When is counseling needed??? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

BlueBongo · 06-25-2003, 09:13 PM

Well.. here's my problem.
A)I'm lazy
B)I don't eat right, at all...
C)I lack serious motivation....

All of this leading to my insecurities within myself. I have high expectations and find myself doing nothing to reach those. I can't say I have a habit eating too much, or I have a weird affinity to food... but I just have an "I don't care" type attitude.

I dislike diets and often make excuses to doing things. For example, I love to go hiking... but it's too damn hot out when the sun is up... and most places don't allow night time hikes. When I get home from work/school I go right to studying or sitting my ass down to watch TV.

I'm really at odds with what I should do. I've been to a dietician.. but because of my lame insurance I will not be able to go back for regular visits. I'm wondering if my problem lies elsewhere with personal depression (over the way I look and feel) or what?

I would say I am a happy person. I have a decent life and yet I am always looking to make myself better.

Basically I am way too large and need to lose weight but I make so many excuses. I just don't know what to do and thought I would randomly post this for some advice.... I am wondering if I should get involved in some kind of community activity or something because I am just making myself larger by not caring.

That's my two cents. feel free to chime in because I just don't know what else to do.

I have so much potential... and I'm letting it go to waste being overweight.

The_Dude · 06-25-2003, 09:29 PM

i dont think you're at the point of needing counseling yet...

get involved in a group project (volunteering maybe). makes you feel like you're doin something good and people actually depend on you.

Nisses · 06-26-2003, 12:55 AM

I'd say get over yourself.
If you just keep having high expectations and telling yourself you have so much potential, you're gonna talk yourself down and really get depressed, in either way, no matter how much counselling you get.

Let that go a bit, and focus the energy you spend on whining to yourself on actually doing something.

Too much sun? Fuck the sun and pack anyway. Prepare together with a friend and you'll both want to go more and be less inclined to drop it. Heck I've went hiking in my shorts through pouring rain for 8 straight hours and had a blast last summer (and caught a really bad cold, but that's another story

)

You get home from work? Park your ass right back in your car or on your bike and get to the gym, if only for an hour. Better yet, find a partner to work out with. Then agree to each pick the other up every other week. That way, again, you'll be less likely to skip it.

The key thing to do here, is not sit down when you come home and tell yourself: I'll go in about half an hour.

Because you won't.

In short: stop worrying and telling yourself what you aught to do, and just do stuff you can do. Right now. Yes, I'm talking to you. Stop reading dammit!

Ashton · 06-26-2003, 01:18 AM

Sounds to me like you need a friend, you know.... someone with a Jetboat, or a cool cruiser to drop the top on and swoop on teh chicks

That may sound lame because I'm old school, but thats what you need....... someone that says, FARK sitting here...... lets go out and do something!

Ganguro · 06-26-2003, 05:36 AM

I used to be just like you kiddo..(Well minus the vagina and all)

I think a lot of this stems from a general apathy for life. Perhaps a change of environment is in order. I'm not saying leave ol' whatshisface.. but maybe get a haircut you like, try a new approach to things you normally do. go outside and read a book, or go walking around dusk. I know it's hot there, because we are practically neighbours.. but around 7 oclock or so it's pretty tolerable. Take someone and walk around the block, then try walking a little further the next time, then maybe go dancing one night, or perhaps some of that hiking, or DDR something.. If you start feeling better, then it doesnt really matter what you weigh..does it? I've found that like many things in life, the less you actually TRY to do something the more you're likely to succeed in it.; meaning.. the less you focus on the whole weight thing, and the more you get moving and doing things that make you feel better the more you're going to say "what the hell.. im going to the gym tonight" or " hmm.. im gonna walk to the store next time instead of driving" etc...I hope any of this helps you out.. and if you need to talk about anything.. you know how to reach me.

Fallon · 06-26-2003, 11:23 AM

If you're feeling overweight, a semi-quick diet to go on is the Atkins diet. Go over to the fitness board, and look at the one that's in there, and if you are interested, you can PM me, and I'll get you some more info. As for the other things, like others have said, get someone else to go with you because you'll feel bad if you let that other person down. If you feel you aren't doing anything useful, do get involved in your community. Depending on the town you live in, I bet you could get involved with some type of center, be it kids, teens, senior whatever. In my younger years, I was a police explorer, and that was quite fun because you could actually sense some of the respect people gave you, and I was helping out the community while being one too. You can get involved with local sports teams I bet. If you are good with webpages and computers, maybe you can make a webpage for one of the local teams.
For me personally, I was pretty much like you, in that I'd come home and do nothing. Now though, since the weather is hot, I usually go to the beach with my fiancee, and go for a swim or play with her little brothers. There are plenty of things to do, the part that sucks is finding them, then getting the motivation to do them =p
Good luck, and keep us posted!

gibber71 · 06-26-2003, 04:39 PM

If this was your last day alive,what would you do with yourself? Think of everyday as your last day and you will never run out of things to do.

Boner · 07-03-2003, 01:54 AM

From what your saying, I don't think you have a depression bad enough where you need to see a doc.

My wife has serious clinical depression, so I know a little about it.

For the physical aspect of it all, I recommend the "Body for Life" program.

Link to the audio book:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/AS...086827-8266252

I know a lot of the hardcore fitness people may not like the guy, but I personally think what he's set up is great. Besides going over workout routines and eating, he insists on setting up goals for yourself. Get the audio book, its really good, and it will get you pumped up. I lost 30 lbs doing it.

Being overweight can really drag you down. It'll suck your energy away.

If you decide to not check into it, at least consider to make a goal each day of doing something that you'd like to do, but never do. Resolve to NOT turn on the TV for at least a day. Say to yourself, "I'm going hiking at 4:00, dammit." Tell a family member that you want to go hiking at 4:00, and to badger you if you don't go. The hardest part will be walking out the front door!

motdakasha · 07-03-2003, 05:22 AM

It sounds to me like you're describing lethargy more than depression. You sound like you feel you lack self-confidence, which you think stems from the lethargy.
Lethargy can sometimes be an indicator of things that don't involve counselling, but medicine. My mother acted the way you describe for a few years. She went to a doctor and it turned out she had hypothyroid problems. The slowing down of regularity in her thyroid glands caused her to be lethargic, sleep a lot, feel depressed, etc. She takes medicine for it regularly now, but that isn't the only part of her recovery. She is required to exercise X amount of hours/times a week. She's much more active now and seems to be more cheery.
As for me, I have a sleeping disorder which causes me to feel lethargic. I am also supposed exercise X amount of hours/times a week. When I do exercise, I feel a huge positive change in my self-confidence and energy.

See a regular doctor. If it's nothing medical, and you haven't experienced it for more than a year (two years or more is usually defined as chronic), then the doctor will probably make similar recommendations as these:
a) Try to eat healthier. This doesn't mean some strict bland nazi diet. You're supposed to change your diet slowly, and it's supposed to be permanent. Take small steps one at a time, not all at once. Try eating less junk food and more fruits and vegetables instead. Cook your own food instead of eating out. Cut back on caffeine and/or avoid carbonated drinks and coffee. Try drinking water or fruit juices instead.
b) Regular exercise. Try exercise that raises your heart rate to a faster than normal, but consistent beat for more than 10 minutes. If you have a hard time committing to something on your own, try to get a friend involved. Take a class, so you feel you've invested in something and can't back down. Do your best to commit to regular (fun) exercise. Try hiking early in the morning or late at night. If you hike where it's hilly, you don't have to jog or anything to raise your heartbeat, just a fast walk. Aim for 2 or more times a week.
3) Get regular sleep. Regular exercise and regular diet help you achieve this. Some doctors have recommended slightly warmed milk (microwaved) 30-45 mins. before bed. Don't exercise too close to your desired bedtime because the adrenaline can keep you awake. Try to get about 8 hours of sleep. Oversleeping can make you feel more tired than not getting enough sleep. Try not to let your schedule fluctuate too much.

Hope this helps.

sportsrule101 · 07-03-2003, 05:42 AM

Take a vacation to someplace you have never been. Walk around see the sights. Try getting someone to go on a diet with you, so your accountable to someone

Lebell · 07-03-2003, 07:59 AM

All this is good advice,

I will only add that you have to be happy with yourself as you are.

Losing weight, self improvement, etc. are admirable goals, but these must be looked at as separate from loving yourself for who you are.

Yes, I speak from personal experience.

Good luck

butthead · 07-03-2003, 11:33 AM

bluebongo

www.feelinggood.com, buy the book or obtain some other way (steal it if you have to)

The book "Feeling Good" is about cognitive therapy and contains great techniques for problems like this.

butthead · 07-03-2003, 11:34 AM

Quote:

If you decide to not check into it, at least consider to make a goal each day of doing something that you'd like to do, but never do. Resolve to NOT turn on the TV for at least a day. Say to yourself, "I'm going hiking at 4:00, dammit." Tell a family member that you want to go hiking at 4:00, and to badger you if you don't go. The hardest part will be walking out the front door!

I actually prefer the enjoyment prediction method where I predict how much fun I will have, then compare how much fun I really did have. It's a fun experiment.

06-25-2003, 09:29 PM	#2 (permalink)
The_Dude The GrandDaddy of them all! Location: Austin, TX	i dont think you're at the point of needing counseling yet... get involved in a group project (volunteering maybe). makes you feel like you're doin something good and people actually depend on you. __________________ "Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity." - Darrel K Royal

06-26-2003, 12:55 AM	#3 (permalink)
Nisses Shade Location: Belgium	I'd say get over yourself. If you just keep having high expectations and telling yourself you have so much potential, you're gonna talk yourself down and really get depressed, in either way, no matter how much counselling you get. Let that go a bit, and focus the energy you spend on whining to yourself on actually doing something. Too much sun? Fuck the sun and pack anyway. Prepare together with a friend and you'll both want to go more and be less inclined to drop it. Heck I've went hiking in my shorts through pouring rain for 8 straight hours and had a blast last summer (and caught a really bad cold, but that's another story ) You get home from work? Park your ass right back in your car or on your bike and get to the gym, if only for an hour. Better yet, find a partner to work out with. Then agree to each pick the other up every other week. That way, again, you'll be less likely to skip it. The key thing to do here, is not sit down when you come home and tell yourself: I'll go in about half an hour. Because you won't. In short: stop worrying and telling yourself what you aught to do, and just do stuff you can do. Right now. Yes, I'm talking to you. Stop reading dammit! __________________ Moderation should be moderately moderated.

07-03-2003, 05:22 AM	#9 (permalink)
motdakasha Hiya Puddin'! Miss me? Location: Silicon Valley, CA	It sounds to me like you're describing lethargy more than depression. You sound like you feel you lack self-confidence, which you think stems from the lethargy. Lethargy can sometimes be an indicator of things that don't involve counselling, but medicine. My mother acted the way you describe for a few years. She went to a doctor and it turned out she had hypothyroid problems. The slowing down of regularity in her thyroid glands caused her to be lethargic, sleep a lot, feel depressed, etc. She takes medicine for it regularly now, but that isn't the only part of her recovery. She is required to exercise X amount of hours/times a week. She's much more active now and seems to be more cheery. As for me, I have a sleeping disorder which causes me to feel lethargic. I am also supposed exercise X amount of hours/times a week. When I do exercise, I feel a huge positive change in my self-confidence and energy. See a regular doctor. If it's nothing medical, and you haven't experienced it for more than a year (two years or more is usually defined as chronic), then the doctor will probably make similar recommendations as these: a) Try to eat healthier. This doesn't mean some strict bland nazi diet. You're supposed to change your diet slowly, and it's supposed to be permanent. Take small steps one at a time, not all at once. Try eating less junk food and more fruits and vegetables instead. Cook your own food instead of eating out. Cut back on caffeine and/or avoid carbonated drinks and coffee. Try drinking water or fruit juices instead. b) Regular exercise. Try exercise that raises your heart rate to a faster than normal, but consistent beat for more than 10 minutes. If you have a hard time committing to something on your own, try to get a friend involved. Take a class, so you feel you've invested in something and can't back down. Do your best to commit to regular (fun) exercise. Try hiking early in the morning or late at night. If you hike where it's hilly, you don't have to jog or anything to raise your heartbeat, just a fast walk. Aim for 2 or more times a week. 3) Get regular sleep. Regular exercise and regular diet help you achieve this. Some doctors have recommended slightly warmed milk (microwaved) 30-45 mins. before bed. Don't exercise too close to your desired bedtime because the adrenaline can keep you awake. Try to get about 8 hours of sleep. Oversleeping can make you feel more tired than not getting enough sleep. Try not to let your schedule fluctuate too much. Hope this helps. __________________ =^-^= motdakasha =^-^= Just Google It. BA Psychology & Photography (I'm not going psychoanalyze you nor will I let you cry on my shoulder. Have a nice day.) Last edited by motdakasha; 07-03-2003 at 05:26 AM..

07-03-2003, 05:42 AM	#10 (permalink)
sportsrule101 Insane	Take a vacation to someplace you have never been. Walk around see the sights. Try getting someone to go on a diet with you, so your accountable to someone __________________ winning isn't everything but losing isn't anything

07-03-2003, 07:59 AM	#11 (permalink)
Lebell Cracking the Whip Location: Sexymama's arms...	All this is good advice, I will only add that you have to be happy with yourself as you are. Losing weight, self improvement, etc. are admirable goals, but these must be looked at as separate from loving yourself for who you are. Yes, I speak from personal experience. Good luck __________________ "Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." – C. S. Lewis The ONLY sponsors we have are YOU! Please Donate!

06-26-2003, 01:18 AM	#4 (permalink)
Ashton PORNHOUND Location: California	Sounds to me like you need a friend, you know.... someone with a Jetboat, or a cool cruiser to drop the top on and swoop on teh chicks That may sound lame because I'm old school, but thats what you need....... someone that says, FARK sitting here...... lets go out and do something!

06-26-2003, 05:36 AM	#5 (permalink)
Ganguro Army of Me	I used to be just like you kiddo..(Well minus the vagina and all) I think a lot of this stems from a general apathy for life. Perhaps a change of environment is in order. I'm not saying leave ol' whatshisface.. but maybe get a haircut you like, try a new approach to things you normally do. go outside and read a book, or go walking around dusk. I know it's hot there, because we are practically neighbours.. but around 7 oclock or so it's pretty tolerable. Take someone and walk around the block, then try walking a little further the next time, then maybe go dancing one night, or perhaps some of that hiking, or DDR something.. If you start feeling better, then it doesnt really matter what you weigh..does it? I've found that like many things in life, the less you actually TRY to do something the more you're likely to succeed in it.; meaning.. the less you focus on the whole weight thing, and the more you get moving and doing things that make you feel better the more you're going to say "what the hell.. im going to the gym tonight" or " hmm.. im gonna walk to the store next time instead of driving" etc...I hope any of this helps you out.. and if you need to talk about anything.. you know how to reach me.

06-26-2003, 11:23 AM	#6 (permalink)
Fallon Junkie Location: RI	If you're feeling overweight, a semi-quick diet to go on is the Atkins diet. Go over to the fitness board, and look at the one that's in there, and if you are interested, you can PM me, and I'll get you some more info. As for the other things, like others have said, get someone else to go with you because you'll feel bad if you let that other person down. If you feel you aren't doing anything useful, do get involved in your community. Depending on the town you live in, I bet you could get involved with some type of center, be it kids, teens, senior whatever. In my younger years, I was a police explorer, and that was quite fun because you could actually sense some of the respect people gave you, and I was helping out the community while being one too. You can get involved with local sports teams I bet. If you are good with webpages and computers, maybe you can make a webpage for one of the local teams. For me personally, I was pretty much like you, in that I'd come home and do nothing. Now though, since the weather is hot, I usually go to the beach with my fiancee, and go for a swim or play with her little brothers. There are plenty of things to do, the part that sucks is finding them, then getting the motivation to do them =p Good luck, and keep us posted!

06-26-2003, 04:39 PM	#7 (permalink)
gibber71 Loser	If this was your last day alive,what would you do with yourself? Think of everyday as your last day and you will never run out of things to do.

07-03-2003, 01:54 AM	#8 (permalink)
Boner Insane Location: Plugged In	From what your saying, I don't think you have a depression bad enough where you need to see a doc. My wife has serious clinical depression, so I know a little about it. For the physical aspect of it all, I recommend the "Body for Life" program. Link to the audio book: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/AS...086827-8266252 I know a lot of the hardcore fitness people may not like the guy, but I personally think what he's set up is great. Besides going over workout routines and eating, he insists on setting up goals for yourself. Get the audio book, its really good, and it will get you pumped up. I lost 30 lbs doing it. Being overweight can really drag you down. It'll suck your energy away. If you decide to not check into it, at least consider to make a goal each day of doing something that you'd like to do, but never do. Resolve to NOT turn on the TV for at least a day. Say to yourself, "I'm going hiking at 4:00, dammit." Tell a family member that you want to go hiking at 4:00, and to badger you if you don't go. The hardest part will be walking out the front door!

07-03-2003, 11:33 AM	#12 (permalink)
butthead Loser Location: SF Bay Area, CA	bluebongo www.feelinggood.com, buy the book or obtain some other way (steal it if you have to) The book "Feeling Good" is about cognitive therapy and contains great techniques for problems like this.