From the episode where Bart creates an international incident with Australia:

Homer learns that the embassy is a part of America and is jumping back and forth at the gate:

"I'm in America, now I'm in Australia!"
"America, Australia!"
"America, Australia!"
"America, ..." SMASH!!!
The Marine Guard decks him and says..
"We don't tolerate that kind of crap in America sir."

Ralph Wiggum has some classics, many of which I'm sure have already been posted by others. So I appoligize ahead of time if these have already been said

"My cats breath smells like cat food!"

Ralph: I won!
Skinner: No Ralph, you're failing English
Ralph: Me fail English, thats unpossible!

The entire April Fools episode when Bart uses the paint shaker to shake up a can of Duff is classic. When the house blows up I lose it every time.

Chief Wiggum: Pretzels, I repeat we need pretzels

At the end of the episode when Homer says "Why I laugh?" Has me rolling every time.

Radioactive man episode where they're filming with 'real acid' and milhouse decides not to rescue mcbain:

"Agh, my eyes! The Goggles! They do Nothing!"

A few quotes, short but sweet (but still some of my favorites):

HOMER (consoling Bart): "There, there, shut up boy."

and

HOMER (to Lisa): "I've just about had enough of your Vassar bashing young lady."

and

HOMER: "Ewwwwww, gimme the crab juice." (spot that episode, should be easy)

and

pretty much anything Homer says.

Homer Simpson from Bart's tree house as burglar is inside the Simpsons' house sitting on the couch watching TV:

"You'd better not be sitting in my ass groove!"

"It's not that I don't understand, it's that I don't care"
- Homer Simpson

After hitting a deer statue with the car

Homer: D'ph!
Lisa: A Deer!
Marge: A Female Deer!

===

To the tune of The Flintstones

"Simpson, Homer Simpson
He's the greatest guy in His-tor-y.
From the, town of Springfield
He's about to hit a chestnut tree.
AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!"

Homer : Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.

or

Homer : Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.

or

Homer : I think Mr. Smithers picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I'm around!

or

Bart : There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson

sorry if this has already been posted.


Groundskeeper Willy: Lunch lady Doris, ye gots any grease?
Doris: Yes, yes we do.
Willy: Then grease me up, Woman!!!!!!


Homer: I'm the beeeer baron.

**marge in a crash-up-derby**
marge: quit running into me.. go around go around

**homer runs in to save the day**
homer: hey, quit banging my wife

Moe in the episode where Marge gets all buff:

Marge, how do I put this delicately, I ain't got enough boose in here to make you look good.

homer, while driving (singing to tune of the flinstones)

"Homer, Homer Simpson,
He's the greatest guy in history,
From the, town of Springfield,
He's about to hit a chestnut tree.
AAAH!"

Lunch Lady Doris: "More testicles mean more iron!"

Bake em away, toys.

I may screw this one up but...

Lisa: Dad, what would you say if I told you that you could lose weight subliminally?

Homer; I'd call you a lying scumbag, why sweetie?

Belle (From the Burlesque House): ...are you wearing a grocery bag??

Homer: I have misplaced my pants

:D

Homer no function beer well without.

Homer: Mr. Burns, I think we can trust the President of Cuba.

"Homer: Marge, its uter-US not uter-you."

"Scientist: It could substantially increase your brain power, or it could kill you
Homer: Increase my killing power eh?"

Ralph "It tastes like burning!"

Smithers boot up screen on his computer has a naked Burns on it that says something like "Thank you... for turning... me on."

Homer: And just look at this perpetual motion machine she built. It just keeps going faster and faster... That's it, Lisa get in here.

Lisa: Yes?

Homer: In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!!

:lol: :lol:
I LOVE THAT ONE

Homer:

"Marge, where's that metal doobie you use to...dig.....food..?" "you mean a spoon?" "yeah yeah yeah"

(Police are leading away Sideshow Bob and his brother Cecil)
Bart: Take'em away boys.
Chief Wiggum: Hey, that's my line. Bake'em away toys.
Officer Lou: What'd you say Chief?
Chief Wiggum: Do what the kid said.

I used to be with it, but then they changed what "it" was. Now, what
I'm with isn't it, and what's "it" seems weird and scary to me.
--- Abe Simpson

Nelson's Dad: Great game, son. I'm taking you to Hooters!
Nelson: I don't wanna bother mom at work.

Bart (On the back of Cecil, evil brother of Sideshow Bob, covering his eyes): "Guess who?"

Cecil: "Maris?"

I just love that one, especially since Sideshow Bob is voiced by Kelsey Grammar, David Hyde Pierce does Cecil, and they managed to fit the "Frasier" joke right in!!!

It's a long one but one of my fave bits

Old Chinese Man: Take this doll but beware it carries a terrible curse!
Homer: Ohh, that's bad
OCM: But it comes with a free frogurt!
Homer: That's good!
OCM: The frogurt is also cursed!
Homer: That's bad!
OCM: But it comes with your free choice of toppings
Homer: That's good!
OCM: The toppings contain potassium benzoate.
Homer: ...
OCM: That's bad
Homer: Can I go now?

And also from the same episode

Homer: "Marge!Marge! The doll's trying to kill me and the toaster's been laughing at me!"

Homer at spring break:

"Guess how many boobs I saw Marge...15." as he passes out on the couch.

This is a long quote from "King-size Homer":

"Bart: If you gain 61 pounds they'll let you work at home?
Homer: Y'uh huh, that's the deal. No more exercise program, no more
traffic, no more blood drives or charity walks.
Bart: Dad, I know we don't do a lot together but helping you gain 61
pounds is something I want to be a part of.

[Lisa swings her chair around, unexpectedly appearing.]
Lisa: Dad!
Homer: [frightened] Aah!
Lisa: I must protest. You're abusing a program intended to help the
unfortunate.
Homer: Hee hee hee, I'm not saying it isn't sleazy, honey, but try to
see it my way: all my life I've been an obese man trapped inside
a fat man's body.
Lisa: Have you told Mom about this?
Homer: No, it would only worry her. If you want to add to her worries,
go ahead. I guess I'm just a little more grateful for all the
things she's done for us.

Lisa: [annoyed] Dad!
Homer: Yes, sweetheart?
Lisa: Obesity is really unhealthy; any doctor will tell you that.
Homer: Oh yeah? Well we'll just see about that little miss smart
guy!
[Cut to Dr. Hibbert's office.]
Dr. Hibbert: [gasps] My God, that's monstrous. I've never heard of
anything so negligen -- I'll have no part of it!
[Turns his back on Homer.]
Homer: Can you recommend a doctor who will?
Hibbert: [turns around again] Yes.
-- And that doctor is...

[Dr. Nick Riviera walks into the room.]

Dr. Nick: Hi everybody!
Homer+Bart: Hi Doctor Nick!
Dr. Nick: Now there are many options available for dangerously
underweighted individuals like yourself. I recommend a slow
steady gorging process combined with assal horizontology.
Homer: [pensive] Of course.
Dr. Nick: [points to a chart] You'll want to focus on the neglected
food groups such as the whipped group, the congealed group
and the chocotastic!
Homer: What can I do to speed the whole thing up, Doctor?
Dr. Nick: Well...be creative. Instead of making sandwiches with
bread, use poptarts. Instead of chewing gum, chew bacon,
heh...
Bart: You could brush your teeth with milkshakes!
Dr. Nick: Hey, did you go to Hollywood Upstairs Medical College too?
And remember, if you're not sure about something, rub it
against a piece of paper. If the paper turns clear, it's
your window to weight gain. Bye bye, everybody!
Homer: Bye, Dr. -- oh, forget it. "

Crayons taste like purple!

Homer: "Morning"
Lisa: "Dad, where are your clothes?"
Homer:"I don't know."
Lisa"Don't tell me Mom dresses you!"
Homer"I guess, or one of her friends."

Homer: no tv and no beer makes homer something something

Marge: go crazy?

Homer: DONT MIND IF I DO!





ralph: TAPE ... HE SAID TAAAPPPPEEEEE-OOOO
ralph (after finding something on the archeological dig): Princskimple snipper ive found something!

Crabtree (after ralph finds something on the archeological dig): ralph thats your shovel head

Ralph: and i found it!

Burns: Meltdown, that's one of those annoying buzzwords. We prefer to call it an "unrequested fission surplus".

Snake: wallet inspector!
Nerds: ok.. i think you'll find everything is in order.
Snake: yoink!
Homer: that's not the wallet inspector.

Alien presidential candidate (APC): abortions for all!
Crowd: boo!
APC: alright, no abortions for anyone!
Crowd: boo!
APC: abortions for some, miniature flags for all!
Crowd: yay!

Homer: don't blame me! i voted for Kodos(sp?).

Lovejoy: Ned, have you tried any of the other major religions? they're all pretty much the same.

Karl: let's make litter out of these literatis!
Lenny: that's too clever, you're one of them!

Comicbookguy: but aquaman, you can't marry a woman with no gills; you're from two different worlds! ...oh no, i've wasted my life.

Lenny(?): let's go destroy the observatory to make sure this never happens again!

Burns: for thousands of years, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

The kids are sitting in front of the doghouse and Homer comes over and says something like:

Homer: What's going on? Is the TV broken again?
Bart: There's a badger trapped in there.
Homer: Oh badger my ass, it's probably Milhouse.

That is endlessly funny to me for some strange reason.

Bart is in his room looking at his frog and he says "Man, I wish I were a frog"

Marge comes in and says "Bart, what do you think about going to France?"

:lol: (I'm part French and found this hilarious)

Homer: I am so smart. I am so smart. S-M-R-T. I mean S-M-A-R-T.

Homer, there's something I don't like about that severed hand.

Sandwitch.
 

Homer :- Marge, I'd like a moment alone with the sandwitch.

Marge:- You're going to eat it, aren't you.

-- Dramatic pause --

Homer:- Yes.

homer - "going cold turkey isn't as delicious as it sounds."