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-   -   All Your Emo Shit Goes Here (https://thetfp.com/tfp/tilted-fun-zone/140455-all-your-emo-shit-goes-here.html)

uncle phil 10-04-2008 03:55 AM

I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming...They don't know I'm only using blanks. -- Emo Phillips

uncle phil 10-04-2008 02:57 PM

http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a3...20Shit/emo.jpg

uncle phil 10-05-2008 04:16 AM

I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, "Get off me, you two!" -- Emo Phillips

uncle phil 10-06-2008 02:37 AM

http://i143.photobucket.com/albums/r...icture_emo.gif

jewels 10-06-2008 02:58 AM

http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r...69/EmoCat2.jpg

BadNick 10-06-2008 11:02 AM

Sometimes I wish I was a cat :(

http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g2...shIwasacat.jpg

uncle phil 10-07-2008 02:34 AM

At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote. -- Emo Phillips

Tophat665 10-07-2008 03:58 PM

We went back to her apartment and went inside and she took off all her clothes and said, "It's your move," So I sacrificed her poodle to Zoltar the Space God.

- Got to love Emo

uncle phil 10-08-2008 02:37 AM

http://i210.photobucket.com/albums/b...20Shit/emo.jpg

BadNick 10-08-2008 07:10 AM

Conjuring the Ultimate Emo Rock President:

http://www.centertheatregroup.org/up...nOWFeature.pdf

uncle phil 10-08-2008 12:48 PM

and "tommy" would be the ultimate emo rock opera?

"see me, feel me, touch me, heal me..."

uncle phil 10-09-2008 02:46 AM

I went to school, you know. I was in grammar school. Once we were taking a test. I was copying this other kid's paper, and I guess the teacher heard my Xerox machine. And she said, "Emo, am I stupid or were you cheating?" I said, "Ah, yes and no."

She sends me to the principal, and I get to his office and I sit down and he looks at me and says, "Emo, Emo, Emo." I said, "I'm the one in the middle, you drunken slob." He said, "How would you like to repeat the fifth grade?" I said, "Well, I don't know if I could do it exactly, uh, but I'll try." He said, "I could expel you!" I said, "You'll have to catch and eat me first, ya wierdo!" He said, "Emo, you have to go over to the school psychologist." I said, "Why do I have to go to the school psychologist?" So he shows me the petition.

And I go over to the psychologist, and he says, "Emo, what does this inkblot look like to you?" I said, "Oh, it's kind of embarrassing." He said, "Emo, everyone sees something, so don't be embarrassed. Tell me what the inkblot looks like to you." I said, "Well, to me it looks like standard pattern #3 in the Rorschach series to test obsessive compulsiveness." And he gets kind of depressed. I said, "Okay, it's a butterfly." And he cheers up. He said, "What does this inkblot look like?" I said, "It looks like a horrible ugly blob of pure evil that sucks the souls of man into a vortex of sin and degradation." He said, "No, um, the inkblot's over there. That's a photo of my wife you're looking at." "Oh," I said, "was I far off?" He said, "No. That's the sad part."

And he gives me a chocolate Easter bunny. And this shows how tricky those guys are. I eat the chocolate and I think, wait a second... this isn't around Easter. "Was this a test?" He said, "Yes." "And what does it mean?" He said, "Well, had you eaten the ears first you would have been normal; had you eaten the feet first you would have had an inferiority complex; had you eaten the tail first you would have had latent homosexual tendencies; and had you eaten the breasts first you would have had a latent oedipal complex." I said, "Well, go on. What does it mean when you bite out the eyes and scream, 'Stop staring at me!'?'" He says, "It shows you've a tendency towards self-destruction." I said, "What do you recommend?" He says, "Go for it!"

Tophat665 10-09-2008 08:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by uncle phil (Post 2541263)
and "tommy" would be the ultimate emo rock opera?

"see me, feel me, touch me, heal me..."

Actually, Quadrophenia is probably more emo than Tommy. I'd have to read the liner notes again to argue it effectively, and this being nonsense, that would be inappropriate.

She had a heart shaped face. Not like the valentine; like the organ. Lopsided with veins all over it.

uncle phil 10-10-2008 02:20 AM

Once I went to the library. I said, "I'd like a book on the Heimlich anti-choking maneuver," and the guy said, "look at the card catalog. I'm busy." So I go to the card catalog. I look under Heimlich and choking and maneuver. It's not any of those places. And I see this first aid book with the section and I take it and that guy said, "It's a reference book. You can't take it out; you have to Xerox it." I said, "Do you have change for a dollar?" He said, "It's not a bank, it's a library." So I go tho this souvenir stand and I said, "Do you have change for a dollar?" They said, "It's not a bank, it's a souvenir stand." So I go to this bank, and they said, "Yes, this is a bank." And they give me the change and I come back to it. And by this time there's a line of students Xeroxing their books or whatever and I -- finally I Xerox the Heimlich. As I go back the guy says, "Put it back, now that you've used it." So I put it back. And as I leave, he says, "Thank you." I said, "Well, thank you! I'm never coming to this barn again." And I went back to my car. Now by this time, my sister's almost purple from the chicken bone...

ottopilot 10-10-2008 05:31 AM

Your Guide on How To Be Emo


Tophat665 10-10-2008 05:55 AM

http://www.hardgeus.com/updateimages...hilips_old.jpg
http://www.pixyland.org/peterpan/palmbeach/pixie1.jpg
Sometimes, no matter how much one loves them, it's hard to not be disappointed in one's offspring.

uncle phil 10-12-2008 03:11 AM

I was a cute baby. My mom said when I was born they threw away the mold. Some of it grew back...

uncle phil 10-14-2008 05:03 AM

New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guys are very rude. I said, "I'd like a card." He says, "You have to prove you're a citizen of New York." So I stabbed him.

Tophat665 10-14-2008 05:28 AM

I was sitting in the park....
Minding my Own business.....
Starting at peoples' HEADs and trying to make their BRAINS Explode.

/ Thanks phil. This thread never fails to cheer me up.
// How Emo is that?

uncle phil 10-15-2008 03:12 AM

http://i267.photobucket.com/albums/i...nkaiXx/emo.jpg

uncle phil 10-16-2008 02:53 AM

When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas...

Tophat665 10-17-2008 12:59 PM

When I was in college, a buddy of mine asked another friend if he wanted to play beer pong. He said, "I'd rather have a tequila enema." My buddy said, "Lime and salt with that?" We ended up playing a memorably unrememberable game of pong.

Ourcrazymodern? 10-18-2008 12:00 PM

All this emo shit drives me to distraction, doing as it wishes.

uncle phil 10-22-2008 03:15 AM

Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy.

BadNick 10-25-2008 11:01 AM

the rays:


uncle phil 10-27-2008 11:58 AM

I was walking down Fifth Avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: "Well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel?" And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson...

BadNick 01-08-2009 10:47 AM

I didn't know where else to post this new discovery. I think I'd call it Emo Eve:

http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g2...f_sodom_tm.jpg

uncle phil 01-11-2009 12:21 PM

ooohh, it's been so long...


http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1...il1/Taylor.jpg

Tophat665 01-11-2009 06:06 PM

I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes.

Not Right Now 01-12-2009 11:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by uncle phil (Post 2538609)

i uhhh, really wanna do this chick.



uncle phil 01-12-2009 11:51 AM

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1...0543071715.jpg

Tophat665 01-12-2009 07:36 PM

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

Not Right Now 01-13-2009 02:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tophat665 (Post 2582791)
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

or being sexually molested by the janitor with no teeth.

BadNick 01-13-2009 02:06 PM

...along the same theme, I had a friend who often paid a hooker down on Locust St. in Philly for "gum jobs" that she apparently offered since her teeth came out.

Not Right Now 01-13-2009 02:19 PM

How much Nick?

Tophat665 01-13-2009 03:41 PM

You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers. Damn anthropologists.

uncle phil 01-13-2009 03:44 PM

damn girls...

Not Right Now 01-13-2009 04:05 PM

Normally they just use me for sex and alcohol... I'd cut myself and cry about but it's pretty bitchin'

Tophat665 01-13-2009 06:52 PM

Women? A Mistake? Or did He do it to us on Purpose. (Jack at his most ,,, whatever it is that he is.)

uncle phil 01-18-2009 02:04 PM

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1...hil1/emo-1.jpg


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