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To Customers: If you ask me "What's the best one?" Don't be surprised, shocked or dismayed at the fact that the 'best one' is also usually the most expensive one.
If you accidently spill or break something we won't charge you for it, I promise. In return for this kindness, please TELL SOMEONE that you made a mess instead of leaving it there for some other dumass customer to slip and fall on it.
Yes, the HOT FOOD bar is HOT, don't touch the metal pans.
Management: I work the same fucking schedule EVERY WEEK. If something is different, I'll let you know. Don't bust my balls because I didn't write down my schedule, it's always the same.
I'm on my break, yes, I'm sitting at my workstation, but I swear I'm off the clock. Don't believe me, go check it, dipshit.
Want me to do something big and complex? Fine, I'll do it, but WRITE SHIT DOWN for me. I can't remember every detail of your random rambling "great idea" that you thought of this morning in the shower.
Fellow Employees: I'm not an asshole, but I do have a dry, somewhat sarcastic sence of humor.
Yes, I made all the signs for your department. Yes, I gave them to the manager. If you don't have them, it's because some brain-dead monkey on your team lost them.
The making of a batch of signs is not an instantanious happening, it's a process, give me some time to do it. In the same vein, if you want a nice, well done chalkboard with good illustrations and cool text, don't put the item out first, then ask for the chalkboard. Ask for the chalkboard first.
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If you have any poo... fling it NOW!
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