Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Holy crap, am I depressed? or just really really confused?

Shauk · 11-27-2006, 03:16 PM

So I'm so very confused. I guess a little backstory on me and my relationship to my ex girlfriend.... start your research here http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=109295

ok, if you made it through all of that....

now, here I am almost 2 months later.

I went out to my dad's place for the holidays over the weekend for a late thanksgiving gathering, It was pretty uneventful and I just felt like I wanted to be back at home the entire time. I was out of my cellphone service area, my dad lives way out in the mountains like 3 hours away.

I'm pretty big on using "Myspace" as my contact with my friends, along with text messages on my cell phone, and the weekly get togethers on thursday.

ok..

So it's finally my time to leave the area, and we're being hit with a snow storm, and traffic all the way back home is 45, even on the interstate, and thats fine, it just took me a long time to get home, and I was anxious to hear from my friends (I hadn't really talked to any of them since before the holidays either. so I'd say almost a week without any interaction.

I don't know why it bothers me to be without the company of my friends, be it a message, a comment, a text, or an actual visit, for more than a week, but I was seriously feeling down when I came back into my cell phone service area and didn't have a single message or voicemail or anything.

I come back home and send out 5 different text messages to different friends of mine, and I didn't get a single response from anyone.

My ex has been rather outgoing towards me in terms of keeping contact, inviting me to movies (I declined, or just had reasons not to go, which I think would have felt odd to me anyway) She talks to me about her problems still, the issues she has with her new relationship (and almost seems in a way to compare it to what we had, along with admitting that we weren't so bad off together)

So fine, she's like my only friend it feels like, even through all this shit of me dealing with her ditching me to get with this guy and such. She actually calls me up or invites me to stuff, which makes me feel valued as a friend, which is more than I can say for my so called normal friends.

This upsets me a great deal, It feels very wrong to me that my ex-gf is a better friend to me than anyone else.... and it's not for my lack of trying to build up friendships, invite people to do things, or whatever.

Ok. so with that said, rewind to the point where I text a bunch of my friends after being tired and upset, she gets ahold of me because she read my blog entry about how I had picked up FF III for my DS, wanted to know how much it would cost, because she wants to buy it for her new boyfriend who, told her that he had it on reserve, but cancelled it so he could afford to come out from seattle to see her. (yeah, she's a sweetheart huh?) Well, I was kinda crabby and I just wanted to get off the phone with her, and I just said I was hungry and that I had no food in the house because I havent had a chance to go out and buy groceries, and she then offers to bring me food, at my place.

She then realizes how I'm suddenly very quiet like "what, the fuck, is my ex doing, trying to find a reason to come over? invite me to movies, invite me to her place to play games, and now offer to bring me food..."

so she then explains that she's going to go to the store anyway to pick up FF III so she may as well just grab me some bread and lunchmeat stuff.

Hrmph. Fine.

So she did that, and it was uneventful, I made her leave pretty much as soon as she gave me the food and paid her for it.

I'm still kind of irritated today though, that out of ALL my friends, she's the person who invites me to go out to the bar with her and her friends, or come over and play some guitar hero, does nice things like bring my tired and moody self some food, or just calls me up for casual conversation.

do my friends really suck that bad? Should I be this upset over all of it?

I dont know!?

furthermore, some of my friends (or potential relationship interests) have seemingly vanished off the face of the earth, not responding to my texts or anything.

You know, I'm starting to wonder if I come across as a creepy person or what? I dunno, I'm pretty chill and laid back, and I'm sorry, I didn't know inviting people over for movies or gaming or even a night out for a concert or something would come across as weird.

I don't know how to end this post, I just would probably go on and on about my insecurities and how hurt I feel by the inaction of my friends when compared to the actions of my ex, of all people.

I feel like i'm in bizzaro world.

11-27-2006, 03:16 PM	#1 (permalink)
Shauk Confused Adult Location: Spokane, WA	Holy crap, am I depressed? or just really really confused? So I'm so very confused. I guess a little backstory on me and my relationship to my ex girlfriend.... start your research here http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=109295 ok, if you made it through all of that.... now, here I am almost 2 months later. I went out to my dad's place for the holidays over the weekend for a late thanksgiving gathering, It was pretty uneventful and I just felt like I wanted to be back at home the entire time. I was out of my cellphone service area, my dad lives way out in the mountains like 3 hours away. I'm pretty big on using "Myspace" as my contact with my friends, along with text messages on my cell phone, and the weekly get togethers on thursday. ok.. So it's finally my time to leave the area, and we're being hit with a snow storm, and traffic all the way back home is 45, even on the interstate, and thats fine, it just took me a long time to get home, and I was anxious to hear from my friends (I hadn't really talked to any of them since before the holidays either. so I'd say almost a week without any interaction. I don't know why it bothers me to be without the company of my friends, be it a message, a comment, a text, or an actual visit, for more than a week, but I was seriously feeling down when I came back into my cell phone service area and didn't have a single message or voicemail or anything. I come back home and send out 5 different text messages to different friends of mine, and I didn't get a single response from anyone. My ex has been rather outgoing towards me in terms of keeping contact, inviting me to movies (I declined, or just had reasons not to go, which I think would have felt odd to me anyway) She talks to me about her problems still, the issues she has with her new relationship (and almost seems in a way to compare it to what we had, along with admitting that we weren't so bad off together) So fine, she's like my only friend it feels like, even through all this shit of me dealing with her ditching me to get with this guy and such. She actually calls me up or invites me to stuff, which makes me feel valued as a friend, which is more than I can say for my so called normal friends. This upsets me a great deal, It feels very wrong to me that my ex-gf is a better friend to me than anyone else.... and it's not for my lack of trying to build up friendships, invite people to do things, or whatever. Ok. so with that said, rewind to the point where I text a bunch of my friends after being tired and upset, she gets ahold of me because she read my blog entry about how I had picked up FF III for my DS, wanted to know how much it would cost, because she wants to buy it for her new boyfriend who, told her that he had it on reserve, but cancelled it so he could afford to come out from seattle to see her. (yeah, she's a sweetheart huh?) Well, I was kinda crabby and I just wanted to get off the phone with her, and I just said I was hungry and that I had no food in the house because I havent had a chance to go out and buy groceries, and she then offers to bring me food, at my place. She then realizes how I'm suddenly very quiet like "what, the fuck, is my ex doing, trying to find a reason to come over? invite me to movies, invite me to her place to play games, and now offer to bring me food..." so she then explains that she's going to go to the store anyway to pick up FF III so she may as well just grab me some bread and lunchmeat stuff. Hrmph. Fine. So she did that, and it was uneventful, I made her leave pretty much as soon as she gave me the food and paid her for it. I'm still kind of irritated today though, that out of ALL my friends, she's the person who invites me to go out to the bar with her and her friends, or come over and play some guitar hero, does nice things like bring my tired and moody self some food, or just calls me up for casual conversation. do my friends really suck that bad? Should I be this upset over all of it? I dont know!? furthermore, some of my friends (or potential relationship interests) have seemingly vanished off the face of the earth, not responding to my texts or anything. You know, I'm starting to wonder if I come across as a creepy person or what? I dunno, I'm pretty chill and laid back, and I'm sorry, I didn't know inviting people over for movies or gaming or even a night out for a concert or something would come across as weird. I don't know how to end this post, I just would probably go on and on about my insecurities and how hurt I feel by the inaction of my friends when compared to the actions of my ex, of all people. I feel like i'm in bizzaro world.