Midnight

MUHAHAHAHAHA! - i love Shani's list - great and VERY accurate.

All right. some other things to consider.

you know people that can help you. you just may not KNOW you know them.
BUT
beware of the family members and friends that say "oh yes, i can do "X", know someone that can do "X", I can get you a great deal on "X"..taking help from these people can be very very good or very very bad. (refer to shani rule number 2)

I'm an ordained minister. I'm a jewelry designer. I do floral arrangement. I do catering. I'm licensed to drive limousine, and still DO on occasion, and have many contacts in the industry. I am also a better than average amateur photographer. having someone like me handy does NOT mean that I can/should be counted on to do all of the above things, although IN A PINCH - I can/have been asked to do one or a number of combinations of the above and have done it gladly, and on some occasions, for "free" as in, as my gift to the couple.

Under no circumstances should you go into any kind of debt for the wedding. If your families have offered in any way to chip in - thats great, but in reality, today you can and should have the money set aside to be paying for your own wedding. One of the best ways to start off a marriage badly is with a crapload of debt to pay off. If you cant afford the "wedding of her/your dreams", its time to return to realityville and either re-evaluate the dream, or figure out how to do what you need to get done done with out all the chaos and financial outlay. Don't get me wrong - if you or your parents are able to pay for some monster wedding with all the frills, by all means, knock yourselves out. but if you cant afford it - you may still want it - but you definately dont need it. if tomorrow is your wedding day - the ONLY thing you NEED to wake up with the day after tomorrow is a signed, legal, marriage certificate. - EVERYTHING else is just gravy.

A case to ponder...

My sister and her husband were where you are right now. wanted a big wedding, started going over the COST of such an event, and even with an offer to "chip in" from the inlaws (to the tune of about what your FIL's were talking) they saw very quickly that with what they had saved and what family wanted to cover - they were WOEFULLY short of what the cost would be if they did what they wanted. So, they said thanks but no thanks to the inlaws, had a quiet little ceremony in the park with their best friends and parents, brothers and sisters, a quiet barbacue afterwards, then went and had a totally cool honeymoon for 2 weeks in Cancun, came back and had a big party for all the people that they would have had at a big wedding and reception, with none of the bullsh*t, all the fun, and supprisingly enough to them, a hell of a lot of gifts (which you dont usually get if you "elope" and dont have a big wedding.).

at the end of the day - its up to you two - but there is a hell of a lot of advice to be had from those of us that have "been there, done that"

and ALWAYS err on the side of good judgement - a fancy wedding and reception will make you happy for one day. the same amount of money in equity in a HOUSE will make you happy and your life easier for years to come.