LoganSnake

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Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques

Mirth

What's that mean? It was a legitimate question.

LoganSnake

TFP inside joke.

__________________
Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques

Mirth

I like, just got punched in the heart a few minutes ago... I was starting to do good today, I even made some progress I would say. Until now. Fuck...

So, in trying to get laid on the side (as I asked about earlier if that was okay or not), that girl finally messaged me back and asked for my AIM. We started talking, she was actually very sweet! And she came off as pretty intelligent! We had a lot of laughs in the beginning! Then:

And then we made uninteresting non-conversation, then I signed off.

I don't get it, I really don't...

I had made plans to go walking tomorrow with a girl I met for 2 minutes in August (from the dating site, but met her at my school both not knowing we went to the same school). We're just friends, which I like. But now I feel kinda depressed again. I hope the hurt goes away by tomorrow.

Manic_Skafe

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"Porn is a zoo of exotic animals that becomes boring upon ownership." -Nersesian

Plan9

Mirth

How is that something to joke about? I don't know what it proves, but when a girl is interested in you, says all these nice things about you, you have a great conversation, and then finds out your 7 inches shorter than she thought, it all goes down the drain??? I don't understand...

Plan9

...did she say guns? Do you own firearms?

Let me see these firearms. I like firearms.

Wes Mantooth

Meh, you can't let it bother you Mirth, people are just...strange sometimes. Some have very specific standards and if you don't meet them all no matter how great you get along it all falls apart. I had a girl turn me down once because my eyes were the wrong shade of blue...go figure huh? Then again I've been shot down so many times over the years I've lost count, I could get down about it but why bother? Not everyone is compatible and there are a billion reasons why not. Sounds pretty hopeless right?

Not really, for every example I could give you of being shot down I could give you another were I didn't. In those cases I've met long time girlfriends, one night flings and people who have turned out to be great friends. Dust yourself off and get back out there and start developing some callouses. You might get shot down a dozen times or more but eventually, if you just be yourself and keep trying, somebody will respond.

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Mirth

Haha, yes, fire-arms is more like it. I do have pretty big biceps/triceps when flexed, at least for someone who has a very thin/small build, but when I don't flex I just look like a weakling.



Yeah, you're right I suppose. It just seems so weird, just so hard to imagine that one little thing like height or eyes can totally make them do a 180 on ya. I'm not going to give up yet though... Well, on her yes, haha. But on improving my social skills, I will not let this get too far into my head!

Toaster126

My advice would be to get off TFP, meet some (new) people, and build relationships with females as friends. You aren't ready for anything further than that. By the way you speak about girls in your life, I feel like you really need to put down the e-dating books you've been reading and actually talk to some.

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"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

Wes Mantooth

That's the spirit Mirth! You just have to let it roll of your back...I mean really if somebody turns you down because of something like height is that somebody you really want to spend a lot of time with or even a second more thinking about?

Anyway I agree with what Toaster posted above, you need to get out and just meet people, getting a girlfriend will come in its own time. Don't go into a situation thinking about anything but just making friends, get to know them and just hang out. Not only will you learn social skills, but you'll start feeling better about who you are when you realize these people just like spending time around you because they like who you are. When you get comfortable with who you really are and are okay with it, the doors will open up big time. You'll take your time finding a relationship that works for you, not a crutch or somebody to shoo away the loneliness but somebody you can really fall for.

Best of luck

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Mirth

Thanks again fellas. I guess I won't look for sex on the side anymore, hehe, and I just changed the focus on my dating site account from "Relationships" to "Friends". Don't want to totally break the outlet of meeting new people from there. Time to focus on real life.

ratbastid

You're aware that asking "Even the height part?" was your critical mistake, right?

Look. I've worked in sales. I've sold products that were, let me be blunt, pure shite.

You don't walk up to your prospective customer and say, "Hello sir! I wonder if I could interest you in the exchange of your hard earned cash dollars in trade for this product which is, let me be blunt, pure shite." At least not if you feel like eating, you don't.

And if in the course of the conversation they CATCH ON that it's, let me be blunt, pure shite, you spin the shite as a positive. "Sure it's shite, but it's colorful! And shiny! The ladies love shiny colorful shite, sir!"

Being 5'5" isn't a problem, and you "shouldn't be self conscious" about it, he said knowing damn well it wouldn't make any difference. But at the VERY least you don't need to be pointing it out to them.

Mirth

I worked in sales for 6 months at one of the former major electronics stores. I was a terrible salesman. There was something wrong with every product that I knew about. "...though, this home stereo system doesn't have a rewind for the CD player", "...this printer is known for its paper jams.", etc. Which I was told not to do, but I just felt so bad for selling junk, haha. Oddly enough, I got employee of the months my 3rd month there because a lot of the customers told my manager that I was extremely helpful (even though I got the least amount of sales compared to the people who started the same month as me) . But yeah, I had a problem of telling them all the good stuff and not letting it end there, I had to make sure that they knew the faults too. Extremely bad habit, one which I'm trying to work on, but sometimes I just forget I do it.

But yeah, It was a mistake and it wasn't a mistake, haha. The mistake part was me thinking that she was missing something, because I was thinking, "This is too good to be true, this is too easy, she's definitely missing something...", so I figured just to make sure this was reality, I'd confirm with her and she'd be like, "Yeah, I love short guys, they are cute!". But unfortunately, I was right the first time, haha.

The non-mistake is that if I didn't ask her, and we would have talked for a few days and then met in person, she'd be like, "Om-fucking-shit... I thought you were tall!", haha. I mean, if she's not attracted to short guys, that's fine with me, everyone has their preference I suppose. But it's good in a way that we got that out of the way without wasting both of our time.


- - - - - -

Anyways, I think I made a social effort today. Was walking to the classroom and a classmate was too, and going towards the classroom we noticed that none of the lights were on. I looked at him and said, "Kinda dark in there, huh?". He didn't say anything back. I don't think he even moved a muscle in his mouth. I guess it was a dumb thing to say though. But failure is okay for now, I'll get better at this with time!

LordEden

You are 5'5"? From all the short fucking hobbits out here (and I'm the fucking president of The Hobbit Guild). Get the fuck over it. I'm short, but I don't let it hold me back. Here's what you do.... MAKE A FUCKING JOKE OF IT. I've found the best defense is a good offence when it comes to shortness. Throw the short joke in there before they can, then counter with something about them. I'm as short as they come, but you can't let that hold you back.

This is true for others and yourself. If you kick yourself for being short, you will always be short. If you can laugh just as hard about short jokes as others, well you are one step closer to knowing that IT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER.

Fucking emo kids, I thought you were like 5 feet fucking tall or shorter.

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Vice-President of the CinnamonGirl Fan Club - The Meat of the Zombiesquirrel and CinnamonGirl Sandwich

dlish

you can do what LE does..when on webcam, make sure the cam is facing from the ground up.

its all about perspective.

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

LoganSnake

Just put on a shirt.

__________________
Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques

Parsley Priest

join a swingers club, failing that go up into the mountains for a year and practice kung fu, judo, etc. then put on a tight leather outfit and fight crime.

Stated above is a prime example is why you shouldn't ask crazies like me for advice. Do your own thing (within the social norms) and you will find people to confide in.

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This man-of-action manages to be both morally and sexually ambigious at the same time. His gorgeous hair is iron-gray. His chocolate-colored eyes burn with buried pain.

Xerxys

I was going to save this response till later tonight when I assume you would have replied something but I won't bother. I already assume you had a lot of motivation it being a Monday and lost it instantly when everyone shot you down. You had 5 days. And I sorta anticipated this because I am copy pasting most parts of this response. I wrote it on Tuesdat when you came up with an excuse.

Remember this?

The most integral part of my post was the haircut. The photograph part of it was just to make yourself feel better but the most important part was for YOU to feel good about yourself when you look in the mirror for the next two weeks. I can accept a reason along the lines of, "I don't have $20.00 to kill" (although a haircut is $12 here) but anything short of that is an excuse.

That's what you are Mirth, an excuse. You are a sorry excuse in the way of your own happiness and you are your own reason for anxt.

This thread was a very good idea, IMHO. You failed the very task of this thread and that was to develop independent thought through social exercise. A method of understanding that there IS a social norm, and comprehending it is irrelevant. Whether or not you get it doesn't matter, whats important is you act accordingly.

Your attitude. Your attitude is very bad. Know the jesus parable about log in the eye? You can't call someone a slut because of what you learned from their profile! Is your profile an excellent summation of what you are?

This pretty much puts it into perspective.

When archetypal fool asked you to talk to people you seemed to some up with an excuse to "exempt" you from talking to people in your home town. Does your head work like this all the time?



The point of this post is, had anyone participated you would have failed still. YOU are in YOUR way. Get out of your head. Then out of your bedroom. Go to work. Go to school. Talk about work and school. Once you realize you are sick of these things because you do them every day other interests will arise. If you don't join a gym you'll still be skinny. If you don't go out you'll still be a WoW gamer who has nothing to talk about besides WoW. YOU are in YOUR way.

And your emo. Mirth, the reason you don't have a girlfriend and IRL friends is because your emo. No one likes emo. We don't make fun of them when we ask them to cut themselves, we mean it. No one wants to hang around emo ... at all.

I wonder if I got that last one across ...

dlish

/scratches head

i think you both need to get laid

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

Plan9

Fo sho... but only after they both get a vasectomy.

Mirth

Well, as I am currently in the process of doing, I am learning to accept myself. "I" don't mind being short. Comes in handy every once and awhile. It's just my perception of other people, mostly females, shooting me down for it (which has happened a few times). And when I mean short, it's not just being not tall. I knew plenty of guys who weren't tall, about my height, but they were bulky, looked like short men. I on the other hand have very boyish features; I can't grow facial hair (I wish I could grow a beard, haha), I'm the opposite of bulky, I have very little arm hair, my hands are the size of most womens' (I've actually had hand-to-hand comparisons with a few women, who just wanted to do it for a laugh). Even Jason Schwartzman looks more manlier than me. For the record, I've been working out at home for 3/4 months using proper techniques (not just doing 10 reps in the morning and stopping), and I've gained a lot bicep/tricep muscle as stated before, my legs are a lot more stronger and have much more stamina and stuff, things like that, but they just don't "show" unless I'm flexing, and I can't flex 24/7. I think my small frame, small build prevents me from bulking up and looking strong.

I'm literally mistaken as being 15/16 years old by most people who I've just met, that is a fact. With that said, I believe that most women will not approach me for the fact that they think I'm 16 years old; no 20-26 year old woman is going to "want" to start talking to a guy that looks like a young teen, period, just in case I really am 16. It's not like, "Maybe that guy isn't 16, maybe he's 25 and I should talk to him." That is a fact. The only exceptions to this are if I go to places that somewhat are associated with age; going to the bar, I have to be at least 21, going to college, I have to (usually) be at least 18. Hell, even in college, people thought I was in the dual-enrollment program with the High School taking college courses.

With all that said, as a part of the new process with becoming confident in my self and more sociable, I know that I have to work around with all that I've stated above, that's just the way it has to be. I know I have to learn to joke about it. I'm not using it as an excuse not to try, I'm accepting what I am now and working with what I've got, even if it puts me at a huge disadvantage.


Umm..... wrong thread? o_O


I don't recall taking it off. Inform me please...




Yeah, you're definitely a few days late. As I have said in a few of my other posts, I have been attempting to become more social and accept myself. I tried making chit chat with someone and failed, but will keep on trying over and over. The fact that I am going to keep trying is not failing, and is a huge improvement over how I was thinking just a week ago. Of course I'm not going to be successful and fully cured within a week, I'm taking it slowly.

And like I said, I got a haircut like, last month, lol.

If I were emo, I'd have killed myself by now. No emo could be 24 years of age being lonely, they'd definitely would have committed suicide by now.

Plan9

But that's the point of emo. Miserable talk and no action. Reflection on how horrible it is to be alive instead of getting off the couch.

LoganSnake

You complain about looking like a boy? Get the fuck out of here. I still get carded at the R-rated movies by people 7 years my junior, even with my stubble/hair combo. I was told I look 15 just two months ago at school.

The plus side? I'll be able to get younger chicks when I'm in my 30s looking like a 25 year old. Oh yeah. Besides, I know I look good. That's the difference.

__________________
Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques

snowy

One of the other ideas I see floating around in your posts is a focus on the "social clock": "I'm x years of age, so I should be doing y." Here's the truth: while it is easier to make major life transitions at the time dictated by a social clock because your peers are going through the same transitions, you can still make these transitions at other times. The cultural diversity of modern American society means the social clock is becoming less relevant in some ways. I wrestle with this too; a lot of my peers are married and having babies. Does this mean I want to run out and have a baby? No, not particularly; the timing isn't right for me. I have figured out that my personal needs come before the social clock.

Stop worrying about what you should be doing at your age, and just live.

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Xerxys

Wha? ...

It will make you very sad then to know I have frozen my sperm in various undisclosable sperm banks across the world in case ninja attack take my balls forcibly. Waaaay ahead of you buddy!

Baraka_Guru

Mirth: Listen to snowy.

I'm on the same boat. At my age, most people I know have mortgages, marriages, families, and even a few assets. I have none of those things (though I am in a common-law relationship). I have debt and no savings, no real assets, and I have only 32 years left until I hit that socially prescribed retirement age. Yeeeah.... at this rate, it ain't gonna happen.

So what am I going to do about it? Well, for starters, I'm in the process of rewriting my scripts. You know, those things that people wrote for you and you've been living by all this time, or maybe you've been deviating from them subconsciously and have been miserable because, well, you feel like a deviant and things aren't "going according to plan"—even though you have no plan.

Toss out what you think others expect of you and go after what matters to you most. If you don't know what that is, you have a lot of work to do. Have at it.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Mirth

You must have forgotten how to read. I've started to make improvements. It's almost like you want me to fail so you can make fun of me. But I'll overcome my fears even if it takes me awhile, and prove you wrong.


I've seen pictures of you, you don't look that young. I'd bone.


You make a good point. All my friends or acquaintances from High School are either married or are engaged to get married, so I do kind of feel out of the loop. If I had to choose a time period that I got off the social clock, it'd be my high school years, for sure. I guess I can't really re-live my high school years, haha, but I know I gotta make the effort to be more social as if I were in high school again, or something.



Hmmm... I would have never guessed that you'd be out of the social clock, you've always come off as what seems to be one of the most wise and helpful members on the board. But it's neat that you too have problems. Not saying that in a mean way, hehe. But yeah... I have to start doing my own things, for myself. Which I am slowly working at.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Anyways, if anyone cares, I have an update on my progress. A somewhat former acquaintance of mine invited me to their show tonight at a bar via a facebook event invite. My parents are friends with his parents, and that's how we know each other. Most of his family and relatives went to see him play tonight. Anyways, I decided to go, to get more comfortable around other people. I didn't really talk to anyone the whole night, was more of just a practice of being around people.

Well at the end, the acquaintance's father invited me to join their table, with his family. Which was great, because one of the girls (I think his niece) really caught my eye... Like, I know I'm not supposed to pre-judge people based on looks (bad habit I'm working on), but she seemed out of place, like she doesn't normally go to bars and stuff. Looked innocent. Throughout the night of the family talking, I learned that she doesn't drink, is a Christian, and doesn't go to bars other than when her cousin's band is playing. Kinda like me!

But anyways, they all invited me to go to IHOP with them, which would have gotten me more time to try to get to know that girl. I know, I know, I'm supposed to be working on my socializing skills and not girls, but I can't help myself. Unfortunately, they split us into two tables, and I didn't get to be in hers. I had to sit next to this other girl, 19, who was definitely not my type! But I got to sit with my acquaintance and the drummer, and we actually had a lot of laughs, they felt like real friends. I was really enjoying myself, and I really felt like I was just like everybody else. I talked to them like I would with my other friends, showing that I'm comfortable.

At the end of the night, they said they'd invite me to their next show when they have one. The drummer mentioned that he goes to the same college as me on Wednesdays at night like I do, so I said maybe I'll see him around and we can chill till our classes start. I felt really confident at IHOP after the first couple minutes. I even talked to the girl next to me every once and awhile, as if she was just another person at the table and not some attractive female. I gave her a mozzarella stick and she offered me some of her steak, but it looked gross, haha, so I declined politely. Also, the dad was hitting on two chicks younger than me like it was nothing... And he's 51... That man has some balls, and did it so smoothly. Gave me inspiration! He said I could have easily gotten one of those bar girls (Yes, he's prejudice too I guess, he thinks "bar-girls" are easy). I suppose he noticed that I didn't talk to anyone, although I'm pretty sure he already knows I'm shy.

When I got home, I checked the facebook event. That girl that I seem to be interested in is only 19. Ah well...

Anyways, I feel really good tonight. Feel like I made some progress! And I plan to make more.

dlish

Mirth,

good to see you take the first step. and i really do hope you prove Plan9 wrong. only his dad seems to put him in place like he should.

just a piece of advice though...stay away from innocent christian girls dammit!

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

Mirth

Haha, yeah, I have to stay away from them! It's hard, I can't help myself.

Plan9

Yes, by-golly-gosh! I must have forgotten how to read... because I fail to see the difference in the guy behind the drivel.

LoganSnake

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What's wrong with dating a 19 year old at 25?

__________________
Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques

Baraka_Guru

I'll spare you the cautionary tale. Let's just say you still have tons of time....just don't waste it anymore. You're still young. Use it or lose it...you're going to lose it anyway, so you might as well benefit from it somehow. You want to know what's worse than failure? Regret.

Let's see...

...absolutely nothing!

Green light!

Green light!

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Mirth

Ha, yeah, I know about regret. I spent my whole life doing things in which I thought was the right way, to prevent having regrets, and it backfired; having the regret of not having regrets.

- - - - - - - - - -

Anyways, I didn't make much progress tonight, had homework to do mostly. I did go in the TFP chatroom though. Actually, I'm there at the moment. I guess it's close enough to trying to be social for tonight. I don't think I'm doing too good in there, I find it hard to add onto the conversations.