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Old 08-07-2010, 09:56 AM   #1 (permalink)
... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.
 
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One time I farted and it sounded like...

One time I farted and it sounded like someone dropped a ceramic pot in a cathedral.

One time I farted and it sounded like Barry White was trying to say "kerfuffle" whilst eating a subway sandwich.

One time I farted and it sounded like someone was driving a Ford Focus on a bridge.

One time I farted and it sounded like you murdering your grandparent with a pillow.

One time I farted and it sounded like Forest Gump playing ping pong in China.

One time I farted and it sounded like leerooooyyy jeeenkins.

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Old 08-07-2010, 10:18 AM   #2 (permalink)
comfortably numb...
 
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one time i farted and it sounded like a potato...
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- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.
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Old 08-07-2010, 12:45 PM   #3 (permalink)
still, wondering.
 
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Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge
One time I farted and it sounded like a crowd leaving the room.
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Old 08-07-2010, 01:06 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Location: I'm up they see me I'm down.
One time I farted and sounded like a moose crying after being punched in the face.
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Old 08-07-2010, 01:41 PM   #5 (permalink)
... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FelixP View Post
One time I farted and sounded like a moose crying after being punched in the face.
That's a good one.
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Old 08-07-2010, 03:41 PM   #6 (permalink)
Riding the Ocean Spray
 
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Location: S.E. PA in U Sofa
One time I farted and it sounded like when a biker dude lets off the throttle of his Harley. Fortunately, it was not a wet one.
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Old 08-07-2010, 06:03 PM   #7 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: My head.
One day I farted and ... oh shit ... thats gonna leave skid marks.
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Old 08-07-2010, 07:35 PM   #8 (permalink)
warrior bodhisattva
 
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Location: East-central Canada
One time I farted and it sounded like yo' mama!
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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot
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Old 08-08-2010, 12:59 AM   #9 (permalink)
Psycho
 
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Location: With the man of my dreams in Halifax Nova Scotia
One time I farted and it sounded like one of those high pitched whistles only dogs can hear, but then it followed me around like a dog on a leash.
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Old 08-08-2010, 03:55 AM   #10 (permalink)
Currently sour but formerly Dlishs
 
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One time I farted and it sounded like thbthbthb!
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Old 08-10-2010, 02:58 AM   #11 (permalink)
comfortably numb...
 
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Location: upstate
one time i farted and it sounded like a horizontal pussy sliding down a bannister...
__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.
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Old 08-10-2010, 08:56 AM   #12 (permalink)
Une petite chou
 
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Location: With All Your Base
One time I farted and it sounded like a warning to the world... "yippeekiyaaay, muthafucka!"
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Plan9
Just realize that you're armed with smart but heavily outnumbered.
The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me. Ayn Rand
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Old 08-10-2010, 08:58 AM   #13 (permalink)
warrior bodhisattva
 
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Location: East-central Canada
One time I farted and it sounded like it touched cloth....
__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot
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Old 08-10-2010, 09:01 AM   #14 (permalink)
Une petite chou
 
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Location: With All Your Base
One time (last week) S farted and though it made no audible sound at first, the sonic (and olfactory) boom that hit 5 seconds later wiped the hotel room flat on its ass.
__________________
Here's how life works: you either get to ask for an apology or you get to shoot people. Not both. House

Quote:
Originally Posted by Plan9
Just realize that you're armed with smart but heavily outnumbered.
The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me. Ayn Rand
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Old 08-10-2010, 09:10 AM   #15 (permalink)
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One time I farted and it sounded like an AC-130 ripping into some BMPs.
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Old 08-10-2010, 09:58 AM   #16 (permalink)
Junkie
 
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Location: At my daughter's beck and call.
One time I farted and it sounded like a cat's meow.
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Propaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state.
-Noam Chomsky
Love is a verb, not a noun.
-My Mom
The function of genius is to furnish cretins with ideas twenty years later.
-Louis Aragon, "La Porte-plume," Traite du style, 1928
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Old 08-10-2010, 10:03 AM   #17 (permalink)
warrior bodhisattva
 
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Super Moderator
Location: East-central Canada
One time I farted and it sounded like Chuck Norris doing a roundhouse kick.
__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot
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Old 08-10-2010, 10:45 AM   #18 (permalink)
Minion of the scaléd ones
 
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Location: Northeast Jesusland
One time I farted and it sounded like a million souls suddenly cried out in terror. And then... nothing.

One time a farted and it sounded like a Wookie with a head cold.
__________________
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Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
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Old 08-10-2010, 10:49 AM   #19 (permalink)
Riding the Ocean Spray
 
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Location: S.E. PA in U Sofa
One time I farted and it sounded like the soul-wrenching sound of humpback whales. But then I adjusted my butt cheek compression and it just sounded like a fart again.
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Old 08-10-2010, 10:50 AM   #20 (permalink)
warrior bodhisattva
 
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Super Moderator
Location: East-central Canada
One time I farted and it sounded like the Hiphopapotamus, whose lyrics are bottomless....
__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot
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Old 08-10-2010, 11:04 AM   #21 (permalink)
Junkie
 
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Location: At my daughter's beck and call.
One time I farted at band camp and it sounded like Miles Davis' "Some Kind of Blue"
__________________
Propaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state.
-Noam Chomsky
Love is a verb, not a noun.
-My Mom
The function of genius is to furnish cretins with ideas twenty years later.
-Louis Aragon, "La Porte-plume," Traite du style, 1928
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Old 08-10-2010, 11:10 AM   #22 (permalink)
I Confess a Shiver
 
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This one time I farted and it sounded like something only men do. Because girls hold it. For no reason.
__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."
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Old 08-10-2010, 11:17 AM   #23 (permalink)
warrior bodhisattva
 
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Super Moderator
Location: East-central Canada
One time I farted and it sounded like wing night.
__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot
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Old 08-10-2010, 11:26 AM   #24 (permalink)
... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Plan9 View Post
This one time I farted and it sounded like something only men do. Because girls hold it. For no reason.
One time I farted and realized that's why women have curves.
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Old 08-10-2010, 11:27 AM   #25 (permalink)
Junkie
 
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Location: At my daughter's beck and call.
One time I farted and it sounded like shit. The sub-woofer was blown out.
__________________
Propaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state.
-Noam Chomsky
Love is a verb, not a noun.
-My Mom
The function of genius is to furnish cretins with ideas twenty years later.
-Louis Aragon, "La Porte-plume," Traite du style, 1928
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Old 08-10-2010, 11:27 AM   #26 (permalink)
WHEEEE! Whee! Whee! WHEEEE!
 
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Location: Southern Illinois
One time I farted, and an angel earned his wings.
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AZIZ! LIGHT!
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Old 08-10-2010, 11:34 AM   #27 (permalink)
warrior bodhisattva
 
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Super Moderator
Location: East-central Canada
One time I farted and it sounded like the chopper that Arnold Schwarzenegger and his companions had to get to.
__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot
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Old 08-10-2010, 11:38 AM   #28 (permalink)
 
ring's Avatar
 
Location: ❤
My second husband proclaimed: "Girls don't fart."

I calmly replied, "Hmm.. a pre-pubescent thing eh? Do women Fart?"

All my cousins on my mother's side can still be heard tittering about their scatological
funnies.
Their Family word for fart is: Plitter.

One time I farted and the sound-asleep dog beneath the covers, bit my butt.
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Old 08-10-2010, 11:40 AM   #29 (permalink)
Junkie
 
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Location: At my daughter's beck and call.
One time I farted and it sounded like James Earl Jones reading Shakespeare.
__________________
Propaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state.
-Noam Chomsky
Love is a verb, not a noun.
-My Mom
The function of genius is to furnish cretins with ideas twenty years later.
-Louis Aragon, "La Porte-plume," Traite du style, 1928
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Old 08-10-2010, 11:50 AM   #30 (permalink)
I Confess a Shiver
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Baraka_Guru View Post
One time I farted and it sounded like the chopper that Arnold Schwarzenegger and his companions had to get to.
You totally just went there. Okay, now for Demolition Man fart jokes.

...

This one time I farted and it sounded like Tupac when he turned into a Glock 17 magazine.
__________________
Whatever you can carry.

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Old 08-10-2010, 11:56 AM   #31 (permalink)
Paladin of the Palate
 
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Location: Redneckville, NC
One time I farted and it sounded like this...

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Baraka_Guru View Post
In my own personal experience---this is just anecdotal, mind you---I have found that there is always room to be found between boobs.
Vice-President of the CinnamonGirl Fan Club - The Meat of the Zombiesquirrel and CinnamonGirl Sandwich

Last edited by LordEden; 08-10-2010 at 12:03 PM..
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Old 08-10-2010, 11:57 AM   #32 (permalink)
I Confess a Shiver
 
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This one time I farted and J. Robert Oppenheimer declared that I had become death, the destroyer of worlds.
__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."
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Old 08-10-2010, 12:03 PM   #33 (permalink)
Junkie
 
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Location: At my daughter's beck and call.
One time I farted, and it sounded like Elvish.
__________________
Propaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state.
-Noam Chomsky
Love is a verb, not a noun.
-My Mom
The function of genius is to furnish cretins with ideas twenty years later.
-Louis Aragon, "La Porte-plume," Traite du style, 1928
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Old 08-10-2010, 12:03 PM   #34 (permalink)
Paladin of the Palate
 
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Location: Redneckville, NC
Quote:
Originally Posted by Plan9 View Post
You totally just went there. Okay, now for Demolition Man fart jokes.
One time I farted and couldn't figure out how to use the damn three seashells.

One time I farted and I violated the verbal morality statute then was fined 2 credits.

One time I farted and it ended up on a shelf in Sandra Bolick's 20th century apt.

One time I farted and it became the number one requested mini-tune on the oldies station.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Baraka_Guru View Post
In my own personal experience---this is just anecdotal, mind you---I have found that there is always room to be found between boobs.
Vice-President of the CinnamonGirl Fan Club - The Meat of the Zombiesquirrel and CinnamonGirl Sandwich
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Old 08-10-2010, 12:42 PM   #35 (permalink)
Minion of the scaléd ones
 
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Location: Northeast Jesusland
One time I farted and it sounded like a soccer match in South Africa.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Baraka_Guru View Post
One time I farted and it sounded like the Hiphopapotamus, whose lyrics are bottomless....
Did Steve put you up to that, perchance? Hmmm?

---------- Post added at 04:42 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:41 PM ----------

One time I farted and it sounded like Paganini and smelled like money.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FuglyStick View Post
One time I farted, and an angel earned his wings.
That, right there, it totally made of win.
__________________
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Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
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Old 08-10-2010, 04:51 PM   #36 (permalink)
Junkie
 
One time I farted and it sounded like silence. Deathly quiet. The silence of death. The deadly licorice fart.

Lindy
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Old 08-10-2010, 05:38 PM   #37 (permalink)
Minion of Joss
 
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Location: The Windy City
One time I farted and it sounded like napalm in the morning: the sound of victory.

One time I farted and it sounded like someone rewinding a recording of gunfire.

One time I farted and it sounded like a jazz singer improvising random syllables while crapping, and I thought, "So that's why it's called singing 'scat'...."

One time I farted and the sound unlocked my car.

One time I farted and it sounded like a shofar blowing.

One time time I farted and it sounded like a gospel choir singing. But I hadn't farted, it was the minister sitting next to me.

One time I farted and physicists thought a new universe was beginning.

One time I farted and it sounded like someone really obssessive-compulsive about organization: very anal.

One time I farted and it sounded like silence. But I hadn't farted, it was Paul Simon.

One time I farted and it sounded like an elk giving birth to a duck.
__________________
Dull sublunary lovers love,
Whose soul is sense, cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
That thing which elemented it.

(From "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne)
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Old 08-11-2010, 12:36 PM   #38 (permalink)
Minion of the scaléd ones
 
Tophat665's Avatar
 
Location: Northeast Jesusland
One time I farted and it sounded like Ornette Coleman beating a bagpipe to death with a live maribou stork.

Another time I farted and it sounded like a pygmy mosquito playing a kazoo while riding the world's smallest Harley over microscopic rumble strips. (I was very, very nervous.)

---------- Post added at 04:36 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:35 PM ----------

One time I farted and it sounded like someone raped a mebranophome with a digeridoo.
__________________
Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
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Old 08-11-2010, 12:43 PM   #39 (permalink)
... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.
 
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One time I farted and th sound inspired me to make a thread about it.
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Old 08-11-2010, 02:21 PM   #40 (permalink)
Currently sour but formerly Dlishs
 
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Super Moderator
Location: Australia/UAE
One time i farted and it sounded like it inspired Martika to make a new song

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy
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