edmund hillary is dead...

You can't do something for less than nothing.

In these troubling financial times, beer is the best investment. (and also at all times if you ask me)


...sorry if this has already been posted here someplace:

If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would
now be worth $49.00.

With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.

With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left.

If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have
$44.00 left.

If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left.

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank
all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling refund,
you would have $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink
heavily and recycle. This is called the 401-Keg Plan.

Sounds like a perfect investment to me.

Im in bad shape.

I hope you get well soon.


...ps: what's ailing you, gd?

I took a quick sabbatical from work (2 wks) went to Honolulu with J (a HUGE mistake), broke up with tpop again, got food poisoning, sprained my neck, and when Monday came round I couldnt return to work. I cant explain it, I just couldnt. I think I have cried more in the last 3 weeks than I have total in all my life. Its been copious amount of goo and crud stuck to tissues, which are stuck inside my pockets. I go back to work tomorrow.

Its embarrassing to say that I actually asked aloud of J to please behave a little softer with me. I felt like such a lightweight, but it had to be said.

So, lets move on.

Seat belts save lives, unless you want yours to end with a splat at 80 miles per hour and want me to scrape you off the ground.

I hope painful change can be for a better future direction.

bonus: Don't eat bad bacteria.

i havent had a speeding ticket in almost a year

I'm starting to feel old.

There are some people who are much more miserable than you and become envious of what you have, so they use the powers they have to make you miserable.

If you're a crab in a bucket full of crabs... and you try to escape... odds are that the other crabs will try to pull you back down in the bucket.

The yin-yang twins are at it again.

Ourcrazymodern?,

Loves to eat.

Yes...yes I do.

Savor is one of those words that sound like its meaning.

'luggage' does too.

"Wiggle" is another.

ring owes me another couple dozen skirts.

Ourcrazymodern?,
might choose another form of garment perhaps,
that is not so easily blown away.....

XXXX OOOOO

When I was 4 years old, I put bead-sized plastic footballs (from a cereal box toy) in my ear to use as ear plugs when my mom was vacuuming. One came out right away... the other was finally removed months later when my doctor examined me for asthma. He glued it to a "hall of fame/shame" board in his waiting room.

I killed him (not really)

life is like a shit sandwich...

the more bread you got, the less shit you eat...

When I was a kid, Dr. Berwick removed a wad of yellow lined paper from one of my ears and dressed me down for it. I actually have pretty clear memories from that point in my life, and I recall being at a total loss as to how the heck that got there at the time. I assume I must've been responsible for it, but damnifiknow how.

Keeping with the stupid shit you did when young theme...

When I was about 10 a neighbor, Kieth, used to take my brother and I "roping." He had a quarter horse and every Weds. night he'd take of out to Scio, Oregon. My brother and I would run the "shoot" and release the cows so the guys on horse back could rope them. It was practice for the competitions at the county fairs and rodeos. My job, being younger, was to keep the cows moving forward on the shoots. I over heard one of the "Cowboys" call a cow a cocksuckers one day. So monkey hear, monkey say. For the next 10-15 minutes I called every cow a cocksucker. Kieth being very religious didn't think much of this and told me if I every used that word again he'd never take me again. I told him "what word?" He said "You know what word" and rode off. I asked my brother what the heck he was talking about and he told me. I asked him "well what's it mean" and he told me. I told him "You're full of shit! Why would anybody suck on that? That's crazy." Kieth never did believe I didn't know it was a bad word and my brother continued to think (know?) I was a moron.

A similar thing happened to me in essence when I flipped my high school VP the bird. I was seen and got in trouble. My sister later asked if I knew what it meant and I said no. She said it meant up yours. I didnt know what that meant either. I knew nothing as a kid and sometimes I still dont, but Im learning.

Farting Contest: In ancient Japan, public contests were held to see who in a town could fart the loudest and longest. Winners were awarded many prizes and received great recognition.

I haven't laughed so long nor so publicly for quite awhile.

I wonder if we could have been neighbors? When I was a kid, on the way home from high school on the bus with my friends I used to chew up a whole sheet of yellow lined paper, chew chew chew...with plenty of saliva; when it was a mash of proper consistency pulp, I'd wad it up into a ball and heave it at a target...usually some unsuspecting pedestrian walking. One time the target ran after the bus and got on at the next corner ....he was very pissed off ...and looked pretty messy all splattered with a giant spit ball; but none of my friends squeeled so he just cursed us and left.

I remember telling you about these funny Japanese game shows,
and that particular episode
just yesterday..and the day before that..and the week before that,
it must be really fun to start each day.....completely Fresh.

Truth is, I can get my wife out of bed by farting faster than the alarm clock can. I just can't set the time that it is going to go off.

A truth?
Love is a verb, not a noun.

Phillies rule!

http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g2...goPhillies.jpg

the devil rays are 3 - 1...

tomorrow is the first day of the weekend.

for me anyways. (its friday/saturday weekends with sunday as first day of the week)

If I don't get my ass into gear and celebrate an Octoberfest, I'll miss October.

I'm disappointed.

Is it true,
that we are all doing the best we can,
at any given moment?

I've pondered and wondered about this idea,
for many a night.

"A flatulist, fartist, or professional farter is a performer who receives payment for farting in an amusing and/or musical manner."
Flatulist - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

We all have a special purpose. It's just a matter of finding that purpose, and applying ourselves to fulfilling it :thumbsup:

edited to note that in a contest you could be disqualified for "throwing mud" :expressionless:

Freeing its essence
with very little to prove
it could do its need.

http://www.mrmethane.com/img/mr-methane-posing.gif
Mr Methane
The King of Farts


Mr Methane | Farts, Farting Man, Flatulist, Fart Video | MrMethane.com

go rays...

Here's some truth for you, unc:

rays?...mind if I call you Johnson?

Ahh, ya doesn't has to call me Johnson! You can call me Ray, or you can call me Jay, or you can call me Johnny or you can call me Sonny, or you can call me RayJay, or you can call me RJ... but ya doesn't hafta call me Johnson.

http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g2...sc/choking.jpg

http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g2...content_16.jpg

I'm here.

ah ha... there you are!

and you're here too.

game 1 is scheduled to begin tonight...

go rays...

(i know, i've been a yankees fan since before most of you were born, but the rays ARE the home team right now...)

If I can remember how to turn my TV on, I'm watching the game...if not, I can ask my kids, they know.

how to watch a game?

hehe...

my nose is running... I better go catch it.

obama is running, too...

go rays...

Imodium is good for the runs.

I gave the dog a roll of toilet paper for his birthday today.

I should of video-taped him shredding the entire roll,
in under three minutes.

Happy first birthday Prince!

I have my power back. I walked right in and took possesseion of it last night.

It is exhilarating!!

My nose is still running today. I need Puffs with lotion.

My ex-husband used a super max tampon
to plug his terrible nosebleed long enough to get to the ER.

True story.

the rays won last night...

go rays...

Winning one battle is not winning the war.


http://www.sportable.com/wp-content/...llies-logo.gif

I dislike being known as a chatterer.

I've never known Ocm? to be a chatterer.

My dear sirs, there is nothing wrong with chatterers of the third kind, like us.

I don't want to stop smoking.

ditto

love ya

i love you too

I finally caught my nose!

the glass is neither half full nor half empty; it's just twice as big as it needs to be...

go rays...

Sometimes I don't use a glass and just drink out of the bottle.

Truth lies in where you find it.

My nose:
Deep into a fellow pack member's nape,
brings comfort.

it doesn't take a weatherman to know which way the wind blows...

Misunderstandings progress.

A punch in the eye is better than a hot oatmeal enema........

in vino veritas

"it's only a cold sore..."

In budweisium urine

its not latin,
and its not funny.
My father was killed by a budweiser truck filled with urine.
years of therapy down the shitter.....:shakehead:

Neither is Illegitimati Non Carborundum, but I find it makes life easier.

let us not let those bastards get us down...

I saw a vid like that. Except they used egg beaters instead.

*Part of a complete breakfast*

it's a long way to tipperary...

It's a long way to Tipperary,
It's a long way to go.
It's a long way to Tipperary
To the sweetest girl I know!
Goodbye Piccadilly,
Farewell Leicester Square!
It's a long long way to Tipperary,
But my heart's right there.

Observing a witch-hunt in progress.
It's a nauseating, ugly thing.

My faith has been shaken more than once.

It stands.

So mote it be.

I do this mostly with my hand-held, damn it!

i'm golfing in about an hour...

spoken for truth...

Buildup sucks.

"and the truth shall set you free..."

Hey Phil, if the truth is that you are serving life without parole, will that set you free, and if it did, wouldn't it make itself false?

My actual truth: I find Epimenides' paradox fascinating.

I'll be in Wisconsin next weekend.

im browsing tfp in bed in only my jocks

...that visual is dlish

i'd post in here, but its an open forum :P

ill think about the right effing now thread or something :D

i am not buffy beefcakes...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1...ybeefcakes.jpg

...inside every tuxedo there's a guy in a t-shirt waiting to get out

...and for every drop of rain that falls
a candle glows...