for a little while. I know I personally have better performance if its been a few days since I have seen any action at all, whether its from myself or my woman.