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03-12-2006, 11:27 PM
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#3445 (permalink) |
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Rawr!
Location: Edmontania
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everyone says "don't be THAT guy." well, i AM that guy.
I will instantly slap your shoulder the moment you mention a sunburn. I will tell you you deserved it when you get dumped. I will fog up your car window and draw a huge cock and balls on it when you're not looking. I will lag behind in the mall, pretending to be retarded, screaming for you to wait up. I will fart loudly and violently in the elevator. I speak openly about my masturbation habits to anyone and everyone. I can be the most vulgar, insensitive prick you know. But you're my friend anyways. How fuckin cool of you.
__________________
"Asking a bomb squad if an old bomb is still "real" is not the best thing to do if you want to save it." - denim |
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03-12-2006, 11:28 PM
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#3447 (permalink) |
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Rawr!
Location: Edmontania
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i picked up the bowling ball and prepared to throw. he learned in and whispered in my ear "if you get a strike I'm going to fuck your brains out tonight".
needless to say, it was a gutterball. oh well, he did anyway.
__________________
"Asking a bomb squad if an old bomb is still "real" is not the best thing to do if you want to save it." - denim |
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03-12-2006, 11:28 PM
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#3448 (permalink) |
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Rawr!
Location: Edmontania
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My boyfriend Phil and I once put plastic wrap down on the kitchen floor, shot our loads on it and then rolled around in your own cum, it was great.
__________________
"Asking a bomb squad if an old bomb is still "real" is not the best thing to do if you want to save it." - denim |
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03-12-2006, 11:29 PM
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#3449 (permalink) |
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Rawr!
Location: Edmontania
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So there we were. Driving around asking random people at stop lights if they wanted to hear a joke.
After asking a few people, we pulled up to a man riding a bicycle. "What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Porsche?" we asked. "What?" he replied. "I don't have a Porsche in my garage." Without batting an eye, the man replied, "What's the best part about fucking a pre-teen girl in the shower?" "What?" we inquired. "If you pull her hair back she looks a boy."
__________________
"Asking a bomb squad if an old bomb is still "real" is not the best thing to do if you want to save it." - denim |
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03-12-2006, 11:30 PM
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#3451 (permalink) |
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Rawr!
Location: Edmontania
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So I drive up to Burger King's drive thru the other day and place my order for a BK Broiler with fries. The guy on the other end is like, 'Sir, we don't sell BK Broilers'. 'Thats impossible!', I say, 'I just bought one here like three weeks ago. So have you run out or did you just decide to stop selling them?' Out of nowhere this lady pops in, 'Sir, we sell the Chicken Whopper now'. 'What the hell is a Chicken Whopper?'. 'Well, it's like the BK Broiler, but it tastes better'. 'You're probably just telling me this so I'll buy it, but you know what, I'm going to give in and buy one'. So I get home and open it up. Who would have guessed? Same exact sandwich. Damn you Burger King.
ok it's late and I have school tommmorow
__________________
"Asking a bomb squad if an old bomb is still "real" is not the best thing to do if you want to save it." - denim |
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03-12-2006, 11:32 PM
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#3457 (permalink) |
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Rawr!
Location: Edmontania
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I was sitting around the breakfast table reminiscing about growing up together with my childhood friend, her sister and her mother-I've known them all since I was 3 years old and they are family. They are all very good, white-bred, P.C. kinda people. Everyone's giggling and having a good time in a PC sort of way after a good story my friend told about an embarassing sexual situation where her roommate had walked in on her and her boyfriend mid-orgasm. Suddenly her mother looks straight at me and breaks out with "Well, YOU should be laughing, what with your S&M closet!"
I was dumb-struck, my mind raced. My boyfriend and I had been getting pretty heavy into the scene and we'd been keeping the all the toys-whips, belts, gags, ropes, leather, etc in the back of the closet at my apartment...how had her mother, she was practically my own mother, found out?!? My friend had only casually asked ONCE about the scene and I thought I had successfully evaded the question, not yet ready to tell her the full details. I hadn't told ANYONE about it, how did her mother know? Had she told MY mother? I was frantically pondering these things when I suddenly became aware of heat and a ringing in my ears. I realized that in those moments, my pale complexion had turned beet red, my mouth was hanging open in disbelief and they, wide-eyed, had started laughing hysterically. Apparently, they DIDN'T know, it was her mother's attempt at an off-color joke and my own panicky expression had given me away. Guess the secret's out now...
__________________
"Asking a bomb squad if an old bomb is still "real" is not the best thing to do if you want to save it." - denim |
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03-12-2006, 11:34 PM
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#3462 (permalink) |
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Rawr!
Location: Edmontania
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I know I haven't given head in a while because I gag when brushing my tongue with my toothbrush in the morning.
Ah, singledom.
__________________
"Asking a bomb squad if an old bomb is still "real" is not the best thing to do if you want to save it." - denim |
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