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Old 04-19-2003, 05:35 AM   #1 (permalink)
Junkie
 
The all new favorite Simpsons quote thread

Another favorite thread from the old board.

Homer: As long as you live in my house you will live by my rules. Now boy, butter up that bacon.

Bart: But dad..

Homer: Do it..

Bart butters his bacon

Homer: Now Bacon that sausage.

Bart: But dad, my heart hurts.

Homer looks at bart sternly and Bart wraps bacon around the sausage and eats it
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Old 04-19-2003, 07:29 AM   #2 (permalink)
Stereophonic
 
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Location: Chitown!!
Homer (in jail): Hawaii? Who's going to Hawaii? I wanna go to Hawaii! Am I going to Hawaii?

Chief Wiggum: Stop saying Hawaii in there!!
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Old 04-19-2003, 07:30 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Location: Columbia Falls, MT
Skinner: Now chew through my ball sack


Ralph wiggum: Hi principal Skinner, Hi Super Nintendo Chalmers
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Old 04-19-2003, 08:14 AM   #4 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: NE US
Mr Burns to a vending machine: Ah, a candy shop! I'll take one half-pound of Bristol's Toffee please. And don't wrap it too tight, I want to eat it on the way home.

*Waits*

Mr Burns: You've made a powerful enemy today my friend.
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Old 04-19-2003, 11:52 AM   #5 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Florida
Ralph: "Me fail english, thats unpossible"

Homer: "Hello, operator, give me the number for 9-1-1!"
Homer: "The human wang is a beautiful thing"
Homer: " Marge, this ticket doesn't just give me a seat, it also give the right, NO!, the duty to make a complete ass of myself."
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Old 04-19-2003, 01:34 PM   #6 (permalink)
Crazy
 
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Location: Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio
Homer: Stop that dog, he has my gum!
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Old 04-19-2003, 04:56 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Homer: Now Lisa, if you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in there every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.
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Old 04-19-2003, 05:03 PM   #8 (permalink)
Crazy
 
who could forget homer singing tubthumping.

I take a whisky drink,
I take a chocolate drink,
and when I have to pee,
I use the kitchen sink
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To wash yer stinky hand
Go 'head 'n' roll over
I'm goin' in you again
In you again
In you again
In you again...

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I Have Been In Yo
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Old 04-19-2003, 09:35 PM   #9 (permalink)
Addict
 
Location: Ottawa, ON, Canada
A long one, but a good one;
===================

Cops. Filmed live in Springfield.

(music)
Bad Cops! Bad Cops!
Bad Cops! Bad Cops!

Bad Cops! Bad Cops!
Bad Cops! Bad Cops!

Springfield Cops are on the take.
But what did you expect for the money we make?

Whether it's in a car, or on a horse.
We don't mind using excessive force.

Bad Cops! Bad Cops!
(/music)

Wiggum: Alright boys. It's time for us to bag us a cattle rustler.
(Ram drives into front door of house)
Lovejoy: What in God's name is going on here?
Wiggum: Isn't this 742 Evergreen Terrace (BTW, isn't that the Simpson's address?)
Lovejoy: No! That's next door.
(camera pans over to house next door. Cows everywhere. Snake blows out of his garage in his car)
Snake: Close, but no donut cops!
(Snake peels off)
Wiggum: This is papa bear! Put out an APB on a car...of some sort...heading in the direction of...you know. That place that sells chilli. Suspect is hatless. I repeat, hatless!!

Homer: Heh heh heh! I can't wait till they catch his hatless ass!
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Last edited by Quadraton; 04-24-2003 at 01:13 PM..
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Old 04-19-2003, 10:33 PM   #10 (permalink)
Go Cardinals
 
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Location: St. Louis/Cincinnati
Homer: English? Psh! Who needs English? I'm never going to England.
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Old 04-19-2003, 10:49 PM   #11 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: QLD, Australia
Homer: My ear's are burning..

Lisa: Daaad, we weren't talking about you.

Homer: No. My ears are really burning. I wanted to see inside, so I lit a Q-tip.
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Old 04-20-2003, 01:35 AM   #12 (permalink)
Insane
 
Homer: Oh my God! this dude does the best Flanders! He got the diddly and everything!
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Old 04-20-2003, 04:21 AM   #13 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: P.R. Mass.
Bart to Homer: Looks like you've got your answer fishbulb.
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Old 04-20-2003, 04:58 AM   #14 (permalink)
Crazy
 
The Krusty The Klown Show Klosing Kredits Song

We've had lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of fun,
But now the time has come, to go;
If this old clown was found dead in his bed,
Tomorrow, I'd be in Heaven, still doing this show!
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Aw' little girl, there ain't no time
To wash yer stinky hand
Go 'head 'n' roll over
I'm goin' in you again
In you again
In you again
In you again...

--Frank appa
I Have Been In Yo
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Old 04-20-2003, 06:05 AM   #15 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Australia
burns: quick smithers use the amnesia ray
smithers: you mean the revolver sir
burns: yes and dont forget to wipe your own memory aswell
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Old 04-20-2003, 11:05 AM   #16 (permalink)
Upright
 
This is the best one, EVAR:
DOH!
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Old 04-20-2003, 02:08 PM   #17 (permalink)
Addict
 
Location: Ottawa, ON, Canada
Homer: Ah. The last peanut. Overflowing with the salt and oils of its departed brethren.
(Tosses peanut into air. Peanut lands onto his forehead and tumbles elsewhere)
Homer: Wait a minute. Something is not right.
(Homer gets down and reaches under the couch)
Homer: Ouch! Pointy. Ewww. Slimey. Oooh! Moving. Aha!
(Homer pulls out a $20 from under the couch)
Homer: Twenty dollars? But I wanted a peanut.
Homer' Brain: Wait! $20 can buy you many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
Homer: Woohoo!
(Homer runs, and trips on the peanut he dropped earlier)
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Old 04-20-2003, 03:27 PM   #18 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: Leicestershire UK
They have the internet on computers now
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If my life is to change - Let it change
If my whole world is to be destroyed - So be it
If my fate is to die - I must simply laugh
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Old 04-20-2003, 06:57 PM   #19 (permalink)
Insane
 
Buenos Ding Dong diddley Dias
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Old 04-20-2003, 07:26 PM   #20 (permalink)
Upright
 
Homer: I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!

Homer: So I says, blue M&M, red M&M, they all wind up the same color in the end.

Bart: I think sharing is overrated too. And helping others. And what's all this crap I've been hearing about tolerance?
Homer: Your ideas are intriguing and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter. But I think I'll go on the retreat anyway.
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Old 04-20-2003, 07:43 PM   #21 (permalink)
Cracking the Whip
 
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Location: Sexymama's arms...
Homer: MMMM, forbiden donut... (one of the Halloween episodes)
-------------------------

Mr. Burns: Smithers! I have a rocket in my pocket!

Smithers: You don't have to tell me, Sir.

-------------------------

Homer: Two words: I'm Gay!
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Old 04-20-2003, 08:54 PM   #22 (permalink)
Crazy
 
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Location: Phoenix, AZ
Homer: I need a word that describes the food at a restaurant well

Santa's Little Helper: Ruff!

Homer: No no, that's not the word

Santa's Little Helper: Chewy?
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Old 04-21-2003, 11:50 AM   #23 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: Canada
I don't know Flanders, two wives could have its advantages...

Chop Chop Dig Dig
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Old 04-21-2003, 04:40 PM   #24 (permalink)
There's someone in my head, but its not me
 
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Homer: Doh!
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Old 04-21-2003, 08:36 PM   #25 (permalink)
Addict
 
Location: Ottawa, ON, Canada
Burns: Smithers. Who's that goat-legged fellow? I like the cut of his jib.
Smithers: That's the Prince of Darkness, sir. He's your 11 o'clock.
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Old 04-23-2003, 01:10 PM   #26 (permalink)
Think about it
 
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Location: North Carolina
Homer: I lost my job as an oaf today

or

Homer: Maarrge , I just want to get in (heaven) , I'm not running for Jesus
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Old 04-24-2003, 05:35 AM   #27 (permalink)
Junkie
 
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Mr. Burns: Hurl this (pudding) at THAT (lenny)
Homer: At Lenny, but he's a war hero!
Mr. Burns: Well lets decorate him, then.
Homer: No!
Mr. Burns: Not even for... four dollars!?
Homer: :hurls it:
Lenny: Ow! My eye, I'm not supposed to get pudding in it!
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Old 04-24-2003, 08:12 AM   #28 (permalink)
Jim
Upright
 
Location: NJ
Chief Wiggums, to Bart and Ralph, after they found a gun in his bedroom closet:

"I don't know why you kids are so fascinated with daddy's FORBIDDEN CLOSET OF MYSTERY"!
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Old 04-24-2003, 10:28 AM   #29 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Up my ass
Mr. Burns--Find me this man, Smithers. I want to make him my executive vice president!

Ralph Wiggum--Lisa's bad dancing makes my feet sad.

Flanders-- Flanders to God, Flanders to God, get off your duff and save my Todd.
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Alice, that dog has been licking his own asshole for three hours. I would venture to say that there is nothing there that requires more than an hour's attention. So I would suggest that whatever he's attempting to dislodge is either gone for good....or there to stay.

-The Long Kiss Goodnight_
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Old 04-27-2003, 07:17 PM   #30 (permalink)
Junkie
 
*crazybill shamelessly bumps his own thread*

This was a quote from tonights show I thought was pretty good.

Native American tells Homer and Bart "drink deeply from this cup"

Homer and Bart drink everything in the cup

Native American: "that bear urine will make you strong"

Homer and Bart just stare at the Native American

Native American: "Hee, Hee that's Just Fresca."

Homer and Bart immediately spit the Fresca out

Homer: "Fresca!!!!"
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Old 04-28-2003, 04:37 AM   #31 (permalink)
Psycho
 
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Homer: Stupid, stupid like a fox!
Homer: Leaves of grass my ass.
Homer: I hate you Walt Frickin Whitman.
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Old 04-28-2003, 07:06 AM   #32 (permalink)
Crazy
 
one of my favorites...


tappa tappa tappa

whoda thunk that tapdancing could be so easy!
__________________
Aw' little girl, there ain't no time
To wash yer stinky hand
Go 'head 'n' roll over
I'm goin' in you again
In you again
In you again
In you again...

--Frank appa
I Have Been In Yo
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Old 04-28-2003, 08:21 AM   #33 (permalink)
MSD
The sky calls to us ...
 
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Super Moderator
Location: CT
Marge, honey, roads are just a suggestion, like pants.
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Old 05-10-2003, 09:37 PM   #34 (permalink)
Addict
 
Location: Ottawa, ON, Canada
Marge: Homer. Your workplace called. They said if you don't show up for work tomorrow, don't bother coming in on Monday either.
Homer: Woohoo!! Four day weekend!

Ralph: Me fail English? That's unpossible.
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Old 05-10-2003, 10:25 PM   #35 (permalink)
Junkie
 
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Location: Up yonder
mmmmmmmmm donuts
(of course)
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Old 05-12-2003, 06:00 AM   #36 (permalink)
Cute and Cuddly
 
Location: Teegeeack.
Homer: "Stupid sexy Flanders!"
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Old 05-12-2003, 06:31 AM   #37 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Homer's brain: Use reverse psychology.
Homer: Oh, that sounds too complicated.
Homer's brain: Okay, don't use reverse psychology.
Homer: Okay, I will!
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Old 05-12-2003, 06:41 AM   #38 (permalink)
Non-smokers die everyday
 
Location: Montreal
Mr. Plow episode:

- "Oh, and can you please make sure not to scratch my asphalt?"

- "Kiss MY asphalt."
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Old 05-12-2003, 10:28 AM   #39 (permalink)
Loser
 
Location: Bakersfield...The rest stop town
Homer: I think I brained my damage.

Wiggum: (Walks into the police station) It gets harder and harder to get here by 10.

Wiggum: Ralphy if you stop the car, I'll let you play with my gun.
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Old 05-12-2003, 12:19 PM   #40 (permalink)
Muy loca en la cabeza!!
 
Location: San Diego. Ca.
I just want to say that I'm so stoked that there is a simpsons quote thread! There are so many good ones, I love the simpsons!

OK it's not exactly a quote but when Stan Lee is on and is trying to turn into the hulk.... and goes " I swear I did it once". I loved that episode


Comic book guy: "worst episode ever"
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