Echan

I've been fairly lucky throughout my life. I never had to experience a number of painful moments, no deaths in the family, had a loved one suffer from cancer, aids, or any number of uncurable ailments. I've never broken a bone or sprained a wrist/ankle. Never with one exception at least, and it is abundantly clear that I don't know how to handle these sort of things.

Years ago, when I was still in Junior High, I was close friends with someone who was bright, and really hardworking. Being a kid, I was always dissapointed when I asked if he wanted to do anything, but he was too busy studying. I remember a strong desire to get good grades, go to University and make something out of his life.

A year or two later, his father dies in an accident. This triggers a whole string of actions too long to list, his Mom decides to move, taking his three siblings with her and he continues his education, but drops out shortly after. His goals suddenly changed and he seemed content spending all his time at an arcade playing DDR and Yugioh while working at Walmart restocking shelves at night.

One night, at some ungodly hour, I get a phone call from him franctically explaining he's in the hospital and that he's ok. I later learn that he got hospitalized because he hooked up with some girl who phoned the authorities after an argument which led to violence and that he's now being treated for Scizophrenia.

The next day I visit him, being young, I had no idea what Schizophrenia was and from what I could tell, he was perfectly sane and simply scared about being confined in a hospital for a couple weeks. Considering my age and all my own worries, we sort of grew apart. It's hard to visit someone when you can't drive yet. It would have been a 3.5 hour detour for me to visit.

Over the years, he'd occasionally phone,tell me he has recovered, says he is doing ok again and we'd occasionally do something. Everytime I'd get this feeling that he has recovered and he will finally be able to rebuild his life. However, almost like clockwork, the next day the phone will ring and in the same frantic voice as his first time, he would explain that he's in the hospital and he is ok. Everytime this happens, he later confesses that he either got out, but was arrested shortly after, or he lied about his progress and got caught in an escape attempt.

All of that leads to the last couple of days. The other day, I get a phone call again. This time it's just to chat, the flow of the conversation was very disorganized as he sort of bounces around on a variety of topics, I can sort of tell something is wrong. He recites a story about how he decided to commit himself for further treatment and is about to leave in the next couple days when the doctors sign him off. I ask him about his plans once he is released. He tells me about a position at chapters, a new apartment, his new found love of music, how excited he is about Spider-man 3 and if I'd want to go see it with him.

The next day, I get another phone call. In what felt like dejavu, he phoned and just wanted to chat. As the conversation went on, I noticed that he was talking about everything we discussed the day before as if it never happened. He spoke as if we didn't even talk the day before. Towards the end of the conversation, I ask when he is getting out of the hospital, but this time his tune changes. He attempted to escape the night before, but he was captured so he wouldn't be going anywhere anytime soon.

It's hard to explain how the conversations go, but it feels like he's just stuck in a moment in time 6 years ago. I don't really know where I'm going with this, I just don't know how to handle it. I want him to get better, but it's depressing speaking to him occasionally only to feel like he's just sinking further. Sometimes he'll say something really strange, reminiscing to earlier days and I will have no idea how to respond, or if anything I say will have any meaning anymore.

I'm not sure how to handle the occasional request to do something and catch up either. We just don't have any connection anymore, and I don't think I feel entirely safe or comfortable meeting.

stevie667

Right, well, broswer crashed, so my post got kerjiggered.

Quick summary:

Schizophrenia is a very complex and often distressing illness for all involved, but doesn't necessarily mean that the person you knew is completly gone.

If his hopsital has visiting hours possible consider paying him a visit some time. If your not comfortable with seeing him again, don't, especially if you don't feel safe.

See if there are any groups or charities in your area who deal with it and ask their advice and opinions, especially on how to talk to him if he calls again.

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cyklone

As said, schizophrenia is very complex with an enormous variety of different effects, so much so, that each person's schizophrenia is almost unique. People suffering from it are no more likely to be a threat than anyone in the general population, in fact less so. Having said that, some varieties of schizophrenia do cause the sufferer to become dangerous. Sufferers become very socially isolated because of their illness, so I suggest that if you feel for this person maintain the friendship, just don't expect much, don't allow the relationship to progress beyond friendship and find out if he has ever been violent. (Ask his carers). The best predictor of danger is a history of violence. I suspect he wouldn't have the ability to "escape" if he belonged to the dangerous variety, but no legal system is very good.
A common treatment of schizophrenia is ECT and if they are using that on him he will lose huge tracts of his memory and his memory from day to day, but also the drugs can have major effects on his memory.

stevie667

Just a little side note, but all in the name of information.

ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) is where a small electrical charge of 70-150 volts is pulsed through (usually) one or possible both of the brains hemispheres under general aenesthesia and with a muscle relaxant. It's not exactly known how it works, but if often can aleviate the symptoms of mental abnormalities when used for a short treatment phase (say 2-3 weeks) then followed up with drugs.

Over here (UK) ECT is very rarely used for SZ anymore, but it is used for the most severe cases for depression which do not respond to other therapies. I figured i'd give a little bit of info because i though it was interesting that the aussies use it more apparently.

It will cause retrograde amnesia (forgetting stuff that has already happened) for a short while before the procedure.

Drugs can have all kinds of strange effects, sometimes suppressing the overt symptoms at expensive of other things, say coherent speech. That is a factor to take into account.

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vanblah

My grandmother was diagnosed schizophrenic when I was a kid. She took haldol, lithium, had ECT, took anti-depressants and probably a host of other drugs.

Even without the ECT she was forgetful ... most likely culprit was haldol. Everytime we went to visit she'd recite the same stories. This was well before the old-age forgetfulness that most people get.

She was NEVER violent toward people. She could get fairly agitated but she usually took it out on herself or "the dirty magazines" at the grocery store. She got arrested once for tearing up magazines that she considered inappropriate.

One of the biggest problems with this illness is the fact that the treatment can actually exacerbate the problem. Sure haldol and lithium seem to calm patients down; but if they stop taking them the backlash is worse than if they'd never taken them at all. Plus, the body builds up a tolerance for most of these drugs. If you're really interested read this book: Mad In America

I don't have any real advice to give you. Your friend is already feeling fairly isolated and alone so if it's at all possible maybe you could try to maintain contact.

Please be sure that you are safe though.

BBtB

I dated someone with Schizophrenia for nearly 3 years. It did not help my life in anyway. For your own sake I would say avoid him, if only because you never know what he is capable of, for his sake I say keep in contact, its not his fault and he may get lonely. This is a life long disease though. He will never be 'better' and from the way you described him he may be on the dangerous side. I am a bad one to ask for advice, I stayed for another year with a girl after the voices in her head took over and told me she was going to kill me then her self because life was no longer worth living and they had to stop her. They never once lied to me the entire time we where together so I imagine she was serious. (BTW for those who are going to argue that that is not Schizophrenia... she offically has Paranoid Schizophrenia with MPD, Bipolar and depression)

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Meridae'n once played "death" at a game of chess that lasted for over two years. He finally beat death in a best 34 out of 67 match. At that time he could ask for any one thing and he could wish for the hope of all mankind... he looked death right in the eye and said ...

"I would like about three fiddy"

Echan

It's a fair bit to take in at once as I usually kept to myself and ongoing problems like this just isn't the kind of conversation I would be caught dead engaging in at the coffee table.

I'm not particularily worried about physical harm. Things have been known to happen that causes him to behave threateningly to others, which can escalate into situations that are bad enough that the suggestion of going out just the two of us triggers a strong instinct to avoid this possibility.

Part of my problem is that I have no idea how to behave around him. After days of these calls at random hours of the night. I get another call and it goes something like this..

me: Hello?

him: Hey! How are you doing? You'll never guess what just happened (toilet flushes in the background)

me: I don't know, what's up?

him: You're never going to believe this, but I just met Jim Carrey

me: You're right, I do find that hard to believe

him: Oh, okay. We can talk when you believe me then. *click*

I don't think I handled that very well considering I haven't heard from them since, but it's hard to decide what to say when you're sleepy and dazed. I'm not sure if I should just humor these things or if I should treat him the same as I have before this all started. I wish I understood the purpose of these conversations, I can't tell if he just wants company and it doesn't matter if I just feed into his imagination or if there is something else to it.

Ultimately, I'd like to just be able to carry a normal conversation for 5 minutes. It's disheartening to know things still get worse despite all the hospital time. A coworker has a similar frustration. His brother is ok as long as he takes his medication, but if he forgets even once, he'll convince himself that he's ok without them and it's only a matter of time before it's a trip back to the hospital.

stevie667

When talking to him, ignore him whenever he says something strange, change the subject to something normal, e.g.

Him: I just met jim carrey

You: what did you have for breakfast this morning?

Whenever he says something normal, go with it, try to start a conversation. Its a behavioural treatment that can be used with many things, only rewarding him with conversation for normal stuff and not giving him any notice for the abnormal stuff. It should encourage him, if he wants to talk, only to talk normally.


I think he wants the company, but is just unable to go around doing what he would normally do (i.e. give you a call, ask hows things have been, arrang to go out to the pub with a few friends e.t.c), so makes the random calls. Do not humor his abnormal behaviours, but reward (by talking) when he is normal.

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analog

We will all eventually lose friends... but not all of them to death.

Be thankful for the time you had with him. Continue to be his friend if you can. It will likely do him some good on some level to have a connection to his past, and a person he trusts as a friend. You won't fix it. You will never make it "better", more bearable, or easier for him, in the long term. From moment to moment, however, you can choose to be there for him or not. If he's truly been committed, then he's too far gone for them to trust him with his own meds. The person who was your friend is gone. Now you can either be there for him in the moment, or choose to move on.

No one will judge you for saying goodbye.

(p.s.- stevie667 has it right with the conversation... when he goes into fantastic thinking, just change the subject to something ordinary. Pointing out the impossibility/falsehood of something will only upset him, and it's not particularly healthy to "play along" with his delusions, either.)