warrrreagl

It's time for me to be a crotchety old fart. I LOVE going to the movies, and can't stand to have that marvelous experience ruined by others.

Here's what I hate:
- People behind me that put their feet on my seat. They usually end up kicking the back of my seat rhythmically.
- People who feel the urge to explain to someone else what's going on.
- Anyone who brings little kids to an R movie.
- Cell phones, and dimshits who actually take the call!
- Kids going back and forth and back and forth and back and forth to the lobby.

Here are warrrr's Rules of Order:
Buy your fucking ticket.
Buy your fucking popcorn.
Sit the fuck down.
Shut the fuck up.

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Living is easy with eyes closed.

GSRIDER

Amen!!!

And if you bring your kids.

DONT PUNISH THEM DURING THE MOVIE!!!!!

take it outside.... if I gotta hear you repeatedly tell your kid to be quiet and sit down until you and I are both furious then take the kid out of the theater.

And if any of you rabble rousing teens wanna be mister funnyduring the movie I just paid 14 bucks for... i COULD OF RENTED 8 MOVIES... in the quiet of my own home... with children sleeping..... I swear I'll give you a dirty look once and only once... then the verbal abuse starts, then i call my lawyer to prepare for the law suit yer daddie is gonna file on me.... damn kids

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warrrreagl

My wife just e-mailed me her list. Here's the whole thing.

the guy who dipped tobacco during the movie (we live in the South, and this is actually a problem there!!)

people who bring infants and do not remove them when they start screaming

gum popping

the guy who used his popcorn tub as a drum through the entire movie

the woman who spilled an entire bottle of perfume on herself, didn't change and sat next to me

unnecessary popcorn digging

people who lean back in my lap

people who release their children to run, walk, skate, slide up and down the aisles

people who come in late and sit right in front of or behind me and proceed with all of the previous complaints


and the all-time thing I hate.......................................

TOO MUCH SALT IN THE POPCORN

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Living is easy with eyes closed.

bbb

I hate it when some one brings an elderly parent and has to constantly explain what is happening in the movie.

Crazboos

If you can't sit in the theatre and just watch the movie then you should be shot (okay not shot, maybe kicked out - no - shot is good)

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There's nothing like freezing time with the flash of a bulb.

Hycdubg

How about the people who get up and make you adjust or get out of your seat so they can go to the bathroom or wherever, FIFTY FUCKING TIMES during the movie.?

Or if you are on the end, and they are in the middle and they constantly choose your side to exit thorugh, even though the other way has a lot less people.

I hate that.

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Alice, that dog has been licking his own asshole for three hours. I would venture to say that there is nothing there that requires more than an hour's attention. So I would suggest that whatever he's attempting to dislodge is either gone for good....or there to stay.

-The Long Kiss Goodnight_

Reese

Those giants that sit right in front of me.

That stinky ass smell cold popcorn emits when chewed.(I got the nose of a frickin greyhound)

Metallicas Icon is on MTV now... something goods on mtv.. gotta watch it...

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“It is better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick” - Dave Barry

bundy

i can't stand it when people take off their shoes and stick their dirty little toes thru the gap in the seats, so that half way thru the film, you glance to the side and see filthy little toes peeking at you!!!

lucky i don't have a toe licking fetish, or those dirty little toes last night would have copped a good lickin!

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Ohayo!!!

BulletBob

The twelve year old kids who think it's funny to run up and down the aisles screaming. A friend of mine once tripped one of those kids, gave them something to really laugh at.

Sun Tzu

Stop kicking the back of my fucking chair.

I came here at this time so I could experience the openness and comfort of not dealing with a large crowd. So why the fuck are you sitting with your huge fucking melon head in front of me when there 10 seats on either side of you.

Turn off your fucking cell phone.

Quit jerking off in front off me- - - - no just joking, I would definitely be in the wrong theatre.

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To confine our attention to terrestrial matters would be to limit the human spirit.- Stephen Hawking

Mr.Deflok

Motherfuckers who think they're cool and try to impress their friends with stupid fucking jokes

Motherfuckers who seem to think rustling their chippie/lolly bag will somehow make the annoying sucking/crunching sounds less annoying

Motherfuckers who laugh when they're not supposed to

Motherfuckers who get up and leave to go to the toilet (you dumb fuck, you piss before you go in or at least don't buy that jumbo ice filled coke... you fucking bitch)

I'd go on but I'm angry!!

hilbert25

All the above are annoying, especially the talking on the cell phone for half the fucking movie... god I wish I could kill them.

Then there's the wife watching the movie, and the fatass husband coming in halfway through, right behind me, pushing ever seat as he passes, and then proceeding to stay standing next to her seat, while having a conversation at full volume with her before turning around and leaving, pushing all the seats along the way (that only happened once, but by god, if it ever happens again, I will kill someone).

Mr.Deflok

Motherfuckers who say "I can't watch! It's too scary!", then why the fuck did you pay ten fucking dollars to see the movie you puny bitch.

Motherfuckers who are too fucking tall to be called a fucking human sitting in front of you and then asking you "I'm not getting in the way am I?" Well motherfucker you actually are, howsabouts I cut your fucking head off? (hey I'm 185cm but there some big motherfuckers out there)

Motherfuckers who have seen the movie that spoil it for everyone else, examples "Far out, I can't believe Bruce Willis was a ghost the whole time!" or "Yeah man Edward Norton and Brad Pitt are the same guy!", here's a spoiler for the next motherfucker that does that "YOU'RE GOING TO DIE ALONE!"

Motherfuckers who drop their keys and rumage through their jackets and the floor looking for them whilst managing to knock everyone around them about.

Motherfuckers who put their cups of drink down in front of them then accidentally kick it

Motherfuckers who don't even watch the fucking movie and giggle about stupid shit

Motherfuckers who bring teething babies into movies that aren't even suitable for fucking babies let alone suitable for an audience to have to put up with the incessant and ultra-loud fucking crying

warrrreagl

My God, DeFlok! Someone who gets as pissed as I do!

I've read about theatres that only seat 20 or so people and you have several feet between your party and any other parties. The ticket price is around $25, but I'd GLADLY pay it.

My wife and I have been known to ask the box office cashier which movie has the least number of people, and that's how we choose what we watch. We've seen several movies we might have never chosen simply because we had the whole theatre to ourselves.

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Living is easy with eyes closed.

Troublebot

Here's my main rule when going to see any movie.

When those ignorant slides are running across the screen before the start of the film? Please feel free to talk loudly, make fun of the ads, etc.

The previews have started? It's ok to whisper to your seatmates a little, especially when the preview is ove and you want to mention that you'd like to see that.

However, once the lights are all the way down and the first frame of the feature film flicks across the screen I want you quiet. No talking, no whispering, no cell phones, only giggling and screaming where appropriate. The only time I should hear words come out of your mouth is when they are, "Oh my god, I'm on fire!"

Also, why are the floors always so sticky? Hasn't anyone at the theatre ever heard of a fucking mop?

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Howard Moon: The wind is my only friend.
Wind: [whistling] I hate you.

Charlatan

We have a cinema in town that has VIP screening rooms. They seat a max of 30 people, have extremely comfortable chairs, generously spaced out that have small side tables. In addition you get served at your seat (no waiting in line at the snack counter)...
The premium you pay is quite reasonable.

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"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

warrrreagl

Oh, such heaven! It's worth it to me to drive to whatever towns have this, no matter how far, in order to see a good movie in a good environment.

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Living is easy with eyes closed.

Cuball

2 things actually:

-kicking the back of my seat
-people saying: I saw this movie 2 months ago on my computer ...

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Let's GO

CSflim

The thing that REALLY annoys me is running commentary, or EXPLAINING why every joke in the film is funny. Bastards!

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chodarama

People that unconsciously move their leg up and down really fast so it vibrates through the entire fucking row of seats.

warrrreagl

Here's something else I've noticed especially in movies. Why do hicks and morons laugh loudest at the jokes that have already been seen over and over again in the previews?

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Living is easy with eyes closed.

MSD

The people who let out spoilers not because they've seen it the day before in the theater, but because they like it so much when they downloaded it three weeks ago that they had to see it on opening day.

The mob of middle-school girls who sat there whimpering in fear and occasionally screaming at non-scary parts (door opens, chorus of screams) during "The Ring."

Speaking of cell phones, it's a good thing I had mine set on vibrate when I watched "The Ring." Someone (not in the theater, just a coincidence) decided to call me a few seconds after the tape finished in the cabin. I fully expected something weird like that to happen, but I think it would have sent the mob of girls into shock (maybe not a bad thing.)

Oh, almost forgot, I told this to my friends who did it, YOU DO NOT NEED TO ATTEND STAR WARS MOVIES WHILE DRESSED AS THE CHARACTERS FROM THE MOVIE.

Mr.Deflok

Amen.

hilbert25

I saw the ring, and the people next to me had their cellphones on (and talked into it for the whole fucking movie), but right after the tape finished, their phone rang, I jumped like 3 feet.

Atropos4

People that put their feet on my seat!!! I actually bang my back a couple times against my seat..9 times out of 10 it knocks their feet down and they get the hint..

Talkers...especially sitting right next to me...I won't hesitate to tell you to shut the hell up!!!

I actually get really Pissed when I go to see a movie for the first time and others who may have already seen it start cheering and clapping through all the heroic parts...which makes me miss parts of the movie....Happened during Lord of The Rings Two Towers....Pissed me off beyond belief!!!

Never had the cell phone problem but it would piss me off if it happened.

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buclao

When kids have thoses damn glow-sticks and are waving them throughout the whole movie. That ticks me off the most.

DonnChadh

Recent annoyance:
Right before the end credits of X-men 2, and I mean the very last scene, some local scally sitting further along the row from me gets up and leaves.

Ok, fine, he can do that.

But to walk right infront of me and my 5 mates to get the the aisle/stairs on the far side of us, instead of going toward the closest one to him.

As far as I recall, we were the only people on the row.

If I was a violent man....

Did I mention I hate scallies?

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I try to take life one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.

Minx

How sweet is that?! I wish we had one where I live!
As far as the list goes, I would like to tar & feather the seat kickers, the morons with their phones turned on, parents that let their kids run all over and the people who feel like they have to narrate the movie. Grrrr.

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You've been a naughty boy....go to my room!

Asuka{eve}

what I absolutely hate is these really annoying gay soundugn middle school panzies who are trying to act cool behind you.

THE MAC GOD

All i can say is anyone so much as coughs during "RELOADED", I'M GONNA FUCKING MOTHER FUCKING SNAP! MOTHERFUCKER!

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Why continue fighting? Is it for Love? Illusions. All as artificial as the Matrix itself, although only a human mind could invent something as insipid as Love.

DataMonkey

Wow... a lot of angry folks here. Let's see, most of the basics have been covered already, so I won't bother recapping mine in those areas.

Ones I haven't seen posted yet.
1) Someone eating popcorn near you ... and chewing with their mouth open! It's like watching a movie with the garbage disposal in the background. I was watching SW Episode 2 with a friend on the opening day when some bastard behind us was doing this. My friend has anger issues and I was just about sure that the man behind us was going to get the beating of his life. He starting chewing more appropriately after two glares though.

2) People that bring kids that question everything. "Dad, why did he do that?" "Dad, what was so funny?" "Dad, what does [whatever word] mean?" Questions during movies are strictly for rental movies. People should tell their children that watching movies in a theater is a priveledge and a "quiet time" experience.

3) People that walk into a theater during the movie, look around, and leave. You just entered my peripheral vision, you bastards, and are distracting me from the movie! Why did you come in if you didn't sit down?! (Theater management is not exempt... employees should be discrete enough not to be noticed!)

bundy

i forgot to mention, I HATE LASER POINTERS.

i mean, how funny can it be wiggling a little red dot around Halle Berrys boobies, for an entire movie?

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Ohayo!!!

Quadraton

I must be one lucky son of a bitch. I've never had any of these problems happen in my life, save for a stupid group of teens using a laser pointer during Sixth Sense. Fortunately, another group of larger, angrier teens were kind enough to "borrow" the kid's laser pointer. I'm sure he got it back after the movie was over.

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"A witty saying proves nothing"
- Voltaire

Mr.Deflok

Motherfuckers who get their jollies at using a laser pointer on every womans vaginal area when they appear on screen.

Fearless_Hyena

PLEASE TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE WHEN ENTERING A MOVIE THEATER!!

Everyone can remember to do it, and it's not too much to ask.

It's just plain rude to even THINK about answering a call at the movies! That's really my only complaint, coz I haven't seen too much of the other behaviors listed here...but I think the ushers should start pulling ppl out who take phonecalls while in the theater.

If you happen to forget, silence your phone, and call them back later. Nothing is that urgent, and if you expect that it is, you shouldn't be at the movies anyway.


done ranting now, but everyone, please take this to heart.

Tophat665

Commercials. I can watch fucking commercials at home for free. I do not need to pay $10 to see fucking commercials.

Melanin does not give one the right to have a conversation with a movie. I have yet to see any evidence that it give one the ability to have an intelligent conversation with the screen. Lived for a while near a theater frequented by these "suave urbanites" who always spat inanities at the screen in a jive accent. Gave some ratification to my disdain of "the other". Want to talk to the screen? Go see Rocky Fuckin' Horror.

I hear a cell phone (I hate the little fuckers on principle) during Reloaded, I will set it on vibrate and jam it up the ass of the cretin who brought it so that they need to change their pants whenever they get a call. Only those things directly related to my immediate personal saftey are important enough to justify interruption of my enjoyment of a movie.

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Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

maximusveritas

I only go to the theater during the day so that it won't be crowded and there won't be any kids. Only old folks, but they're usually near-comatose already, so they're not a problem.

KBilly

I hate anyone who decides to sit down directly in front of me when the movie theater is not crowded. And it's always someone tall to block my view, never a midget.

Mr.Deflok

Motherfucking true motherfucker.

BubblegumTeflon

It's also good to find a theater that's not one of those megaplexes but still premieres new movies. They're hard to find anymore but it's so worth it, not as many idiots to mess it up for you.