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Originally Posted by ASU2003
Girls always say they are looking for a confident guy. Well, can you define what it is?
Is it knowing that you are right, correct, and know what you are doing?
Is it the lack of fear, and disregarding being hurt emotionally?
Is it high self-esteem?
Maybe it’s being able to convince other people to give you what you want. You aren’t embarrassed to ask for anything.
Knowing that you are better than the other people around you. You have more money, a better job, nicer car, bigger house, got better grades, taller than most, and your size is bigger than normal guy.
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It's not any of those things. Those are all comparisons against something outside yourself. Comparisons against another person, or against a past state. As long as you're looking outside yourself for validation (and the give-away is that you're comparing something), there's no confidence.
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Originally Posted by ASU2003
That you ... have nothing to hide. You have no secrets that might come up 3 months later.
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Okay, that's more like "integrity" than "confidence", but I'd say that without integrity, confidence is impossible. The appearance of confidence may be possible, but actual confidence is impossible.
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Originally Posted by ASU2003
Maybe it’s as simple as having an opinion and sticking with it. If some one asks you where you want to go for dinner, you make up your mind and will go there, they can come along if they would like to. If they don’t want to go to that restaurant, well, you will meet up with them after dinner.
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That's not confidence. That's being an inflexible ass.
I would say that confidence is the ability to listen to others without any diminishment of your self.
This is going to get a little zen here... Confidence comes from having a core knowledge of who you are that is unshakeable. NONE of us already have that. You start by dealing with all the things you think you are or are afraid you are or are afraid others think you are. Once you can get that all that is just opinion (yours and others'), and is no more true than anything else, you are free to CREATE who you actually are. Once you've done that, you're completely unshakeable and unthrowable. THAT'S confidence.