The all new favorite Simpsons quote thread
 

Another favorite thread from the old board.

Homer: As long as you live in my house you will live by my rules. Now boy, butter up that bacon.

Bart: But dad..

Homer: Do it..

Bart butters his bacon

Homer: Now Bacon that sausage.

Bart: But dad, my heart hurts.

Homer looks at bart sternly and Bart wraps bacon around the sausage and eats it

Homer (in jail): Hawaii? Who's going to Hawaii? I wanna go to Hawaii! Am I going to Hawaii?

Chief Wiggum: Stop saying Hawaii in there!!

Skinner: Now chew through my ball sack


Ralph wiggum: Hi principal Skinner, Hi Super Nintendo Chalmers

Mr Burns to a vending machine: Ah, a candy shop! I'll take one half-pound of Bristol's Toffee please. And don't wrap it too tight, I want to eat it on the way home.

*Waits*

Mr Burns: You've made a powerful enemy today my friend.

Ralph: "Me fail english, thats unpossible"

Homer: "Hello, operator, give me the number for 9-1-1!"
Homer: "The human wang is a beautiful thing"
Homer: " Marge, this ticket doesn't just give me a seat, it also give the right, NO!, the duty to make a complete ass of myself."

Homer: Stop that dog, he has my gum!

Homer: Now Lisa, if you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in there every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.

who could forget homer singing tubthumping.

I take a whisky drink,
I take a chocolate drink,
and when I have to pee,
I use the kitchen sink

A long one, but a good one;
===================

Cops. Filmed live in Springfield.

(music)
Bad Cops! Bad Cops!
Bad Cops! Bad Cops!

Bad Cops! Bad Cops!
Bad Cops! Bad Cops!

Springfield Cops are on the take.
But what did you expect for the money we make?

Whether it's in a car, or on a horse.
We don't mind using excessive force.

Bad Cops! Bad Cops!
(/music)

Wiggum: Alright boys. It's time for us to bag us a cattle rustler.
(Ram drives into front door of house)
Lovejoy: What in God's name is going on here?
Wiggum: Isn't this 742 Evergreen Terrace (BTW, isn't that the Simpson's address?)
Lovejoy: No! That's next door.
(camera pans over to house next door. Cows everywhere. Snake blows out of his garage in his car)
Snake: Close, but no donut cops!
(Snake peels off)
Wiggum: This is papa bear! Put out an APB on a car...of some sort...heading in the direction of...you know. That place that sells chilli. Suspect is hatless. I repeat, hatless!!

Homer: Heh heh heh! I can't wait till they catch his hatless ass!

Homer: English? Psh! Who needs English? I'm never going to England.

Homer: My ear's are burning..

Lisa: Daaad, we weren't talking about you.

Homer: No. My ears are really burning. I wanted to see inside, so I lit a Q-tip.

Homer: Oh my God! this dude does the best Flanders! He got the diddly and everything!

Bart to Homer: Looks like you've got your answer fishbulb.

The Krusty The Klown Show Klosing Kredits Song

We've had lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of fun,
But now the time has come, to go;
If this old clown was found dead in his bed,
Tomorrow, I'd be in Heaven, still doing this show!

burns: quick smithers use the amnesia ray
smithers: you mean the revolver sir
burns: yes and dont forget to wipe your own memory aswell

This is the best one, EVAR:
DOH!

Homer: Ah. The last peanut. Overflowing with the salt and oils of its departed brethren.
(Tosses peanut into air. Peanut lands onto his forehead and tumbles elsewhere)
Homer: Wait a minute. Something is not right.
(Homer gets down and reaches under the couch)
Homer: Ouch! Pointy. Ewww. Slimey. Oooh! Moving. Aha!
(Homer pulls out a $20 from under the couch)
Homer: Twenty dollars? But I wanted a peanut.
Homer' Brain: Wait! $20 can buy you many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
Homer: Woohoo!
(Homer runs, and trips on the peanut he dropped earlier)

They have the internet on computers now

Buenos Ding Dong diddley Dias

Homer: I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!

Homer: So I says, blue M&M, red M&M, they all wind up the same color in the end.

Bart: I think sharing is overrated too. And helping others. And what's all this crap I've been hearing about tolerance?
Homer: Your ideas are intriguing and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter. But I think I'll go on the retreat anyway.

Homer: MMMM, forbiden donut... (one of the Halloween episodes)
-------------------------

Mr. Burns: Smithers! I have a rocket in my pocket!

Smithers: You don't have to tell me, Sir.

-------------------------

Homer: Two words: I'm Gay!

Homer: I need a word that describes the food at a restaurant well

Santa's Little Helper: Ruff!

Homer: No no, that's not the word

Santa's Little Helper: Chewy?

I don't know Flanders, two wives could have its advantages...

Chop Chop Dig Dig

Homer: Doh!

Burns: Smithers. Who's that goat-legged fellow? I like the cut of his jib.
Smithers: That's the Prince of Darkness, sir. He's your 11 o'clock.

Homer: I lost my job as an oaf today

or

Homer: Maarrge , I just want to get in (heaven) , I'm not running for Jesus

Mr. Burns: Hurl this (pudding) at THAT (lenny)
Homer: At Lenny, but he's a war hero!
Mr. Burns: Well lets decorate him, then.
Homer: No!
Mr. Burns: Not even for... four dollars!?
Homer: :hurls it:
Lenny: Ow! My eye, I'm not supposed to get pudding in it!

Chief Wiggums, to Bart and Ralph, after they found a gun in his bedroom closet:

"I don't know why you kids are so fascinated with daddy's FORBIDDEN CLOSET OF MYSTERY"!

Mr. Burns--Find me this man, Smithers. I want to make him my executive vice president!

Ralph Wiggum--Lisa's bad dancing makes my feet sad.

Flanders-- Flanders to God, Flanders to God, get off your duff and save my Todd.

*crazybill shamelessly bumps his own thread*

This was a quote from tonights show I thought was pretty good.

Native American tells Homer and Bart "drink deeply from this cup"

Homer and Bart drink everything in the cup

Native American: "that bear urine will make you strong"

Homer and Bart just stare at the Native American

Native American: "Hee, Hee that's Just Fresca."

Homer and Bart immediately spit the Fresca out

Homer: "Fresca!!!!"

Homer: Stupid, stupid like a fox!
Homer: Leaves of grass my ass.
Homer: I hate you Walt Frickin Whitman.

one of my favorites...


tappa tappa tappa

whoda thunk that tapdancing could be so easy!

Marge, honey, roads are just a suggestion, like pants.

Marge: Homer. Your workplace called. They said if you don't show up for work tomorrow, don't bother coming in on Monday either.
Homer: Woohoo!! Four day weekend!

Ralph: Me fail English? That's unpossible.

mmmmmmmmm donuts
(of course)

Homer: "Stupid sexy Flanders!"

Homer's brain: Use reverse psychology.
Homer: Oh, that sounds too complicated.
Homer's brain: Okay, don't use reverse psychology.
Homer: Okay, I will!

Mr. Plow episode:

- "Oh, and can you please make sure not to scratch my asphalt?"

- "Kiss MY asphalt."

Homer: I think I brained my damage.

Wiggum: (Walks into the police station) It gets harder and harder to get here by 10.

Wiggum: Ralphy if you stop the car, I'll let you play with my gun.

I just want to say that I'm so stoked that there is a simpsons quote thread! There are so many good ones, I love the simpsons!

OK it's not exactly a quote but when Stan Lee is on and is trying to turn into the hulk.... and goes " I swear I did it once". I loved that episode


Comic book guy: "worst episode ever"