baaa

I was at a bar over the weekend, and I accidently stepped on someones shoe. He got all pissed at me aboot it, and started talking shit, telling me he was gonna whoop my ass. I told him to go fuck himself and I walked away.

But I realized that my comeback was pretty weak, so now I am asking you to give me another one, in case this sort of thing happens again.

I'm 6" 220pds and in pretty good shape if that help out you creative flow any

weasel2112

Next time you open your mouth I will shove this size 11 so far up your ass you'll be pissing wax and shitting leather for a month.

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My Bad Ass Hummer

rockogre

I'm six foot and 250 pounds. I like to just stare for a few beats, then slowly start to grin like I might possibly be a lunatic. No one wants to mess with a possible lunatic.

Well that and saying "if you wanna talk shit how about I reach down your throat and pull your ass up to your mouth so the trip will be shorter?".

A friend of mine used to threaten to "rip your head off and piss down your throat".

One of my personal favorites is, "How about I just light you up and piss you out?".

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Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you,
Jesus Christ and the American G. I.
One died for your soul, the other for your freedom

JazzmanAl

The only one I can ever think of is, "Yeah, well....FUCK YOU!!"

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I should have been a pair of ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas.
-The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, T.S. Eliot

Your dumber then me.

absorbentishe

Crawl up my ass and die you fuck.

I'm a card carrying member of the NRA, and I'm not afraid to use you as target practice. (not good in a redneck bar) I've used this on some stupid drunk dude trying to hit on this girl that was at my table of friends, he quietly left, in case anyone cares.

Midnight_Son

That works for you too eh? (6'2 265lbs) it's fun isn't it?

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SWM, tattooed, seeks meaningful tits and beer. Enjoys biker mags, pornography, and Sunday morning walks to the liquor store. Winners of erotic hot dog eating contests given priority.

water_boy1999

"How bout I put my foot so far up your ass it will make your breath smell like shoe polish!"

"There's gonna be two hits....me hitting you, you hitting the floor"

"I'll drop you like a bad habit"

"I'm gonna hit you to tomorrow."

"Look asshole, after you take your first swing and miss, I am gonna knock the shit out of you....then I am gonna press charges for assault and battery!"

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Doh!!!!


-Homer Simpson

Four Fingers

I don't talk. I punch.

That said, I am a witty fella and I reckon I can give you a couple of tips, if you're not the punching type.

Basically, a good line is never universal. It always related to what the other person has done or said. Try to look for minor flaws, and make them bigger and funnier.

Suppose, I was arguing with weasel2112 (the second poster in this thread). As he claims in his post, he would say to me:
"Next time you open your mouth I will shove this size 11 so far up your ass you'll be pissing wax and shitting leather for a month."

Now, you should do some quick thinking. First thing you notice is that this guy said he'd take part in a homosexual act. He's covering this fact, by saying you'll be hurt by him. But don't let it go away that easily.

Reply with:
"Contrary to popular belief, the giver is as much a faggot as the receiver. Personally, I'm repulsed by your offer."

Then leave.

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"Always do right - this will gratify some and astonish the rest."

cchris

'Oh yeah"

Well dont let fear stop you.

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There's a fine line between participation and mockery

QuasiMojo

you could say...

"How would you like me to chop off your head and throw your body in the trash."
then start to chew your tongue into a bloody pulp.

guaranteed if he sees you doing violent, bloody harm to yourself
he won't want to mess with you.

of course this is just silly and in the real world what you did was probably the best tactic.

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AzAbOv ZoBeLoE

bundy

line dancing is intimidating at the best of times.

when i was at school, there was one intimidating line that i remember the school sergeant delivering to about 50 noisy kids...
it went like this...

¨the next one of you little bastards to talk is going to find my 9.5 inch prick up your backside!¨

that scared the living shit out of every kid there. thats no joke, he really said it. he was ex-navy, and didn´t take shit from anyone.

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Ohayo!!!

QuasiMojo

Baaa vs. Rockogre

Baaa= 6' 220 lbs


Rockogre= 6' 250lbs


Lets get ready to rummmmmble

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AzAbOv ZoBeLoE

Fly

next time....just tell him to go play "hide and go fuck yourself"

works every time.

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BASTARD

SterlingStudios

canuckguy

"you gonna bark all day little doggie or you gonna come over here and take a bite" something like that from that movie, by quentin t.

GSRIDER

I'm in the 6'2 250 club too.

And kinda like rockorge.. i don't use any lines. I just smile. i smile until they swing. (I never swing... i grab and force submition real quick like... thats "missouri" for damn fast).

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No signature at this time.

seethreepo

do your parents have your dna on file ? cause they'll need it after I'm done with you.

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rub it and see.

fhqwhgads

"I'm gonna pull out your eyes and shove 'em down your pants...so you can watch me kick the crap out of you, okay? Then I'm gonna use your tongue to paint my boat!"

/Moe

bernadette

geeze. what a prissy assed fucko.

must've been some serious expensive faggo designer shoes.


personally, i avoid confrontations with assholes. i just would've said "oops. i'm so sorry" & walked away. people like that aren't worth the effort or time.

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shalafi

just beat his head in with a ball peen hammer. maybe by the time your done you will have thought of something witty.

Conclamo Ludus

Call him a homo, and since most assholes are homophobes, they'll come after you. Then say "Why would you be offended if it wasn't true?" Then hit him in the head with a ball peen hammer. Then spit on him and finish your beer.

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Lord, have mercy on my wicked soul
I wouldn't mistreat you baby, for my weight in gold.
-Son House, Death Letter Blues

bparker805

Actions speak louder than words. Cheap shot him next time by kicking him in the nuts before he even gets a word out.

prosequence

"Sounds like someone is volunteering to be an organ donor."

"You've just won the "getting my ass whooped loto", get ready to be paid.

"Ever dance with the devil in the pale moon light? (compl. of Batman)

"Hey bud, pop quiz. What does my fist taste like?"

And if you're feeling "creepy", stare at his feet and start to hum, "three blind mice"

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And now here I stand because of you, Mister Anderson, because of you I'm no longer an agent of the system, because of you I've changed...

GSRIDER

Oldies but goodies

You better speed up before you get beat up

Better check yourself before you wreck yourself


ahhh... no those are as lame now as they were in the late 80s

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No signature at this time.

mrsandman

"I'll scratch your face!"

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Hail to ALL the troops and shadow warriors.

seizei

'Oh NO you did'nent... NO YOU did'nent"(wag your head side to side and put one hand on your hip, while waving the index finger of the other hand in the 'no-no' sign)

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"If you're not weird, you're not interesting".
I'm very interesting ...

seizei; (adv - Japanese) at the most; at best; to the utmost; as much (far) as possible. (pronounced - say-zay)

liquid_dreams

"FUCK OFF FAGGOT"

and run that works

analog

"You know, if your mom used her mouth as much as you do, she might be a better fuck."

OR

"You talk shit like your mom begs for sex."

Maybe these are better comebacks than for pure intimidation... good, anyway.

K-Wise

These 2 are always good
"Look if you don't fuck off I'll shove my foot so far up your ass you'll be able to tounge tie my shoelaces"
"OH YEAH? C'mon then I'll kick your ass up so high you'll have to lay down to take a shit!"
A funny one is
"Fuck you kiss my ass while I'm farting asshole!"

Anyways I think the obvious remark someone should've mentioned is YER FUCKIN 6 FOOT 220lbs!! Thats all the intimidation you need man talk is fuckin cheap man do it like a mexican if he's threatening to kick your ass get right in his face look him in the eye and say "Well...whataya waitin for?" and if he does nothing but talk more shit back say "Thats what I fuckin thought" and walk away. He'll look like the pussy for not steppin up. Frankly fact of the matter is if he was gonna kick your ass he wouldn't a threatened to do it he woulda just done it. He musta been one a those self-concious macho motherfuckers who's bark is bigger than his bite. George Carlin said it best
Asta!!

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"I love music and it's my parents fault (closing statement)." - Me..quoting myself...from when I said that...On TFP..thats here...Tilted Forum Project

It ain't goodbye, it's see ya later! I'll miss you guys! - Asta!!

Lunchbox7

Just grab them by the throat and push up against a wall. Glare insanely at them and growl "Dont ask to dance unless you know the step".

You can also act as if he has just made your day by picking a fight with you. You act so eager for a fight and it might as well be him. You could say excitedly something like "Good I need some stress relief"

Or the most simple thing to do in the pub is to hold your drink down by yourside. As he is there spitting in your face throw your drink in his groin. He will automatically look down straight into a raising empty glass. Glass the bastard in the face. Drop the glass before the bouncers notice what has happened and start laying into them. Once the bouncers are pulling you two away from ewach other just laugh as loud as possible at him for weting his pants. There are heaps of smartarse comments here like maybe wearing a nappy or better go home and get your mum to change your dacks or just say Ooo did i scare por little baby? You have kicked there arse physically and mentally. Totally satisfying

Dude Mc Dude

how about;

why dont i rip your eyes from your ckull and shove them down your throat so you can personally watch me rip through you stomach