Sue

This man is no ordinary man. This is Mr. H G Superman. To all appearances, he looks like any other law-abiding citizen. But Mr F G Superman has a secret identity. When trouble strikes at any time, at any place, he is ready to become... BICYCLE REPAIR MAN!

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Teg yw edrych tuag adref.

Catmandu

I LOVE the bicycle repairman sketch. All those guys in superman suits and none of them can fix a bike chain.

Paradise Lost

One of my favs has to be the skit done along with the "Special Olympics", which, for
background, is done every 3.6 years gathers nearly 1,000,000 of the world's nations
together.

Events included:
100m dash for the death.
110m hurdles for people with no sense of direction.
100m freestroke for non-swimmers.

But my favorite:
The 26.2 Mile Marathon for people with incredibly weak bladders.
Following the runners the announcer is calling out the action, and, while running
on the road (right next to a forest) the runners keep disappearing and reappearing
from said forest, with the announcer in a hysterical frenzy trying to keep the leader-
board straight. Just plain hilarious.

Favs: Michael Palin, John Cleese. If you notice, they're the two characters most
seen in basically all of their greatest skits.
"Wanna go back to my place?"
Parrot Sketch
Lumberjack (Palin, no Cleese.)
Among many many others.

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"Marino could do it."

spindles

Haven't scrolled all the way through yet, but the sketch is call "Novel Writing" - the author in question is Thomas Hardy...

"Well here comes hardy, striding out towards the desk, looking confident and relaxed."
"Here comes the first word... oh but its not a word, its a doodle right at the top of the left hand margin"
" a meaningless scribble"
"...and he's signed his name underneath it"
"now he is just sitting there staring out into space"
"oh no he's signed his name again"
"... it's Tess of the D'ubovilles all over again"
"but wait here comes the first word. Its a definite article. It is 'the'"
"oh no hes crossed it out, and he written 'A'"
" and here comes the second word its 'No' doesn't make sense ' A no', but he's not finished it's Novembre, he's spent November wrong but he's not going back"
" and the crowd are going wild"...

This is from memory, but is a very funny sketch.

I also love the cheese shop...
"not much of a cheese shop is it?"
"finest in the district"
"how is that?"
"well, its so clean"
"it's certainly uncontaminated by cheese"
...
"do you actually have any cheese at all?"
"no sir, I was deliberately wasting your time"
"I'm sorry but I'm going to have to shoot you".

There are so many good ones, I'm not sure where else to go; Happy Valley, Spot the Brain Cell, A minute passed, commentating on the eclipse of the sun, eric the half bee (actually called fish license), killing budgies.

How about apology:
"We apologise for those of you who have bought this album under the impression it was in any way connected to the humourous television show Monty Pythons Flying Circus. This error occurred in the printing of the album covers. This album is in fact "The Pleasures of the Dance, a collection of Norwegian Carpenters Songs".

"We apologise for the previous apology. This appeared on the album due to an administrative error. etc...

insert piece of bad norwegian carpenters music...

"we apologise for thatextract from the pleasures of dance, the rest of this album is made up entirely of sketches from Monty Pythons Flying Circus!"

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who hid my keyboard's PANIC button?

oktjabr

My favourite is perhaps the argument clinic. Or the ministry of silly walks. Or maybe that where they have this hide and seek world championship that lasts for years. Or the definite classic, Upperclass Twit of the Year! (http://www.jumpstation.ca/recroom/co...thon/twit.html)

Indeed, they have too many good ones to ever rate and rank.

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"If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stomping on a human face -- forever."
-G.O.

Charlatan

We have a CD with this sketch on it... cracks me up...

"... it's Tess of the D'ubovilles all over again"

Another good one...

The Dead Bishop on the Landing sketch...

Mother: (turning off radio) liberal rubbish! Klaus!
Klaus: Yeah?
M: Whaddaya want with yer jugged fish?
K: 'Alibut.
M: The jugged fish IS 'alibut!
K: Well, what fish 'ave you got that isn't jugged?
M: Rabbit.
K: What, rabbit fish?
M: Uuh, yes...it's got fins....
K: Is it dead?
M: Well, it was coughin' up blood last night.
K: All right, I'll have the dead unjugged rabbit fish.
voice over: one dead unjugged rabbit fish later:
K: (putting down his knife and fork) Well, that was really 'orrible.
M: Aaw, you're always complainin'!
K: Wha's for afters?
M: Rat cake, rat sorbet, rat pudding, or strawberry tart.
K: (eyes lighting up) Strawberry tart?
M: Well, it's got *some* rat in it.
K: 'Ow much?
M: Three. A lot, really.
K: Well, I'll have a slice without so much rat in it.
voice over: One slice of strawberry tart without so much rat in it later:
K: (putting down fork and knife) Appalling.
M: Naw, naw, naw!
Son: (coming in the door) 'Ello Mum. 'Ello Dad.
K: 'Ello son.
S: There's a dead bishop on the landing, dad!
K: Really?
M: Where's it from?
S: Waddya mean?
M: What's its diocese?
S: Well, it looked a bit Bath and Wells-ish to me...
K: (getting up and going out the door) I'll go and have a look.
M: I don't know...kids bringin' 'em in here....
S: It's not me!
M: I've got three of 'em down by the bin, and the dustmen won't touch 'em!
K: (coming back in) Leicester.
M: 'Ow d'you know?
K: Tattooed on the back o' the neck. I'll call the police.
M: Shouldn't you call the church?
S: Call the church police!
K: All right. (shouting) The Church Police!

(sirens racing up, followed by a tremendous crash)
(the church police burst in the door)

Detective What's all this then, Amen!
M: Are you the church police?
All the police officers: (in unison) Ho, Yes!
M: There's another dead bishop on the landing, vicar sargeant!
Detective: Uh, Detective Parson, madam. I see... suffrican, or diocisian?
M: 'Ow should I know?
D: It's tatooed on the back o' their neck. (spying the tart) 'Ere, is that rat
tart?
M: yes.
D: Disgusting! Right! Men, the chase is on! Now we should all kneel!
(they all kneel)
All: O Lord, we beseech thee, tell us 'oo croaked Lester!
(thunder)
Voice of the Lord: The one in the braces, he done it!
Klaus: It's a fair cop, but society's to blame.
Detective: Agreed. We'll be charging them too.
K: I'd like you to take the three boddlabin into consideration.
D: Right. I'll now ask you all to conclude this harrest with a hymn.
All: All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful,
The church has nigged them all.
Amen.

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"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

Janey

Yes this is the novel writing play by play where the announcer is doing colour commentary on Thomas Hardy. In this sketch he was penning 'The Return of the Native' the opening sentence being:

'A Saturday afternoon in November was approaching the time of twilight...etc'

It was hilarious. Their commentary went:

' A Sat'

'doesn't make sense....'

'A Saturday afternoon in Nov ... ember was appr..'

'is it Approval?'

'no.. approaching!'



damn it was funny.

Janey

Hello good evening, and welcome to your very favourite television quiz programme: "Spot the Brain Cell" 30 minutes of ritual humiliation of the poor and greedy!

May we have our first contestant please!

(applause and organ music)

'he he he... hello Mrs.??'

'Yes Michael!'

'hehehe.. and your name is?'

'i go to church every sunday'

'hahahahahahahahahahahaha.......
(laughter) very well Mrs Scum, tonight we're offering a poke in the eye, or a dagger up the clitoris'

'Oooh i never had one up there before'

'well what will it be?'

'I'll take the dagger up the clitoris'

'Very well then, your question is: what is the principle food eaten by penguins? what is the main food that penguins eat?

'goats!'

'I'l give you a hint, what swims in the sea and gets caught in nets?'

'underwater goats'

'no'

'with snorkels and flippers on, a buffalo with an aqualung'

'announcer making like a fish'

'Oh i know i kwnow, reginald maudlin' <== must be an obscure refernce to English politics

'close enough' (laughter)

' Your next question is: Which great opponent of cartesian dualism resists the reduction of psychogical phenomena to a physical state and insists that there is no contact between the extended and the non-extended???'

'oh I don't know that'

'well have a guess'

' ohhh.. Henri Bergson...'

'Is the correct answer!!! You have won tonight's star prize...

A Dagger Up the clitoris!!!!


--- entirely from memory. don't know if its even closely accurate...

Drewzy

Theres nothing funnier than John Cleese losing his temper lol

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All life begins from a single orgasm.

Camelbackcinema

My absolute favorite Monty Python moment is the last ~10 minutes of The Life of Brian.

"Always look on the bright side of life....."

Genius.

Eric Idle is marginally better than the rest.

JumpinJesus

Hungarian: I will not buy this record, it is scratched.

Clerk: Sorry?

Hungarian: I will not buy this record, it is scratched.

Clerk: Uh, no, no, no. This is a tobacconist's.

Hungarian: Ah! I will not buy this *tobacconist's*, it is scratched.

Clerk: No, no, no, no. Tobacco...um...cigarettes.

Hungarian: Ya! See-gar-ets! Ya! Uh...My hovercraft is full of eels.

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"I can normally tell how intelligent a man is by how stupid he thinks I am" - Cormac McCarthy, All The Pretty Horses

Daoust

"Hello, I'm Smokes Too Much"

"well you better cut down on it then"

"What?"

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I have faith in a few things - divinity and grace
But even when I'm on my knees I know the devil preys

wolf

There are so many Python lines that are outstanding. I have loved Monty Python since I was very little. I still watch the Flying Circus on BBC America and never tire of it.

From the infamous Quest for the Holy Grail:

"Old Woman

Man

Sorry but from behind you look very much like....

I'm 37

What?

I'm 37, I'm not old

Well I can't just call you man

Well you could have called me Dennis

I didn't know you were called Dennis

Well you didn't bother to find out now did ya?

I did say sorry about the old woman thing it's just that from behind you....

What I object to is you automatically treat my like an inferior

Well I am king

Oh, king eh, very nice. And how did you become king then.. but exploiting the masses.....


]



And of course one of my favorite lines from the Flying Circus

"What I object to is all this sex on the television... I mean..... I keep falling off!"

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Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as Gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

Apokx

"And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "Oh Lord, bless this thy hand grenade.That with it thou may'st blow thine enemies into tiny bits, in thy mercy."



Working from memory, so maybe not 100% accurate.

guthmund

From Flying Circus, I was always quite fond of 'Blackmail.'

With obligatory quote...
No, no, sir, it's alright, we don't morally censor, we just want the
money.

From the movies, there is nothing as funny The Meaning of Life. All of it. Every bit. The whole thing is quite genius from the accountant pirates to 'Heaven.'

I was always a big fan of their music as well. My favorite being when the Bruces' broke out in the philosopher's song.

"Immanuel Kant was a real pissant and very rarely stable. Heidegger, Heidegger was a filthy beggar and could drink you under the table." et cetera, et cetera.

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No signature. None. Seriously.