Planning My Wedding

[Jadey]

Well, I proposed to my girlfriend back in April and we have just recently settled on a date, August 9, 2008. Just last week I put a deposit down for the church and for the reception site and ever since then I can't think about anything except for the money that it's gonna cost for this whole thing.

I put together an Excel spreadsheet to budget things out, and we are looking at over twice as much as I imagined. I just didn't realize how much all of the little things would add up: groomsmen gifts, flower girl basket, rehearsal dinner, etc. I realized it wasn't going to be cheap as I had roughly estimated things in my head prior to beginning the planning, but I was only factoring in the major things like the reception, dj, photographer, limos.

On top of it all, my fiance's parents are rolling in cash, but that's partly because they don't spend money for anything. Her dad is the biggest tightwad I have ever met. They've agreed to help, but just recently I found out that meant they would chip in "3 or 4 thousand dollars". That's probably only going to cover her dress, wedding band, and rental of the church. And it's not like we are being real extravagant with any of the plans either.

Man, I didn't realize how much getting married was going to cost! I know we will be able to afford it if we have to pay everything on our own, but I was hoping to put money down on a house soon after the wedding.

Anyway, I guess I'm just rambling here. I guess I just didn't know what I was getting into.

[albania]

Yea that's a toughie, you should definitely cancel the wedding.

I don't know, think about it this way, you may not have the house at the beginning but at least you'll have a happy wife.

[ShaniFaye]

The thing I loved about my wedding planning the most was how involved Dave was with everything. Im very big on doing stuff yourself. We planned our wedding for a year and a half. We planned for 150 people and including the honeymoon our costs, with everything we did ourselves, was right under 4800 bucks.

The first thing you need to do is make a list of "must haves" and things you can do without. For example....we saw no need at all for a flower girl or a ring bearer. We also saw no need to have anyone stand up with us other than his best man and my maid of honor. We chose to have a 2 pm wedding with an appetizer reception...we saw no need to have a plated or catered dinner....we made all the food ourselves. All our wedding party/parents clothes were made (granted we had a renn themed wedding but still...) My wedding dress cost me 267 dollars (and was special made just for me) our wedding party gifts...because of dave and I's diligence did not cost all that much (all our guys got 52' claymore swords and the women got claymore daggers) We saw no need in personalized favors....we made tartan bags out of the wedding tartan and filled them with the lavender to be thrown when we left, so that each guest could keep the bag after the wedding.

We held the rehearsal dinner at the church the night of rehearsal and had it catered by Sonny's BBQ....good food, cheap. We made the invitations ourselves (and they looked fantastic if I do say so myself). We saw no need for things like save the date cards. We printed our own programs for the ceremony as well. Our best friend was ordained online (perfectly legal in GA, I call the Secretary of State and double and triple checked) to perform the ceremony (which also made the ceremony that much more meaningful to us). We had friends use/set up their video cameras. We had daves cousin take all the wedding photos so there was no expense at all for "recording the wedding". My maid of honors mother made our cake (which was more gorgeous than words can say).

There are SO many ways you can have what you want without spending as much as buying a new car lol

I recommend that you and/or your fiance check out wedding planning boards online...I run one myself where we all do our best to help people do things without paying thru the nose just because its for a "wedding".

Good luck in everything...just remember you two have made this commitment and its something you should plan TOGETHER. I am not one that thinks all the guy has to do is "show up on the day"

I will post my "rules for getting married" just for laughs lol

I wrote this awhile back to remind some of us that we can get on each others nerves....read it with an open mind

Congratulations on your engagement!!! Love is a wonderful thing and its magical when you find the man you are planning on spending the rest of your life with and even more wonderful when he recognizes that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you.

you are now about to embark on a journey that many of us NEVER WANT TO GO THRU AGAIN.

yes, its called wedding planning, that bitter sweet experience that turns ordinary women into pill popping psychotic maniacs from whence the term Bridezilla comes. I dont think there is a word for the women that were already that way before the engagement.

Millions of us have been thru this and Im happy to say that after the wedding day the symptoms go away once the day is passed, for most of us anyway.

Here are a few things that might help you along the way to not drive away your friends and family

1. You are old enough to be getting married, hence you are old enough to pay for the wedding yourself if need be. We are in the 21st century, the days of EXPECTING your parents to pay for everything are over. Yes, some parents do this and those brides are the envy of everyone, but in reality many more of us have to cover these expenses ourselves with some, little, or no help at all, so plan according to your budget.

2. ALWAYS have a back up plan when someone says they are going to pay for something "as a wedding gift" or be prepared to do without when, at the last minute this person tells you they forgot or just dont have the money they thought they would.

3. Going into debt to have a 30k or more wedding is NOT a good thing, hence its not a good thing when your parents do it either.

4. Yes its your day, this does not however give you the right to become a dictator worse than Napolean. It is a GOOD thing to take other peoples lives into consideration when going about wedding planning. Please know that at any time a member of your wedding party could become preggie, could go thru some crisis where they decide they need blue hair (or some other color or haircut), they could have some life changing event which will prevent them from buying that dress/tux they said they would pay for (again....backup plans are good). Temper tantrums using the mantra "But its my day and you all need to do when I want how I want" do not show the maturity of someone that is ready to take on a husband.

5. This one is just an observation...please notice that having an engagement ring on your finger seems to directly influence the part of your brain that determines fashion sense. Butt bows are not and never have been attractive. Asking a big boobed girl to wear a strapless dress is not only horrible but its asking for an accident to happen. The "girls" need the security of STRAPS on a dress.

6. Bridal parties do NOT need to be even so please dont ask someone you dont really WANT to be in your wedding to be in it just to even the sides out.

7. You are going to fight with your mother and your FMIL, get used to it. These two women will have different tastes or ideas (this is one of the times its ok to tell them its your day, but in a mature way, not in a 2 year old way).

8. Your FMIL is going to be a bitch at some point, expect it very few of us get to experience the kind of MIL that I had. You are taking her son away, she KNOWS what evil things you'll be doing to him on your honeymoon.....Just smile and nod a lot and let her vent. Remember...one day YOU will be the FMIL.

9. You WILL spend hours addressing invitations and enclosing RSVP cards with multiple ways to respond which WILL be ignored, be ready for it. People are going to assume you know they are coming. You WILL get RSVPs from people who wont, without any explanation, show up.

10. Your maid of honor/bridesmaids WILL tick you off, probably about several things. They will be late/miss appointments and complain about many things.

11. It wont matter how many times you tell people or how many email newsletters you send out...people will still not know all the information you want them to know.

12. The rehearsal dinner is usually for your out of town guests and wedding participants and spouses, there is no need to invite everyone you know to it.

13. Your husband to be in most cases will not be as excited about the wedding as you (there ARE exceptions to this one) and wont give a darn which of the 12 shades of pink you decide to use (unless you try to make them and the groomsman wear it)

14. You WILL end up ticking off people with constant wedding talk so please dont be surprised when they look like they want to throw you in a burlap sack with rocks in it and throw you in the lake when you try to talk to them about it 12 months in advance.

15. It IS possible to DIY stuff yourself and have just as great a wedding rather than paying someone with "expertise". Their "expertise" comes at a 300% mark up.

16. (this is my personal pet peeve) You are not having a wedding to make money....it doesnt matter one bit if the people that come give a wedding gift big enough to cover their cost of dinner at the reception. Their presence at your special day should be gift enough, ANYTHING else is icing on the cake.

I hope these help someone, more likely than not it will make people mad, but hey, the more you know in advance the less we have to say "I told you so"

[Midnight]

MUHAHAHAHAHA! - i love Shani's list - great and VERY accurate.

All right. some other things to consider.

you know people that can help you. you just may not KNOW you know them.
BUT
beware of the family members and friends that say "oh yes, i can do "X", know someone that can do "X", I can get you a great deal on "X"..taking help from these people can be very very good or very very bad. (refer to shani rule number 2)

I'm an ordained minister. I'm a jewelry designer. I do floral arrangement. I do catering. I'm licensed to drive limousine, and still DO on occasion, and have many contacts in the industry. I am also a better than average amateur photographer. having someone like me handy does NOT mean that I can/should be counted on to do all of the above things, although IN A PINCH - I can/have been asked to do one or a number of combinations of the above and have done it gladly, and on some occasions, for "free" as in, as my gift to the couple.

Under no circumstances should you go into any kind of debt for the wedding. If your families have offered in any way to chip in - thats great, but in reality, today you can and should have the money set aside to be paying for your own wedding. One of the best ways to start off a marriage badly is with a crapload of debt to pay off. If you cant afford the "wedding of her/your dreams", its time to return to realityville and either re-evaluate the dream, or figure out how to do what you need to get done done with out all the chaos and financial outlay. Don't get me wrong - if you or your parents are able to pay for some monster wedding with all the frills, by all means, knock yourselves out. but if you cant afford it - you may still want it - but you definately dont need it. if tomorrow is your wedding day - the ONLY thing you NEED to wake up with the day after tomorrow is a signed, legal, marriage certificate. - EVERYTHING else is just gravy.

A case to ponder...

My sister and her husband were where you are right now. wanted a big wedding, started going over the COST of such an event, and even with an offer to "chip in" from the inlaws (to the tune of about what your FIL's were talking) they saw very quickly that with what they had saved and what family wanted to cover - they were WOEFULLY short of what the cost would be if they did what they wanted. So, they said thanks but no thanks to the inlaws, had a quiet little ceremony in the park with their best friends and parents, brothers and sisters, a quiet barbacue afterwards, then went and had a totally cool honeymoon for 2 weeks in Cancun, came back and had a big party for all the people that they would have had at a big wedding and reception, with none of the bullsh*t, all the fun, and supprisingly enough to them, a hell of a lot of gifts (which you dont usually get if you "elope" and dont have a big wedding.).

at the end of the day - its up to you two - but there is a hell of a lot of advice to be had from those of us that have "been there, done that"

and ALWAYS err on the side of good judgement - a fancy wedding and reception will make you happy for one day. the same amount of money in equity in a HOUSE will make you happy and your life easier for years to come.

[Daniel_]

I found it helpful to join a messageboard for people planning weddings.

They're mostly populated by mad women but in the main they're really useful.

[abaya]

Just don't join the Knot! Shani has a message board for weddings, and the one I used (and still enjoy visiting) is at: http://kvetch.indiebride.com ... check it out, there are a few grooms on there as well.

We came in at under $8000 for a wedding we planned in 5 weeks, including dress/all rings/venue, everything. It came off VERY well (people said it looked like it'd been planned for a year, and cost 3 times as much). All things are possible, you just have to work at it... and you have plenty of time to find cheaper alternatives. Best of luck, man.

[Push-Pull]

While I don't understand the need for all the expense of a wedding, I certainly won't stop anyone from spending large on their own wedding. It's just that experience tells me that I prefer a quiet little church, in the park, on a mountaintop clearing, and such.

When the wife and I got married, it was at a church in Sedona, Az because I knew the preacher that presided there. However when we got there for a rehearsal the day before the wedding, the church was fully tarped over, the pews, pulpit, everything, for some remodeling work. My wife, myself, and our friends, about 12 total, spent 7 hours prior to the wedding untarping, cleaning, vacuuming, dusting and so on so that we could have the wedding there in the church instead of the reception hall.

My best friend was best man and photographer. Her best friend was her maid of honor and dress primper/reception organizer. Her best friend's son was our gopher. (Gopher cokes, burgers, forgotten clothes, safety pins, etc.) Everyone pitched in something, and NOBODY complained one bit.

I think the biggest single expense outside of her ring and dress was the dinner afterwards at some crappy steakhouse, and that was like $250 or so. We spent the next week in San Diego for our honeymoon.

My wife and I smile about it often, and we would not ever change a thing about it.

My point is this....It isn't always necessary to spend a lot of money to have a completely happy, memorable event. Include your closest friends and family members, and I doubt that it can get any more joyous.

[ShaniFaye]

Originally Posted by Daniel_

I found it helpful to join a messageboard for people planning weddings.

They're mostly populated by mad women but in the main they're really useful.

Im going take that as a compliment

[Plan9]

Extensive list, Shani.

Good stuff.

[Daniel_]

Originally Posted by ShaniFaye

Im going take that as a compliment

It was meant as one, darling.

[Lady Sage]

Pan and I had an absolutely lovely wedding and reception.

WE fed all of cour guests, I had 4 bridesmaids, a maid of honor, a flower girl, two male attendants(guardians) all of us clothed in renaissance garb color coordinated... invitations, favors, wishing well, flowers, pictures, music, park, food, rings, my dress, jewelry, gifts to attendants and ladies in waiting, marriage license, clergy and all included cost just under $1,000.

Yes, one thousand dolalrs.

No, im not kidding.

Edit: I forgot to tell you, it doesnt matter how much money you spend on it, it is over and done with in 15-30 minutes. All the prep, all the expense and you are bonafide married in that tiny span of time. Keep that in mind.

Yes, if you wish I will be glad to share how I did it with you.

[shesus]

I don't know how much our wedding cost, but I'm sure it was too much. Weddings are so quick, it makes one wonder why they spend all the money they do on one. But, I understand wanting the big shebam to celebrate the union of 2 people.

We cut cost at the rehearsal dinner by having a cookout at my parent's house. It was relaxed and very fun. We had friends volunteer to grill and all the other food was made ahead of time.

My cousin just got married for around $700. She got her dress for $99 at David's bridal and my aunt did the alterations. My grandfather married them and the reception consisted of finger foods that were made by various family members. My uncle took the wedding photos. Not classy at all, but a celebration nonetheless and they aren't in debt over it. Most importantly, they have the same end result.

I think money is better spent on a huge vacation, or a down payment on a house in your case, than a 20 minute ceremony. But I was in the big wedding frame of mind and understand the need for 'our' day.

[spindles]

Originally Posted by Midnight

Under no circumstances should you go into any kind of debt for the wedding.

Quoted for truth - there are better things to spend your money on. Work out your budget and cut anything that doesn't fit in. I've been to a wedding recently with a huge guest list, that had an afternoon tea in the grounds of the church after the ceremony, I'd say at least 90% catered by the family/church members. Total cost would've been used up just about on clothing and photos.

[Jadey]

thanks for all the tips. We've been cutting. I was able to convince my finace to cut out the chocolate fountain (totally unnecessary) and we have already looked at some friends of friends that are photgraphers and have dj'd weddings. Over the last 2 weeks I've cut almost $3,000 from our projected budget.

[ShaniFaye]

you know you can buy your own chocolate fountain for like 30-50 bucks at target..then you'd have it for future parties

http://www.target.com/gp/search.html...t_adv_XSGT0304

[Lady Sage]

Fabulous advice Shani!

I burned 3 CD's with tunes we wanted to hear. Went over to the CD player every 90 minutes and changed one out. Saved hundreds!

[Midnight]

um.. one thing about the chocolate fountains...

Ive seen people dipping fingers into them and licking their fingers, then putting them back in there... i've seen people dip a strawberry, bite a piece off, then dip it back in... oh and then there's always the damned drunken groomsmen towards the end of the reception that will be dipping olives and cocktail onions into it, and holding one of the drunkest of them up and trying to dunk HIM into it.. and before the comments come about these not being classy people - the one with the most double dipping and the cocktail onions was at a four hundred and fifty dollars a plate black tie evening wedding for a socialite and her man, so..... just HAD to add that info in...

[Lady Sage]

Reminds me of another reason why my wedding was DRY!

Save a bundle on alcohol and your consience will be clear. If someone is in a car accident after the wedding you know it isnt because you made it possible for them to get liquored up!

[Midnight]

mmm. the double dipping and so on i've seen at receptions well before booze entered into the equation, but regardless - a dry wedding is genius. I've heard many people going on and on about the bar tab. Thousands of dollars blown on ENCOURAGING the stupidity of your friends, coworkers, and family - and possibly endangering their lives as well... Yep Sage, great one to cut from the budget!

[Lady Sage]

For favors, I made candles. $15 for a block of 10 pounds of wax, another $2 for wicks, $4 for votive molds on eBay, $0.50 on ribbon and $2.00 on tulle circles at the dollar store.

For less than $25.00 I made over 100 votive candles encircled in a piece of paper with a graphic found online, our names and wedding date. They loved them! The graphic was two doves holding a little banner.

Cheap, classy, functional if they dont want to keep it, fashionable if they do and you wont go broke spending mad money on bubbles, jordan almonds, after dinner mints or other such tomfollery.

[ShaniFaye]

I totally refused to serve alcohol at my reception...I wasnt paying for anyone to get sloshed and then get out on the roads. We made sure we booked a venue that didnt allow it so that we didnt catch shit for it.

[Daniel_]

We booked a function room at a hotel - had the ceremony in the same hotel, and stayed the night there.

We didn't pay for the bar - we let people buy their own drinks.

The profit on the bar lets the hotel charge less for the room. You can decide how much per plate you want to pay for their catering, and they adjust the bar prices accordingly.

Ours was far from cheap, but we did what we could to reasonably control costs.

A band was cheaper than a DJ, and the music was better - I made some CDs for when the band took their breaks. The band's cost was lower as we gave them a bar tab - they drank less than the discount, so we were quids in there.

The dress was made by a local dressmaker - but given that (a) Bridal Gowns in the UK are stunningly expensive (average £700 - i.e. $1,400) and adjustments are expensive, it was cheaper to have a one off made to my wife's specific drawings than to get a shop bought and adjust it.

[pig]

a DRY wedding!!! horrid horrid horrid.

[ShaniFaye]

Well where I live...considering how many of the wedding venues dont allow alcohol...its not like its an unheard of thing lol

[snowy]

Originally Posted by ShaniFaye

Well where I live...considering how many of the wedding venues dont allow alcohol...its not like its an unheard of thing lol

Wow...the only venue here that doesn't allow alcohol is the Memorial Union on campus.

But yes, not having a bar cuts out a great deal of expense. But if you do want to cut alcohol and food costs, one way to do it is to not have an open bar, but rather serve a signature cocktail and do a cocktail reception with little nibbles instead of a sit-down meal. It's a LOT cheaper.

Also, ask around and see if any of your friends do this sort of entertaining as a hobby. They can be a great help.

[pig]

oh, i know where you live shanni, and i've been to my share of dry weddings...they just don't feel right. how can nuptuals be rendered without libations to follow? this is why it's a good idea to give the groom a hipflask as a premature marriage gift in such situations. i always have mine in tow when watching non-likeminded people say their 'i do's

[Daniel_]

Even Jesus made wine available at a wedding.

That said, I've been to a dry wedding once.

It was crap, but the Methodists getting married were happy.

[ShaniFaye]

I am one of those that does not see the point in alcohol at a 2pm appetizer wedding. Now maybe if I'd had a sit down dinner evening wedding it would have been dif. BUT I also know how all of Dave's friends get when they drink....I wanted to avoid as much of that as possible

Once I said the venue didnt allow alcohol I heard no more complaints. lol which is why I picked a church for the reception area

[Datalife2]

tradition is the brides family pays for the whole wedding. Unless thats modernized too now...

[abaya]

Originally Posted by Datalife2

tradition is the brides family pays for the whole wedding. Unless thats modernized too now...

Very few people adhere to this "tradition" anymore, as far as I know (and I've been involved with entirely too many weddings).

[MSD]

Elope. Invite your parents and a few friends each. Spend the money you save on a house. Have one of your friends ordained at www.ulc.org and have them do the wedding with personal vows.

[Jadey]

Originally Posted by Datalife2

tradition is the brides family pays for the whole wedding. Unless thats modernized too now...

Yeah, that's what I keep saying, but half jokingly. I wouldn't really expect her parents to pay for it, but I am expecting the to help. I wasn't initially, but they've said they will. After seeing the budget I had put together her mom originally had said "traditionally the groom's family is supposed to pay for the rehearsal dinner so you don't have to worry about that" but then my fiance told her it's not really done that way anymore. Her mom scoffed at that until she realized that if they were following the "traditional plan" they were going to be on the hook for about $9500 and we would love for them to chip that much in, but I definitely would not be expecting that much.

As far as the planning goes we met with 7 photographers over the last 3-4 weeks and they've ranged in price from $650 - $4800. the funny thing is that the most expensive photographers did not include engagement photos in their packages. We ended up going with a married couple that was somewhere in the middle after D's parents agreed to pay for the photographer. (they had a real bad experience with their wedding photographer and wanted to make sure their daughter did have to deal with that). After we decided on the photographer I was able to negotiate the price down over a couple hundred dollars. Then on top of that they gave us another $200 discount for paying in cash. They were pretty reputable and have been around for years doing weddings in this area so I was pretty comfortable with the cash payment. Plus, I got a receipt for what it's worth.

After finding out I'd negotiated the price down almost $500, D's parents also agreed to pay for the DJ. So we've begun that search. One of my groomsmen has DJ'd wedding and parties in the past, but I kind of get the sense he doesn't want to do our wedding as he'd rather just party that nite. I totally understand. But we are meeting with the friend of a friend who dj's around town and does the occasional wedding. So that is next on the list.

[surferlove007]

Well in the traditional sense, the brides parents pay for the bulk of the wedding. Who the hell told you the groom pays for it? My parents are planning on paying for the bulk of mine and my sister. Lucky for the grooms! I'll finish reading and probably add more later.

Ok I've read the rest of the thread, is it me or maybe my parents are extremely old fashioned, but they have always planned on themselves to pay for a wedding. I don't understand where this new idea of the groom pays for it came from. Maybe I skipped class the day that happened? I've also been thinking, you know how people say they want nice, small, quiet weddings, well that's all well and good...but what if there are tons of friends between the bride and the groom? To be honest, I want a nice wedding. I want it to take place outside in nature with a good group of people. I have no problem with my parents paying for it, since they've promised that since I was a little girl.
And to point out, I'm not putting down small, less expensive weddings but I don't see the harm is having a mid to large size one either.
Oh and how many of you ladies cried at your weddings at the alter? Just curious...

[abaya]

This idea of the groom helping to pay for it comes from cultural evolution, and I'm glad for that. The idea of the bride's family footing the whole bill smacks of the cultural value of bridewealth, which I consider to be based on a very old idea of inequality. I don't see why two people who have decent incomes and savings can't pay for their own wedding, and maybe accept a little help from both their parents, if they want. I'd rather use money from our parents for savings/house downpayment, etc, than for a rather gratuitous, fleeting day of dressing up, being emotional, and getting drunk.

That said, ktspktsp and I had hordes of friends between us, but we wanted to get it done for a price less than the downpayment of a house (e.g. as far under $10,000 as possible), and we had 5 weeks to plan it. We got it done. 30 guests, outdoors, beautiful pics, felt like a big wedding but cost about 1/3-1/4 as much as the average American wedding these days. I was fine with that. No matter what anyone tells you, you are in total control of your guest list, and there are no "rules" for who you have to invite, or not invite. If you have a budget, then stick to your budget, and make the guest list match that. Not the other way around.

To be honest, I really would have felt *wrong* having anything more fancy/expensive than that... to surrender so completely to the Wedding Industrial Complex that is implanted in girls since they get their first Barbie and Ken set (keep in mind, mine ended up in the trash heap after a few days, usually missing limbs). It is really a disservice that our society encourages so much consumption as a "proper" way of starting a marriage, in my cynical view.

And yes, I teared up at my wedding, though not full-on crying. That was my dad's and his mom's job.

[Jadey]

abaya, you make a couple of good points. I'm of the same opinion as you, my fiance and I are old enough that we have lived away from home for quite a while (I'm 34, she's 27) and we both have good jobs and so I figured we would pay for this on our own. Little did I anticipate just how much her mom wanted to see her baby (she's an only child) have this big memorable wedding. The initial budget I put together was pretty modest since we have been looking at houses too, and I didn't want to spend a whole lot of cash on the wedding when it could go towards our new house. As things developed her parents have started to step in here and there and offer to pay for things as you've reached the point of booking someone. For example they originally offered to give a couple hundred dollars to help pay for photos, but after we met with some and D told her mom about them they agreed to pay for the whole thing. Now that we've started to look at DJ's they just told us today they would pay for half.

But one thing I keep thinking about, which you mentioned, is the guest list. I have a huge family and tons of friends and have struggled to get our guest list to 280-ish. The problem is with co-workers. I'm generally just sticking to people I socialize with outside of work, but that's still a big number. It's weird too because people I really don't talk to alot at work normally other the the cordial "good morning" or the general chit-chat, have been really interested in the wedding plans after they found out I was engaged. I get asked constantly about how the plans are going, and get suggestions for vendors and stuff. I keep wondering how those people are going to feel when they are not invited.

[Slims]

Why do you 'need' an expensive wedding?

Why not get married on the cheap and roll the extra money into your shared future?

I mean seriously, how important is an extra-expensive dress?

Ally and I got married by a justice of the peace, and our biggest expense was the alcohol for the reception. It was a great experience, with all our friends and family, and it was far more relaxed than a normal wedding.

[Plan9]

My cheap wedding let me put mucho money into my IRA.

Best plan ever... since my marriage lasted for like 9 months.

[abaya]

Originally Posted by Jadey

I keep wondering how those people are going to feel when they are not invited.

That is something you have to develop a thick skin about, because otherwise, you're going to get screwed. 280 people?!??! Christ. In the end, just because people are nosy and asking about your wedding (probably because they do want to be invited, just so they can schmooze a gourmet dinner and free booze off you for one night) doesn't mean you should be guilted into inviting them. My husband didn't invite any of his co-workers because if he invited one, then he'd have to invite all of them (and their wives), which would have added several thousand to our budget. No way. Pick a number of people that you can afford, and then MAKE THE GUEST LIST FIT THE BUDGET. Not the other way around, I say. You are in control, not your acquaintances who want to get drunk for free.

Also ask yourself if any of those people would invite you to their wedding... if not, scratch them off. It's a purely economical decision. People should understand that if they're not invited, it's not personal... and if they think it's personal, then that's their problem. Seriously, DO NOT LET THE WEDDING INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX ANNIHILATE YOUR HOUSE DOWNPAYMENT!!!

As for DJ, do you really need one? We had a friend do ours, he's a real music whiz, and it went great... he refused to be paid, but we gave him and his wife a nice dinner gift certificate. Less than $100. You can do this with all parts of the wedding planning... localize, don't get sucked in by the vendors, do some things yourself, minimize. It's all possible, we planned ours in 5 weeks from start to finish. You have plenty of time.

Have you looked around at the website I mentioned earlier? They have tons of helpful money-saving suggestions...

[Jadey]

Originally Posted by Greg700

Why do you 'need' an expensive wedding?

We don't. And that's a discussion we have had. But, she always dreamed of a huge wedding so we have compromised a bit. The initial wedding budget was "do-able" for us but the more we've gotten into booking of different things and gotten into the details her parents have stepped in to pay for parts and it has gradually grown and they have offered to pay for more. As I said before I think this is all part of her being an only child and her parents wanting her to have the big wedding. Another big part is that her mom wants her to have a bigger wedding than her cousin. In talking to D I've found out her mom is real competitive with her sister (D's aunt) and this seems to me to be another one of those things that her mom wants to one-up her sister on. I know, it's nuts, but we are benefiting from it and I am getting the feeling it doesn't matter that I had budgeted for a cheap photographer who was a friend of a friend who does it on the side, her mom is going pay for us to pay for someone that's a professional. And it has now become that way as we look at flowers, and dj's, etc.

Like I said earlier she did want a huge wedding but because we are also looking at houses she scaled back her expectations quite a bit, but her mommy wants her to have a bigger wedding than what her cousin had so she is chipping in more and more cash the further we get into this.

It's just become a monster

[surferlove007]

Are y'all planning on getting a prenup? I hope not..those things are so unromantic. Yea apparently my wedding budget will be $10,000 or something. I have no idea how much of a wedding one can get for that. Anyways, do try to include photos of the day! I'd love to see how it turns out!