The all new favorite Simpsons quote thread - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

laconic1 · 04-19-2003, 05:35 AM

Another favorite thread from the old board.

Homer: As long as you live in my house you will live by my rules. Now boy, butter up that bacon.

Bart: But dad..

Homer: Do it..

Bart butters his bacon

Homer: Now Bacon that sausage.

Bart: But dad, my heart hurts.

Homer looks at bart sternly and Bart wraps bacon around the sausage and eats it

brandon11983 · 04-19-2003, 07:29 AM

Homer (in jail): Hawaii? Who's going to Hawaii? I wanna go to Hawaii! Am I going to Hawaii?

Chief Wiggum: Stop saying Hawaii in there!!

Junchbailey · 04-19-2003, 07:30 AM

Skinner: Now chew through my ball sack

Ralph wiggum: Hi principal Skinner, Hi Super Nintendo Chalmers

supernova · 04-19-2003, 08:14 AM

Mr Burns to a vending machine: Ah, a candy shop! I'll take one half-pound of Bristol's Toffee please. And don't wrap it too tight, I want to eat it on the way home.

*Waits*

Mr Burns: You've made a powerful enemy today my friend.

Omar12 · 04-19-2003, 11:52 AM

Ralph: "Me fail english, thats unpossible"

Homer: "Hello, operator, give me the number for 9-1-1!"
Homer: "The human wang is a beautiful thing"
Homer: " Marge, this ticket doesn't just give me a seat, it also give the right, NO!, the duty to make a complete ass of myself."

NoCure · 04-19-2003, 01:34 PM

Homer: Stop that dog, he has my gum!

tiger_boy · 04-19-2003, 04:56 PM

Homer: Now Lisa, if you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in there every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.

dankitti · 04-19-2003, 05:03 PM

who could forget homer singing tubthumping.

I take a whisky drink,
I take a chocolate drink,
and when I have to pee,
I use the kitchen sink

Quadraton · 04-19-2003, 09:35 PM

A long one, but a good one;
===================

Cops. Filmed live in Springfield.

(music)
Bad Cops! Bad Cops!
Bad Cops! Bad Cops!

Bad Cops! Bad Cops!
Bad Cops! Bad Cops!

Springfield Cops are on the take.
But what did you expect for the money we make?

Whether it's in a car, or on a horse.
We don't mind using excessive force.

Bad Cops! Bad Cops!
(/music)

Wiggum: Alright boys. It's time for us to bag us a cattle rustler.
(Ram drives into front door of house)
Lovejoy: What in God's name is going on here?
Wiggum: Isn't this 742 Evergreen Terrace (BTW, isn't that the Simpson's address?)
Lovejoy: No! That's next door.
(camera pans over to house next door. Cows everywhere. Snake blows out of his garage in his car)
Snake: Close, but no donut cops!
(Snake peels off)
Wiggum: This is papa bear! Put out an APB on a car...of some sort...heading in the direction of...you know. That place that sells chilli. Suspect is hatless. I repeat, hatless!!

Homer: Heh heh heh! I can't wait till they catch his hatless ass!

soccerchamp76 · 04-19-2003, 10:33 PM

Homer: English? Psh! Who needs English? I'm never going to England.

maverick · 04-19-2003, 10:49 PM

Homer: My ear's are burning..

Lisa: Daaad, we weren't talking about you.

Homer: No. My ears are really burning. I wanted to see inside, so I lit a Q-tip.

jazzmanzem · 04-20-2003, 01:35 AM

Homer: Oh my God! this dude does the best Flanders! He got the diddly and everything!

apetaster · 04-20-2003, 04:21 AM

Bart to Homer: Looks like you've got your answer fishbulb.

dankitti · 04-20-2003, 04:58 AM

The Krusty The Klown Show Klosing Kredits Song

We've had lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of fun,
But now the time has come, to go;
If this old clown was found dead in his bed,
Tomorrow, I'd be in Heaven, still doing this show!

pazza · 04-20-2003, 06:05 AM

burns: quick smithers use the amnesia ray
smithers: you mean the revolver sir
burns: yes and dont forget to wipe your own memory aswell

allmajty · 04-20-2003, 11:05 AM

This is the best one, EVAR:
DOH!

Quadraton · 04-20-2003, 02:08 PM

Homer: Ah. The last peanut. Overflowing with the salt and oils of its departed brethren.
(Tosses peanut into air. Peanut lands onto his forehead and tumbles elsewhere)
Homer: Wait a minute. Something is not right.
(Homer gets down and reaches under the couch)
Homer: Ouch! Pointy. Ewww. Slimey. Oooh! Moving. Aha!
(Homer pulls out a $20 from under the couch)
Homer: Twenty dollars? But I wanted a peanut.
Homer' Brain: Wait! $20 can buy you many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
Homer: Woohoo!
(Homer runs, and trips on the peanut he dropped earlier)

Crimson · 04-20-2003, 03:27 PM

They have the internet on computers now

lionrock · 04-20-2003, 06:57 PM

Buenos Ding Dong diddley Dias

drodrig1 · 04-20-2003, 07:26 PM

Homer: I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!

Homer: So I says, blue M&M, red M&M, they all wind up the same color in the end.

Bart: I think sharing is overrated too. And helping others. And what's all this crap I've been hearing about tolerance?
Homer: Your ideas are intriguing and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter. But I think I'll go on the retreat anyway.

Lebell · 04-20-2003, 07:43 PM

Homer: MMMM, forbiden donut... (one of the Halloween episodes)
-------------------------

Mr. Burns: Smithers! I have a rocket in my pocket!

Smithers: You don't have to tell me, Sir.

-------------------------

Homer: Two words: I'm Gay!

kipperoo3 · 04-20-2003, 08:54 PM

Homer: I need a word that describes the food at a restaurant well

Santa's Little Helper: Ruff!

Homer: No no, that's not the word

Santa's Little Helper: Chewy?

NastyNorman · 04-21-2003, 11:50 AM

I don't know Flanders, two wives could have its advantages...

Chop Chop Dig Dig

Zotz · 04-21-2003, 04:40 PM

Homer: Doh!

Quadraton · 04-21-2003, 08:36 PM

Burns: Smithers. Who's that goat-legged fellow? I like the cut of his jib.
Smithers: That's the Prince of Darkness, sir. He's your 11 o'clock.

Atropos4 · 04-23-2003, 01:10 PM

Homer: I lost my job as an oaf today

or

Homer: Maarrge , I just want to get in (heaven) , I'm not running for Jesus

fhqwhgads · 04-24-2003, 05:35 AM

Mr. Burns: Hurl this (pudding) at THAT (lenny)
Homer: At Lenny, but he's a war hero!
Mr. Burns: Well lets decorate him, then.
Homer: No!
Mr. Burns: Not even for... four dollars!?
Homer: :hurls it:
Lenny: Ow! My eye, I'm not supposed to get pudding in it!

Jim · 04-24-2003, 08:12 AM

Chief Wiggums, to Bart and Ralph, after they found a gun in his bedroom closet:

"I don't know why you kids are so fascinated with daddy's FORBIDDEN CLOSET OF MYSTERY"!

Hycdubg · 04-24-2003, 10:28 AM

Mr. Burns--Find me this man, Smithers. I want to make him my executive vice president!

Ralph Wiggum--Lisa's bad dancing makes my feet sad.

Flanders-- Flanders to God, Flanders to God, get off your duff and save my Todd.

laconic1 · 04-27-2003, 07:17 PM

*crazybill shamelessly bumps his own thread*

This was a quote from tonights show I thought was pretty good.

Native American tells Homer and Bart "drink deeply from this cup"

Homer and Bart drink everything in the cup

Native American: "that bear urine will make you strong"

Homer and Bart just stare at the Native American

Native American: "Hee, Hee that's Just Fresca."

Homer and Bart immediately spit the Fresca out

Homer: "Fresca!!!!"

diergray · 04-28-2003, 04:37 AM

Homer: Stupid, stupid like a fox!
Homer: Leaves of grass my ass.
Homer: I hate you Walt Frickin Whitman.

dankitti · 04-28-2003, 07:06 AM

one of my favorites...

tappa tappa tappa

whoda thunk that tapdancing could be so easy!

MSD · 04-28-2003, 08:21 AM

Marge, honey, roads are just a suggestion, like pants.

Quadraton · 05-10-2003, 09:37 PM

Marge: Homer. Your workplace called. They said if you don't show up for work tomorrow, don't bother coming in on Monday either.
Homer: Woohoo!! Four day weekend!

Ralph: Me fail English? That's unpossible.

Minx · 05-10-2003, 10:25 PM

mmmmmmmmm donuts
(of course)

XenuHubbard · 05-12-2003, 06:00 AM

Homer: "Stupid sexy Flanders!"

kenshee · 05-12-2003, 06:31 AM

Homer's brain: Use reverse psychology.
Homer: Oh, that sounds too complicated.
Homer's brain: Okay, don't use reverse psychology.
Homer: Okay, I will!

Bob Biter · 05-12-2003, 06:41 AM

Mr. Plow episode:

- "Oh, and can you please make sure not to scratch my asphalt?"

- "Kiss MY asphalt."

snowace56 · 05-12-2003, 10:28 AM

Homer: I think I brained my damage.

Wiggum: (Walks into the police station) It gets harder and harder to get here by 10.

Wiggum: Ralphy if you stop the car, I'll let you play with my gun.

bondagegirl · 05-12-2003, 12:19 PM

I just want to say that I'm so stoked that there is a simpsons quote thread! There are so many good ones, I love the simpsons!

OK it's not exactly a quote but when Stan Lee is on and is trying to turn into the hulk.... and goes " I swear I did it once". I loved that episode

Comic book guy: "worst episode ever"

04-19-2003, 05:35 AM	#1 (permalink)
laconic1 Junkie	The all new favorite Simpsons quote thread Another favorite thread from the old board. Homer: As long as you live in my house you will live by my rules. Now boy, butter up that bacon. Bart: But dad.. Homer: Do it.. Bart butters his bacon Homer: Now Bacon that sausage. Bart: But dad, my heart hurts. Homer looks at bart sternly and Bart wraps bacon around the sausage and eats it

04-19-2003, 07:29 AM	#2 (permalink)
brandon11983 Stereophonic Location: Chitown!!	Homer (in jail): Hawaii? Who's going to Hawaii? I wanna go to Hawaii! Am I going to Hawaii? Chief Wiggum: Stop saying Hawaii in there!! __________________ Well behaved women rarely make history.

04-19-2003, 07:30 AM	#3 (permalink)
Junchbailey Psycho Location: Columbia Falls, MT	Skinner: Now chew through my ball sack Ralph wiggum: Hi principal Skinner, Hi Super Nintendo Chalmers __________________ Hey guys -- I finally got a semen sample after pumping on my wiener for 2 whole days

04-19-2003, 11:52 AM	#5 (permalink)
Omar12 Insane Location: Florida	Ralph: "Me fail english, thats unpossible" Homer: "Hello, operator, give me the number for 9-1-1!" Homer: "The human wang is a beautiful thing" Homer: " Marge, this ticket doesn't just give me a seat, it also give the right, NO!, the duty to make a complete ass of myself." __________________ "If I haven't seen it its new to me"

04-19-2003, 01:34 PM	#6 (permalink)
NoCure Crazy Location: Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio	Homer: Stop that dog, he has my gum! __________________ ...So I punched her in the cunt

04-19-2003, 08:14 AM	#4 (permalink)
supernova Tilted Location: NE US	Mr Burns to a vending machine: Ah, a candy shop! I'll take one half-pound of Bristol's Toffee please. And don't wrap it too tight, I want to eat it on the way home. Waits Mr Burns: You've made a powerful enemy today my friend.

04-19-2003, 04:56 PM	#7 (permalink)
tiger_boy Upright	Homer: Now Lisa, if you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in there every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.

04-19-2003, 05:03 PM	#8 (permalink)
dankitti Crazy	who could forget homer singing tubthumping. I take a whisky drink, I take a chocolate drink, and when I have to pee, I use the kitchen sink __________________ Aw' little girl, there ain't no time To wash yer stinky hand Go 'head 'n' roll over I'm goin' in you again In you again In you again In you again... --Frank appa I Have Been In Yo

04-19-2003, 09:35 PM	#9 (permalink)
Quadraton Addict Location: Ottawa, ON, Canada	A long one, but a good one; =================== Cops. Filmed live in Springfield. (music) Bad Cops! Bad Cops! Bad Cops! Bad Cops! Bad Cops! Bad Cops! Bad Cops! Bad Cops! Springfield Cops are on the take. But what did you expect for the money we make? Whether it's in a car, or on a horse. We don't mind using excessive force. Bad Cops! Bad Cops! (/music) Wiggum: Alright boys. It's time for us to bag us a cattle rustler. (Ram drives into front door of house) Lovejoy: What in God's name is going on here? Wiggum: Isn't this 742 Evergreen Terrace (BTW, isn't that the Simpson's address?) Lovejoy: No! That's next door. (camera pans over to house next door. Cows everywhere. Snake blows out of his garage in his car) Snake: Close, but no donut cops! (Snake peels off) Wiggum: This is papa bear! Put out an APB on a car...of some sort...heading in the direction of...you know. That place that sells chilli. Suspect is hatless. I repeat, hatless!! Homer: Heh heh heh! I can't wait till they catch his hatless ass! __________________ "A witty saying proves nothing" - Voltaire Last edited by Quadraton; 04-24-2003 at 01:13 PM..

04-19-2003, 10:33 PM	#10 (permalink)
soccerchamp76 Go Cardinals Location: St. Louis/Cincinnati	Homer: English? Psh! Who needs English? I'm never going to England.

04-19-2003, 10:49 PM	#11 (permalink)
maverick Upright Location: QLD, Australia	Homer: My ear's are burning.. Lisa: Daaad, we weren't talking about you. Homer: No. My ears are really burning. I wanted to see inside, so I lit a Q-tip. __________________ The bitterness is strong in this one.

04-20-2003, 01:35 AM	#12 (permalink)
jazzmanzem Insane	Homer: Oh my God! this dude does the best Flanders! He got the diddly and everything!

04-20-2003, 04:21 AM	#13 (permalink)
apetaster Insane Location: P.R. Mass.	Bart to Homer: Looks like you've got your answer fishbulb.

04-20-2003, 04:58 AM	#14 (permalink)
dankitti Crazy	The Krusty The Klown Show Klosing Kredits Song We've had lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of fun, But now the time has come, to go; If this old clown was found dead in his bed, Tomorrow, I'd be in Heaven, still doing this show! __________________ Aw' little girl, there ain't no time To wash yer stinky hand Go 'head 'n' roll over I'm goin' in you again In you again In you again In you again... --Frank appa I Have Been In Yo

04-20-2003, 06:05 AM	#15 (permalink)
pazza Insane Location: Australia	burns: quick smithers use the amnesia ray smithers: you mean the revolver sir burns: yes and dont forget to wipe your own memory aswell __________________ The above thoughts are not necessarily the thoughts of this user.

04-20-2003, 03:27 PM	#18 (permalink)
Crimson Crazy Location: Leicestershire UK	They have the internet on computers now __________________ Crimson If my life is to change - Let it change If my whole world is to be destroyed - So be it If my fate is to die - I must simply laugh

04-21-2003, 04:40 PM	#24 (permalink)
Zotz There's someone in my head, but its not me	Homer: Doh!

04-20-2003, 11:05 AM	#16 (permalink)
allmajty Upright	This is the best one, EVAR: DOH!

04-20-2003, 02:08 PM	#17 (permalink)
Quadraton Addict Location: Ottawa, ON, Canada	Homer: Ah. The last peanut. Overflowing with the salt and oils of its departed brethren. (Tosses peanut into air. Peanut lands onto his forehead and tumbles elsewhere) Homer: Wait a minute. Something is not right. (Homer gets down and reaches under the couch) Homer: Ouch! Pointy. Ewww. Slimey. Oooh! Moving. Aha! (Homer pulls out a $20 from under the couch) Homer: Twenty dollars? But I wanted a peanut. Homer' Brain: Wait! $20 can buy you many peanuts. Homer: Explain how! Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services. Homer: Woohoo! (Homer runs, and trips on the peanut he dropped earlier) __________________ "A witty saying proves nothing" - Voltaire

04-20-2003, 06:57 PM	#19 (permalink)
lionrock Insane	Buenos Ding Dong diddley Dias

04-20-2003, 07:26 PM	#20 (permalink)
drodrig1 Upright	Homer: I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman! Homer: So I says, blue M&M, red M&M, they all wind up the same color in the end. Bart: I think sharing is overrated too. And helping others. And what's all this crap I've been hearing about tolerance? Homer: Your ideas are intriguing and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter. But I think I'll go on the retreat anyway.

04-20-2003, 07:43 PM	#21 (permalink)
Lebell Cracking the Whip Location: Sexymama's arms...	Homer: MMMM, forbiden donut... (one of the Halloween episodes) ------------------------- Mr. Burns: Smithers! I have a rocket in my pocket! Smithers: You don't have to tell me, Sir. ------------------------- Homer: Two words: I'm Gay! __________________ "Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." – C. S. Lewis The ONLY sponsors we have are YOU! Please Donate!

04-20-2003, 08:54 PM	#22 (permalink)
kipperoo3 Crazy Location: Phoenix, AZ	Homer: I need a word that describes the food at a restaurant well Santa's Little Helper: Ruff! Homer: No no, that's not the word Santa's Little Helper: Chewy? __________________ -Later, you realize that you didn't have to reposition the possum to make it look like an accident.

04-21-2003, 11:50 AM	#23 (permalink)
NastyNorman Upright Location: Canada	I don't know Flanders, two wives could have its advantages... Chop Chop Dig Dig

04-21-2003, 08:36 PM	#25 (permalink)
Quadraton Addict Location: Ottawa, ON, Canada	Burns: Smithers. Who's that goat-legged fellow? I like the cut of his jib. Smithers: That's the Prince of Darkness, sir. He's your 11 o'clock. __________________ "A witty saying proves nothing" - Voltaire

04-23-2003, 01:10 PM	#26 (permalink)
Atropos4 Think about it Location: North Carolina	Homer: I lost my job as an oaf today or Homer: Maarrge , I just want to get in (heaven) , I'm not running for Jesus __________________ Minds are like parachutes. They work better open. "If I were Hermione, I would have licked his pantleg."

04-24-2003, 05:35 AM	#27 (permalink)
fhqwhgads Junkie	Mr. Burns: Hurl this (pudding) at THAT (lenny) Homer: At Lenny, but he's a war hero! Mr. Burns: Well lets decorate him, then. Homer: No! Mr. Burns: Not even for... four dollars!? Homer: :hurls it: Lenny: Ow! My eye, I'm not supposed to get pudding in it!

04-24-2003, 08:12 AM	#28 (permalink)
Jim Upright Location: NJ	Chief Wiggums, to Bart and Ralph, after they found a gun in his bedroom closet: "I don't know why you kids are so fascinated with daddy's FORBIDDEN CLOSET OF MYSTERY"! __________________ I'm not sick but I'm not well. . .

04-24-2003, 10:28 AM	#29 (permalink)
Hycdubg Insane Location: Up my ass	Mr. Burns--Find me this man, Smithers. I want to make him my executive vice president! Ralph Wiggum--Lisa's bad dancing makes my feet sad. Flanders-- Flanders to God, Flanders to God, get off your duff and save my Todd. __________________ Alice, that dog has been licking his own asshole for three hours. I would venture to say that there is nothing there that requires more than an hour's attention. So I would suggest that whatever he's attempting to dislodge is either gone for good....or there to stay. -The Long Kiss Goodnight_

04-27-2003, 07:17 PM	#30 (permalink)
laconic1 Junkie	crazybill shamelessly bumps his own thread This was a quote from tonights show I thought was pretty good. Native American tells Homer and Bart "drink deeply from this cup" Homer and Bart drink everything in the cup Native American: "that bear urine will make you strong" Homer and Bart just stare at the Native American Native American: "Hee, Hee that's Just Fresca." Homer and Bart immediately spit the Fresca out Homer: "Fresca!!!!"

04-28-2003, 04:37 AM	#31 (permalink)
diergray Psycho	Homer: Stupid, stupid like a fox! Homer: Leaves of grass my ass. Homer: I hate you Walt Frickin Whitman. __________________ "Behold the turtle. He makes progress only when he sticks his neck out.” ~ James Bryant Conant

04-28-2003, 07:06 AM	#32 (permalink)
dankitti Crazy	one of my favorites... tappa tappa tappa whoda thunk that tapdancing could be so easy! __________________ Aw' little girl, there ain't no time To wash yer stinky hand Go 'head 'n' roll over I'm goin' in you again In you again In you again In you again... --Frank appa I Have Been In Yo

04-28-2003, 08:21 AM	#33 (permalink)
MSD The sky calls to us ... Super Moderator Location: CT	Marge, honey, roads are just a suggestion, like pants.

05-10-2003, 09:37 PM	#34 (permalink)
Quadraton Addict Location: Ottawa, ON, Canada	Marge: Homer. Your workplace called. They said if you don't show up for work tomorrow, don't bother coming in on Monday either. Homer: Woohoo!! Four day weekend! Ralph: Me fail English? That's unpossible. __________________ "A witty saying proves nothing" - Voltaire

05-10-2003, 10:25 PM	#35 (permalink)
Minx Junkie Location: Up yonder	mmmmmmmmm donuts (of course) __________________ You've been a naughty boy....go to my room!

05-12-2003, 06:00 AM	#36 (permalink)
XenuHubbard Cute and Cuddly Location: Teegeeack.	Homer: "Stupid sexy Flanders!" __________________ The above was written by a true prophet. Trust me. "What doesn't kill you, makes you bitter and paranoid". - SB2000

05-12-2003, 06:31 AM	#37 (permalink)
kenshee Tilted	Homer's brain: Use reverse psychology. Homer: Oh, that sounds too complicated. Homer's brain: Okay, don't use reverse psychology. Homer: Okay, I will!