Push-Pull

OK, this thread is going to be for the retail soldiers amongst TFP. It is my wishes that not only the retail workers here post their problems/complaints, but that the non-retail workers here may gain some insight to our world.

My few are coming from me working in a lumber/building materials section of a home improvement store.....

To my customers......

1) It's a 2x4. It is wood. Wood by nature is imperfect. As such, you may find it quite troublesome to try and weed out 80 "perfect" 2x4's from the stack. Also keep in mind that not every application of a 2x4 requires a perfect piece. A 2x4 inside of an interior wall for example will never be seen again. It won't hurt you one bit to put a slightly bowed and/or twisted one in there, I promise.

2) If you move 20 pieces in order to find "the one" perfect piece, please, put the 20 others back when you're done. Not doing so only takes time away from us being able to help you and others.

3) Be prepared.
a) Don't walk in and expect me to be able to jot down a list of all the materials you need to do your room addition. That is your job.
b) Don't bring your Kia and expect to take home 30 bags of concrete, 12 sheets of plywood, and 65 2x4s.

4) If you are going to ask us questions, don't be so quick to blow off our answers. Trust me, I am not going to deliberately give you bad advice, so don't get upset when I assure you that 3" screws are better for your application than 1 1/4" screws.


To my management....

1) We need employees to work the store. That means making sure that all departments have someone in them at all times during open hours. And don't get upset when I don't come running when someone needs help 3 departments away because there's no help in that department.

2) Just because I'm standing still or talking to other employees for 5 seconds doesn't automatically make me a slacker. Take a look at my store issued ball cap. See the sweat stains in it? That's not because I wear it jogging ass-munch.

To my fellow employees....

1) Just because my department is right next to receiving doesn't give you the right to dump your trash cart in the front of my department. I can tell which department the trash came from, and I WILL push it back to your little area.

2) Returns clerks, learn what products our store carries. Just because someone has a receipt doesn't always mean that it's "the" product they're returning. Oh, and a 2x6x8 is usually 8 foot long, not 6".


So does anyone else have things to add?

__________________
"No laws, no matter how rigidly enforced, can protect a person from their own stupidity." -Me-

"Some people are like Slinkies..... They are not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs." -Unknown-

DAMMIT! -Jack Bauer-

ngdawg

I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad I don't work retail anymore, but here's a few additions:

To the customer: See this namebadge attached to the lanyard with the store's logo all over it? Yea? Then why are you asking "Do you work here"?
Do I look like a mental deficient? I know quite well you did not get that $300 quilt from the clearance rack, so don't get all insistent that it's $50.
See me straightening the towels, plates, etc? Why would I know anything about men's socks? Just because we work here doesn't mean we're all sages about every department. And don't stop me to ask where the bathrooms are when you can clearly see my arms are full and I'm walking at a marathoner's pace. Did you expect me to point to them?
I don't really care if you take your business elsewhere because I couldn't find what you want. I still get paid. Threats are worthless. Get over it.
To the management: Thanks for having so much trust in me, but I am not the department manager. They should be doing the resets, restocks, etc. If you trusted me that much, you would have made me manager, not the pimply-faced 20 year old that relies on the bus to get here and is always late.
There's 12 cash registers, but you put 3 people on them and expect us to run when you page for help. Here's a hint: put 12 cashiers on duty! I'm busy covering 5 departments alone because you want the payroll reports to look good.
Closing is at 10. We stay until midnight cleaning up. Same reason-you don't want to hire or pay what you need. Let's see here, 15 people staying 2 hours later vs. 20 people getting out more or less on time...I failed math, but can figure this one out.
To customer service: We don't sell that brand. Stop taking it back just because the customer produced some receipt. Learn to read. And we know we have returns to restock. Stop paging. When I'm free, I'll get there. Look at the merchandise being returned. I can't restock something with bloodstains.

Bossnass

I lasted in retail almost 2 days. Then I quit without regret. I stand by the 'you must be an idiot to be a retail manager' rule of thumb.

But I also have to say that I am probably one of the types of customers that push-pull is writing about. I despise big-box store employees. I will not pay a premium to second class lumber and I will find as many non-warped, cupped, twisted, bowed boards as I need. If I needed more than a couple, I will go to a better supplier, but if I need 10 items from 10 departments, I'll try to make it in one stop. I've tried to use warped wood. It isn't worth it by any means. I know you'll sell it to someone that doesn't think so, but I'm not going to take it.

And if I ask a question regarding a location of a product, don't give me something else and insist that it will work. I'm a pretty handy person, I've done more renos than you have and I used to be a tradesman. I will dismiss you opinion if I know with certainty that you are wrong. And more often than not, you are.

telekinetic

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twisted no more

cyklone

From a customer:
Please is there someone in this store over 17 who knows what a ### actually is and whether your store carries them?

LoganSnake

What a what is?

__________________
Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques

inBOIL

Dear Crazy Lady,
Are we looking at the same aquarium? Because I'm looking at the one that's 75 gallons and has about 1,500 feeder guppies in it. You know, the small silvery fish that all look alike? I cannot get you the 2 smallest ones in there. I can get you 2 smallish ones, but I won't waste my time comparing each and every guppy to be sure that yours are the absolute smallest.

__________________
And you believe Bush and the liberals and divorced parents and gays and blacks and the Christian right and fossil fuels and Xbox are all to blame, meanwhile you yourselves create an ad where your kid hits you in the head with a baseball and you don't understand the message that the problem is you.

cyklone

garlic crush, meat thermometer, spatula, plumb measure, anyone of many things that might be used regularly, but that very young assistants have no idea about.
The rant is aimed mainly at a couple of Australian chains like Kmart or Target, that employ young people, give them no training in what they are actually selling, and you have to wait around for 10 minutes while he/she gets in touch with their supervisor to find out if they have it.

Mister Coaster

To Customers: If you ask me "What's the best one?" Don't be surprised, shocked or dismayed at the fact that the 'best one' is also usually the most expensive one.

If you accidently spill or break something we won't charge you for it, I promise. In return for this kindness, please TELL SOMEONE that you made a mess instead of leaving it there for some other dumass customer to slip and fall on it.

Yes, the HOT FOOD bar is HOT, don't touch the metal pans.

Management: I work the same fucking schedule EVERY WEEK. If something is different, I'll let you know. Don't bust my balls because I didn't write down my schedule, it's always the same.

I'm on my break, yes, I'm sitting at my workstation, but I swear I'm off the clock. Don't believe me, go check it, dipshit.

Want me to do something big and complex? Fine, I'll do it, but WRITE SHIT DOWN for me. I can't remember every detail of your random rambling "great idea" that you thought of this morning in the shower.

Fellow Employees: I'm not an asshole, but I do have a dry, somewhat sarcastic sence of humor.

Yes, I made all the signs for your department. Yes, I gave them to the manager. If you don't have them, it's because some brain-dead monkey on your team lost them.

The making of a batch of signs is not an instantanious happening, it's a process, give me some time to do it. In the same vein, if you want a nice, well done chalkboard with good illustrations and cool text, don't put the item out first, then ask for the chalkboard. Ask for the chalkboard first.

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If you have any poo... fling it NOW!

Push-Pull

Please don't take this as an attack, but as an extension of this particular topic....

Trust me, thanks to stiff competition between stores, you aren't paying a premium. You are practically just reimbursing us what we paid for it. Sometimes, when it goes on special, you're actually paying LESS than what we pay for it. The mark-up on lumber is so minuscule that the only reason it makes a profit is because of the quantity at which it sells.

As far as my gripe, I certainly understand someone wanting a straight piece of lumber, and I personally go out of my way to accommodate someone looking for a few pieces. But when you start going through every friggen' board in a bunk when you're going to be building a damn compost heap retaining wall out of the shit, just give me a break already....

And just for the record, we're pretty good about culling the unusable pieces and selling them off uber-cheap.

Believe me, we employees don't have any say in the quality of it.

And what exactly is it that you despise about me? I'm friendly, courteous, more than reasonably knowledgeable about my department, and willing to lend a hand loading your cart as well as your car. Although I must admit there are people in my store that give the rest of us a bad name. Honestly, I think on average the good ones are outnumbered.....

__________________
"No laws, no matter how rigidly enforced, can protect a person from their own stupidity." -Me-

"Some people are like Slinkies..... They are not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs." -Unknown-

DAMMIT! -Jack Bauer-

Bossnass

-----------threadjack-------------

Its nothing personal, I do like a few big box employees. You are probably pretty decent at your job. The paint girl at Rona is quick and accurate at her job and is friendly and knowledgeable. So is the door/window guy. Some are reasonably knowledgeable, and helpful. And you agree, on average the good ones are outnumbered.

But in my experience a randomly selected employee, more often than not, will be completely inept (can't locate stock, doesn't know how to find out, has virtually no knowledge about their area) or dangerously/expensively "knowledgeable" - in that they give poor advice and think they know or pretend to know what they are talking about in order to save face. I've flipped properties, 1 or 2 a year, for the last 3.5 years. I've comfortably spent over 100k on various renovations at various retailers. I will go out of my way to avoid a couple of them.

-----------sub threadjack-------------
I know lumber prices fluctuate and I know margins aren't huge. But when I was getting quotes on a large deck project I had this summer, there was a strong relation: Larger the store/chain, larger the price, lower the quality. For example, a smaller local chain called Totem Building supplies, provides amazingly knowledgeable employees and great service, and top notch premium lumber for 15%ish less than Home Depot or Rona (large Canadian chain). I don't mind paying more for lumber, but I have consistently found better wood for equal or less money than at 'big boxes'. I've also been given "unsellable" boards at supply houses to use as shorts, which would be sold to unwitting customers at larger retailers.
-----------sub threadjack-------------

-----------threadjack-------------

clavus

You rented the skis for the weekend. You paid your money, and you took the skis. Nobody else could use the skis, because you took them. That's how we make money. We rent skis.

Just because you did not ski on the skis you rented does not mean that you get a refund. Now please fuck off. I'm busy. I have 200 skis to wax and my boss is teaching me how to appreciate Scotch.

*WHEW! That's been brewing in my head for YEARS*

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Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.

analog

From electronics sales...

When you ask for "top of the line", don't do any of the following:

1. Whine about how expensive it is. "Top of the line" Q-tips are relatively cheap. "Top of the line" electronics are not.
2. Seem upset that the first thing I showed you was the most expensive piece- "top of the line" is usually going to be the most expensive.

I can understand that you installed a large home theater system with speakers and such, and you overestimated how many spools of wire you needed... NO, you cannot return a spool of wire that was partially used and is now incomplete. Telling me you used "about a quarter of it" and asking for a refund of 3/4 of the price you paid, will make me laugh at you.

When the employee standing next to me is also laughing, and you ask for the manager, don't be surprised that he's the other one laughing at your dumb ass.



From cellphone sales...

No, dropping your cellphone in the toilet is not covered by your manufacturer's warranty. If you don't have insurance, I can't just GIVE you another one. No business on the planet operates that way. If I drop a toaster from Target into a lake, I cannot go back and get a new one for no reason- I don't understand why you think this would work with a $300 cellphone. (and you may laugh, but you wouldn't believe how often people drop their cellphones in their toilet)

ring

Real blood and guts retail memories.

nine people in line... six of them sighing deeply and looking at their watches.

I am new, and the faster I try to move the more I feel Like I am in a bad dream where monsters are chasing me and it seems like my boots are caked with fifty pounds of mud.

I haved worked my self up to the point of a stroke when all of a sudden that seventh person in line looks me in the eye calmly, talks to me in an even tone of voice, treats me like a like an equal, and sincerely wishes me a good day.

Bless you bless you bless you.

I have forever tried to be that type of customer since.

Baraka_Guru

Things I wish I'd said...if I hadn't the need to clutch onto my just-above-minimum-wage service-based university jobs:


No, the customer isn't always right. They haven't been that right in over fifty years. Deal with it. This is the 21st century; we choose our customers now. Heh.

In-store signs with fine print that you didn't notice isn't false advertising. Um... it isn't even advertising.

No that isn't your daughter, that's a photograph of her. And I can tell it's professionally done just by looking at it. And, no, I won't break the law for you by making copies of it; I don't even know you. Go steal me a Sony Playstation from the store down the hall, and maybe we'll talk.

Put the stack of magazines down; this is a bookstore, not a library. If you're looking for the library, it's... *looks at the stack of People, Us Weekly, In Touch, etc.* ...never mind.

Don't talk down to me. Just because I'm a cashier, it doesn't mean I'm an idiot. Actually, it means I'm working on my second degree. You'll have to excuse me if I'm a bit stressed out: I'd rather be at home where I can finish reading Chaucer's "The Nun's Priest's Tale" from his Canterbury Tales--in the original Middle English...out loud--before moving on to finding contemporary dramatic examples of what T. S. Eliot called the objective correlative and making my way through recently published avant-garde Canadian poetry. *pause for effect* Say, what are you reading these days? Peasant.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Plan9

Did you write the script for Falling Down w/ Micheal Douglas?

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Baraka_Guru

Funny. I haven't even seen it. Why do you ask? *eye twitches*

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot