Shauk

So I'm so very confused. I guess a little backstory on me and my relationship to my ex girlfriend.... start your research here http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=109295

ok, if you made it through all of that....

now, here I am almost 2 months later.

I went out to my dad's place for the holidays over the weekend for a late thanksgiving gathering, It was pretty uneventful and I just felt like I wanted to be back at home the entire time. I was out of my cellphone service area, my dad lives way out in the mountains like 3 hours away.

I'm pretty big on using "Myspace" as my contact with my friends, along with text messages on my cell phone, and the weekly get togethers on thursday.

ok..

So it's finally my time to leave the area, and we're being hit with a snow storm, and traffic all the way back home is 45, even on the interstate, and thats fine, it just took me a long time to get home, and I was anxious to hear from my friends (I hadn't really talked to any of them since before the holidays either. so I'd say almost a week without any interaction.


I don't know why it bothers me to be without the company of my friends, be it a message, a comment, a text, or an actual visit, for more than a week, but I was seriously feeling down when I came back into my cell phone service area and didn't have a single message or voicemail or anything.

I come back home and send out 5 different text messages to different friends of mine, and I didn't get a single response from anyone.

My ex has been rather outgoing towards me in terms of keeping contact, inviting me to movies (I declined, or just had reasons not to go, which I think would have felt odd to me anyway) She talks to me about her problems still, the issues she has with her new relationship (and almost seems in a way to compare it to what we had, along with admitting that we weren't so bad off together)

So fine, she's like my only friend it feels like, even through all this shit of me dealing with her ditching me to get with this guy and such. She actually calls me up or invites me to stuff, which makes me feel valued as a friend, which is more than I can say for my so called normal friends.

This upsets me a great deal, It feels very wrong to me that my ex-gf is a better friend to me than anyone else.... and it's not for my lack of trying to build up friendships, invite people to do things, or whatever.

Ok. so with that said, rewind to the point where I text a bunch of my friends after being tired and upset, she gets ahold of me because she read my blog entry about how I had picked up FF III for my DS, wanted to know how much it would cost, because she wants to buy it for her new boyfriend who, told her that he had it on reserve, but cancelled it so he could afford to come out from seattle to see her. (yeah, she's a sweetheart huh?) Well, I was kinda crabby and I just wanted to get off the phone with her, and I just said I was hungry and that I had no food in the house because I havent had a chance to go out and buy groceries, and she then offers to bring me food, at my place.

She then realizes how I'm suddenly very quiet like "what, the fuck, is my ex doing, trying to find a reason to come over? invite me to movies, invite me to her place to play games, and now offer to bring me food..."

so she then explains that she's going to go to the store anyway to pick up FF III so she may as well just grab me some bread and lunchmeat stuff.

Hrmph. Fine.

So she did that, and it was uneventful, I made her leave pretty much as soon as she gave me the food and paid her for it.

I'm still kind of irritated today though, that out of ALL my friends, she's the person who invites me to go out to the bar with her and her friends, or come over and play some guitar hero, does nice things like bring my tired and moody self some food, or just calls me up for casual conversation.

do my friends really suck that bad? Should I be this upset over all of it?

I dont know!?

furthermore, some of my friends (or potential relationship interests) have seemingly vanished off the face of the earth, not responding to my texts or anything.

You know, I'm starting to wonder if I come across as a creepy person or what? I dunno, I'm pretty chill and laid back, and I'm sorry, I didn't know inviting people over for movies or gaming or even a night out for a concert or something would come across as weird.


I don't know how to end this post, I just would probably go on and on about my insecurities and how hurt I feel by the inaction of my friends when compared to the actions of my ex, of all people.

I feel like i'm in bizzaro world.

Redjake

You can't let this stand. It will tear you apart. This is probably contributing to your "bizarro world" feelings.

Call your friends up and ask them if they want to hang out. Put them on the spot. See if they make up excuses. Don't text message them or anything. Find out if there's a problem, and if there is, find a solution. Be proactive! And don't forget you have like 10,000 friends on TFP at any given moment. Good luck!

__________________
Off the record, on the q.t., and very hush-hush.

Shauk

Well, I guess the hard part of it is trying to match up with everyones work schedules and such. which is why I just generally stick to texts and so on.

meh.

I dunno, just, I'm ready to just go anti social again at this rate, I feel like I"m failing miserably in life when it comes to friendships or relationships.

ratbastid

You're less than two months out of a four year relationship. All of these emotions sound very normal to me. There's a process to ending a relationship that's not dissimilar to the one people go through when they're mourning the death of a loved one. Feelings like this are part of the process.

I'm sorry it sucks. I promise it's temporary.

Bossnass

May be an insight:

Last summer I was working a stupid amount of hours a week and I had very little free time.

A friend, who five years ago I would have described as my best friend, went through a similar breakup with his 5 year cohabitating girlfriend. He left me a message, I didn't get around to returning it for almost a week. I did manage to meet him at a bar a couple weeks later; he was still in a bitter stage and whined about her and what she had done for most the night. I ignored his next couple messages because I thought my little free time was too precious to dwell on his breakup process.

I felt like an ass. I told him after yet another message (and a silly post on his livejournal about him feeling neglected designed to get a response) that I wanted to go out... on the condition that he not mention her for the entire night.

Cynthetiq

your friends shouldn't validate or constitute the barometer of your well being.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Shauk

except, I don't talk about her at all, in fact, it's even more reason for me to want to have my friends talk to me, even the mundane things, they keep me focused and away from thinking about all the stupid things she's been saying to me lately.

However, ignore me, leave me alone, don't be a friend, don't return calls, whatever... That doesn't help my friendship one bit.

Sultana

Make the effort to talk to them *live*. Ask them if you've pissed them off or annoyed them--are you talking to them after an extended period of time neglecting them for WoW? Are you contacting them solely to help you distract yourself from your breakup? Is there any way they could think that's the case, even if in your mind it's not?

If so, apologize and make it up.

It's back to that communication thing.

__________________
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

Pip

I second (third?) the "talk to them IRL" advice. Because I might be a bit old-fashioned, but texting and mailing is pretty close to zero commitment in my opinion. It's fine when it's about serious stuff that needs to be done, but for social activities, nah. A txt that says "Let's go out for coffee sometime" or similar I ignore unless I really really want to go out for a coffee with that person. A phonecall on the other hand might sway me. I'm cold like that. So I say make more effort and let your friends hear your voice.

(OT: Isn't there something special about voices? Actually hearing human voices must release endorfines or something. I know I go batshit crazy if I don't hear another human voice for more than a day or so. /OT)

high_jinx

it's a big step, and it won't be easy....

but i reccomend ceasing contact with the ex for at least a few months. you're stuck on the same chapter of your story and need to move on from it to a new chapter in your life.

of course you'll miss her, but you gotta wait till the feelings of missing her are simply missing the friendship/hanging out aspect. you gotta untangle those feelings from all the intimate/relationship type feelings.

try rekindling and energizing you're current friendships beyond texting like the other posters said, but if that doesn't work, just go out to new places and hang out and make some new friends.... this will actually have a side benefit of helping you move on to those new chapters and maybe even get you some new adventures with other girls, which could only help.

Lastly, you're past the point of wearing a bedsheet cape and singing Journey songs in your room....

get outta emo mode, buck up, and go throw some game at some girls

__________________
-my phobia drowned while i was gettin down.

transient

I couldn't get in to read your history, which will make my reply even more candid.

Find and make your own happiness. There is nobody on the planet that can honestly have more interest in you than you. Once you're happy with yourself, others will follow. Ones with breasts if that's what you prefer. Let it come to you and be yourself. Don't change yourself or your identity to fit with a group or a person. The old saying "be true to yourself" is one I tell myself daily.

One last bit. Don't be too critical of yourself and find pleasure in new things. Read non-fiction.

Regards, T

Ourcrazymodern?

Would it help any if somebody said you're just really, really confused?
Think hard, and come up with what YOU want. It's unfortunate about your friends, but maybe they weren't really. This is nothing specific, but information was sparse. I wish you well.
Find another girl; find some different friends! Get comfortable with who you are and how you think and you won't be confused anymore.

__________________
BE JUST AND FEAR NOT