ASU2003

Girls always say they are looking for a confident guy. Well, can you define what it is?

Is it knowing that you are right, correct, and know what you are doing?

Is it the lack of fear, and disregarding being hurt emotionally?

Is it high self-esteem?

Maybe it’s being able to convince other people to give you what you want. You aren’t embarrassed to ask for anything.

Knowing that you are better than the other people around you. You have more money, a better job, nicer car, bigger house, got better grades, taller than most, and your size is bigger than normal guy.

That you are comfortable with yourself and have nothing to hide. You have no secrets that might come up 3 months later.

Maybe it’s as simple as having an opinion and sticking with it. If some one asks you where you want to go for dinner, you make up your mind and will go there, they can come along if they would like to. If they don’t want to go to that restaurant, well, you will meet up with them after dinner.

I’m sure some of these are borderline arrogant, but which ones are which?

ratbastid

It's not any of those things. Those are all comparisons against something outside yourself. Comparisons against another person, or against a past state. As long as you're looking outside yourself for validation (and the give-away is that you're comparing something), there's no confidence.

Okay, that's more like "integrity" than "confidence", but I'd say that without integrity, confidence is impossible. The appearance of confidence may be possible, but actual confidence is impossible.

That's not confidence. That's being an inflexible ass.

I would say that confidence is the ability to listen to others without any diminishment of your self.

This is going to get a little zen here... Confidence comes from having a core knowledge of who you are that is unshakeable. NONE of us already have that. You start by dealing with all the things you think you are or are afraid you are or are afraid others think you are. Once you can get that all that is just opinion (yours and others'), and is no more true than anything else, you are free to CREATE who you actually are. Once you've done that, you're completely unshakeable and unthrowable. THAT'S confidence.

maleficent

I'm a little less zen than Ratbastid is -but my defition of confidence is close - it's being ok with who you are... and a good part of that comes from knowing who you are...

Unconfident guys are those who are always trying to prove something... whether it's that they are betterthan someone else, or what have you. that's not confidence.

but the confident person isn't always settling for who he is either, he/she is also trying to better him/herself for their own purpose - not for anyone else..

__________________

Ustwo

Confidence is never having to say "Was it good for you too?"

For me confidence is not being reliant on other people to give me my self worth. Someone may think I'm an ass (and a great many here do) but it means very little to me as I don't require their approval for my own self esteem.

So in dating as a male, this means the woman knows you don't need her. You may like her but if she doesn't respond she knows you will shrug it off and move on. This seems to trigger their own insecurities and then they try to make you want them. Almost no woman likes a guy who seems needy no matter how nice is he.

To much self confidence can be bad too but thats another topic

__________________
Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

maleficent

You're walking a fine line between confidence and arrogance there, kitten muncher

Wanting to know if it's good for her because you want your ego stroked that you're the best she has ever had is bad... but asking if it was good for her is also showing that you do care, which isn't a sign of weakness...

__________________

Ustwo

Maleficent ( ) you have the most male oriented intelligence of the female posters on this board to the point I have to take your word that you are female, of course being a real man I mean that as a compliment. Others are so obviously female that sometimes I can smell the popuri in the backround.

As such I expected you to see my first line as sarcasm, something most females are very poor at (remember my diamond add post? oh god).

You know maleficent, you and I would make a good pair, come visit and I'll serve kitten.

__________________
Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.